i have something to say, and it is not going to sound very nice, but i am going to say it anyway. the telephone works both way. haven't you realised that since we've graduated, i have been the one keeping contact with you. i have been the one calling you, asking you out, smsing you. if you don't make more effort, how can any friendship survive. i treat you as my best female friend. we've been through quite a lot together, and i must say i was so shock to see that you are angry with me. why are you even angry with me

you didn't ask me to go back for maf, neither did you ask me to go back for the homecoming festival, you didn't ask me about last year's maf either. nor the campfire. somehow i found out that the carnivals were on such dates and i asked if you were going. you know very well my class wasn't a very cohesive class. my close friend in my class has a phobia of going back because she was forced to leave school. when i go back with you, you are bound to meet your friends, your classmates, your choirmates, and the friends would be with thier own friends. and what am i suppose to do. stand there and be all awkward and try my best to explain my back condition and why i am going to be a pilot no more.

and mark, you think he is ever going to be so nice such as to accompany me instead of his classmates during such functions. he would just absent mindedly miss my calls and apologise later. so how can you be angry with me. how can you be angry with me when you don't make the effort to meet up. i msg you about meeting with mark and you don't even reply. how can your anger be ever justified. i really do cherish our friendship alot and if you say some things are better left in the past, i agree, but some things, you don't leave in the past, some follow you your whole life, like how i want to be your 'best gay friend' your whole life

i didn't write this, one of my dearest senior did.

新加坡人不说话，很安静的，就是自己被生活的循规蹈矩规律化了，这不是一个很令人毛骨悚然的事实吗？新加坡没有的所谓的言论自由，在野党的几乎执政的清一色，这都显示了什么？显示了国人还没成熟。政府是曾尝试过开放起来，但就是国人舆论纷纷，批评这的那的，投诉这个那个，这算成熟吗？服兵役就投诉说太吃力呀、又说老师在课堂上不可责备自己的宝贝子女呀、过去那些有争议性的舞台剧、报刊都被封杀，其实，他们的道德教育是没错的，只是父母、前一辈的思想保守、幼稚，以至他们对这些的反抗。其实他们更该鼓励儿女们去接触社会鲜为人知的一面，再回家说明为何不能这样那样，才会让国人思想更快成熟、开放，而不是这样地避重就轻，不去教育反而排斥它们的存在，这样社会很难进步。他们这样的保护法，难道是对自己管教儿女的无方而心寒

－－－－－
会读吗？

i absolutely HATE SUN YANZI, i really hate her alot alot. she sucks totally with no talent whatsoever. i hate her!

music: tori amos - hey jupiter

this is so strange, many many old feelings are raked up by this song. the whole emotion of the song, strikes a chord thats buried so deep in my heart. images of yesteryear flashes past. strange, very very strange.

its been awhile since i last post didn't i? seems everybody's feeling a little down these days. raydance's on hiatus, fallapart is feeling a little 'under the weather' okok depression. junyi is all stressed up about promos, colin's not too happy about exercise wallaby, or the lack of; then there's huiyi's pms (ooops) and finally mark's still mark =p

well as for me, like that lor. hahah. i don't really know. there are some things bothering me, little things actually so don't worry. for those who are still concerned about me, my back isn't dying as yet. in fact it is improving slightly. been swimming as often as i can (yesyes i have a gorgeous tan now... lookout extreme makeover) life's getting kinda mundane. nothing exciting other than the imac.

actually yes there is, tmr marks our 7TH MONTH TOGETHER!!!! okok its not really an anniversary so i didn't type it down. got him a gorgeous binder with lovely folders and base paper so that he can better do his portfolio.

new haircut (yes i am cuter now, its possible -pukes-)

nothing else.

i have so much to say, so much i wanted to type. i have planned it all inside my head. but now, i am too tired to type. to even try to explain anything. every single ounce of my energy has been sapped. forcefully taken away from me. and like a drowning kid, i can't even struggle. in the its still me. its was me, still and always will be me. i am the loser.


jewel - break me

I will meet you
In some place
Where the light lends itself
To soft repose
I will let you undress me
But I warn you
I have thorns
Like any rose
And you could hurt me
With your bare hands
You could hurt me
With with the sharp end
Of what you say
But I'm lost to you now
And there's no
Amount of reason
That could save me
So break me
Take me
Just let me
Feel your arms again
Break me
I'll let you make me
Just let me
Feel your love again

Feels like being underwater
Now that I've let go
And lost control
Water kisses fill my mouth
Water fills my soul

So break me
Take me
Just let me
Feel your arms again
Break me
Make me
Just let me
Feel your love again

Kiss me once
Or maybe twice
Oh, it never felt so nice
So break me
Take me
Let me
Feel your arms again
Break me
Make me
Just let me
Feel your arms again
Just let me
Feel your love again

go to http://www.apple.com/imac or regret for the rest of your life.



isn't it so amazing. all that power in just a 2inch thick lcd screen. with dvd burner and processor and fans and speakers and hard drives and WOW!!!! i want it!!!!!

TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

JONNY: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."

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SON: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?

FATHER: No. Why do you ask that?

SON: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

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TEACHER: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!

KIRK: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.

i loved the rally. its a very inspirational rally, its a milestone. u can read all about in the newspaper, but something he said really struck me. he was talking about singaporeans conforming and only going on the tried and tested routes, but never trying anything new. he used the custom at the airport as an analogy where people queued on the 'singapore only' passports but nobody queued in the 'all passports' queue. is there something there that we didn't know? of course not. so why not be the first to step into uncharted territories? to bring the idea further, i suggest we be the first to chart into social reforms, where gays are not discriminated, where we are given equal rights, where we are not criminal just because i hold my partner's hands in public. where i can make love to him and its not illegal. if Hong Kong can do it, 12 years ago, i hardly think, singapore as a 'forward looking' country, wanting to take initiatives can't. equal rights. and i'm not even going to go into the arguments for marriage. you can go to downloads and look at 'the m word' for more info.

however notice that near the end of mr goh's term, suddenly everything is rejected for no rhyme of reason. the group PLU is rejected for some frivalous reasons : ..the registration of the proposed society is not approved under Sections 4(2)(b) and 4(2)(d) of the Societies Act.�

Sections 4(2) states: �The Registrar shall refuse to register a society if he is satisfied that (b) the society is likely to be used for unlawful purposes or for purposes prejudicial to public peace, welfare or good order in Singapore; (d) it would be contrary to the national interest for the society to be registered People Like Us has written to the ROS asking him to provide details of how he arrived at the finding that we could be for unlawful purposes, prejudicial to public peace, and contrary to the national interest.

and some talks to educate the public about us are suddenly rejected. but when mr lee took office the first thing he announced was that any talks can now be made without a licencse, so long as it doesn't touch on race nor religion. he said we should be free to express our ideas, but of course not starting a riot. while it comforted me, it also led me to think, is this all just publicity? that mr lee would be the one that is the 'new' generation leader, that he would be the one to push for the changes?

if the gay group PLU tries to get a licencse as a registered society fails again, then �Everything we have seen, passed off as "loosening up," or letting creativity reign, is nothing but a public relations exercise to (a) counter the worldwide perception of Singapore as a sterile, authoritarian, flog-happy place and (b) to hoodwink more foreign talent to come to Singapore to contribute economically.

i cried while watching the amazing race just now. for those who didn't catch it, charla and mirna were eliminated. charla spoke when the host broke the news to them. and it was just so touching. charla said: "I just wanted to prove to the world how much I can do, and it's not easy when there's�always people thinking you can't do it and you have to work extra hard to do it�[but] you have to do it. You have to accomplish your dreams." A teary Phil told Charla, "You have an amazing spirit." sometimes people have to work doubly hard, or 3 times as hard just to prove that they can do it too and to me, how many people out there even come close to charla. her determination, her will power puts the rest of the contestant to shame, especially colin. brandon, tall handsome and hunky is humble and really nice guy, he was worried about how the mothers and the cousins would fare in africa, but colin couldn't care less and even resorted to underhand methods to get at charla and mirna. FUCK YOU COLIN, if you win you know you don't win in peace BASTARD MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN GO SUCK CHRISTIE CUNT ON THE FLIGHT HOME!@$@#%$#^$%&%^UI^*%@#T$%^&$%

ok i overdid it but i really hate colin.

makes me ponder, charla is not ashamed of her 'short'comings (sorry) her physical disadvantaged, and she work twice as hard to show that she's shorter but it doesn't mean anything. i don't understand why some people are so ashamed of being gay, why some people are so apologetic about being gay. why do they have to pretend to be straight when mixing around and using all sorts of excuse when they are in the gay crowd. i am not your alpha male sorta of guy and i don't pretend to be, i am soft at times, but it doesn't mean i can't do things. i am not in the army so i don't go outfield much, but when i was in brunei i lead my team all the way and we came in 1st. i wanted people to know, just because i behave like i am gay (yes i am) doesn't mean i can't do things. doesn't mean i have to go get myself downgraded before i enter ns and serve as a clerk or a storeman. being gay doesn't mean anything. there are strong (used very loosely here) straight people and weak straight people too. i just don't see why some gay people just let themselves rot and whats the word, argh forget it.

