being gay has always meant the same few things, the stereotype. pride - being proud to be gay, shame - ashamed to be gay. fanciful clothes, good looking, gym going, know the difference between micro-dermabrasion and exfoliation, can tell you which eye cream is the best for you, and will never be seen without his hair done. your stereotypical gay guy.
and most of us live for now. the present. at most we live for the immediate future because is there really a future? the saddest thing about being gay is the fact that we can't have children. well i know that many straight couple and straight people do not have children too but stay with me.
we all die, and we all will. sooner or later. whether we accept it or not, we are all dead afraid of being dead (pun intended). even if you have a life partner, so what, at one point in time, one will move on before the other and all that is left in the world is just you. alone.
the scariest thing about death is that you have to do it alone.
at least memory lives on, yes that is true. we are physically gone, but our spirits may remain and memories never fades. but at some point in time, everybody that remembers you would have been dead, and that is when you are truly dead. when you don't exist in anyone memories anymore.
what does having a children entail? the ability to immortalizes ourselves. so that we live on in our children. so that we live something behind.
is that the biggest punishment for being gay?
Dec 20, 2006
Dec 6, 2006
he's back for almost 2 weeks already. and every day was spent literally glued together.
i fell sick 2 nights ago. bad case of food poisoning. puked twice on the train ride back. thank goodness we had plastic bags. so it was puking into the bag and then to the toilet. TWICE. when i went hom, i puked again. and then i had diarrhea. like THRICE. it was so bad. and he was taking care of me. very well i must say. even my puke didn't turn him off. *swooons* so sweet hor.
it was damn hilarious, because he wasn't feeling good as well, so both of us were lying on the bed with tummyaches.
did i mention that my mom adores him to bits?
parted for a night last night. and it just felt so weird. like as if i lost an arm or something. feels weird to not have my arms around him =/
but oh well. back to melb tonight. take care all of you =)
i fell sick 2 nights ago. bad case of food poisoning. puked twice on the train ride back. thank goodness we had plastic bags. so it was puking into the bag and then to the toilet. TWICE. when i went hom, i puked again. and then i had diarrhea. like THRICE. it was so bad. and he was taking care of me. very well i must say. even my puke didn't turn him off. *swooons* so sweet hor.
it was damn hilarious, because he wasn't feeling good as well, so both of us were lying on the bed with tummyaches.
did i mention that my mom adores him to bits?
parted for a night last night. and it just felt so weird. like as if i lost an arm or something. feels weird to not have my arms around him =/
but oh well. back to melb tonight. take care all of you =)
Dec 1, 2006
yes. alive and well. still kicking amongst other things as mentioned =p
he's over at my place now. just nuah-ed the whole day while he's doing his work and i am reading and dozing off. hahaha. bliss in the simple things in life.
flying off on wed with him for about 3 weeks. then i've gotta make my way back alone. alone for a few months.
but till then, let me savour this moment. this moment which is so hard to come by.
he's over at my place now. just nuah-ed the whole day while he's doing his work and i am reading and dozing off. hahaha. bliss in the simple things in life.
flying off on wed with him for about 3 weeks. then i've gotta make my way back alone. alone for a few months.
but till then, let me savour this moment. this moment which is so hard to come by.
Nov 27, 2006
Nov 20, 2006
listening to augustana's boston brings me back to the states. to LA specifically. i didn't spend much time there, but i did spend a great deal of time at the train station and a good amount of time talking to justin.
life is such an amazing thing, so much experience to be gained. and yet most of us are lost in this crazy rat race. this never ending chase of nothing. its nothing because we come to earth with nothing, and we leave earth with nothing. eventually everything amounts to nothing. since at some point in time something came out of nothing, surely something will end in nothing. no?
so why then do most of us chase after paper? chase after that degree, and no it is not just a degree, it must be a 2nd upper honours. and then there's the chase for money. we work our entire life for money, then we die.
isn't it just so grim. so grim?
what about things we enjoy, don't that matter anymore? well of course one can argue that without money, we can't enjoy. and if you can't even see from this side of the fence, you can stop reading and go and die, because i can't be bothered to type out the counter argument of how one can be poor and happy. and not because i can't.
and so at that train station, there was so many people. so diverse (yes more diverse than this little red dot). and every one of them had a story. there was a mom yelling over the phone (presumably to her ex-husband) with a few kids in tow. there's children from all background taking 20 hour of train ride to some far flung corner of the states, were they running away?
