Redundant Questions

I saw the photo above on Facebook and thought that it was utterly hilarious, and to mention very true. I am sure we have all experienced where people asked us really obvious and redundant questions. My mom for example, is the reigning queen of this. She would see me come in through the door and ask me if I am home. I really do not know what to reply! Often I feel cheeky and tell her "no, this is all an illusion" and she would glare at me.

I am sure you might have also encountered another situation that happens rather often: when queuing up to pay for something, the sales assistant asked you if you are queuing up. To this we should always answer, "No, I am just standing here holding something from your shop waiting for 5 minutes for the fun of it".

Well I am not annoyed by redundant questions or anything. I do find it very funny actually! Especially all the possible witty replies that one can come up with. For now, whenever someone asks me if I am sleeping, I will reply, "No. I'm training to die"

Brenda's Wedding!

That's the gorgeous bride Brenda, and I

Over the weekend, I attended the wedding dinner of a dear friend, Brenda! It was such a lovely wedding that it makes me want to have a little ceremony with (hopefully) Fabian some time in the near future! The wedding was something that I would want for myself - a small intimate affair with close friends and immediate family. Because a wedding, for me, is a an ceremony of commitment that I want the people dearest to me to witness, and not for the whole gin-gang of my mom's friends and my dad's friends and relatives of 10 degrees or what have you; which is really what a lot of weddings have become today.

Its a tired formula of "snatching the bride" in the morning, then rushing for the tea ceremony, before rushing to the hotel, and then attending a banquet of countless tables, and rushing from table to table to say hi for 5 mins and a photo, and rushing off again. Add in cheesy collage photos from childbirth to how the couple met, and of course the walk-in music of 'From This Moment On' by Shania Twain and there you go, a classic Singapore wedding.

What I really love about Bren's wedding is that its so simple, cocktails and vows (which we missed because we assumed it doesn't start on time, and boy were we wrong!), and then a buffet dinner at a lovely venue - One Rochester. Love the outdoor verandah, and sitting down with friends that I have not seen for a while and catching up. Because it was small, the bride also had plenty of time to come sit with us and chat till 1am! I cannot begin to tell you how much fun we had, just gossiping and talking and laughing and teasing the bride!

Bren looking really pretty.

I am so happy to see the couple so happily in love for so many years and finally tying the note. For myself, I hope one day I can be legally married to my partner because it is a commitment that I want to make, and the legal hassles of not being married can be very arduous, but I will touch on that in a blog post another day. In any case, even if I can't get legally married, I will want a ceremony!!

Bye bye Ph.D

I had a lovely chat with Jeremiah today and it is quite amazing to be able to just sit and chat with an old friend like that, and that's the thing about friendship isn't it, once you have a strong foundation, one can go away for long periods of time and it is easy to just pick off where we left off. There is no awkwardness or anything like that. And it really got me thinking about friendship and life in general.

I am at that point in life, as you would see in all chick flicks, where friends around me starts to get married, or even have babies, and I am of course happily going about my life, with my group of girlfriends wondering where we are headed, all the while looking fabulous and sipping cosmopolitan. Sounds like a scene out of Sex and the City isn't it? It did happen before, really just that we were not ALL sipping cosmo. We were at the point in life where the 4 of us are not really sure what on earth are we doing with our lives, we were all not really in a committed relationship, and some of us have commitment issues. We are well into our first jobs, but we are not really what to do next, and those were enjoyable evenings bitching about all these married friends - why on earth would they marry so young! Don't they have goals that they want to achieve!

Not the Four of us, but this was Alexis, Nette, me and our senior Jocelyn at ZoukOut 2011

One of my goals when I was schooling was to get a Ph.D, in Clinical Psychology, so that I can be practicing psychologist and help patients, because as all of you know by now, I sorta have the Buddha Complex (yes I just coined that term up myself) and I can't help but feel the need to want to do good and help people. I thought maybe I could that by being a psychologist. There was also the element of intellectual pursuit, because nothing is more valuable in life than a life of learning and knowledge pursuit.

Mom, Dad and I on my Convocation Day, 2009!

But as I work, the goal seems to get further and further away. It just does not make any sense for to spend 5 years of my life to do that. In Singapore, males are already behind by 2 years because of National Service, and I cannot imagine taking 5 years off, living as a poor student and then restarting my search for a career at 32. And its not like getting a Ph.D will significantly increase the pay. Then there is the startling realization of how ridiculously expensive Singapore has become. How am I ever going to be independent with my own property if I start my career pursuit so late in life. Its not like I come from a rich family that will allow me to not bother about anything in life.

