i am back, been away for the past few days. had some pretty enriching experience. but mostly disturbing. my ex called. for no rime of reason. actually a rather lame excuse to ask me about someone whom i obviously know nuts about and then claiming that this other person had been calling him quite often; bad start if u ask me. it was kinda inconvienient to talk, so i said i would call back when i could. and i did not. felt very wierd. it has been so long, no communications, nothing. he decided to aviod me and subsequently, i decided i should get over him, and i pretty much did. i am feeling rather upset by the fact that our relationship does not bother me anymore. but anyhow, i don't care and i don't know what i should do. its just that. it has been so long, so much hurt, so much pain, so much tears...but i should be more concerned about what is going on now. will not elababorate. in case it gets too obvious about who i happen to be still liking.

i don't know how to chat properly! its not that i lack inter-personal skill/social skill. its that i can't talk over the icq.. i can talk on the phone, go on lengthy emails with my net friends, but somehow, i found out, much to my displeasure, that i cannot initiate a proper nice conversation like i can do over the phones. 'tis not a bad thing, but sometimes, when u can't call the person as yet, and u are too lazy to type a complete email, icq seems to do the trick. but still, thats not the point. the point is, i am trying to talk to this person over icq, this particular person, and i think i am making a bad impression. but still, i am highly jaded by relationships still. still pondering over the possibilty of love, over the possibility of someone remaining faithful, whether both party will really ever like each other and not one party likes me because i like him. still jaded. still crushed.

death and life isn't that much difference is it? they are just 2 sides to the same coin. actually there's always 2 side to everything.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
-frost-

its always about choices isn't it? and now i guess i should choose.

chesire, don't feel that upset. parents are like that. and sister are almost always irritating just like younger brothers. we all go through some shit like this. its ongoing. come now, take it easy, you know u love ur mother, and that would prevail one day. my mother loved gramps so much, but gramps never did find out until the last days of her life, and if u heard what gramps said to mother, you would tear. but mom always know in the end who really care for them. take care...