some of you might have read this before, so bear with me.

i can't stand being nice to pple. its honestly very taxing to try to be nice to everyone. some people couldn't care 2 hoots about whether i am civil and polite. so i decided i should just be as mean and sarcastic to people who try to get witty at me for no good reason. that is people who aren't close to me at all and try to "talk" to me. i will just yell and you and criticise you and be irritating and i will be rude. to hypocrites like you, i don't need a good reason, cos you are just a pain in the ass and you shouldn't even bother to retaliate. ok now f**k off bitch.

other than the above, it was quite a good week. things are looking more positive: my wardrobe has got a few additions, my latest love affair is being so nice to me, i am starting on some revision. yep, on with my life

i don't really know how to put down in words what i feel. its just a feeling that ran away a year ago, but somehow found its way back. confusion has found its way around my head too, but thats ok still.

i should really start my revision in detail. i think i am still slacking big time. oh well. feeling really tired (damn its morning for goodness sake)

its inot that i don't change my layout, but for some reason, i am suddenly not so keen to spend a couple of hours staring at my comp using adobe and scouting for new fonts. i have taken a liking to play my guitar, work out (yes, this couch potato has change his exercise regime from moving from couch to couch to jogging, push-ups and the likes), read my notes (yes, another surprise) and spend hours on the phone and waiting for someone's msg. and i feel happy, and i feel really happy. ok, now my whole is that please bear with this layout. alanna, your layout is well just you, and lynn (i can't read cos the font is too small and the contrast too striking, so i am squinting like crazy).

ever wondered what you gonna study at university? most people are still stuck with the mind set that you MUST take engineering or business if not you'll starve to death. oh puhleeze, i don't see the 18000 other graduates from NUS/NTU per year starving to death. anyhow is anybody's parents forcing you to take biz ad, DON"T, convince your parents and take something you like. you're probably going to do far better in a subject you like, rather than one your parents like. 90% of the people graduate and work in fields totally unrelated to their degree, save for doctors and lawyers and engineers. look at it this way, all of us are going to change jobs, are we going to study one degree and really get stuck in the same kind of job forever? most of us are probably going to take 3-4 totally different jobs in our lifetime and no matter what degree we take its still gonna allow us to find a job. if you're going to take a degree you like, you'll enjoy. isn't that more than enough. doing business does not mean one must take biz ad. in fact setting up a stall at clarke quay for one weekend will teach you more about the business world than your entire degree. theory vs practice. so come on now, convince your parents and live YOUR life not you PARENT'S life

its a great weekend. it has been one of the more enjoyable weekends this year, i was at my cca place supporting my ahem friend. yeah, he was taking his exams, and i was there to cheer him on, actually because of some dumb reason, i had to go 2 days in a row to support him. i waited 16 hours of the 2 days, but it was all worth it. went out with him and a bunch of friends after the two days, and he was so nice and sweet. i just went weak in the knees on the sport (something to do with some nice black shirts), of course i got to hug him after the 2nd day, it was a nice big hug (but he was wet from all the evil concoction that i drench on him). damn i am one of the happiest boy on earth. you guys should really see him play with my camera. like this big kid with a new toy, he couldn't stop playing. took quite some shots. collecting it tonight!!! yay!!

wait daddy just came back with my photos.. they look so GOOD, so cute hahahaz, its really really funny. shall not indulge too much into it. just that he's so cute. ok, shall stop it. going to admire over the photos.

some people say i am always playing hard to get (this was particularly regarding this cute guy who asked me) and said that after awhile some people might get sick of trying. its not that i am playing hard to get, i am afraid of falling in love. and i am more afraid of how to handle it. yeah, i have tons of crushes, like some other people i know. but hey my crush are as short lived as my discman batteries. until know i can say that i have only loved one guy, and had a serious serious crush on the 2. (can we not count flings please?) lets see, one won't and will never work out, cos it was almost, just almost. and now at this very moment, i am having an infatuation over one of my cca friend. J claims my voice changed like totally when i talk with him on the phone.. oh well.. i want it to work, i really hope this time, things will be fine. but hell i don't even know if it is even concievable, if you get my drift. WTH, something in me tells me he's not totally str8 but he's not totally this way either. given my 99.99% accuracy, well.

