Bye bye Ph.D

I had a lovely chat with Jeremiah today and it is quite amazing to be able to just sit and chat with an old friend like that, and that's the thing about friendship isn't it, once you have a strong foundation, one can go away for long periods of time and it is easy to just pick off where we left off. There is no awkwardness or anything like that. And it really got me thinking about friendship and life in general.

I am at that point in life, as you would see in all chick flicks, where friends around me starts to get married, or even have babies, and I am of course happily going about my life, with my group of girlfriends wondering where we are headed, all the while looking fabulous and sipping cosmopolitan. Sounds like a scene out of Sex and the City isn't it? It did happen before, really just that we were not ALL sipping cosmo. We were at the point in life where the 4 of us are not really sure what on earth are we doing with our lives, we were all not really in a committed relationship, and some of us have commitment issues. We are well into our first jobs, but we are not really what to do next, and those were enjoyable evenings bitching about all these married friends - why on earth would they marry so young! Don't they have goals that they want to achieve!

Not the Four of us, but this was Alexis, Nette, me and our senior Jocelyn at ZoukOut 2011

One of my goals when I was schooling was to get a Ph.D, in Clinical Psychology, so that I can be practicing psychologist and help patients, because as all of you know by now, I sorta have the Buddha Complex (yes I just coined that term up myself) and I can't help but feel the need to want to do good and help people. I thought maybe I could that by being a psychologist. There was also the element of intellectual pursuit, because nothing is more valuable in life than a life of learning and knowledge pursuit.

Mom, Dad and I on my Convocation Day, 2009!

But as I work, the goal seems to get further and further away. It just does not make any sense for to spend 5 years of my life to do that. In Singapore, males are already behind by 2 years because of National Service, and I cannot imagine taking 5 years off, living as a poor student and then restarting my search for a career at 32. And its not like getting a Ph.D will significantly increase the pay. Then there is the startling realization of how ridiculously expensive Singapore has become. How am I ever going to be independent with my own property if I start my career pursuit so late in life. Its not like I come from a rich family that will allow me to not bother about anything in life.

Let me just do some VERY simple sums for you. As a gay man I can only buy private property or HDB resale at 35, so a simple condo of $800,000 will require me to have a downpayment of 20% minimum, whereby the minimum cash outlay is 5% and the other 15% can be from CPF. It also means that I need $40,000 cash and $120,000 in CPF. Even if one maxes out their CPF contribution, it would take about 7 to 8 years to have that much CPF, and then after you DEPLETE it, what about retirement?

What this means is that for me to have my own property at some point in life, I absolutely need to work like a slave, and spend the rest of my life paying off my loans. Tragic isn't it? But I can't leave Singapore either, because my family is here, and I want to take care of my parents when they age. So this is really the problem that the middle-class faces.

I guess at this point of time, I am indeed going to give up the idea of ever doing a Ph.D because its simply not feasible. This does not mean that I do not ever want to further my studies. At some point in time, I might take a sabbatical and do a 1-2 years masters in something maybe. But I am fairly certain that right now, I am writing off a doctorate.

Such is life.

I actually like to read long blog entries

Which is why I love to read Ms Alexis' long posting. While I do want to sincerely type longer and put up more pics, the will to blog just seems to elude me, and I wonder why Ms Alexis can do so. Only to realize that while she's chilling at home on a Saturday, I am sitting here reading so that I can attempt to finish some background review for an assignment which is due next week.

Having said that, instead of sitting here and typing a ridiculously long entry is a big no no, which I shall not do. Why did I not do my readings and stuff earlier? Because I have been procrastinating. Not that I wasn't doing anything; I was sitting in the lab for 4 hours a day making sure everything is alright with my participants. Adding in preparation and travel time, it makes for a good 5 hours plus just being in school over a recess week which I could have otherwise been more productive.

Anyway, so while being in the lab I suddenly realized that my second pair of Havs broke. My other pair broke about 3 months back I think. This pair is a much older pair that has seen me running around FOC with my lovely juniors, and many other torture, so it giving way 4 years later is a pretty good deal. The other pair however, has barely accompanied me to anything more tormenting than the school pavement and the tarmac outside my house.

Ok I promise I would go a good long post with pictures after I get through next week.

I foresee sleepless nights ahead

When I'm stressed up

a few things happen. Usually I'll get a very bad tummy, which includes horrific diarrhea like this morning when I thought I was peeing from my ass (HAHAHAH, gross i know). Also there used to be a few occasions when I would bad a super bad tummy ache. People close to me will also know that aside from somatic symptoms, I would also be a bit flustered (or you know they call it mang zang). So all that happened this morning, except for the tummy ache.

Reason for stress, FYP, heavy-ass midterms, freelance and I just missed a pop-quiz. But yes aside from that things are still going good. We've a few more participants (everyone counts), things are moving, but I've got a bit more to do.

J's really adorable and sweet and cute today, well everyday lar, but yar. And I got my tickets booked and confirmed already!! I'm sooooooooo excited about heading down, gosh.. I really can't wait nor contain my excitement!!!!!!