"you don't know me, you don't even care"
no i don't know them, and i probably didn't care. but at that moment, it felt so amazing that there's so many different people leading so many different lives. that each and every one had their problems, their stories to tell. each passenger alighting at different places, with new experiences.
and here in singapore? we are dying because of one fucking exams which we place too much faith on. does it really determine who we are?
"scott, you belong to the upper echelon of the cohort" some big booby girl told me. well i don't. i was quick to point out that there were many many others who are better than me. and i don't want to be the best, yet i want to.
and in this wanting, i keep studying and keep moving in one direction that will eventually make me cherish material more so than emotional. and that must never happen. because i must enjoy things that i enjoy, because money mean nothing, because once in a while, i realize that once again, i am stuck on the rat race, and now i am moving out of it. i will do what i can. but success is defined by myself. not by anyone else.
and because, now, there's you.
life is such an amazing thing, so much experience to be gained. and yet most of us are lost in this crazy rat race. this never ending chase of nothing. its nothing because we come to earth with nothing, and we leave earth with nothing. eventually everything amounts to nothing. since at some point in time something came out of nothing, surely something will end in nothing. no?
so why then do most of us chase after paper? chase after that degree, and no it is not just a degree, it must be a 2nd upper honours. and then there's the chase for money. we work our entire life for money, then we die.
isn't it just so grim. so grim?
what about things we enjoy, don't that matter anymore? well of course one can argue that without money, we can't enjoy. and if you can't even see from this side of the fence, you can stop reading and go and die, because i can't be bothered to type out the counter argument of how one can be poor and happy. and not because i can't.
and so at that train station, there was so many people. so diverse (yes more diverse than this little red dot). and every one of them had a story. there was a mom yelling over the phone (presumably to her ex-husband) with a few kids in tow. there's children from all background taking 20 hour of train ride to some far flung corner of the states, were they running away?
"you don't know me, you don't even care"
no i don't know them, and i probably didn't care. but at that moment, it felt so amazing that there's so many different people leading so many different lives. that each and every one had their problems, their stories to tell. each passenger alighting at different places, with new experiences.
and here in singapore? we are dying because of one fucking exams which we place too much faith on. does it really determine who we are?
"scott, you belong to the upper echelon of the cohort" some big booby girl told me. well i don't. i was quick to point out that there were many many others who are better than me. and i don't want to be the best, yet i want to.
and in this wanting, i keep studying and keep moving in one direction that will eventually make me cherish material more so than emotional. and that must never happen. because i must enjoy things that i enjoy, because money mean nothing, because once in a while, i realize that once again, i am stuck on the rat race, and now i am moving out of it. i will do what i can. but success is defined by myself. not by anyone else.
and because, now, there's you.
Nov 17, 2006
this year is indeed my best birthday year ever. went out with the gang for sashimi buffet at odeon towers. at i've got a 'help scott buy an ipod fund'. then came home, and i had a surprise from colin and my sis! well my sis and colin were not so good at concealing it, but i was still damn touched. and then baby tricked me and said he was going to sleep, but he waited up for me! ahhhhhh! and i just had lunch with rudy!
but good does necessitate bad.
the most himbotic moment in my entire live, i FORGOT to attempt a 30mark question. like completely FORGOT. seriously, i only found out after my exams. it was such a 'you dumb ass' moment.
but after like the initially shock and tears, i was strangely calm for the entire night and this morning in fact. but it only sunk in earlier today. 'how could this happen?'
but oh well, nothing really gets to me other than mom and my loved ones. so i would be fine after a while. and it is indeed most silly to let it affect other papers because it would mean that my himboticness will have further repurcussions!
silly me.
but good does necessitate bad.
the most himbotic moment in my entire live, i FORGOT to attempt a 30mark question. like completely FORGOT. seriously, i only found out after my exams. it was such a 'you dumb ass' moment.
but after like the initially shock and tears, i was strangely calm for the entire night and this morning in fact. but it only sunk in earlier today. 'how could this happen?'
but oh well, nothing really gets to me other than mom and my loved ones. so i would be fine after a while. and it is indeed most silly to let it affect other papers because it would mean that my himboticness will have further repurcussions!
silly me.