Let me just do some VERY simple sums for you. As a gay man I can only buy private property or HDB resale at 35, so a simple condo of $800,000 will require me to have a downpayment of 20% minimum, whereby the minimum cash outlay is 5% and the other 15% can be from CPF. It also means that I need $40,000 cash and $120,000 in CPF. Even if one maxes out their CPF contribution, it would take about 7 to 8 years to have that much CPF, and then after you DEPLETE it, what about retirement?

What this means is that for me to have my own property at some point in life, I absolutely need to work like a slave, and spend the rest of my life paying off my loans. Tragic isn't it? But I can't leave Singapore either, because my family is here, and I want to take care of my parents when they age. So this is really the problem that the middle-class faces.

I guess at this point of time, I am indeed going to give up the idea of ever doing a Ph.D because its simply not feasible. This does not mean that I do not ever want to further my studies. At some point in time, I might take a sabbatical and do a 1-2 years masters in something maybe. But I am fairly certain that right now, I am writing off a doctorate.

Such is life.

New Year Stuff

So I have never been the kind of person to make new year resolutions because I find it completely unrealistic and lame. I mean you read all these goals that people make once a year and fail horribly to keep it like, "Oh for the new year I will stop smoking and lose 10kg". Honey if you wanted to stop smoking, you would have stopped a long time ago and you would not need the new year to help you achieve it. Its not that I am cynical or anything, its just that I am too practical I guess.

At the end of year however, I like to look back, almost like a year in review and look at what I've achieved and think about where I would like to be in life, (not how many kilos I want to gain). I am an incredulously optimistic and positive person, so almost every year for me is a smashing year. Of course there are some exceptions, but you know what I mean.

2011 was a great year for me. Career wise, I started the year with a promotion and then at the end of the year, I moved into an exciting company doing what I really love, moving into 2012, I want to excel here in Flamingo and do all the great work well. I really cannot express how happy I am to be here, but I really am. There's so much love, so much intelligence floating around!

Drinking with the Flamingoes

Family wise, it was also excellent. Sister managed to secure a scholarship and a place in RMIT to further her studies as the offers from the Singaporean universities were not of programs that she would like to study. And to top up the good news, the scholarship got extended and she is now able to do her honours year! Everyone else is well in the family, and I am certain that the family will continue to be happy in 2012.

Mom and I at MBS for my birthday, Nov 2011

I also managed to keep in contact with a fair bit of my friends and the love and concern that all of you have shown me through this difficult period of time is just amazing. In 2012, let's get together often for dinner and drinks, and home-cooked dinner parties! And for my old friends, drop me a note and let's catch up too!

I've travelled a lot this year actually. I went to Shanghai, Paris, Melbourne (twice), Bali, and of course spent more money than I should, but I love travelling! What to do? Next year, I want to spend more time in Asia, going to the exotic beaches and hopefully find time to travel up to Beijing to find my dear Mark Ho.

Streets of Paris, 2011

Personally, aside from the surgery, everything is going excellently. Something in late 2010, I met a very special person whom I became, literally, inseparable with. I don't really need to say much, but I am very very thankful that Fabian came into my life, in the simplest manner - patience, communication and understanding.

Fabian and I, July 2011

And that's it really. What else is there in life aside from all this? So here's to a happy 2012, and hoping that I would be able to bring more smiles to more people's life!

Cooking in the kitchen to bring smiles to the elderly.

Love,
Kiezin (Scott)

The Dalai Lama’s 18 Rules For Living

Friends who know me well would know that I see my birth religion, Buddhism, as a way of life, and I really do try to live a good life - I help out when I can, we give to the less fortunate even though we don't have a lot and all that which I shall not bore you with.


Recently I chanced upon this website which lists these 18 rules of living by Dalai Lama, and I think they are very sensible; I will try to live by those rules too!

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk. 
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson. 
3. Follow the three Rs: 
1. Respect for self 
2. Respect for others 
3. Responsibility for all your actions. 
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. 
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly. 
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship. 
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. 
8. Spend some time alone every day. 
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values. 
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. 
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time. 
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life. 
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past. 
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality. 
15. Be gentle with the earth. 
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before. 
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. 
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

The Surgery

Me on the hospital bed!

