life's full of little surprises. someone i know actually chance upon my page (and i thought that would never happen). well at least one pleasant thing happened today. shall not rant on too much here, except generally, woman are trouble. my sister created so much hell today, and my mother.. oh well, its mother's day..
actually i have no idea why, but everytime i blast the song blurry, i end up crying so much and i don't stop. i lost it again today and i felt even more alone. ended up almost dismembering my phone but decided with whatever's left of my judgement to take out my sim card instead. and lesson learnt, sitting on the ledge is scary.. so i climbed back in.. for a moment i thought i could fly (nahz.. not really but just generally depressed). i don't have much reason to go crazy actually, i mean what's so sucky about my life, 3 girls are dying to get me(yesh yesh its true), one guy just asked for my number yesterday, i passed my napha (almost a gold), been told that i had the potential to achieve a perfect score, in a damn bloody prestigious cca, a tiny bunch of great friends... oh maybe thats it, my whole life is so bloody wrong, so bloody packed.. such that i get so easily agitated. PLUS the immense pressure from me to get perfect score.
everybody's slowly drifting away from everybody else. everybody is having a heartache and i'm still waiting for you. you will always have that softspot for someone you once loved. you have to hate to get over someone, but even in hate, you will never find the solace. because in hate, the image of him will be ingrained deeper in your memory. there's nothing much anybody can do. the more you don;t talk, the more you will miss him, so much till one day, you'll break down when you see any object that is filled with memories. time won't help. trust me. didn't work for me and some friends of mine, who still couldn't get over thier ex, for 2 years. So what to do. it may take many drops of blood, many broken CDs (yesh done them all), and many lost strain of hair, but eventually, you'll work things out, there would be someone "godsend" (not that i believe in god, but you get the drift) to occupy your life, though you'll still miss someone, things will eventually work out well, in the mean time, just do anything you want, scream, cut things up, go to that place to cry over what used to happen. works for me to say the least. but took me about 3/4 of a years. but i am finally all fine now. still miss him now and then, but all fine. got over him. but he still occupies a place in my heart of course
oki so much for that. you know who you are so i won't mention any name... btw.. i am only 70% gay from the test recommened by alanna can you believe it.!!!!! haha gtg now
May 12, 2002
May 10, 2002
colorgenics never fails to amaze me with thier accuracy
You have exaggerated demands on life but you are cautious enough to try to hide these beliefs from the outside world. You are covert enough to try to impress other people around you with your achievements and at the same time able to put on an act of pretending to be 'humble' - being the same as everyone else. It would appear, however, that whatever you are doing seems to be working out O.K.
You are in need of rest, some peace and quiet. You feel the need to be close to that someone special, that someone who can give you that special consideration and unquestioning affection that you seek. If you don't find that 'special someone' and resolve your problems very soon, you are liable to become extremely introverted and cut yourself off from society.
In spite of the fact that you believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, it is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influenceand there is no-one to turn to or rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you will have to make the best of things as they are.
You are trying to prove yourself - not only to yourself but also to everyone around you. There is much that you would like to say and do but the situation warrants self-restraint and that is the last thing that you have on your mind. It would seem that you have an unsatisfied need to ally yourself with others whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to stand out from the crowd. This is subjecting you to considerable stress but you tend to stick to your attitudes despite lack of appreciation. Of course, you are finding the situation uncomfortable and would like nothing better but to break away from it but you don't like the idea of compromise. Your main problem is that you are unable to resolve the situation because you continually postpone making the necessary decisions. You feel that if you make the wrong choice this would lead to such opposition that you would not be able to command the esteem of others. It is essential that those around you are prepared to comply with your wishes.
It is strange that the anxiety that you are experiencing at this time is of your own making simply because of your desire to be respected by your fellow man and with those whom you work with. You are not satisfied. The normal congenial 'you' is becoming quite introverted. This is becoming increasingly more obvious because you seem to shy away from participating in everyday activities. You are refusing to allow yourself to become involved or to participate with others and it is the reluctance to communicate that is the inherent cause of your problems.
oh well i guess i'll have to something about it.. i wish my cca can end soon! i am so tired of it
You have exaggerated demands on life but you are cautious enough to try to hide these beliefs from the outside world. You are covert enough to try to impress other people around you with your achievements and at the same time able to put on an act of pretending to be 'humble' - being the same as everyone else. It would appear, however, that whatever you are doing seems to be working out O.K.