"how can i not love you"

and so what about the previous guy that i have a crush on? i dunno, its been about half a year on since i liked him, not that i have ever stopped. but i know nothing will work out, i tried, why bother again? i think because i have a feeling so deep its not particularly easy to just make it go away. if its so tough, why don't i turn straight? because maybe i can't? its not a choice, ok maybe its a choice right down to the technical definition of the word, as in i can still choose to be with a girl and totally deny my feelings, but i won't do that. i am not ruling out the possibility that one day a girl might moved me and i'll fall in love and happy ending (yes i did crushed girls for a period of time when i was having some flings somewhere else). but its not happening in the near forseeable future.

i don't know what i would do, but i'll figure it out like i always do. i am me, i find my way around everything. come on take me and make me yours. would u pleasE?

oh no. i am developing a really really bad crush on this guy from my cca. honestly its a huge crush. and i dunno where to start doing what. a couple of my friends have been giving me great advice, and j still has some reserves but overall its going on fine. he's so sweet, man, he really really knows how to melt a person. yesh i am not made of butter but i still melt rather easily. what can i say. he's cute, behaves like a kid - picture childish teenager playing around with a softtoy trying to amuse another friend of ours. i really have to take it nice and slow this time. and yep my friend said something quite right, i am also getting on aft the incident.

now there's just one tiny prob, which i won't discuss in detail, just that this little obstacle is gonna take time. but i can almost confirm, and almost be sure that this obstacle doesn't exist. but oh well, we'll see.

i am so happy, i don't think i can fall asleep. in fact i was smiling away on my way back from meeting him just now, i can't sleep on the train too, though i was super tired. now someone gimme melatonin and a quick guide to get attach.

"i feel like i'm losing my best friend" - don't speak

don't ask. anyhow, i think i will try to indulge in some heavy chocolate binging (or however u spell that) session soon. has everybody here know of that chocolate buffet at the fullerton hotel? i am so gonna bring my friends down and pig over the sinful delights. and hey J, you are not the only one that can't get fat. i eat quite a big amount too, maybe not as much as you, but yeah you get the drift. maybe you should just accept the great fact that u can't get fat. you know how many people out there are dying to be like that. anyhow you should appreciate this and hope in 10 years time, you still can't get fat

TV is a waste of time. i totally agree, but they are also a hell lot addictive. ally mcbeal, friend, some chinese drama, great jap and korean drama. i oughta spend less time on TV and more time sleeping and doing my work. looking at the amount of time left, i really and running on a really tight schedule here. i have to start studying like real real soon.. its like oh man. if i don't i will DIE kinda stuff.

new layout is on the way. and i think i've better start doing my work now.

its a week since i last post. argh. life's really getting in on me. but all is improving. hey dalg, your site is still down leh..think i should better allocate my time. i haven't even been online this entire week to say the least. but i think i am getting back into blogging and all.. firstly must say hi to raydance for making a smashing comeback, and to all the readers who might have kinda got tired of waiting for something new to pop up. life's been busy i must say. addition of 3 hours of lesson for me per week, it really adds up you know.

plenty of things happening. i almost got drunk at my friend's place. read: almost. but i had to stay sober cos my extremely cute friend begged me not to konked out as we had to take care of the girls, help to clean up this stone drunk girl, who err kinda dirtied herself through the rejection by the body of some external fluids. had plenty of fun going crazy too. next time, i'll try my vodka.

and the most amazing news is probably that my dearest ex msg me one day and told me that he still liked me. right. to which i went "why?" and i got the most irritating reply, "becos i feel that way". that jerk, i found out that he just broke up with his stead and so i msg "oh, which is why u came running to me cos u are lonely?" which is probably true, its been almost a fucking year. and no contact nothing. finally, i made up my mind and let it all go and i felt so free and look who's crawling. i don't give a damn about him, i shall be as vicious as i want!!! haha..

on a more humane note, been hanging out with all my good old friends, from vjc and all over the place, esp my cca friends. and talking alot to mark. yep, finally had time to chat with him. feeling good, just slightly tired. been doing my work too. yep life's picking up.

been getting into a mighty lot of trouble, and finally worming myself out of it. again yesh, my friend commented that i have this uncanny ability to worm myself out of trouble. note the word worm. anyhow its been a messy week with plenty of fun. and before that let me just say hi to j, who has found out not too long ago who i am.. haha and to sm for being quite perceptive, but generally any non-blonde with enough sense can guess who i am. oki i can guess who i am.. anyhow i can't believe i almost fallen for this net guy. yesh he's cute i mean he's Hongky (all my guy frens whom been to hk told me i would drool to death when i get there). yesh, talkin excessively to this net guy, and still.

mugging harder, got a new hair cut, getting a new start hopefully. and yep, plenty of action to look forward to. an outing with the class over the weekend, a stayover at my friend's place over the weekend with my cca friends. more cuppa with my old friend.. life is good, life is great life is unbelievable...