Nov 15, 2006
Nov 14, 2006
i love our government. honest. to help the poor and the needy, they decided to RAISE the GST (goods and services tax). yep you heard right, if you did not read the newspaper at all. of course they are in good faith! what do you expect we have in singapore to help the poor? tax the rich income a lot higher to help the poor? nonsense, you TAX THE POOR the help the POOR. duh. what an obvious logic is that. why didn't anybody else in the world see it.
nonsensical countries like australia who tax their citizens so much (30->50%) so that health care is free for all citizens, and that the old and the unemployed can get by with allowances are not as intelligent as our government. instead of taxing those people who are working, tax everybody, including those who DON'T WORK.
but of course the oppositions in the government do not see as far as our government. as noted by 'Diary of a Singaporean Mind'
"Looking at the trend, I am quite certain
that there are going to be more cuts in the personal
income and corporate tax rates in the future.
To make up for this revenue loss, it is certain that the
Government is going to raise GST even higher.
So before this GST is increased to 5%, 7%,
9% or even higher in future,
I hope the Government can plan ahead
and institute a system to exempt
certain essential staple items from GST.
Do not wait until there is
great social discontent to do it. "
- Steve Chia 2002 Parliament Debate on Budget
But no worries, the government will of course OFFSET all this entirely, and MP Low should not accuse them of not having a comprehensive plan, because IT IS NOT ANNOUNCED. so all singaporean should be happy that something is planned.
Just like our transport fee hikes AGAIN, there were vouchers. period!
nonsensical countries like australia who tax their citizens so much (30->50%) so that health care is free for all citizens, and that the old and the unemployed can get by with allowances are not as intelligent as our government. instead of taxing those people who are working, tax everybody, including those who DON'T WORK.
but of course the oppositions in the government do not see as far as our government. as noted by 'Diary of a Singaporean Mind'
"Looking at the trend, I am quite certain
that there are going to be more cuts in the personal
income and corporate tax rates in the future.
To make up for this revenue loss, it is certain that the
Government is going to raise GST even higher.
So before this GST is increased to 5%, 7%,
9% or even higher in future,
I hope the Government can plan ahead
and institute a system to exempt
certain essential staple items from GST.
Do not wait until there is
great social discontent to do it. "
- Steve Chia 2002 Parliament Debate on Budget
But no worries, the government will of course OFFSET all this entirely, and MP Low should not accuse them of not having a comprehensive plan, because IT IS NOT ANNOUNCED. so all singaporean should be happy that something is planned.
Just like our transport fee hikes AGAIN, there were vouchers. period!
this birthday has gotta be one of the best ones. it started out with the lovely french dinner and my fave skinny tie. then yesterday, baby told me to open my mailbox because he needs me to help him mail out something. and yes, only bimbo me will not be able realise that there's something fishy.
so i saw this nice golden box and i didn't even think anything of it, just wondered why would he mail something in a box. then it struck me! its my birthday present! AHHHH!! he got me DAMN NICE swatch skin! *swoooooons*
well all of you will get to see it soon! hahaha =p.
next on the line is my jap dinner!
what present do i want? a white 30gb ipod or a new sony ericsson z610i is good =p
so i saw this nice golden box and i didn't even think anything of it, just wondered why would he mail something in a box. then it struck me! its my birthday present! AHHHH!! he got me DAMN NICE swatch skin! *swoooooons*
well all of you will get to see it soon! hahaha =p.
next on the line is my jap dinner!
what present do i want? a white 30gb ipod or a new sony ericsson z610i is good =p
Nov 12, 2006
i had the most exciting, ok exciting's not the word, pleasant (!) birthday dinner last night. jeth and jia brought me to this fantastic french restaurant along telok ayer street. food was GORGEOUS cept the main course (mine and jia's - we had ribeye that was tough, argh... i had better ones at bintan). and of course wine and desserts accompanied the lovely dinner.
swoooons
they even got me a present. a skinny tie. *screams* i have been looking for one for AGES and i can't seem to find a nice and good one, but hey now i've got it!
thanks guys!
swoooons
they even got me a present. a skinny tie. *screams* i have been looking for one for AGES and i can't seem to find a nice and good one, but hey now i've got it!
thanks guys!
