i don't really have much time to fix up my site. i have a test this coming wednesday and if i fail it, i would be confined over the weekend, so i think i would be booking in early on sunday to study for it. 15 chapters. crap that's quite alot.

mostly i choose to keep quiet, although i am a scorpio, i really do cherish peace more than anything else. how could i want to quarrel. its not even in me to keep up an argument, after a short while i would be fine, but i think there are a few things i really need and want to say after so many things happened.

i am in camp, a school of traning in fact and i cannot bring my hp everywhere i go and talk like no officers are around. i will get caught and when i get caught, i would have to serve extra weekend guard duty and/or defalters parade (or however you spell that) and since the course that i am attending now is quite heavy lecture and physical training based. i spend most of my time, in fact on most days its 8- 5 in a lecture theatre, i do not go back to bunk during lunch. i can post up a traning program if you want. and yesterday i went outfield, so after outfield, naturally we have time, cos my schedule was till until 3 but we came back at 11, so i had free time to plan for the challenge course today and have time to msg. and if i fell asleep within minutes of putting down the phone, doesn't it all mean that i am really really really very very tired. since i have been waking up at incredible time becauses of my neighbouring wing having turn-outs and we having quite a few physical training this week.

if you think that its all fake, i shall not bother to dispute it. because everything i say will have no effect. if u think that i talk too much about the army, sorry. its what i do for 6 days of the week, 24 hours of the day. i can't talk about any other stuff. and if you feel that words are what u need and not actions, i apologise, if you do not already know by now that i let my actions over the weekends show u how much i care, then i have nothing to say. this is what it is and what it is going to be like. i have no control and no say. u may not understand now, but when u enter army u will. alvin was in ocs and i had a prob with him, but he was a lot worse, he would not even call me. we talk for less than 2 min a night, if we do talk. we eventually quarrel cos i got too unreasonable, and he wouldn't make any effort to call me. i spend all my weekends with you when i can. i love my family but i spend less time with them for you. i call u every night and talk till after lights out (you know the consequence if i get caught) i msg you if i have the chance to, if you think this is not enough, if you can't stand me talking about what i am going to do or talk about army and i can't say mushy things because my buddy is around me sometimes, then i am so sorry, it is beyond me. this is the best of me, the best of what i can do. you can check with chad, and find out what type of bf i am. how much i would do if i can. but if you want more, i can only say this is what i can offer. i'm hurt, really really hurt by what you said. but as always, the hurt stays inside, hidden by a smile.

my friend asked me why am i always so cheerful, isit a conscious decision. yes. and now after reading your blog, let me tell you that the words hurt like a swords piercing through my heart. every single you said but later on claim you do not mean hurts, and leaves an impact. i've told you so many times not to say angry words because as much as you don't mean it, the other person will take it to heart. i've hardly say anythin mean, not never but hardly because i know. but i want you to know that you've said things that you take back no matter how much you mean because it leaves an imprint in my heart. i'm trying hard, very hard and i have nothing more to say. i wanted to go about how happy i am today because it is my birthday weekend and i can get to spend it with my family and you, but after reading your blog, i am very very hurt. i wanted to say how much i enjoyed today because of the challenge and how out team outdid ourselves and emerged the top team in my wing, although we were not physically the strongest, but i have to think about saying it because its the army.