You know you're republican when...

You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

You believe global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools. 

You think trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance".

You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.

You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend".

You believe every man, woman, child and fetus should be armed to the teeth with AK-47's, hand grenades, handguns, and any other weapon imaginable.

You actually believe that people own AK-47's for "hunting purposes".

You think the words feminist and lesbian are synonyms.

You believe the hole in the ozone layer to be a myth created by crazy liberals.

You're for prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

You think God hates homosexuality, but loves the death penalty.

You think all artists are gay.

You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates..."

You think Bush deserves the title "leader of the free world".