Nov 11, 2006
blogging again, on a saturday.
saturdays are mostly stay-at-home days. staying at home because my exams are creeping so scaringly near that i am having my usual panic attacks. (cues "don't panic scott!" from lynette and alexis and all folks who calm me down all the time)
staying at home because you are so far away that i can't go out with you. no dates, no movies =( but you're coming back so soon so all's good.
staying at home because home is indeed such a cosy place. i do not like the hustle bustle of town, especially when hustle-bustle includes travelling for one hour. and people that matter happens to be in the west area during school days. and school can sometimes be draining enough to make me want to just sit and home and relax. and talk to you over skype.
i am going out tonight though. with darling jiahui and jeth! they are bringing me to a nice little french place for a quickie. a quickie dinner (all you dirty minds $^@%$!#%!#) i doubt it'll be quick since its french. goodness they take like a gazillion hours to eat lunch! imagine dinner..............................................
dear, i miss you!
saturdays are mostly stay-at-home days. staying at home because my exams are creeping so scaringly near that i am having my usual panic attacks. (cues "don't panic scott!" from lynette and alexis and all folks who calm me down all the time)
staying at home because you are so far away that i can't go out with you. no dates, no movies =( but you're coming back so soon so all's good.
staying at home because home is indeed such a cosy place. i do not like the hustle bustle of town, especially when hustle-bustle includes travelling for one hour. and people that matter happens to be in the west area during school days. and school can sometimes be draining enough to make me want to just sit and home and relax. and talk to you over skype.
i am going out tonight though. with darling jiahui and jeth! they are bringing me to a nice little french place for a quickie. a quickie dinner (all you dirty minds $^@%$!#%!#) i doubt it'll be quick since its french. goodness they take like a gazillion hours to eat lunch! imagine dinner..............................................
dear, i miss you!
Nov 8, 2006
trivial things affects me too much. like my grades and how i am almost obsessed with them some times.
trivial things affects me too much. like how i tend to read way too much into things.
trivial things affects me too much. like interpersonal relationships and the web that tangles.
trivial things affects me. are they trivial?
trivial things affects me too much. like how i tend to read way too much into things.
trivial things affects me too much. like interpersonal relationships and the web that tangles.
trivial things affects me. are they trivial?
Nov 6, 2006
time and time again, i get so overwhelmed by you. the feeling is, for a lack of a better word, overwhelming. and with every passing day, i just miss you more and more. and sometimes a wave of emotion hits and i am swept under.
Lonestar - Amazed
Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams
Chorus:
I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you
The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh it feels like the first time every time
I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes
#####
on an entirely different news, i am really damn pissed off with our minister raymond lim and the entire sbs transit. seriously they should TAKE the bus for starters before reporting to the world that how many was it, 6 out of 10 feel that the service is good or something like that. i have a problem, because the waiting time for the buses is disgustingly long, the buses are so dirty you can see roaches crawling around. so today i waited like 30mins before two 179 drove past me filled to the brink. the 179 frequency table says 4-7 minute. how the hell is 2 buses in 30min look like 4-7 minute per bus. don't tell me traffic conditions. its from the freaking bus-terminal and the route is TRAFFICLESS.
so i was hot and sweaty and sticky and going to be ugly and i was going to board a cab before the next 179 came along. so i boarded the bus and i saw something which makes me think that not everybody should wear shirt that attempts to have witty comments.
imagine seeing a fat and ugly girl wearing a shirt that says "you don't know me" if was feeling even more irritated and she pisses me off, i would have marched up to her and said "i don't want to know you".
Lonestar - Amazed
Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams
Chorus:
I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you
The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh it feels like the first time every time
I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes
#####
on an entirely different news, i am really damn pissed off with our minister raymond lim and the entire sbs transit. seriously they should TAKE the bus for starters before reporting to the world that how many was it, 6 out of 10 feel that the service is good or something like that. i have a problem, because the waiting time for the buses is disgustingly long, the buses are so dirty you can see roaches crawling around. so today i waited like 30mins before two 179 drove past me filled to the brink. the 179 frequency table says 4-7 minute. how the hell is 2 buses in 30min look like 4-7 minute per bus. don't tell me traffic conditions. its from the freaking bus-terminal and the route is TRAFFICLESS.
so i was hot and sweaty and sticky and going to be ugly and i was going to board a cab before the next 179 came along. so i boarded the bus and i saw something which makes me think that not everybody should wear shirt that attempts to have witty comments.
imagine seeing a fat and ugly girl wearing a shirt that says "you don't know me" if was feeling even more irritated and she pisses me off, i would have marched up to her and said "i don't want to know you".