You are in need of rest, some peace and quiet. You feel the need to be close to that someone special, that someone who can give you that special consideration and unquestioning affection that you seek. If you don't find that 'special someone' and resolve your problems very soon, you are liable to become extremely introverted and cut yourself off from society.
In spite of the fact that you believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, it is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influenceand there is no-one to turn to or rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you will have to make the best of things as they are.
You are trying to prove yourself - not only to yourself but also to everyone around you. There is much that you would like to say and do but the situation warrants self-restraint and that is the last thing that you have on your mind. It would seem that you have an unsatisfied need to ally yourself with others whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to stand out from the crowd. This is subjecting you to considerable stress but you tend to stick to your attitudes despite lack of appreciation. Of course, you are finding the situation uncomfortable and would like nothing better but to break away from it but you don't like the idea of compromise. Your main problem is that you are unable to resolve the situation because you continually postpone making the necessary decisions. You feel that if you make the wrong choice this would lead to such opposition that you would not be able to command the esteem of others. It is essential that those around you are prepared to comply with your wishes.
It is strange that the anxiety that you are experiencing at this time is of your own making simply because of your desire to be respected by your fellow man and with those whom you work with. You are not satisfied. The normal congenial 'you' is becoming quite introverted. This is becoming increasingly more obvious because you seem to shy away from participating in everyday activities. You are refusing to allow yourself to become involved or to participate with others and it is the reluctance to communicate that is the inherent cause of your problems.
oh well i guess i'll have to something about it.. i wish my cca can end soon! i am so tired of it
May 8, 2002
and i am back! yesh yesh. had a great day today. first of all i am gonna get my silver, i am gonna get my silver. actually i am supposed to get a gold of my fitness test. if only i had just jump 4 more cm, just 4 more cm. but still i am happy because i don't need to enter army in december!!! yay,, its gonna be february or april. yay again.. other than that, i had my creative juices flowing today, did some really funky things which i should not divulge too much in this stage yet.
got a couple of books recently namely: God of Small Things, E.M Forster - Maurice, Anthony Burgese - A Clockwork Orange, V.S Naipaul - Beyond Believe. plently of great books, hope to finish them after i complete my cca. and of course my Neil Gaiman books. must get my hands of all the Sandman series.... (big hint to anyone who have yet get me any present yet) okie okie so my birthday is more than half a year away, but still i don't mind early presents. really. hehe okie gotta go type an article.
got a couple of books recently namely: God of Small Things, E.M Forster - Maurice, Anthony Burgese - A Clockwork Orange, V.S Naipaul - Beyond Believe. plently of great books, hope to finish them after i complete my cca. and of course my Neil Gaiman books. must get my hands of all the Sandman series.... (big hint to anyone who have yet get me any present yet) okie okie so my birthday is more than half a year away, but still i don't mind early presents. really. hehe okie gotta go type an article.
and i am back! yesh yesh. had a great day today. first of all i am gonna get my silver, i am gonna get my silver. actually i am supposed to get a gold of my fitness test. if only i had just jump 4 more cm, just 4 more cm. but still i am happy because i don't need to enter army in december!!! yay,, its gonna be february or april. yay again.. other than that, i had my creative juices flowing today, did some really funky things which i should not divulge too much in this stage yet.
got a couple of books recently namely: God of Small Things, E.M Forster - Maurice, Anthony Burgese - A Clockwork Orange, V.S Naipaul - Beyond Believe. plently of great books, hope to finish them after i complete my cca. and of course my Neil Gaiman books. must get my hands of all the Sandman series.... (big hint to anyone who have yet get me any present yet) okie okie so my birthday is more than half a year away, but still i don't mind early presents. really. hehe okie gotta go type an article.
got a couple of books recently namely: God of Small Things, E.M Forster - Maurice, Anthony Burgese - A Clockwork Orange, V.S Naipaul - Beyond Believe. plently of great books, hope to finish them after i complete my cca. and of course my Neil Gaiman books. must get my hands of all the Sandman series.... (big hint to anyone who have yet get me any present yet) okie okie so my birthday is more than half a year away, but still i don't mind early presents. really. hehe okie gotta go type an article.
