i was watching sense of being yesterday on channel U; ��锋��浜洪�翠��锟斤拷锟� for those who doesn't know the english name. anyway this week topic was on transexual and i must admit it was a very emotional episode, even for the audience. my mom was watching it with me and i noticed there was a lot of difference in the way she watched this program than how she would have some years ago. she was sympathetic and understanding, and i could tell from the way she looked into my eyes that she knew i was gay and that she wanted to tell me she knows and its ok. that some people are just like that.

throughout the whole show i was very silent, even crack silly jokes to divert attention but i think it was still obvious. my whole body language changed. but how could i remain composed when everything they said was so close to the heart. that no we don't have a choice. its not like we don't want to be normal. amy said something like this "i want to be either male or female, not somewhere in between. in my next life, i don't even mind being a dog, as long as its male or female. its so stressful"

its not like i don't want to get married and have kids but i don't love girls. goodness i can't have sex with a girl. we don't have a choice. just like you don't have a choice if you're born black or white. you can bleach your skin colour you can dress whatever way, at the core you're still who you are. i thank all my friends who have learnt to accept me. to understand that i am the exact same person that i was right before i came out and they have given me immense support throughout my journey of self discovery.

i'm happy.