This is when it gets real busy

but its kinda good because FYP has finally started!!! Our experiments are running and everything appears to be going alright. We need more participants so we'll see how that turns out. Hopefully with a reduced sample, we can still catch some good effects, possibly some gender stuff too.

things are going great. I'm watching J fall asleep, and to me that has gotta be the best thing in the world. To be the last person one sees before falling asleep and to be the person to wake up to, is really the sweetest. J's in the US though, and that's gonna make communication slightly tougher, because the time difference is greater, and this two weeks is also my experiment weeks, so that makes my hours in school ridiculous plus a heavy midterms... but we'll pull through, we always pull through

met up with D and Ah Yee for dinner and coffee last night after a looong day in the lab, but it was totally worth it for all the laughters and long overdue catch up. Nothing scheduled for the next 2 weeks though, I'm going to be a hermit!!

in other news, I'm going to head down under!!!! =p

xoxo, S

No one likes FYP

Really, I don't think anyone actually likes FYP. Its like this constant irritant that you can't get rid off for a year. And as always it can get better if it actually starts earlier and on time, but for some reasons that can't be controlled everyone has to rush it at the end, knowing that this will happen.

And then there are some massive time spent on a course which I have already done to death but I needed to fulfill my course requirements, so I HAD to take a course which wasted a lot of my precious time, which also meant a very bad previous semester for me!!! (which included getting my LOWEST SCORE ON RECORD!!! A FREAKING B-)

Waking up at 5 a.m. was unexpected though, because I thought a certain lazy someone wanted to be up by 8 a.m.. So i drifted in and out of consciousness till the certain someone awoke, and it was quite a nice feeling......

besides hot guys

Besides hot guys (1), what have i been up to?

mostly i have been keeping up with school work and that is making me busy enough.

I was just having a conversation with amy that day, and she noted that she wasn't feeling particularly motivated in school. But for me, i am feeling one notch lower, i feel unmotivated. (note the fine difference between not particularly motivated and unmotivated).

It just appears that there's this certain air of gloom surrounding year 4s, i saw it in my seniors and i wondered why, and now i am feeling it for myself.

i am almost very sure that i had enough of school and i don't want anymore of it. i am ready to be an adult and to go out there and rule the world!

---

1. and by hot guys, i don't mean that i have been sleeping with them!!! i have been exercising my eyes on the web

getting so restless

argh, its so hard to study!!! hrmmmmm.......

from my psychology textbook

Expectancy confirmation: People’s beliefs about personality characteristics of others cause them to evoke in others actions that are consistent with initial beliefs

its today!

my first paper is today! wooohoo. luck.

stress!!!

progress is slow, only 3 chapters thus far, not very good huh! 3 chapters in 2 days, well granted they are the bigger chapters.

argh, so worried. can i even finish studying in time? =(

i am still alive

Hello world, i am still quite alive. Too much school, but its going to over soon. The last mad dash for an essay and exams and that'll be it. More updates to come.

In other news, Jay's new album ROCKS. omg and he loooooks sooooooooooooooooooooooo damn gay and cute. *swoooons*

hell week #1

IS FINALLY OVER! omg. i survived this week, and the previous week. Its such an incredulously tiresome week. But i've survived. PHEW...

now for hell week #2 and hell week #3

on other news, i've finally bumped into zeeq and managed to get a quick catch up with her. haven't met and caught up with people proper for EONS....

tired

i am very very tired. please leave me alone

breaking point

*snaps*

too much work

this semester is madness. every friend is feeling the weight of it. we're all up to our necks with work. taking it lightly with many smiles... gosh!

=)

i m freaking stressed and busy too

and finally at 130am, i am done with all my stuff. and i din even have personal time! i am off to bed because tomorrow is another long day. good night folks

random pictures

this sign is in NTU, yeah NTU has HORRIFIC spelling.

yeah i noe its gross right!!!!!! its my neighbour's cactus

its almost 1am

its been like sooooooo long since i am still up at 1am rushing my work. gosh! and i was just blogging about how we used to do that. the irony of life.

well if 1am sounds early to you, i wake up at about 7.30 to 8 daily. yeah even on weekends. so that should put things into perspective. ever since jem happened! i've been sleeping at about 11ish. melbourne is 2 hours ahead (or 3 if its daylight saving)

too much work too much work

HELP

我要的只是你在我身边

school somehow drains me. i sleep well, i get about 7 to 8 hours daily i wake up bright and early at 8am mostly. but school takes it toll on me. i get rather tired by the end of the day that i don't feel like partaking in much activities.

school is picking up and going to be incredibly busy. many research to do. much more projects on my lap than i can perhaps handle and i still have to make time for tuition and some freelance work (hey they pay the bills) in between all this there are still much more administrative stuff to do.

i fondly remember a conversation with one of my old project group mate that it seems that CS students are just like that. this is of course not discounting our 'darling' engineers or what have you. but oftentimes CS students just seems to have so many things on our plate, of course i am generalizing here, but really. some people even handle volunteer work and dance classes and all. and we pull through.

but sometimes i wonder how we pull through. late nights in schools for projects, for chitchat, for studying. rushing madly to finish up editing, then rushing home for dinner. the days! gosh.

i have 3 massive projects, one of which involves a 40 page, 10'000 word report (this excludes references, tables, graphs) another involves many pages and a physical campaign, 2 research papers for professor. did i mention my freelance work??????

start of semester

its only the start of the semester, and i am already feeling the heat! =(