May 5, 2002
wow, i just realised that i was 6 days ago since i last blogged, or was it 5? oh well, nevermindm, you get the picture. its been a long day! woke at 6 to rush to school to take the SAT - which i think i might actually have a chance of doing decently well - but realised that i was 1 hour early. No it was not becauses i was 'kiasu' or something like that, but overestimated the time. i did not expect that the saturday crowd was 10% that or a weekday. yep so i was sitting there like a dodo bird. after the long, and extremely tiring exam i might add, i rushed home to prepare for my cca. dashed off immediately after lunch, and finally reached home again at 9. yes i know poor me. but in case anyone finds this over the top, a gentle reminder that this is how my typical day is like, with school in place of the SAT.
on the brighter side, i performed rather well in my cca today - when the strictest instructor praises you, you know you did rather okie (see i can be modest) - and i got to drool over (no not guys) but really gorgeous bikes. yesh, there was a couple of bikes at the petrol kiosk apparently undergoing some light maintanence. WOW! those are beauties!
and i got to relax. FINALLY!!! its about time. lit my candles and off all the lights in the house, turn on Jay's Fantasy (btw Fantasy is a great album go get it) and slouch onto the couch and was loitering around slumberland; yes with the gentle breeze and all. oooh paradise on earth.
actually i just realise one fact which JL woke me up to: think positive. what is the point of feeling bad and complaining about stress. i should instead take some positive actions and think optimistically (if that is not possible, think positively). i can still not do all my work, but instead on blaming it on stress, blame it on my laziness and do one piece of work instead of none, then my life will pick up. there's no point wanting to talk to people, cos nobody listens to your problems. ProblemS are personal, and meant to kept to yourself, no one really bothers listening. so i don't really tell anyone, cos the first rxn is : AGAIN?!. when everything is so different. but people would want to burden you with thier problems. DON"Tdo that, its a cardinal sin. just keep it down and take prozac maybe? yepyep. cut yourself real deep and let the blood flow slowly down your wrist, then maybe someone will take the initiative to pity you. awww. budden again i cut myself too IRONY. no i don't need someone to pity me, i know who to look for when i really need it (which is the problem, the person i am looking for doesn't exist). which basically explains why i am so screwed up now. what's with me? i don't know, maybe its my defence mechanism kicking in again. i don't want to get hurt again, which is why i don't want to commit which is why i flirt (so that i don't have to commit). its not because i want to flirt or anything. i still like one person since so long. and well it gonna amount to nothing, but still i like that person, so you have no right to say that about me geddit?
ok sorry launch into a long rhetoric about nonsensical stuff. anyway, i have reach 151 hits a day!!! YEAH!. now i am averaging 80 hits a day. i am soo happy hehe. Mother's day next week, got your stuffs yet? i am still thinking of what to get. yep going to turn my attention back to my tv.
on the brighter side, i performed rather well in my cca today - when the strictest instructor praises you, you know you did rather okie (see i can be modest) - and i got to drool over (no not guys) but really gorgeous bikes. yesh, there was a couple of bikes at the petrol kiosk apparently undergoing some light maintanence. WOW! those are beauties!
and i got to relax. FINALLY!!! its about time. lit my candles and off all the lights in the house, turn on Jay's Fantasy (btw Fantasy is a great album go get it) and slouch onto the couch and was loitering around slumberland; yes with the gentle breeze and all. oooh paradise on earth.
actually i just realise one fact which JL woke me up to: think positive. what is the point of feeling bad and complaining about stress. i should instead take some positive actions and think optimistically (if that is not possible, think positively). i can still not do all my work, but instead on blaming it on stress, blame it on my laziness and do one piece of work instead of none, then my life will pick up. there's no point wanting to talk to people, cos nobody listens to your problems. ProblemS are personal, and meant to kept to yourself, no one really bothers listening. so i don't really tell anyone, cos the first rxn is : AGAIN?!. when everything is so different. but people would want to burden you with thier problems. DON"Tdo that, its a cardinal sin. just keep it down and take prozac maybe? yepyep. cut yourself real deep and let the blood flow slowly down your wrist, then maybe someone will take the initiative to pity you. awww. budden again i cut myself too IRONY. no i don't need someone to pity me, i know who to look for when i really need it (which is the problem, the person i am looking for doesn't exist). which basically explains why i am so screwed up now. what's with me? i don't know, maybe its my defence mechanism kicking in again. i don't want to get hurt again, which is why i don't want to commit which is why i flirt (so that i don't have to commit). its not because i want to flirt or anything. i still like one person since so long. and well it gonna amount to nothing, but still i like that person, so you have no right to say that about me geddit?
