Book Review: Aziz's Notebook: At the heart of the Iranian Revolution

So on my most recent trip to India, I stayed in Haus Khaz Village over the weekend, and I wondered around the lovely village and stumbled into Yodakin bookstore. It is a fiercely independent bookstore that stocks the most amazing collection of publishing houses that will delight all you liberals. Books ranges from religion, to sexuality, to caste issues etc.

I picked up many books, including one on the Iranian revolution. My interested about Iran was really piqued by Agro, because I know that there will be many factual inaccuracies in a Hollywood movie, and I really wanted to find out more. And I was really drawn to this book because it is the diary of this guy Aziz, who lived through the revolution... and this diary is unfortunately his memory of the merciless treatment that his daughters were put through by Ayatollah Khomeini's regime for being playing an active role in the revolution

The book was originally translated to French by the author Chowra, the grand daughter of Aziz, who managed to escape to France; and I read the English translation of this book. It is the most heart breaking book I have read to date, more heartbreaking than "Escape from Camp 14".

Aziz, father of Fataneh and Fatameh, grandfather of Chowra, kept a diary so that Chowra would one day know what happened to her mother, Fatameh, and her aunt. Through this painful recounting of the years post Iranian revolution, you cannot help but cry for the people who lived and died during those painful years. There is really nothing much else to say because the writing speaks for itself. The measured words, and restrained writings could not contain the sorrow, the fear and the terror that Aziz feels, and how his heart and soul died along with his daughters. But he is still alive, with that despair, and that glimmer of leaving behind something for his surviving grandchildren.

I can't say anything else but please pick up this book to read.


My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Gf*Bf - a movie review

Just last weekend, I watched a Taiwanese movie called Gf*Bf, which stands for Girlfriend * Boyfriend, a literal translation of the original Chinese title. Spoilers are ahead of course, but first, a trailer of the movie!

Trailer of Gf*Bf

The movie spans across a few decades and follows 3 teenagers as they grow through different phases in life - from high school to college to adulthood and finally as middle age adults. It is part coming of age story, part social commentary on homosexual and heterosexual relationship, and above all, a disquieting observation on the realities of life.

The movie starts during the tumultuous martial law period in 1980s Taiwan. Set against this period are 3 teenagers caught in an awkward love triangle - Aaron loves Mabel, but she only has eyes for Liam, who is secretly in love with Aaron. This movie might come across quite similar to "Eternal Summer" and "You're the Apple of My Eye" but do not be fooled. This movie is much richer, subtler and more delicate. Weaving through the painful love story is a very caustic observation on life and society. In the beginning, we see Aaron as the rebellious teen who believes that "if one person dances, it is called rebellion, but if the whole school dance, it is the student's will". He certainly lives by this motto through college and becomes part of student activist team that demands Taiwan become a fully functioning democracy. But for all Aaron is, he eventually becomes the cheating husband of a rich woman and a lackey to his rich and politically connected father-in-law. The feisty Mabel, who holds her own ground and confronts a shower full of naked high-school boys becomes the mistress of Aaron, because she can't find fulfilment in Liam. And Liam, who is the quiet, shy and repressed teenager eventually dates a married father.

From left to right: Liam, Mabel, Aaron

It is as if life played a cruel joke on all three of them. But at the same time, this is not something too far fetched. As we all grow, we know people who become slaves to the life they chose to lead, and yet we root for them, as we are rooting for the characters to do something else with their lives. We know that they can choose a different path in life, but they don't. There's almost a sense of helplessness as they become driftwood floating along the sea of life. This sense of helplessness is very delicately brought across by Yang (director of the film). There are many things left unsaid, so much so that even the scenes are deliberately kept vague - you need to watch on to understand what an earlier scene meant. A metaphor for life perhaps - that one will only understand today with the hindsight of tomorrow.

This film is also a strong social commentary on homosexual relationships. While Taiwan is fast becoming a gay bastion in Asia, there are still many laws that prevent homosexual couples from forming families - there are no provisions for same-sex marriages nor homosexual adoptions. The question one asks here is why? Is there an assumption that heterosexual relationship is the right relationship which has a happy ending? Clearly, in "Gf*Bf" there is no such happy ending. Almost every heterosexual relationship depicted is broken in some way. Mabel's mother is a stage dancer who does not acknowledge her daughter and runs away to another city. Aaron is in a loveless marriage and is having an affair with Mabel. Liam dates a guy who is married and even has a son, but continues the relationship with Liam anyway. Set against the social revolution in the 80s and 90s Taiwan, the lack of progress of homosexual rights seems even more ironic. If the people can muster up the will to demand a fully functioning democracy for Taiwan, why can't the people do the same for homosexual rights? Yang seems to lead us down this line of questioning with the wedding of the the flamboyant Sean. But a wedding it is not, rather it is a loud and lewd foam party with taut male torso. Is this what the Taiwanese homosexual community is destined to be - a faceless, superficial community who will "drop all grievances to attend a party"?

At the end of the day, Aaron, Mabel and Liam yearn to love and be loved - all their pains come from trying to love. The awkward love triangle has no apparent resolution until the viewer realizes that Liam in 2012 is the father (and guardian) of the love-children of Mabel (who passes on) and Aaron (who did not want to give up his current life for Mabel). It's an extremely bittersweet conclusion to the love triangle - a cruel joke almost. Yet in a way, everything is "resolved" in this unconventional family.