For all those who don't already know, I went for a surgery to get my back fixed. I've already had a bad back for the longest time - I've been diagnosed with a posterior prolapsed disc in my L4/L5 since 2004. Earlier on, with a combination of Physiotherapy and alternative Chinese treatment, I managed to recover and not have any symptoms for an amazing 7 years! Also I went for Yoga and swam often until I started going deeper into work and stopped those yoga and those swims.

Some time this year I had to chase after a cab (because I left my laptop inside) and then I attended a party where I danced just a little bit too much which aggravated an already bad back after the aforementioned cab chasing incident. I busted my back VERY badly. And off to the doctors I went. After countless consultations, the doctors at NUH recommended surgery to fixed my back. However I wanted to seek a 2nd opinion and by pure serendipity, I managed to get hold of my first doctor from 2004 - he has since become one of the best spine surgeon here, winning many awards! This doctor (Doctor Hee Hwan Tak, now in private practice at Paragon Medical Center) also recommended surgery but his opinion was that my other disc, L5/S1 has also degenerated, so he recommends a disectomy of 2 discs and also to insert a silicon space in the L4/L5 region to make sure that in the future it is not likely to recur again. Now that's a good doctor that thinks long term, like 30 years and more kind of long term.

So a decision was made and off I went to Khoo Teck Puat Hospital on 21st December 2011 for my surgery. And it was the best decision I made to go there. The nurses were THE BEST. They are always cheerful, very attentive, very helpful and always there to take care of me, and the other patients in the ward. I think it is very rare these days, hearing so many stories from my own relatives. These nurses always ask after us, when they had to inject, they are empathetic, saying that they understand that it hurts and comforts the patients, telling them to bear with the pain. The hospital itself looks like a condominium or a SOHO apartment. Beautiful. Food was actually nice and delicious with at least 10 choices for me each day, for patients with dietary restrictions, they also had choices, how rare is that!

The view of the hospital. Does it even look like one?

The QR code tag!

Needless to say I enjoyed my stay. And the love from friends and family are just overwhelming. Too many to name, but really every one made me feel so loved. Thank you to Huiyee, Jeth and Jiahui for being there when my eyes opened, I remember asking for Bak Kwa the moment I spoke. Hahahahahah. Thank you to J-en who accompanied me for many many hours and chatting with me and make me laugh over and over again. Thank you to Lynette for stealing a slot in the afternoon to visit, to Peiling and Xuan for taking that long cab journey over during lunch time, to the Flamingoes for bringing so much joy to the ward, to Seraphina, Leon for making all of us laugh our pants off. To Alexis and Gabby for staying late with me and keeping me entertained with the OK magazine. To Mark and Eunice for the thoughtful homemade cookies. To Joanne for the absolutely cute Giraffe, to Joot and Shaun for the Balloons. And of course to my family and all their love! And finally to Fabian, who despite being so so far away, kept me company and all hours of the day, and for the endless love and missing from India! I miss you BB!

The skunk that kept me company!

Me again!

I can now walk slowly and shower and do all those things myself! Here's to a speedy recover to me!

*note to self: Swim more and go for Pilates or Yoga soon! The physic said the biggest mistake I made was to stop exercising, resulting in a weakened back!

First day!

It's my first day at work today! Yes I have left my previous company and am now at Flamingo, a research based brand consultancy! And if today is anything to go by, I will LOVE this place and the people! Everyone is extremely friendly, welcoming and warm. A lot of positive vibes, which is a very good sign.

Day 1 is always filled with the admin nitty-gritty, like setting up the email, getting the passwords, knowing who is who in the team. Tomorrow I will probably find out what projects I will be attached to and what I would need to do.

The office was quiet though because they really travel a lot for work. So I guess I have to get used to that! But otherwise, I can't wait to get my hands dirty!!

Me and my iPad 2

Finally!! I now have a need for the iPad 2 and I made the purchase without feeling guilty!

The most bimbotic day ever!

I declare that the amount of effort spent of doing one's hair is directly correlated to the level of bimbo-ness.

So today after having coffee with Becky, I was deciding if I should head to town to collect my bag and jeans that I sent for repairs, and then collect mooncakes at Jurong Point. I decided to collect my bag and jeans another time since that was not urgent and headed to Jurong Point where I presented a TCC gift card to Bakerzin!

I have no idea why I was under the impression that my friend got me a Bakerzin gift card! So I went home and decided that since I'm all changed might as well head to town to collect them mooncakes and while I'm there, grab my jeans and bag.

On the train out to town I realized I forgotten to bring the gift card!! So I had to detour back!

Really bimbo right?