ok sorry launch into a long rhetoric about nonsensical stuff. anyway, i have reach 151 hits a day!!! YEAH!. now i am averaging 80 hits a day. i am soo happy hehe. Mother's day next week, got your stuffs yet? i am still thinking of what to get. yep going to turn my attention back to my tv.
Apr 30, 2002
i am so freaking tired i desperately need a break and i'm gonna take it; not so sure how much help it would do though. guess what, my break will be me skipping school. the ironic about this break is that i still have cca later in the afternoon, but still a break nonetheless. hey JL, thank you so much for the conversation just now, its been so long since we last talked and it seriously felt good. thanks again.
dearie, i know you are feeling so useless and incapable of doing things, but trust me, you can do wonders. i know exactly how you feel, because there's just so many instances when i wished i could have done a lot more for you, but there's only so much i did. like just now, i seriously wished i could do more than seeing you close that lift door. *sayang*. don't feel too bad ok, understand that sometimes, its not possible to make a person feel better immediately, but by showering your love, that person would somehow feel better.
and well you, err you should know who you are cos i was there listening to half the conversation with you and raydance. i don't exactly know what happens, and maybe you don't really need another person giving the same advice. listen, you are only who you make yourself up to be. its not easy to be strong, but we all have to do it. you get me? it really doesn't matter what people say about you, because people come and go, they enter you life for that brief period, then they leave, friends or not its still the same. if you're gonna be affected by every passing person, you'll be feeling sad all the time. in the end its only you, your emotion, your opinion about yourself, nothing else is gonna matter. if you feel good about yourself, that pretty much does it. friends are those who appreciate who you are and love you for what you really are. don't ever change yourself for someone else. its not worth it. come to a compromise with your friends, things will definitely turn up for the better. if someone expects you to fall, would you purposely do it? of course not right? so this is the time to show all those people out there that: "hey i am so much better than all of you". this is not to say that you should be cocky and arrogant, but self confident. it comes from within, build on it. my reputation precedes me in a horrific way, but i still live with it. its really not that bad. i know that my real friends are always there, just like your real friends will always be there for you too. although i am not entirely and extremely close to you, i wished i did some help, below is the lyrics to a song i seriously hope you will download to listen to it. sing it to yourself ok. remember the hero lies in you.
Mariah Carey - Can't Take That Away
They can say anything they want to say
Try to bring me down
But I will not allow
Anyone to succeed
Hanging clouds over me
And they can try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams
'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
From me
They can do anything they want to you
lf you let them in
But they won't ever win
If you cling to your pride
And just push them aside
See
I have learned there's an inner peace I own
Something in my soul
That they cannot possess
So I won't be afraid
And darkness will fade
'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
No
They can't take this
Precious love
l'll always have inside me
Certainly the Lord will guide me
Where I need to go
They can say anything they want to say
Try to break me down
But 1 won't face the ground
I will rise steadily
Sailing out of their reach
Oh Lord
They do try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams
'Cause there's a light in me that shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
dearie, i know you are feeling so useless and incapable of doing things, but trust me, you can do wonders. i know exactly how you feel, because there's just so many instances when i wished i could have done a lot more for you, but there's only so much i did. like just now, i seriously wished i could do more than seeing you close that lift door. *sayang*. don't feel too bad ok, understand that sometimes, its not possible to make a person feel better immediately, but by showering your love, that person would somehow feel better.