Yang, in his directorial statement said that this movie is about love and family, and that he wants the audience to know that "no matter what shape [family] takes on, no matter gay or straight, the main thing to understand is where there is love, there is family." And this unconventional family is, strangely the result of love.

Go watch it, and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!

The City Harvest Saga

A post like this certainly needs a disclaimer, so here we go: This post is not about religion, it is about the institution City Harvest Church which purports to represent a specific branch of christianity. 


We don't need much introduction on the City Harvest Church (henceforth CHC) saga that has unfolded over the past couple of days, but for the sake of referring back to this post some time in the future, and for individuals to make quick references, below are a few links that tell us the facts of the case:

• Report by CNA on the charge
• Infographic on chronology of events 
• Press Release by CoC

What surprised me about this chain of event is not only the extent of the misappropriation of funds - some $50 million, but rather the reaction of the city harvest church-goers. Certainly the fact that $23 million later and all we get is China Wine and Kill Bill is of course shocking, but I contend that this crazed defense really takes the cake.

When CNA and ST broke the news, it was no more than a rephrasing of the press release of Commission of Charities' (CoC) findings, and the facts are such that after 2 years of investigation, they found that money was used inappropriately through the Crossover Project and all the other details you can read. But the immediate reaction of the CHC goers were not to think about what happened, why it happened, but to immediately jump to defense that are not even related:

1.) They defend that the cross-over project helped many people
2.) They say that they knew exactly where the money was going to
3.) They are very sure that Kong Hee did not do it
4.) They say that the media is biased (I do give it to them that there is intense media scrutiny)
5.) They asked us not to judge without knowledge
6.) They say that Sun Ho is an amazing singer (I know right)
7.) They say that he has sacrificed everything and he knows what he is doing.

What I don't get is why can't facts just speak for itself? There is simply no logic going on there, it is completely emotional and devoid of any thought, nor knowledge. Just to address a few of the above.

1.) Whether the cross-over project helped people or not is not the point, to be certain the number of people helped is something we can't measure by money, but again this is missing the point. The point is that the cross-over project is being used a conduit to channel funds to fund Sun Ho's music career outside the church. Which is not what a CHARITY is supposed to do. Hello, how did anyone miss out the whole point of this, which was why the Commission of CHARITIES is involved. If Kong Hee is running a private enterprise, he also needs to be accountable to his stakeholders on where exactly the monies goes to, what more a charity.

2.) No they don't period. What else is there to say about this?

3.) Now someone wrote to CoC which you can read it here alleging CoC has defamed CHC. They are really misunderstanding the definition of defamation. CoC wrote about what they found after investigation and one cannot allege defamation for something that is true based on investigations. They can contend this in court, but you CANNOT allege it to be defamatory.


What struck me how CHC goers appears to worship Kong Hee the pastor, and forget that he is not god (whether I believe god exist is not the focus of this article). The way they jump to his defense without even listening to logic is very scary. It is as if Kong Hee is infallible and he is perfect. Even if ALL evidence confronted shows him to be guilty, they will still insist it is otherwise, it is a conspiracy and all that jazz.

Why do people behave like this? Cognitive dissonance. It actually helps explain a lot of things, but in this case, it is the classic case study. What is cognitive dissonance? It is that uncomfortable feeling we get when our very firm beliefs are challenged or in conflict, and in that situation, what usually happens is that people will justify away whatever was challenging their beliefs. The most famous documentation of this was a doomsday cult who sincerely believed the world would end on a particular day, and when it didn't end, they believed their religion even more - that they have been kept alive to spread the word of their religion.

This is playing out in the same way here: CHC goers have been led to believe stories about Kong Hee and their church, and at this moment in time, despite being confronted with evidence, CHC goers cannot reconcile this with their beliefs - and we don't need to guess which way they went.

But why do people so follow CHC and Kong Hee with such 'conviction' and I am using this word very loosely here? In psych and communication classes, we study persuasion techniques of cults to convince people to join them and stick with them. It is honestly a few common techniques, which you will recognize very quickly as something CHC does:

1. People are put in physically or emotionally distressing situations;
2. Their problems are reduced to one simple explanation, which is repeatedly emphasized;
3. They receive what seems to be unconditional love, acceptance, and attention from a charismatic leader or group;
4. They get a new identity based on the group;
5. They are subject to entrapment (isolation from friends, relatives and the mainstream culture) and their access to information is severely controlled.

Familiar? I guess so, and during his sermons and preaches, you will recognize hypnotizing techniques which can be used to suggest and convince people of things they may not otherwise do so:

1. Minimize distraction and make the subjects feel comfortable
2. Tell the subjects to concentrate on something specific, like an imagined scene
3. Tells the subject what to expect, such as relaxation, or jubilation or etc.
4. Tell the subject what sensation or events he knows will occur, like "your eyes are getting tired", which the subject will interpret as caused by the hypnotist suggestion and accepts them as an indication that something is happening, this increase in expectation that the hypnotist will make things happen in the future makes the person even more susceptible.

And I have been hypnotized as part of a school experiment before and I can tell you that it certainly feels like that.




I hope this sheds light on why they are behaving in the way that they are, and like my lovely senior Chang says, the actual victims are CHC goers, but they just do not realize it.

Read more:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cult

http://www.workingpsychology.com/cult2.html
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/students-left-mass-hypnosis-demonstration-goes-awry-233654807.html

Updates on life, Hong Kong and Beijing

As always, I will lapse into periods where I stop blogging. I can't say that I am short of time, because to be honest I have quite a good work-life balance unless I am on field work. I guess it is more a matter that I am trying to figure out why I blog and what do I want to write here, and who do I want to be reading this, especially in this day and age of Facebook and Twitter.