And as icing on the cake, my jeans were left on the shelves, and the tailor forgotten to repair it. Thankfully I am feeling quite chirpy, so I told him that I'll collect it next week.

Note to self: No such hairstyle when I have errands to do:

Quote for thought

"Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then he dies having never really lived." - Dalai Lama

Random Updates

Some random mid week updates. I've got a new polo tee! Courtesy of fabz who got it for me at the Zouk Flea! Its the normal red polka dots (which are so cute) and the double buttons (as you can see down in the picture below) is really a very special and unique feature!

- loves the polka dots -

And this week @alexischeong and I had lunch at The Plain @ Craig Road! Blogged about this place earlier on, and we still love the ciabattas there. And yes there's this drink that I secretly really like: Aranciata Rossa. Secretly because I think anyone who drinks San Pellegrino (like sparkling water) is totally pretentious, so I try my best to dissociate with the brand. But alas, the blood orange drink is so YUMS!!

- Salami Ciabatta -

- The Aranciata Rossa -

And lastly, I am always distracted by colours, and here's @alexischeong 88 colour eyeshadow palette! Pretty!

/end of bimbotic post

Standing up for "Gay Parents Bashed"

Today I came across this video on my tumblr, and I teared uncontrollably when watching this. Please watch the video embedded before reading on.

What really surprised me was that a place like Texas (where the homophobic Bush came from) showed us that in times like this, solidarity for humanity will prevail. Nobody could stand around and watch the waitress insult and demean the lesbian and gay parents. And what really gets me is the guy that we all think looks like a gangster turns out to be filled with so much love, it puts all of us to shame. When he went out to write a note to let the lesbian parents know just how beautiful their family is, means so much to the actress that it made her cry, because it spoke to her in real life.

"In the end, you will not remember the words of our enemies,

but the silence of your friends" - Martin Luther King, Jr

The quote above defined the gesture because like it says, if a friend sees you in trouble but chooses to keep silent, it will be more hurtful than anything else. Day in day out, a big group of homosexual people faces either overt discrimination (like the video), or silent discrimination. Not to say that homosexuals have a harder time than other people, but definitely there is a bigger baggage to carry. I've been there and its not easy.

Was there any point in time where you could have made a world of a difference to your gay friends by standing up for them? Or by supporting them in your own ways? Make it happen and don't stay by the side and watch.

It is also a particularly poignant topic for me because late last night, the boy and I were watching the movie "The Love of Siam", and we have a very long conversation after that which we talked about pretty much the same issue. He has been struggling to come to terms with himself, and the invisible pressure that he faces from society can really be too much to bear even for the strongest individual.

On the other, I am so glad I have survived and are now in the stage of my life where "it is better". I do not have any fears of judgment from anyone about my sexuality because this is who I am, and I make no apologies for it. But I cannot stand by and not share what I've been through. I want to let every individual, gay or otherwise know that humanity will shine through, each and every time.

Don't be afraid to be yourself, and be who you are. Because you are beautiful just the way you are.

The week

Sometimes routine can be comforting, and its nice when things have sorta settled into a nice rhythm. Of course this cannot come with the usual taken for granted bullshit, and one must always be appreciative, and I am thankful that this is indeed what's happening.

Grateful that after such a long journey, I'm not walking this path alone anymore =)

- late dinner with the boy. ayam penyet FTW -

- a packed shelf with too many little things -

I can't write anything!

I realized that it is hard for me to write something when I don't feel any extremities of emotion. In fact the lack of this "emotion" that makes me write, is making this particular blog entry a bit tough to put together.

I can't quite figure out why though. I mean I have an opinion about a lot of things, well except the Israel and Palestine situation because I really don't know anything about it. Lynette can enlighten us on this however, I believe she wrote either an essay or her thesis on it. But that's besides the point.

So this got me thinking, about why do people write what they write. And some of you might know that I am extremely interested in motivations of behavior, i.e., why people do what they do. So I started to question why I write on this blog.

Once upon a time (and this was REALLY long ago, and I'm talking about like geocities, angelfire era, circa 1998 like OMG old right?) I created my first website, and there was some semblance of writing there. I remember that I started by writing about my life. It was like a diary of sorts. Almost like those you would hide under the bed/pillow/insert wherever you hide your diary. I remember we bloggers even had a manifesto, which is to respect what others wrote, if you didn't agree with the writer, or didn't like what you read, well please stop reading.

