some people say i am always playing hard to get (this was particularly regarding this cute guy who asked me) and said that after awhile some people might get sick of trying. its not that i am playing hard to get, i am afraid of falling in love. and i am more afraid of how to handle it. yeah, i have tons of crushes, like some other people i know. but hey my crush are as short lived as my discman batteries. until know i can say that i have only loved one guy, and had a serious serious crush on the 2. (can we not count flings please?) lets see, one won't and will never work out, cos it was almost, just almost. and now at this very moment, i am having an infatuation over one of my cca friend. J claims my voice changed like totally when i talk with him on the phone.. oh well.. i want it to work, i really hope this time, things will be fine. but hell i don't even know if it is even concievable, if you get my drift. WTH, something in me tells me he's not totally str8 but he's not totally this way either. given my 99.99% accuracy, well.

"how can i not love you"

and so what about the previous guy that i have a crush on? i dunno, its been about half a year on since i liked him, not that i have ever stopped. but i know nothing will work out, i tried, why bother again? i think because i have a feeling so deep its not particularly easy to just make it go away. if its so tough, why don't i turn straight? because maybe i can't? its not a choice, ok maybe its a choice right down to the technical definition of the word, as in i can still choose to be with a girl and totally deny my feelings, but i won't do that. i am not ruling out the possibility that one day a girl might moved me and i'll fall in love and happy ending (yes i did crushed girls for a period of time when i was having some flings somewhere else). but its not happening in the near forseeable future.

i don't know what i would do, but i'll figure it out like i always do. i am me, i find my way around everything. come on take me and make me yours. would u pleasE?