Facebook and Twitter have no doubt changed the way we communicate and share things, but it is something I am growing weary of, especially now that everything I want to read requires them to access my details and then tell everyone what I read on their site. I am so sick of it that most of the time I don't even allow them to do it. And while Twitter is good for quick and dirty updates and news feed, it is hardly a forum to express deep thinking and ideas. Oh yes, Facebook is terribly bad at allowing us to search for our old posts, so things do get lost in the mess that is our timeline

I started blogging in 2001 (on this other old platform) because I wanted a space to write and document my thoughts and emotions. Somewhere along the line, I switched to a pen and paper diary where (surprise, surprise) I write everything down in Chinese. However this habit of introspection of mine kinda stopped previously because life really got too busy - work, family, friends; hardly have time left for myself!

So who I am writing for now that I am sitting here and writing this post? I guess I am primarily writing for myself, as a diary. But at the same time, I don't want to share 100% of how I feel exactly, because we know that is just a nasty place don't we? I kid. I guess it is more so because the internet is so open, that anyone can stumble upon this place. But the truth is also that I do want people to stumble here and see what I have to say. It is one of those contradictions that I can't resolve in my head right now.

What has been up with me?

1. Hong Kong Work Trip

Just a while, I went to Hong Kong for a work trip, and it definitely is the highlight of my career so far because it was one the best project that I have ever done. I went with a colleague to Hong Kong as the 2nd leg of a study of the silver segment and their attitudes toward health and health supplements. It was a very exciting and interesting study made even better because we entered the respondents homes to understand them even more, and also because of the great company I had in Hong Kong!

I had an excellent time exploring Hong Kong, and it made me realize that you do need to know at least some locals to tell you where to go and what to see. Had an amazing time weaving through the small streets and eating extremely local street-side food.

Took this along Central where the old ladies sit and gather to chat

I really love this shot because to me, this is the quintessential shot of Hong Kong

And that's Mo and I

2. Beijing Trip with mom

And just a couple of weeks before this, over the Good Friday long weekend, I took a couple of days leave and brought mommy to Beijing. Its my first time going on a long holiday with mom and this is something that I have been meaning to do for quite a while. I mean when I was young, my parents worked very hard to make sure that I got an education, they scrimped and they saved, and now that I am finally working, I think it is only right that I make sure they can get to enjoy themselves.

Stayed with my friend who is working in Beijing and we basically just went exploring. It was really lovely to just go around a place without the pressure of a time table. We went to many places and was really awed at how hugeass these places were. However, we were quite disappointed at how badly preserved the monuments and artifacts were. It was dusty and dirty, the artifacts were encased by glass which no one bothered to clean, the wood was old and dry, the colours were coming off. It certainly looked its age though.

The requisite photo of the Great Wall. This was the MuTianYu section

That's me doing the 'walking' shot!

And that's mom and I!

So that was a quick highlight of what's been going on. What might life be in the next week? Some cycling and some dates and I don't know, but I will be sure to update!

XOXO!

Redundant Questions

I saw the photo above on Facebook and thought that it was utterly hilarious, and to mention very true. I am sure we have all experienced where people asked us really obvious and redundant questions. My mom for example, is the reigning queen of this. She would see me come in through the door and ask me if I am home. I really do not know what to reply! Often I feel cheeky and tell her "no, this is all an illusion" and she would glare at me.

I am sure you might have also encountered another situation that happens rather often: when queuing up to pay for something, the sales assistant asked you if you are queuing up. To this we should always answer, "No, I am just standing here holding something from your shop waiting for 5 minutes for the fun of it".

Well I am not annoyed by redundant questions or anything. I do find it very funny actually! Especially all the possible witty replies that one can come up with. For now, whenever someone asks me if I am sleeping, I will reply, "No. I'm training to die"

Why you will never get a cab in Singapore when you need one

So today the Straits Times proudly declared that the cab situation has been miraculously solved by the fare hikes. But taking a closer look at EVERYBODY's twitter and facebook, we know that this is simply not true. The situation seems to have worsened at the 9am mark and the 10-1030pm mark. To be sure, for people travelling under 10km during the 8am timings and the evening 7pm timings, they have cost savings because the surcharge dropped by 10% and the fee hike increase does not yet rise above the 10% savings.

But for the rest of us, getting a cab is STILL a nightmare. The reason is very simple - the demand and supply has been completely screwed up by the neverending, complicated surcharge structure. (I trust that we don't need to revisit the surcharge details). Think about it, why would a driver want to be on the road at 10pm when at midnight, the extra surcharge goes from 25% to 50%? Any knowing that drivers do split-up day shift/night shift, they would need to head back and wash the car before passing it to the night shift driver. And it will happen at THIS time (10.30 pm) because the damn 50% surcharge kicks in at midnight. So no matter what they (CDG or the government) do, the moment there is a surcharge this will happen.

LONG queues for cabs, experienced this recently??

Same thing at 4.30am thereabouts, there will be NO CABS because the night shift driver has earned enough and since the surcharge is going down to 25% at 6am, they will go back and rest or pass the car to the day shift driver. Then there are those who will push and drive until 8 plus and then head back to rest. So this leaves everyone with little cabs at the timings near surcharge changes.

And with booking fees, many cab drivers just wait around to get people to call and book and earn that extra amount.