I remember that I blogged all about my school life, my crushes and everything in between. Family, relationships, broken relationships and what have you. Then slowly and slowly, I wrote less and less frequently. And then its shorter and shorter, and it became more and more cryptic. And these days, I just post up my thoughts on issues and even that its still far lesser. WHY?

I don't know really. I guess one could easily say that its because we are all "grown up" now, and thus we are more busy with the corporate life, busy in the rat race, fighting for I-don't-know-what. But it is also that sometimes I feel that as we grow up, we get more private, or we feel a lesser need to share our emotions. At least no publicly. Because frankly, what purpose does it achieve right? But then I realize that this reason does not hold because when I feel emotional about social causes I would still write it down.

I think perhaps its just the relationship part. Indeed the older we, or rather I get, it seems to feel very different. On the heart. It is true that you really feel something on your heart. It is a heartache because you actually feel that pain. Even the joy, the passion, the depth, the intensity is oddly different.

Maybe this is what growing up is? Learning to take things in your stride.

Back in Sunny Singapore

Well it is not exactly sunny right now, even the wintry melbourne proves to be sunnier and of more pleasant weather. If I had someone to cuddle, that would make it perfect.

I've got some good news, that is in the form of no more exclamation marks for all you readers, because my exclamation mark key is spoiled, together with the tab button and the number "one". Yeah I'll let you know what happen you meet me, so ask me. But I guess its good, since I get too excited often, and end up bombarding readers with excessive exclamation marks.

So I'm in a very good place right now, and all's very well. Why haven't I write more then? Well sometimes its really because I am wondering how to balance what I feel inside and not revealing too much. Because I really wear my heart on my sleeves, and my emotions are out for the world to see, but at the same time I wear a smile to mask emotions that I otherwise might not want people to know. Its not that hard to be happy really, you just got to be.

I guess very soon again, I write more from my heart, and right now, I'll just be skimming the surface. But then again, if you know me, you'll probably know it anyway. And if you don't, then I am keeping a healthy sense of mystery aren't I?

I'm tired now, but I'm really looking forward to next week, and yeah folks, its TGIF already. So enjoy and some nice melbourne shots from my last few days will be up shortly.

=D

My life thus far...

has been busy. Really busy because work's a very good distraction and a very excuse for everything else that I don't want to discuss, talk, or do. Its simple really. Just blame it on work. "I've gotta work," and its done. And truth to be told, I've really got to.

Because really, its just easier to run away and escape. Why even bother to deal with it. We all know what is the life of a gay men:

Teenage years: Fall head over heels in love many times

20s: Continuing falling in and out of love, but getting so jaded

30s: Work so hard and then wonder why we are working so hard for

40s: Feeling all empty and lonely

50s: Be the rich god father and uncles to our fag hag's daughter

60s - 70s: Wait to die lonely, no kids, no friends, no family left. At least let me die with dignity and not be shitting in my pants without any control.

So if I know that is what's coming up, I should just save myself the heartache. Why bother right? So here's to working my ass off and dying of exhaustion and getting all the material things that I want. At least you know that physical material products last longer than human love.

Salut!

which we all know its french for hi! =)

So today, we went to sign up for our French lesson! So excited about this. I'll be on the beginners class and this will be once a week, 3 hour per lesson for 8 weeks. And there'll be a test at the end. So hopefully in a years time, after like 6 modules or something like that, I will be able to understand and speak some basic french.

Watch out France!!!

新年快乐！

Its Chinese New Year! Its kinda my favourite time of the year, because its a time for family. Its also a time where I actually get to clean my room! And make everything nice and pretty. But ok, I am honestly a lot less superficial than that.

This CNY was spent with the usual reunion dinner at my gramps. Its always nice to see grandma, and I should really make an effort to visit at least once a month. For all the volunteer work that I do, I sure should also visit my grandma! She's getting on her years and her eyesight is not doing as well anymore. I will cherish all the time that I have and visit. What was the slightly more disappointing thing, is that reunion dinner is no longer something the extended family look towards. I still remember when I was a kid, I really looked forward to visiting my grandparents, but as we grew older, things changed.

I can't really pinpoint what happened, but I suppose a great deal had to do with 2 of my relatives having gone through a divorce, well technically one, but the other family is very dysfunctional and estranged from us. The family that has been through the divorce is still very close to our family, which is very heartening. But I suppose as we grew older, we all began to lead our own lives, and the increasingly infrequent meet-ups drifted us apart.