and well you, err you should know who you are cos i was there listening to half the conversation with you and raydance. i don't exactly know what happens, and maybe you don't really need another person giving the same advice. listen, you are only who you make yourself up to be. its not easy to be strong, but we all have to do it. you get me? it really doesn't matter what people say about you, because people come and go, they enter you life for that brief period, then they leave, friends or not its still the same. if you're gonna be affected by every passing person, you'll be feeling sad all the time. in the end its only you, your emotion, your opinion about yourself, nothing else is gonna matter. if you feel good about yourself, that pretty much does it. friends are those who appreciate who you are and love you for what you really are. don't ever change yourself for someone else. its not worth it. come to a compromise with your friends, things will definitely turn up for the better. if someone expects you to fall, would you purposely do it? of course not right? so this is the time to show all those people out there that: "hey i am so much better than all of you". this is not to say that you should be cocky and arrogant, but self confident. it comes from within, build on it. my reputation precedes me in a horrific way, but i still live with it. its really not that bad. i know that my real friends are always there, just like your real friends will always be there for you too. although i am not entirely and extremely close to you, i wished i did some help, below is the lyrics to a song i seriously hope you will download to listen to it. sing it to yourself ok. remember the hero lies in you.
Mariah Carey - Can't Take That Away
They can say anything they want to say
Try to bring me down
But I will not allow
Anyone to succeed
Hanging clouds over me
And they can try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams
'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
From me
They can do anything they want to you
lf you let them in
But they won't ever win
If you cling to your pride
And just push them aside
See
I have learned there's an inner peace I own
Something in my soul
That they cannot possess
So I won't be afraid
And darkness will fade
'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
No
They can't take this
Precious love
l'll always have inside me
Certainly the Lord will guide me
Where I need to go
They can say anything they want to say
Try to break me down
But 1 won't face the ground
I will rise steadily
Sailing out of their reach
Oh Lord
They do try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams
'Cause there's a light in me that shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
Apr 28, 2002
oh well, i think i am pretty much screwing my life. what's with all those crushes and all those who crushed me. and i think this is a seriously wrong time to get into any relationship and also i can't because i am still hopelessly liking someone else. but then again. and my world's spinning so fast its probably getting out of control again. one of my crush asked me if it was so impossible to see me just once a week (cos i stood him up today. but i really couldn't make cos there was a lot of last minute changes in my dance). it was then that i realised this shouldn't be the way. its my life and i don't have time for myself. i don't have time for my friends. i mean there are friends who understand how busy i am and can tolerate it (i can't thank you guys enough for putting up with me). but my personal time for my music, my guitar, my everyotherday jog, my books, all the things i used to enjoy. and there's nothing i can do about it. other than not sleeping at all that is.
i think i am a very dark person, too morbid for my own good.. i visualise death so often its scary. i often see myself bleeding to death, or leaping off my window. and i always wonder how it would be like to witness someone else's death. yep over morbid i know..
i think i am a very dark person, too morbid for my own good.. i visualise death so often its scary. i often see myself bleeding to death, or leaping off my window. and i always wonder how it would be like to witness someone else's death. yep over morbid i know..
Apr 23, 2002
i know its been quite a long while since i have posted anything. well, just super busy with life recently. and i can't believe this, everbody agrees i am a flirt. ARGH, and i thought i would be the last person on this earth to be branded flirt! *winks*. well enough of that crap. Literature is serious very enlightening, especially if you have a great lit teacher. they really open your eyes to alot of things. bet you never knew that the PROJECT WORK, yes the JC1 student's PROJECT WORK, the results have been doctored by the commitee so that the minister will see and go "wow it works, lets implement it and try something new" apparently, the results and feedback by the teacher were negative, and you know singapore's education committee, being who they are, are so shocked that they sent back the results and insist the teachers adjust the scores! now we know why we never ever get our suggestions heard.
anybody reads TIME? the april 15 issue? please go read it if u can get your hand on it. there's this article called School Daze (the cover story) that touches on the failure on East Asia schools (note. singapore is in East Asia, cos we are in South East Asia). but the most important point is that Singapore's education system has been (surprise, surprise) selectively left out. well probably because TIME has learnt their lesson from Far Eastern Economic Review. (does anyone here know anything about that??)
yep yep before i get put in jail (haha, just kidding - oh i need to place this to make it a joke so i won't get ermm ermm) i better go take dinner!!! YAY great food today. and yep i am on an escape to find a particular person whom i've met recently... okie alanna i should wait...tatata
anybody reads TIME? the april 15 issue? please go read it if u can get your hand on it. there's this article called School Daze (the cover story) that touches on the failure on East Asia schools (note. singapore is in East Asia, cos we are in South East Asia). but the most important point is that Singapore's education system has been (surprise, surprise) selectively left out. well probably because TIME has learnt their lesson from Far Eastern Economic Review. (does anyone here know anything about that??)