The simple supply and demand has been screwed. If there is a demand and a chance to make money, there will be supply. There will always be cab drivers at night because Singaporeans stay out late and at locations where there are night owls, even without the 50% surcharge, there will be cab drivers. At airports, even without surcharges, there will always be people heading to the airport in cabs, and therefore there will always be cabs available to pick up landing passengers. The problem now is that there are just too many cabs queuing up for HOURS at the airport to earn that surcharge, leading to.... no cabs in other places.

The REALLY long queues of cab waiting at Changi

What is the solution to this? Let there be NO surcharges. Simple as that. Or if you must, a token $2 for bookings, although in Hong Kong one gets a discount for bookings. That's it, that will solve this stupid cab situation that we have created for ourselves. Note that there are no cab shortage problems in Hong Kong despite there being less cab per population as compared to Singapore!

Brenda's Wedding!

That's the gorgeous bride Brenda, and I

Over the weekend, I attended the wedding dinner of a dear friend, Brenda! It was such a lovely wedding that it makes me want to have a little ceremony with (hopefully) Fabian some time in the near future! The wedding was something that I would want for myself - a small intimate affair with close friends and immediate family. Because a wedding, for me, is a an ceremony of commitment that I want the people dearest to me to witness, and not for the whole gin-gang of my mom's friends and my dad's friends and relatives of 10 degrees or what have you; which is really what a lot of weddings have become today.

Its a tired formula of "snatching the bride" in the morning, then rushing for the tea ceremony, before rushing to the hotel, and then attending a banquet of countless tables, and rushing from table to table to say hi for 5 mins and a photo, and rushing off again. Add in cheesy collage photos from childbirth to how the couple met, and of course the walk-in music of 'From This Moment On' by Shania Twain and there you go, a classic Singapore wedding.

What I really love about Bren's wedding is that its so simple, cocktails and vows (which we missed because we assumed it doesn't start on time, and boy were we wrong!), and then a buffet dinner at a lovely venue - One Rochester. Love the outdoor verandah, and sitting down with friends that I have not seen for a while and catching up. Because it was small, the bride also had plenty of time to come sit with us and chat till 1am! I cannot begin to tell you how much fun we had, just gossiping and talking and laughing and teasing the bride!

Bren looking really pretty.

I am so happy to see the couple so happily in love for so many years and finally tying the note. For myself, I hope one day I can be legally married to my partner because it is a commitment that I want to make, and the legal hassles of not being married can be very arduous, but I will touch on that in a blog post another day. In any case, even if I can't get legally married, I will want a ceremony!!

Bye bye Ph.D

I had a lovely chat with Jeremiah today and it is quite amazing to be able to just sit and chat with an old friend like that, and that's the thing about friendship isn't it, once you have a strong foundation, one can go away for long periods of time and it is easy to just pick off where we left off. There is no awkwardness or anything like that. And it really got me thinking about friendship and life in general.

I am at that point in life, as you would see in all chick flicks, where friends around me starts to get married, or even have babies, and I am of course happily going about my life, with my group of girlfriends wondering where we are headed, all the while looking fabulous and sipping cosmopolitan. Sounds like a scene out of Sex and the City isn't it? It did happen before, really just that we were not ALL sipping cosmo. We were at the point in life where the 4 of us are not really sure what on earth are we doing with our lives, we were all not really in a committed relationship, and some of us have commitment issues. We are well into our first jobs, but we are not really what to do next, and those were enjoyable evenings bitching about all these married friends - why on earth would they marry so young! Don't they have goals that they want to achieve!

Not the Four of us, but this was Alexis, Nette, me and our senior Jocelyn at ZoukOut 2011

One of my goals when I was schooling was to get a Ph.D, in Clinical Psychology, so that I can be practicing psychologist and help patients, because as all of you know by now, I sorta have the Buddha Complex (yes I just coined that term up myself) and I can't help but feel the need to want to do good and help people. I thought maybe I could that by being a psychologist. There was also the element of intellectual pursuit, because nothing is more valuable in life than a life of learning and knowledge pursuit.

Mom, Dad and I on my Convocation Day, 2009!

But as I work, the goal seems to get further and further away. It just does not make any sense for to spend 5 years of my life to do that. In Singapore, males are already behind by 2 years because of National Service, and I cannot imagine taking 5 years off, living as a poor student and then restarting my search for a career at 32. And its not like getting a Ph.D will significantly increase the pay. Then there is the startling realization of how ridiculously expensive Singapore has become. How am I ever going to be independent with my own property if I start my career pursuit so late in life. Its not like I come from a rich family that will allow me to not bother about anything in life.

Let me just do some VERY simple sums for you. As a gay man I can only buy private property or HDB resale at 35, so a simple condo of $800,000 will require me to have a downpayment of 20% minimum, whereby the minimum cash outlay is 5% and the other 15% can be from CPF. It also means that I need $40,000 cash and $120,000 in CPF. Even if one maxes out their CPF contribution, it would take about 7 to 8 years to have that much CPF, and then after you DEPLETE it, what about retirement?

What this means is that for me to have my own property at some point in life, I absolutely need to work like a slave, and spend the rest of my life paying off my loans. Tragic isn't it? But I can't leave Singapore either, because my family is here, and I want to take care of my parents when they age. So this is really the problem that the middle-class faces.

I guess at this point of time, I am indeed going to give up the idea of ever doing a Ph.D because its simply not feasible. This does not mean that I do not ever want to further my studies. At some point in time, I might take a sabbatical and do a 1-2 years masters in something maybe. But I am fairly certain that right now, I am writing off a doctorate.

Such is life.

