listening to augustana's boston brings me back to the states. to LA specifically. i didn't spend much time there, but i did spend a great deal of time at the train station and a good amount of time talking to justin.

life is such an amazing thing, so much experience to be gained. and yet most of us are lost in this crazy rat race. this never ending chase of nothing. its nothing because we come to earth with nothing, and we leave earth with nothing. eventually everything amounts to nothing. since at some point in time something came out of nothing, surely something will end in nothing. no?

so why then do most of us chase after paper? chase after that degree, and no it is not just a degree, it must be a 2nd upper honours. and then there's the chase for money. we work our entire life for money, then we die.

isn't it just so grim. so grim?

what about things we enjoy, don't that matter anymore? well of course one can argue that without money, we can't enjoy. and if you can't even see from this side of the fence, you can stop reading and go and die, because i can't be bothered to type out the counter argument of how one can be poor and happy. and not because i can't.

and so at that train station, there was so many people. so diverse (yes more diverse than this little red dot). and every one of them had a story. there was a mom yelling over the phone (presumably to her ex-husband) with a few kids in tow. there's children from all background taking 20 hour of train ride to some far flung corner of the states, were they running away?

"you don't know me, you don't even care"

no i don't know them, and i probably didn't care. but at that moment, it felt so amazing that there's so many different people leading so many different lives. that each and every one had their problems, their stories to tell. each passenger alighting at different places, with new experiences.

and here in singapore? we are dying because of one fucking exams which we place too much faith on. does it really determine who we are?

"scott, you belong to the upper echelon of the cohort" some big booby girl told me. well i don't. i was quick to point out that there were many many others who are better than me. and i don't want to be the best, yet i want to.

and in this wanting, i keep studying and keep moving in one direction that will eventually make me cherish material more so than emotional. and that must never happen. because i must enjoy things that i enjoy, because money mean nothing, because once in a while, i realize that once again, i am stuck on the rat race, and now i am moving out of it. i will do what i can. but success is defined by myself. not by anyone else.

and because, now, there's you.