Nov 5, 2006
been cooped up at home since soooo long ago. mugging for the exams. i better get my grades!
in other news, i have better anger management!
and my mom and i are talking again. and she knows who my boy is =p and everything is all fine now. the most exciting thing was not even that she was bothered by the fact that i am gay.
she was more bothered about the 'power' issue and the 'who is more important' issue. strange but true. moms. even the gay son don't get to escape the typical "another girl is snatching my son away from me" syndrome.
and i thought so otherwise
in other news, i have better anger management!
and my mom and i are talking again. and she knows who my boy is =p and everything is all fine now. the most exciting thing was not even that she was bothered by the fact that i am gay.
she was more bothered about the 'power' issue and the 'who is more important' issue. strange but true. moms. even the gay son don't get to escape the typical "another girl is snatching my son away from me" syndrome.
and i thought so otherwise
Nov 3, 2006
and so november comes and so does all the exams and to accompanying stress and fattening food and sleepless nights and assorted matters.
what is the most irritating? people who are irritating! like spastic people who will disturb you when your msn says 'away' and then drops a msn message saying hi, then following with a '?', following with a 'you there?', then an 'oei', then a 'hellooo?'. like seriously spastic netizens. if i am on 'away' and i don't reply like after half an hour, isn't it obvious that i am like AWAY maybe?
and then there's the irritating ones that keeps asking 'exams? you are still studying meh?' 'where' 'uni?' 'what's a university'. ok seriously when i say i am studying for exams, probably i AM STUDYING FOR EXAMS, so like bother someone else with the silly questions. ohmygod.
hahaha okok just had to rant on about the silliness of people irritating others on the internet. i have fond stories of how people stalk my dearest jiahui. and many other stories about msn freaks!
i think that msn is a big waste of time. and people do get quite addicted to it. it really causes productivity to suffer. so i say only go on when you need to!
did i mention i love skype? =p
what is the most irritating? people who are irritating! like spastic people who will disturb you when your msn says 'away' and then drops a msn message saying hi, then following with a '?', following with a 'you there?', then an 'oei', then a 'hellooo?'. like seriously spastic netizens. if i am on 'away' and i don't reply like after half an hour, isn't it obvious that i am like AWAY maybe?
and then there's the irritating ones that keeps asking 'exams? you are still studying meh?' 'where' 'uni?' 'what's a university'. ok seriously when i say i am studying for exams, probably i AM STUDYING FOR EXAMS, so like bother someone else with the silly questions. ohmygod.
hahaha okok just had to rant on about the silliness of people irritating others on the internet. i have fond stories of how people stalk my dearest jiahui. and many other stories about msn freaks!
i think that msn is a big waste of time. and people do get quite addicted to it. it really causes productivity to suffer. so i say only go on when you need to!
did i mention i love skype? =p
Oct 28, 2006
its always a saturday. was it because i left you on a saturday to come back to Singapore alone? but i am never alone am i?
and every so often, i am left speechless. every waking moment to the second i close my mind, its you.
and i never thought possible, never knew it could. and nothing says it better.
Rascal Flatts - God Bless the Broken Road
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
hoping I would find true love along the broken road
but I got lost a time or two wipe my brow kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
every long lost dream,
lead me to where you are
others who broke my heart,
they were like nothern stars,
pointing me on my way into your loving arms
this much I know is true
that god blessed the broken road that led me straight to you
(yes he did)
I think about the years I spent
just passing through
I like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
but u just smiled and take my hand
you've been there, you understand
its all part of a grander plan, that is coming true
every long lost dream,
lead me to where you are
others who broke my heart,
they were like nothern stars,
pointing me on my way into your loving arms,
this much I know is true,
that god blessed the broken road that led me straight to you
now I'm just rolling on into my lovers arms,
this much I know is true,
that god blessed the broken road that led me straight to you
that god blessed the broken road that led me straight to you
and every so often, i am left speechless. every waking moment to the second i close my mind, its you.
and i never thought possible, never knew it could. and nothing says it better.
Rascal Flatts - God Bless the Broken Road
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
hoping I would find true love along the broken road
but I got lost a time or two wipe my brow kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
every long lost dream,
lead me to where you are
others who broke my heart,
they were like nothern stars,
pointing me on my way into your loving arms
this much I know is true
that god blessed the broken road that led me straight to you
(yes he did)
I think about the years I spent
just passing through
I like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
but u just smiled and take my hand
you've been there, you understand
its all part of a grander plan, that is coming true
every long lost dream,
lead me to where you are
others who broke my heart,
they were like nothern stars,
pointing me on my way into your loving arms,
this much I know is true,
that god blessed the broken road that led me straight to you
now I'm just rolling on into my lovers arms,
this much I know is true,
that god blessed the broken road that led me straight to you
that god blessed the broken road that led me straight to you
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)