New Year Stuff

So I have never been the kind of person to make new year resolutions because I find it completely unrealistic and lame. I mean you read all these goals that people make once a year and fail horribly to keep it like, "Oh for the new year I will stop smoking and lose 10kg". Honey if you wanted to stop smoking, you would have stopped a long time ago and you would not need the new year to help you achieve it. Its not that I am cynical or anything, its just that I am too practical I guess.

At the end of year however, I like to look back, almost like a year in review and look at what I've achieved and think about where I would like to be in life, (not how many kilos I want to gain). I am an incredulously optimistic and positive person, so almost every year for me is a smashing year. Of course there are some exceptions, but you know what I mean.

2011 was a great year for me. Career wise, I started the year with a promotion and then at the end of the year, I moved into an exciting company doing what I really love, moving into 2012, I want to excel here in Flamingo and do all the great work well. I really cannot express how happy I am to be here, but I really am. There's so much love, so much intelligence floating around!

Drinking with the Flamingoes

Family wise, it was also excellent. Sister managed to secure a scholarship and a place in RMIT to further her studies as the offers from the Singaporean universities were not of programs that she would like to study. And to top up the good news, the scholarship got extended and she is now able to do her honours year! Everyone else is well in the family, and I am certain that the family will continue to be happy in 2012.

Mom and I at MBS for my birthday, Nov 2011

I also managed to keep in contact with a fair bit of my friends and the love and concern that all of you have shown me through this difficult period of time is just amazing. In 2012, let's get together often for dinner and drinks, and home-cooked dinner parties! And for my old friends, drop me a note and let's catch up too!

I've travelled a lot this year actually. I went to Shanghai, Paris, Melbourne (twice), Bali, and of course spent more money than I should, but I love travelling! What to do? Next year, I want to spend more time in Asia, going to the exotic beaches and hopefully find time to travel up to Beijing to find my dear Mark Ho.

Streets of Paris, 2011

Personally, aside from the surgery, everything is going excellently. Something in late 2010, I met a very special person whom I became, literally, inseparable with. I don't really need to say much, but I am very very thankful that Fabian came into my life, in the simplest manner - patience, communication and understanding.

Fabian and I, July 2011

And that's it really. What else is there in life aside from all this? So here's to a happy 2012, and hoping that I would be able to bring more smiles to more people's life!

Cooking in the kitchen to bring smiles to the elderly.

Love,
Kiezin (Scott)

The Dalai Lama’s 18 Rules For Living

Friends who know me well would know that I see my birth religion, Buddhism, as a way of life, and I really do try to live a good life - I help out when I can, we give to the less fortunate even though we don't have a lot and all that which I shall not bore you with.


Recently I chanced upon this website which lists these 18 rules of living by Dalai Lama, and I think they are very sensible; I will try to live by those rules too!

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk. 
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson. 
3. Follow the three Rs: 
1. Respect for self 
2. Respect for others 
3. Responsibility for all your actions. 
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. 
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly. 
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship. 
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. 
8. Spend some time alone every day. 
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values. 
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. 
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time. 
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life. 
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past. 
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality. 
15. Be gentle with the earth. 
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before. 
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. 
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

The Surgery

Me on the hospital bed!

For all those who don't already know, I went for a surgery to get my back fixed. I've already had a bad back for the longest time - I've been diagnosed with a posterior prolapsed disc in my L4/L5 since 2004. Earlier on, with a combination of Physiotherapy and alternative Chinese treatment, I managed to recover and not have any symptoms for an amazing 7 years! Also I went for Yoga and swam often until I started going deeper into work and stopped those yoga and those swims.

Some time this year I had to chase after a cab (because I left my laptop inside) and then I attended a party where I danced just a little bit too much which aggravated an already bad back after the aforementioned cab chasing incident. I busted my back VERY badly. And off to the doctors I went. After countless consultations, the doctors at NUH recommended surgery to fixed my back. However I wanted to seek a 2nd opinion and by pure serendipity, I managed to get hold of my first doctor from 2004 - he has since become one of the best spine surgeon here, winning many awards! This doctor (Doctor Hee Hwan Tak, now in private practice at Paragon Medical Center) also recommended surgery but his opinion was that my other disc, L5/S1 has also degenerated, so he recommends a disectomy of 2 discs and also to insert a silicon space in the L4/L5 region to make sure that in the future it is not likely to recur again. Now that's a good doctor that thinks long term, like 30 years and more kind of long term.

So a decision was made and off I went to Khoo Teck Puat Hospital on 21st December 2011 for my surgery. And it was the best decision I made to go there. The nurses were THE BEST. They are always cheerful, very attentive, very helpful and always there to take care of me, and the other patients in the ward. I think it is very rare these days, hearing so many stories from my own relatives. These nurses always ask after us, when they had to inject, they are empathetic, saying that they understand that it hurts and comforts the patients, telling them to bear with the pain. The hospital itself looks like a condominium or a SOHO apartment. Beautiful. Food was actually nice and delicious with at least 10 choices for me each day, for patients with dietary restrictions, they also had choices, how rare is that!

The view of the hospital. Does it even look like one?

The QR code tag!