But its funny really, because I am much closer to my god-cousins. Maybe because our background are more similar? Or that we don't have the "burden" of being real cousins? I am not sure. I am only close to one of my real cousins. We hang out now and then, we share secrets, and just muse about life in general, and its all good. But of course there has been disappointing moments in all familial relationships, but that of course won't be shared here.

This new year, I went back to Malaysia to visit my maternal side of the family, and I must say that this is one of the best trips I've had so far. I am not really close to my maternal cousins at all, because we were brought up in very different background. But I think things are improving, we are getting closer, and my Aunt has become more sincere over the years. We even had a ton of fun at KTV, singing and drinking away. How AWESOME is that? I must say that for once, I look forward to heading back.

To end, here's a snap of me in my lovely New Year Clothes!!

And January 2010 is over

just like that. Its unbelievable actually, how fast life zooms by especially when one gets into the rat race of life. I can't remember when or how, but slowly, i feel less and less of a want to put down my thoughts. even on my paper diary. it just sorta happened. Even as I am typing this. I wonder, why do i not keep it all inside, why should I even record my thoughts. But these things its hard to say really. I enjoy reading all my old post, cause I like to look back, and read what I was thinking back in the days. What were my motivations, who I was, how much have I changed, have i grown. All this questions, my little blog here documents. All these answers, my little blog here reveals.

To me, as much as to you my (very few) dear readers.

So the cumulation of many events had led me think about life, and what exactly do I want in life. I had a revelation recently, that I am more competitive than ambitious. And that is not good, because my motivation is thus more external than internal. That all that i work hard to is so that I can be better than someone else. Instead I should be more ambitious, in that I make goals that I want myself to achieve, and not because I am comparing against someone else.

Which led me to think, what do I really want for myself? Somewhere along life, I got lost, and now I think i am even more lost than when I began. I have always been filled with lofty ambitions and ideals. Dreams that are so big I believe that I can change the world. If you remember not too long ago, the series of events that I was involved in.

But what about now?

I can't seem to see beyond the immediate few years. I suddenly totally know all the material things that I want, I can tell you exactly! But why have I become like that? I secretly know why. Why suddenly its all about the money. Why I am so hung up about it. Now that I know it, I need to do something about it. Because its not right. Its not right to be comfortable. I need to remind myself how upset i feel everytime I come back to this country.

This country that breaks my heart, that everywhere I look, i see prisons. People being imprisoned by a comfortable life, with no other wants, no other dreams. Nothing. HDB, 2 kids and a car. Period. That thought scares me.

If only it is enough to scare me to do something about it.

I've graduated lor!

I've graduated lor!

And just like that, all my 16 years of education has come to an end. Uni life was amazing and I think it passed a little too quickly. While I must say that I enjoyed all my education thus far, nothing beats CS. Note that I really hate NTU, the organic university - with all its minions and administration, and ancient communications department, and even more ancient powers that be.

Life in CS is nothing short of quirky. Like the dear valedictorian, Kang Li, said, we are far too noisy. And amongst us are a kaleidoscope of different talents, from him, the amazing photojournalist who has won champion in international competitions, to "models", to album selling singers, to videographers, to activists like myself, and the list goes on. Through a strange passion (or law reject if you are ling or jingli), life brought all of us together in this strange orphaned course - Communication Studies. It might not apply to all, but for me, its been a very inspiring journey. Professors have opened our minds, and broadened our thinking. Its hard to sit through the course and be narrow minded. Its hard to not be a critical thinker, gone are the days where we just simply believe everything people say, or read.

As this chapter of my life closes, I have no idea what lies ahead of me. Some of my friends have, most unexpectedly, gone on to do things I would never imagine they would do. Lynette, the "spoilt" one has gone to Ghana to work for an NGO. This is the women who, for the life her, cannot walk up the slope to canteen B and has to pull my bag to drag her up, and yet is the fastest 2.4km runner in the tennis team. This same woman backpacked SEA with all of 5 t-shirts and shorts.

A tiny part inside of me wonders what is this whole point of working. What is the value of work? It is part of this consumer-capitalistic culture that I loathe. I want to do something of value, something that makes things better, not in terms of money. The things money can't buy. I wanted to teach because I can teach future generations of people, I want to be a counsellor, because I want to help.

As of now, I know what material things in life I want to achieve, but suddenly, I am not sure what else I personally want to achieve. Maybe after 2 years, I might just runaway to another country and do something that I really want to do. Teach some poor impoverished children in a developing country? Run to Melbourne and be a counsellor? Start a cafe collective in Singapore? Something that helps the world be better.