numbing myself in everything i can think of. i've grieved, i've cried myself to sleep, i've done everything short of that something which i used to do, but not anymore. but it ain't easy. i wished you could have hurt me physically, i wished you could have abused me till i bruised all over, at the very least, the pain will go away. how do i make all this pain go away.

i am trying not to fallapart.

what is love? what exactly is love? borrowing from lovereally.blogspot.com

* far too often, we give up on relationships because of the increasing demands. as two people gradually get more emotionally involved with each other, their lives just begin to weave into each other's routines far more than often. little suprise why suddenly there are so many more things to be concerned about, which prior to the relationship, would never have been an issue at all. i guess those in a relationship would hardly have any problem identifying them at all. everyone wants to maintain their comfort zone in a way. and unless the couple works it these issues out together, the relationship, i say again, the relationship, is not gonna work. not that love is not gonna work. love endures! just whether its being nurtured or left stagnant. love really is more than a silly thing that occurs every now and then. bringing along with it some anguish and petty issues on the way. we're the ones who make things complicated, not love *

i won't give up. not here not now not like this.

i told a dear friend this, and i think i must heed my own advice, sometimes moving on is the best way to salvage matters.

dear, thanks for all. i love you. hope we can be friends and maybe next year feb, we can once again go out. for now, i will try to learn to be alone.

now i know why people blog alot when things are looking down.

because they have too much time that used to occupied with that someone. because they don't communicate with that someone anymore and there's the hope that he may be reading it. even if he isn't, at least the possibility is there.

why am i reduced to all this? am i not good enough?

张栋梁 - 寂寞边界

我们之间闯进了贼偷走相爱得一切
逼得我们伤痕累累
分手只流两行泪

你说决定错了无所谓就算后悔也不要我陪
爱的平淡爱的浓烈都让你憔悴
我怎么做你都拒绝*

我来到寂寞边界
爱已失窃心在淌着血
男人得无尽伤痛都锁进黑夜
面对背叛用了解还是谅解
寂寞边界伤心人还有谁

我们之间闯进了贼偷走相爱得一切
爱让我们伤痕累累
结局只流两行泪

我来到寂寞边界
爱已失窃心在淌着血
过去的无尽伤痛都锁进黑夜
面对爱情用时间收拾破碎
寂寞边界伤心人已学会安慰

its all over. its all over. i am not strong when it comes down to this. i am so weak.

i couldn't get up properly today. i lay in my bed and thoughts of everything came rushing in. i tried to get out, but i can't. i had to drag myself out of bed to work. my client came and we did the video all the way till midnight. he left. and you left.

tears started running again. how can i just let it go? how can i? after what happened. is it all my fault?

its so painful. its so painful.

Braid Paisley - Find Yourself
-as heard on Cars OST-

The things that would have been lost on you
are now clear as a bell
And you find yourself,
yeah thats when you find yourself

Well you go through life
so sure of where you're headed
And you wind up lost
and its the best thing that could have happened
Cause sometimes when you lose your way, its really just as well
because you find yourself,
yeah that's when you find yourself.

When you meet the one, that you've been waiting for
and she's everything, that you want and more
You look at her and you finally start to live for someone else
And then you find yourself,
yeah that's when you find yourself

Well you go through life
so sure of where we're headed
And you wind up lost
and its the best thing that could have happened
Cause sometimes when you lose your way, its really just as well
Because you find yourself,
Yeah thats when you find yourself

#####
when you found yourself, i'll be right here waiting

i don't know what to say. i don't know what to do. but i know what i must do.

its been 2 and a half years. it hasn't been smooth, there's been ups and there's been downs. but i cherish and appreciate every single moment.

there's so much anger i need to deal with myself. i can't be better now. i have to learn to manage my own anger and my own issues.

i miss you. what i said, i meant it. what i say i will do i mean it too. i hope someday i'll see you again.

goodbye.

broke my record, i worked for 20 hours non stop. from 1pm to 9am, took a short nap and on to 4pm. i almost died. i clocked 16 hours day on average for the past 4 days.

in what appears to be a rather accurate calculation, and at the same time, rather amusing and hilarious, i present to you all the crush calculatorgo on and try it! do let me noe the results!, you know how to contact me =)

cheers

or type in the following if the link doesn't work

http://www.crushcalculator.com/content/love/345619667

seriously, sometimes i wonder why i even bother. after i regretted, i might regret it after all

i think i might have done something which i would regret for my entire life. my single biggest regret. i hope i am wrong.

SHE - 我?你

I have never watch any MTV like this. I cried.