Needless to say I enjoyed my stay. And the love from friends and family are just overwhelming. Too many to name, but really every one made me feel so loved. Thank you to Huiyee, Jeth and Jiahui for being there when my eyes opened, I remember asking for Bak Kwa the moment I spoke. Hahahahahah. Thank you to J-en who accompanied me for many many hours and chatting with me and make me laugh over and over again. Thank you to Lynette for stealing a slot in the afternoon to visit, to Peiling and Xuan for taking that long cab journey over during lunch time, to the Flamingoes for bringing so much joy to the ward, to Seraphina, Leon for making all of us laugh our pants off. To Alexis and Gabby for staying late with me and keeping me entertained with the OK magazine. To Mark and Eunice for the thoughtful homemade cookies. To Joanne for the absolutely cute Giraffe, to Joot and Shaun for the Balloons. And of course to my family and all their love! And finally to Fabian, who despite being so so far away, kept me company and all hours of the day, and for the endless love and missing from India! I miss you BB!

The skunk that kept me company!

Me again!

I can now walk slowly and shower and do all those things myself! Here's to a speedy recover to me!

*note to self: Swim more and go for Pilates or Yoga soon! The physic said the biggest mistake I made was to stop exercising, resulting in a weakened back!

First day!

It's my first day at work today! Yes I have left my previous company and am now at Flamingo, a research based brand consultancy! And if today is anything to go by, I will LOVE this place and the people! Everyone is extremely friendly, welcoming and warm. A lot of positive vibes, which is a very good sign.

Day 1 is always filled with the admin nitty-gritty, like setting up the email, getting the passwords, knowing who is who in the team. Tomorrow I will probably find out what projects I will be attached to and what I would need to do.

The office was quiet though because they really travel a lot for work. So I guess I have to get used to that! But otherwise, I can't wait to get my hands dirty!!

Promises

I hate to make promises because I hate broken promises, so I always tell people to not make it, because it is easy to say these things, but when the times get tough, keeping those same promises are difficult.

But sometimes, just sometimes, promises are necessary, and today I've made one. To you.

Me and my iPad 2

Finally!! I now have a need for the iPad 2 and I made the purchase without feeling guilty!

This is too funny to not share

This guy evidently does not like snowman. Hahaha

The most bimbotic day ever!

I declare that the amount of effort spent of doing one's hair is directly correlated to the level of bimbo-ness.

So today after having coffee with Becky, I was deciding if I should head to town to collect my bag and jeans that I sent for repairs, and then collect mooncakes at Jurong Point. I decided to collect my bag and jeans another time since that was not urgent and headed to Jurong Point where I presented a TCC gift card to Bakerzin!

I have no idea why I was under the impression that my friend got me a Bakerzin gift card! So I went home and decided that since I'm all changed might as well head to town to collect them mooncakes and while I'm there, grab my jeans and bag.

On the train out to town I realized I forgotten to bring the gift card!! So I had to detour back!

Really bimbo right?

And as icing on the cake, my jeans were left on the shelves, and the tailor forgotten to repair it. Thankfully I am feeling quite chirpy, so I told him that I'll collect it next week.

Note to self: No such hairstyle when I have errands to do:

Simple things in life

Like the old school breakfast I had this morning makes me very happy :)

Meaningless phrases people use

Today I chanced upon an article (http://www.prdaily.com/Main/Articles/9454.aspx) which made me laugh out loud, it talks about how people use meaningless phrases and we can really do without them. And the thing is, all of us say these phrases from time to time!

Look at the sample speech I've written (I've bolded the meaningless phrases), isn't that such a typical speech we hear every other day at conferences or what have you?

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, let me begin by saying that I am really honored to be here. Today I'm going to share with all of you, my experience as an ad man, and where else better to start than at the beginning, which also incidentally happens to be when I graduated. I studied law in a prestigious school in London in order to please my parents. However I soon realized that, all things considered, that it was not my passion, at the end of the day, if I don't pursue what I love, I might as well be dead. That said, it was not that I don't enjoy law, I do, but my passion was just not there. We, as human beings, are indeed a weird bunch! So after graduation I interned at a small adverting agency in Paris and went through advertising in all its form. And it was the best experience I could ever asked for. All in all, the essence of what I want to say is, to go and do what you truly enjoy.

#####

Meaningless phrases people use every day

By Matt Wilson | Posted: September 8, 2011

Sometimes people just don’t think about what they’re saying.

That’s especially true for those phrases that are so common and have burrowed so deeply into the lexicon that they just fall out of your mouth or course through your typing fingers with no cooperation from your brain. But if your brain did get in on the action, it might discover that those phrases—often filler words meant to imbue your prose with rhetorical flair—really don’t mean much.

So what’s wrong with flair? Well, nothing. Office Space notwithstanding, flair can be great, especially if you’re giving a speech meant to fire up a big crowd.

But when phrases like the ones below show up over and over again with so little inherent meaning, flair can turn into a flop.

Start at the beginning
Isn’t that where I would expect you to start? You’d really only need to warn me if you were starting somewhere weird there, Horace, like the middle, the end or somehow before the beginning.

Let me begin by saying
Is someone stopping you? Just say it! This is the rhetorical equivalent of, “I am now going to write about.” They teach second-graders not to start their essays that way, so keep it out of your adult conversations.

We, as human beings
As opposed to what? We, as robots? We, as orangutans? Unless you’re speaking to or writing for some especially diverse audiences, you can just say “we.”

That said
Yes, someone said it. And that ought to be pretty evident to everyone else who either heard it or read it. You don’t really need to reiterate that something was said. If you’re offering a counterargument to that statement, a “however,” “conversely” or “but” will do just fine.

Happens to be
Sometimes a coincidence can be so shocking that a “happens to be” may be justified. But in most cases, it’s just a cute way of pointing out someone or something has an interesting or unusual trait, like “That vagrant just happens to be my nephew.” All you need is “is.” That vagrant is your nephew.

