And January 2010 is over

just like that. Its unbelievable actually, how fast life zooms by especially when one gets into the rat race of life. I can't remember when or how, but slowly, i feel less and less of a want to put down my thoughts. even on my paper diary. it just sorta happened. Even as I am typing this. I wonder, why do i not keep it all inside, why should I even record my thoughts. But these things its hard to say really. I enjoy reading all my old post, cause I like to look back, and read what I was thinking back in the days. What were my motivations, who I was, how much have I changed, have i grown. All this questions, my little blog here documents. All these answers, my little blog here reveals.

To me, as much as to you my (very few) dear readers.

So the cumulation of many events had led me think about life, and what exactly do I want in life. I had a revelation recently, that I am more competitive than ambitious. And that is not good, because my motivation is thus more external than internal. That all that i work hard to is so that I can be better than someone else. Instead I should be more ambitious, in that I make goals that I want myself to achieve, and not because I am comparing against someone else.

Which led me to think, what do I really want for myself? Somewhere along life, I got lost, and now I think i am even more lost than when I began. I have always been filled with lofty ambitions and ideals. Dreams that are so big I believe that I can change the world. If you remember not too long ago, the series of events that I was involved in.

But what about now?

I can't seem to see beyond the immediate few years. I suddenly totally know all the material things that I want, I can tell you exactly! But why have I become like that? I secretly know why. Why suddenly its all about the money. Why I am so hung up about it. Now that I know it, I need to do something about it. Because its not right. Its not right to be comfortable. I need to remind myself how upset i feel everytime I come back to this country.

This country that breaks my heart, that everywhere I look, i see prisons. People being imprisoned by a comfortable life, with no other wants, no other dreams. Nothing. HDB, 2 kids and a car. Period. That thought scares me.

If only it is enough to scare me to do something about it.

The Broken Road

Been listening to the piano version over and over, and I remembered you sent me this song, to let me know that the road to each other was tough and filled with many obstacles, but we found each other. We could finally stop looking around and now we could rest and rely on each other.

We've had great times and not so great times. Life's a marathon, and all the not-so-good times are there to make us tougher, so that we can weather bigger storms together. As long as I am holding your hands, I know even the harshest weather, we can face them head on.

Reading back our blog, from the first post of the time capsule till now, I never forgot how and why I fell in love with you, and how and why you fell in love with me. I will find the strength to keep me going, and the strength to be your pillar that you can rely on. And as and when I don't have the strength anymore, at least we have each other to lean on, and that will be infallible. Like the letter A. If you look at it carefully, its 2 pillar leaning on each other, holding hands.


The original song:

”一定会是我“

你说听了歌，会哭。但是我说我没有。就算有，也不会让你知道。

你说：“可惜不是你”，我却偷偷的说：“一定会是我”。

牵了你那小小的手，也牵了4年了。你的好，你的坏，你的美，你的不完美，我还不了解吗？我也很清楚知道你是多么的了解我。我懂你知道，但我不懂你懂我知道吗？

有哭吗？我说我没有。你懂我有吗？

我好想好想好想你。也是多么多么的爱你。你快点把该做的事做完，把论文写好，赶快回来。因为你深爱的男孩已经不行了，他想你想到都不能呼吸了。

“一定会是我，一定会是我“

想念是会呼吸的痛

After a very hard day at work, I just want to come home and see you. But you are not here anymore. I haven't seen your face for almost a month now. How are you?

The past few weeks have been crazy, and I just want to tell you that I've been a good boy. I want to tell you that I've been taking care of myself, I have been having my meals, though not always on time. I had a haircut today and it looks very nice. There are so many more things I want to share with you.

I miss you so much, I miss just being able to call you at the end of the day to talk to you, and have a chat. I miss just seeing your face and your smiles. I miss just being together with you.

I believe love can move the mountains.

I Love You. The you with all the your flaws, all of our differences, and everything else.

sometimes

Just staring at your presence is enough.

Your Love

This is such a sweet post, stolen off a junior's blog.

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If you see your love everyday
Make every moment special
Don't get bored

If you don't have a love
It's not because you aren't hot
Wait for the right TA

If you only get your love on weekends
Phone-kiss him on Monday
Shag him on Sunday

If your love is silly and doesn't get you
Be determined and get her to change
Let go when she stops trying

If your love has a big ego
Leave him
It doesn't compensate for his small dick

If your love lives a different life from you
Don't fight about things that made you
Make her build the future with you

If your love makes you a meal at 3AM
He'll need to stay in bed till 4PM
Perfect excuse to reward him with action between sheets before nightfall

If your love is fat and unwilling to run
Don't watch porn
Screw her hot best friend

If your love goes camping at Ubin with you
And she absolutely hates creepy crawlies
Make her laugh and scream when you see one

If your love is 10 732km away
You've beaten the odds by finding him
The fairytale ending is yours

If your love forgives you
Kiss him till his lips are numb
He's decided his pain is nothing compared to your love

If your love loves you
Like no one ever would
Don't ever let go