point is i am proud of being gay. i am. full stop. i won't apologise to anybody nor will i pretend to be straight, try to convince the world i like to fuck woman. NO I DON'T. are you gonna say "you haven't tried, how would you know?" how would you know i haven't tried. i am quite sure you straight obnoxious guy out there can't imagine, but scenario. i shove my prick up yours. don't like it? me too, and i really don't like shoving it anywhere else though.

so why go on hiding. why be so afraid that people might see us and know we're gay? why are you so afraid to wear bright colours? can't straight people wear bright red shirt? orange trunks? no? only gays wear them? so by wearing them you automatically become gay? so what if people see? so? whats the big fat deal anyway? who cares? who really gives a damn? those people you meet in the streets will know you the next week you walk past them? and people who know you just sees a little flamboyant shirt, so? what goes through their mind? nothing much, momentarily 'so gay, hahah' thats it. no more. so stop being apologetic and ashamed and stand up for yourself, if you can't do it, nobody's gonna do it for you. you've seen my wonderful straight friends stand by me, accepting me for who i am, so stop deluding yourself and live in your 17th century world.

i heard the forbidden word on television today. state controlled media channel 5. they were talking about the promise the new PM made, an open and inclusive singapore where people are allowed to be different. there was this seminar of sorts in NUS political science faculty where people stated their views and then the voice over said "amids the issues of the casino, gays and lesbian issues"

a senior lecturer thinks its possible because PM Lee is considered young, at 52 he can still hold 3-4 terms, and he needs us, therefore his policy must be tailored to us. well all this is only words and more words. long as gay sex is still illegal and where we are discriminated where newspaper article can flame us one baseless issues, long as we can't get our rights, not privillege just rights, equal rights as everybody, we won't and will not be a 'open and inclusive' singapore

one of my friend complained about mundane blog entries, entries like:

today i woke up at 531 and brushed my teeth and took mrt to work. i had lunch at 12pm lalalalalallalalala

aiyo....

but anyway. i HATE work. this is the 4th time i am repainting the classroom, because lady boss and boss sir wouldn't agree with each other. other than sitting down together and talking things out and settle on colours BOTH can agree on, they should also seriously consider taking anger management classes.

nothing much to update. he's going outfield for 4days 3nights, without hp. can't contact him. haiz.

we are 6months together! yay. well its considered an achievement from where i come from. people get together and break up in matter of days and weeks. went out with him to swim, but the pool was so crowded. so we just lazed around. and guess what while washing up, i thought it would be a good idea that he bathed first while i looked after the belongings, in comes this old fat and ugly guy who keeps staring at me and motioning me to follow him to some cubicle! GROSS! then he entered one and keeps looking out at me. its really really disgusting. i was like dying for my dear to come out and get me out of this situation. YUCKS, first time i encountered something like that. not that i look good in my trunks being all ribs and nothing else. eeeeeEEEEeee. i mean honestly if he looked somewhat like julian hee, or if he is julian, then maybe. oooops.

went out to eat, eat and eat. hahaha. show you guys the present he got for me later. sooo sweeeeeeeeet. ahhhhhhhh. anyway a quote stolen from junyi's blog.

"He who goes to bed with an itchy bottom wakes up with a smelly finger."
-Jean

hahahahhahahahahahahah ROTFL

to all those inconsiderate people who picks up some lost handphone and keeps it for yourself without even trying to contact the owner. i curse you. every single one of you. may you rot in hell for eternity and lose you sense of hearing and speech ability and thus never be able to use the handphone again in your entire life and death.

yes i lost my phone. so for all those who know me and have my number can i appeal to you guys to send me a message with your name on it (surname too and where are you from how i knew you) it sounds silly but i know like 5 pauls, 4 alvins, 3 justins and a couple of kelvins. so i have no idea who's who if you don't tell me right.

nothing much. been horribly busy. out most of the time because mommy decidedly got angry at me for no reasons and told me not to speak to her ever again. then ok, i never spoke to her for almost a week. suits herself. went out with him every single day over the extended weekend. hahaha. went to east coast to cycle, swam a bit and then met up with paul and stan for some dinner. we had black pepper crab!!!! then it was off for singapore idols

my goodness. i am not going to even cry about it here. just a small thought: i always thought singaporeans care alot about their image in public. guess not (all together now "i wonder how i wonder why yesterday you told me about a blue blue sky...." cue hands in victory sign swinging all over the place)

went through some old photos. my dear looks better a few years back, yes it is possible. i can't even give that a rating on my score board. seriously if you could ever see that coloured locks that cheeky smile, ahhhhh.

http://www.channel4.com/life/microsites/G/gayometer/gayometer.html

yes yes do go there. i am 63 percent gay. hahaha how gay *shrieks*

food for thought

my child has been 'turned' or 'recruited'
Almost all gay children are brought up to be straight, yet turn out otherwise. Likewise, it is doubtful that a straight child could be 'turned' gay, even if someone was trying.