All things considered
Here’s what you’re saying when you say this: “Anytime I don’t use this phrase, I’m only considering some things when I make judgments.” Or possibly, “I’m making a too-cute joke about the NPR program of the same name.” In either case, they’re not really statements you want to make.

All in all
As I think about what this phrase could have originally meant or what it could really mean, my brain has tied itself into a Gordian knot. Is it the opposite of “none in none”? A contrast to “some in some”? Is it supposed to imply that every single thing has been fitted into every other thing?

I’d better lie down now.

At the end of the day
Like the previous two, this phrase signals that you’re about to sum up all the various pieces of your argument and come to a conclusion. But what does that have to do with the time of day? Almost always nothing. What you’re talking about might even be happening in the morning!

In order to
What you really mean is “to.” The last time an “in order” was justified, it was in the preamble to the U.S. Constitution. And I’m only cutting James Madison some slack because of the whole three branches of government idea and the Bill of Rights. Plus, he was writing back when a lowercase “s” looked like an “f.” Times have changed.

In all its forms
Ahhh! Look out! It’s a shape-shifter!

But seriously, you really don’t need to point out that you like chocolate “in all its forms.” For one thing, that should be self-evident. For another, chocolate is pretty much chocolate, regardless of its physical state.

This is so CUTE!

Hahah I randomly saw this online and I think it is absolutely funny and cute! #mustshare

The very painful email correspondence with Janil Puthucheary

So I thought that having an email conversation with Janil on his statement to Yahoo regarding the whole PA affair would help shed some light, and give us more clarification on their ridiculous stand that opposition MPs cannot serve as grassroots advisers.

I have no words, but that it was a VERY painful exercise and Janil was skirting the issue the entire time, refusing to answer any of my questions, but instead tried to bring the issue down to technicalities. I have decided to disengage him as I see that he has no interest to engage me. Read for yourself below (Note: I have italicized and changed the font color of Janil's reply to make it easier to read.):

-----

From: Kie Zin Teng
Date: Thu, Sep 1, 2011 at 2:52 PM
Subject: Questions regarding your statement to Yahoo Singapore
To: Janil_Puthucheary@prpg-grc.sg

Dear Janil,

On the assumption that Yahoo Singapore (http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/singaporescene/pa-explains-why-opposition-mps-cannot-grassroots-advisers-161613082.html) quoted you correctly, I have a few questions regarding your response to Yahoo on the issue of PA's insistence that Opposition MPs cannot serve as grassroots advisers to Singaporeans. I note that the PA does not distinguish between Singaporeans who voted for PAP and against PAP.

You were quoted as saying that..

The PA is "linked to government policy" and the grassroots adviser has to believe in the overall thrust of the government's approach. "People who implement and operationalise these policies cannot oppose them. You simply can't have a situation where the adviser does not support the implementation of these policies," he noted. Opposition MPs fundamentally oppose the government and so would not always be in support of its policies and programmes, he said. "Even if they did support policies such as anti-dengue and active ageing programmes, it is possible that they could oppose methods of implementation of these policies," he added.

My first question is why is there an assumption that Opposition MPs fundamentally oppose the government? Could you please explain this to me beyond a mere sweeping statement? Opposition parties are named as such because they run against the incumbent party. And in many countries in the world, and soon in Singapore, the government of the day will have members from opposition parties. So one cannot say that Opposition MPs fundamentally oppose the government, because one day, they will be part of the government. Perhaps the term "opposition" misleads many to think that the role of Opposition MPs is to "oppose"; it might be better to replace the term "Opposition Parties" with the names of specific parties. For example, will you say that "Workers Party MPs fundamentally oppose the government"?

Secondly, are you saying that every single member in the PAP support and believe in the overall thrust of the government's approach, in every single policy? Your statement seems to imply so. I recall from the debate about having casinos in Singapore as one such incident where I did not see every member in the PAP supporting the government. Hence your implied assumption here, again, cannot hold true.

You claim that it is possible that Opposition MPs could oppose methods of implementation. The fact of the matter is, it is possible for anything on earth to happen. Using the word "it is possible", makes everything possible - it is a truism. It is also possible that at some point in the future, some people who implement and operationalize the policies could oppose them. Not saying that it will happen, but it might happen. So my third question is, is it not possible that Opposition MPs will fully support the implementation, or even suggest better ideas so that these policies will be better received? Why are you only looking at one side of the coin?

This leads me to my fourth question. If these policies are for all Singaporeans, and the PA serves all Singaporeans, and not just PAP voting Singaporeans, should the grassroots advisers not be from all walks of life, including fellow Singaporeans who happen to also take the role of Opposition MPs? Unless of course you mean to say that they are not Singaporeans. While I am certain that you are not saying that, but selectively excluding Opposition MPs, it might give such an impression to the public. One might as well ensure that nobody in the PA have voted for the opposition, no?

I look forward to your sincere clarification, and trust that you will take time to reply to this


Sincerely,
Scott

----

From: Janil Puthucheary(tc)
Date: Thu, Sep 1, 2011 at 5:38 PM
Subject: Re: Questions regarding your statement to Yahoo Singapore
To: Kie Zin Teng


Dear Scott,
Thanks for writing,
I said a lot more, in an attempt to explain the situation, but she chose to quote what she thought was most relevant. The Opposition parties are in Parliament, where they have the opportunity to voice their opinions, in support or in opposition to Government policies and positions, they do not form part of the Government.


