it seems that somewhere along my pursuit of my career, i forgot what i initially told myself. i wanted to make a difference. i wanted to (yes be prepared) a teacher. actually since i met my literature teacher in secondary, i've always wanted to be a teacher. and when i entered jc, there was this absolutely amazing teacher that cared so much for her students, that she taught not for the results, not for her salary but because she wanted us to learn; not just the subject but the essence of being. life. i was so moved. she left the school (wise choice, anybody who wants to stay is nuts) to teach in the school for spastic children (or something like that). and it is then i decided that i want to make a difference. i want to teach people (not necessarily being a teacher) and show them that there are so many things in life. that we can't keep our eyes closed and focus only on results and money. yet i realise i am slowly falling into the money trap.

i wanted to be the gay teacher (the good looking one thank you very much) that would let them know that there's nothing wrong being gay. that it is ok being gay. that there is no need to choose between being gay and the family, that love in itself has dignity, it doesn't matter who we love. as long as we love, its more than enough. its not about religion, its about family, its about love. that if they are different (handicap in some way) they are who they are. that we are too focus on the material side of life that we forget to wake up and be happy that we are alive. that we forget to appreciate the fresh air everytime we walk, that we can walk past the most simple yet beautiful sights like flowers blossoming and not take notice. are we all too hung up in our life?

in 4 years time,i would be taking home nearly 7k a month. and 4 years after that, a comfortable 11k. hows that? but does money really matter so much to me? if i can live comfortably, enough to feed, live, and look after my parents, i think that is more than enough, right?

i used to love the smell of freshly baked bread and love breathing in the fresh air. i should start looking closely at things again. its been quite awhile. lets wake up and smell the coffee!