yep yep before i get put in jail (haha, just kidding - oh i need to place this to make it a joke so i won't get ermm ermm) i better go take dinner!!! YAY great food today. and yep i am on an escape to find a particular person whom i've met recently... okie alanna i should wait...tatata
Apr 18, 2002
sigh. double sigh. stres is almost always building up. today i got a dressing down from one of my subject tutor. its not that i am purposely slacking away, i sincerely have no time for any thing, which is why (if you noticed i have not been posting much). but in all honesty, i could have made a bit more use of my time. although i feel that the time was well spent, cos it was my time. i used to make myself happy (don't think sick), what i meant was that i played my guitar and relaxed, went jogging and such.
i suppose all of you should know by now that i am still emotionally unstable, and it is not getting any better. just broke down again yesterday. guess it all build ups. its not that i have no one to talk to, i do. but sometimes i don't want to bother other people. if nobody asked me if i'm ok, i guess i just have to be ok then. and then there are those who ask me, but i can't tell them that "oh this guy that i fancy and all my other g** friends...." right? so i suppose well, i'll talk when i need to.
i got hitched by 3 people. and one of them is super cute. really super cute. my sister used to fawn over him (hahaha) anyway, i am that interested in that guy. but the trouble is there is this super nice guy, who is so sweet, i can just die of diabetes. he likes me so much and he is really willing to do everything, and so now i am stuck right in the middle. how do i even begin to put it into words. and not it is not as simple as all of you think it is. work is also piling up too. it's almost as high as the mountain now. and i am seriously running out of time for a lot of things. its like i am caught right in the middle of a crazy rat race now. what if i get left behind? nonono
i still love you dammit and you know i'll wait. alanna: i know how you feel, why the hell are you still so infatuated? or hopelessly loving that guy. well well guess who's in almost the same boat. well not entirely but almost.
Go read PECULIAR CHRIS. its an old book but a great book nonetheless. its by johann s lee. no pretense to be made here, but its a book about homosexual love. "a simple love story about complex feelings". Please do give it go and don't dismiss is as some trashy cheesy love book, because its not. its not some deep book about some philosophical things either. a plain book about love. touching, seriously touching and believe me when i say more that half the book is true.
shall continue to bury my head in my books now. byebye
i suppose all of you should know by now that i am still emotionally unstable, and it is not getting any better. just broke down again yesterday. guess it all build ups. its not that i have no one to talk to, i do. but sometimes i don't want to bother other people. if nobody asked me if i'm ok, i guess i just have to be ok then. and then there are those who ask me, but i can't tell them that "oh this guy that i fancy and all my other g** friends...." right? so i suppose well, i'll talk when i need to.
i got hitched by 3 people. and one of them is super cute. really super cute. my sister used to fawn over him (hahaha) anyway, i am that interested in that guy. but the trouble is there is this super nice guy, who is so sweet, i can just die of diabetes. he likes me so much and he is really willing to do everything, and so now i am stuck right in the middle. how do i even begin to put it into words. and not it is not as simple as all of you think it is. work is also piling up too. it's almost as high as the mountain now. and i am seriously running out of time for a lot of things. its like i am caught right in the middle of a crazy rat race now. what if i get left behind? nonono
i still love you dammit and you know i'll wait. alanna: i know how you feel, why the hell are you still so infatuated? or hopelessly loving that guy. well well guess who's in almost the same boat. well not entirely but almost.
Go read PECULIAR CHRIS. its an old book but a great book nonetheless. its by johann s lee. no pretense to be made here, but its a book about homosexual love. "a simple love story about complex feelings". Please do give it go and don't dismiss is as some trashy cheesy love book, because its not. its not some deep book about some philosophical things either. a plain book about love. touching, seriously touching and believe me when i say more that half the book is true.
shall continue to bury my head in my books now. byebye
Apr 17, 2002
ok this is the first post, yes my virgin post on transient-pain! it feels quite good though. i own my own server. everything here belongs to alanna and me. well, i've got quite a lot of things to settle, so will be updating you guys about my life in a short while. so all those people who have me on their links, its about time to change..!! ok gotta go now.
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