Want to meet and discuss further? I will be traveling overseas next week, how about the week after?


Regards
Janil
-----

From: Kie Zin Teng
Date: Thu, Sep 1, 2011 at 6:09 PM
Subject: Re: Questions regarding your statement to Yahoo Singapore
To: "Janil Puthucheary(tc)"

Dear Janil,

Thank you for your quick respond. I think you must have misread my email. I did not say that the oppositions form part of the Government, I said:

"And in many countries in the world, and soon in Singapore, the government of the day will have members from opposition parties. So one cannot say that Opposition MPs fundamentally oppose the government, because one day, they will be part of the government." (emphasis added)

I understand that the opposition parties are not part of the government of today in Singapore, but it is fundamentally wrong to assert that "opposition MPs fundamentally oppose the government", because as mentioned, there will be a time when opposition MPs are part of the government.

I thank you for the invite to discuss this, but I believe that an email correspondent will suffice for now, if you could address the points that I raised, it would be much appreciated, and following that, if we both feel that this needs to be discussed further, I would be glad to meet you in person.


Sincerely,
Scott

-----

From: Janil Puthucheary(tc)
Date: Thu, Sep 1, 2011 at 11:05 PM
Subject: Re: Questions regarding your statement to Yahoo Singapore
To: Kie Zin Teng


I don't understand your statement about "and soon in Singapore, the government of the day will have members from opposition parties". Are you referring to this session of Parliament or a hypothetical future one?

Similarly your statement that "one day they will be part of the government."

Given the mismatch in our understanding of the situation, and the importance of these issues, I think we should meet to discuss.

Contact me if you change your mind.

regards
Janil
-----

From: Kie Zin Teng
Date: Thu, Sep 1, 2011 at 11:30 PM
Subject: Re: Questions regarding your statement to Yahoo Singapore
To: "Janil Puthucheary(tc)"


Dear Janil

I am sorry, but you appear (to me) to be skirting the issue, and not addressing my questions.

I have indeed use the term "one day" and "soon" which very explicitly implies some time in the future. At no point have I referred to this session of Parliament and I am very clear on the difference between the Parliament and the government. I have clearly stated that your allegations that "Opposition MPs fundamentally oppose the Government" cannot stand, because it is a statement that is fundamentally wrong. Opposition MPs (in the generic sense of Members of Parliaments of any country who are not part of the majority incumbent party) cannot fundamentally oppose the government (again the generic government and NOT the Singapore government per se), because there are scenarios where opposition members are part of the government.

I have explained earlier that the term Opposition might not be used in the most appropriate manner and perhaps we could replace that with the names of specific parties, because this gives the impression that Opposition parties exists solely to oppose.

I do not understand why you cannot address my questions from my first email by email. I see no mismatch in the understanding of the situation, nor importance of this issue.

The questions and issues I would like for you to clarify are:

1. Why is there an assumption that Opposition MPs fundamentally oppose the government? 
2. Are you saying that every single member in the PAP support and believe in the overall thrust of the government's approach, in every single policy?
3. Is it not possible that Opposition MPs will fully support the implementation, or even suggest better ideas so that these policies will be better received? Why are you only looking at one side of the coin?
4. Should the grassroots advisers not be from all walks of life, including fellow Singaporeans who happen to also take the role of Opposition MPs? 

You can refer to my first email to you for more details on the questions.

I understand that you are traveling and are on a busy schedule, and since this issue is pertinent now, your response over email will help enlighten me and fellow Singaporeans; and also prevent a situation where I misquote you or misunderstand what you might be trying to convey.


Sincerely,
Scott

-----

From: Janil Puthucheary(tc)
Date: Fri, Sep 2, 2011 at 1:13 AM
Subject: Re: Questions regarding your statement to Yahoo Singapore
To: Kie Zin Teng


Can you please explain or give me an example of "there are scenarios where opposition members are part of the government"? Maybe I have misunderstood what you are asking?


Regards
Janil
-----

From: Kie Zin Teng
Date: Fri, Sep 2, 2011 at 11:54 AM
Subject: Re: Questions regarding your statement to Yahoo Singapore
To: "Janil Puthucheary(tc)"


Dear Janil,

I am very puzzled as to why you are refusing to address my questions. Even if you have misunderstood what I am asking in my original question, and do not understand my statement that "there are scenarios where opposition members are part of the government", you are still able to clarify my other 3 questions. It appears to me that you have no interest in responding to me, and instead try to bring this conversation down to technicalities.

There are plenty of examples of "scenarios where opposition members are part of the government”. To cite an example: The very recently formed new Thai Government is made up of members from different parties who together formed a coalition government despite the Pheu Thai Party (PTP) winning the majority vote. Thus the Thai Deputy PM and Minister of Tourism and Sports is Chumpol Silpa-archa from the CTP (Chartthaipattana Party) and not from the PTP.

Even if I am mistaken, or that we do not have the same understanding of the term "opposition", I fail to see why you cannot respond to my other 3 questions:

1. Are you saying that every single member in the PAP support and believe in the overall thrust of the government's approach, in every single policy?
2. Is it not possible that Opposition MPs could fully support the implementation of the policies, or even suggest better ideas so that these policies will be better received? 
3. Should the grassroots advisers not be from all walks of life, including fellow Singaporeans who happen to also take on the role of Opposition MPs? 

I would like to disengage from this dialogue, as I believe further discussions will not prove fruitful. I do wish to thank you for taking time to reply to my emails and I wish you a good day.


Sincerely,
Scott