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If you're older, you may be more nervous, if only because your friends have thought you're straight for longer. But really close friends may feel very proud and touched that you've chosen to tell them.

-----

go here to find out more

don't you ever think that just because you are older than me, you are right, and just because i am younger therefore i am wrong. and don't you ever impose your thoughts on me. you know by now that i have agreed with you on most issues, even the solution to this issue, but i just can't take it down that you could ever use my age as an argument, by not discouting my age, you have already done that.

who do you think you are trying to protect? no one but yourself. you called me selfish for liberating myself and putting the burden on others. well go on and ask everybody, ask alanna, mark, siming, darrell, jeremiah, corrine, yihan, keefe, jasmin, christian and the countless other people i have told. how much burden is on them? you think the society is going to judge them just because they know i am gay? just because they have a little secret of mine to keep. you are wrong. they are more than happy to keep it because they are my close friends and they have no qualms about it. you are protecting no one but yourself. society is going to judge YOU, and you fear that. you are protecting yourself because you are afraid to be judge, that people won't take you for who you are because you are gay. wrong again.

you make youself out to be some self sacrifing matyr, that by not telling your closest friend, you are protecting her, you are not. you are lying to her. and deceit as you said it youself, is not the right thing. if your friendship is worth so much that you are willing to see her drift away, it says alot. and don't you EVER EVER say that i am selfish for liberating myself and burdening my friends because they know i am gay. don't you ever use my age against me.

you might not know this, but i might, i just might have known things you DON'T. i seen my friends die, i have seen my friends commit suicide. i have friends who are disowned by their fathers, i have friends who don't have fathers and not born with SILVER spoons and drive cars and have nothing much to fret about their daily lives. i have friends who live in 1 room flat and not a terrace house. i have friends who have next to nothing. i have seen what damage coming out can do, so don't you EVER EVER EVER discount me for my age and think i don't know.

i respect your view and no matter what compromise, me and kel will always have to give in. even if we are the majority unless the decision is to say because at the end of the day, when nothing is said, we have given in. because that one statement "it affects more than just you" that statement wins all argument. and yes you can then push your age around but i tell you, i hate that and i don't demand any apology because its pointless.

and i have something else to say

if you never used a mac, please keep your fucking mouth shut. just because i use the latest codec and some windows pc can't play it, its not my fucking mac fault. if you would only update your windows. so stop blaming my mac whenever you encounter some problems with your pc just like how many countless times programs have hanged and virus have killed your pc. its not my bloody problem.

if you have never ever used a mac, don't even think for once that it is lousier than yours because you DON'T KNOW, so stop complaining. it is my liking my preference. FUCK OFF.

i wanted to type a long post but i don't think i have the energy to do it. don't worry it has nothing to do with him. am doing very very well with him. anyway we caught the house of flying daggers. it sucks. zilch plot. go read lunz blog on 29th july for a detailed sypnosis. 1/2 out of 5 stars only because takeshi and zhang ziyi looks so gorgeous.

going out with him later to watch the village.... oooooh. i'll come back and give a more detailed review on that. it better be as good as the return or even better.

yesyes for those who haven't already caught the return, you should really consider. its amazing, click here to find out more about the show.

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apple concept store would be launch soon, i won't divulge much yet but its so cool. i can't wait already.

i wanted to type a long post but i don't think i have the energy to do it. don't worry it has nothing to do with him. am doing very very well with him. anyway we caught the house of flying daggers. it sucks. zilch plot. go read lunz blog on 29th july for a detailed sypnosis. 1/2 out of 5 stars only because takeshi and zhang ziyi looks so gorgeous.

going out with him later to watch the village.... oooooh. i'll come back and give a more detailed review on that. it better be as good as the return or even better.

yesyes for those who haven't already caught the return, you should really consider. its amazing, click here to find out more about the show.

----------

apple concept store would be launch soon, i won't divulge much yet but its so cool. i can't wait already.