i'm feeling down again. very down. messed up again. everything that was neatly placed in my room is strewn all over the place. haiz. i still feel very bitter about my career thing. people don't understand, but how can they, they are not me. i always give fantastic excuses, but in the one, the only person i am trying to convince is myself. i can still remember the fresh air at 10,000 ft, the inverted flights, the beautiful mountains rising beyond the horizon; all now a thing of the past. its all over. while i've said many many things, at the end of it, i know i would never be, i created all this excuse, all the illusion that i am fine. but i am not ok, how can one be when your dreams, something you strive hard, very hard; something that made me push myself through all the difficulties is crushed just like that, by some ruthless fucked up asshole.

praying hard that sq will take me. i'm praying very hard.
---
i remember me and raydance use to post very private things on public blogs, though there were many times people didn't like what they read and said nasty things, we and alot of other bloggers maintained that our blog were our personal spaces, if you don't like what you, fuck off and don't read. but i've learnt a few things, quite a few things and i no longer insist that anymore.

so how can i, how can raydance, post something so personal on such a public blog. such a public when everybody reads.

come on indulge in me and visit these sites. i'm sure you'll love it, fellow budding musicians.

http://www.berklee.edu/opi/2004/0709.html
http://www.berklee.edu/pdp/time.html
http://www.apple.com/education/profiles/berkleeschool/

these days, even steve vai and mayday record their entire album on the powerbooks and ibooks. muahaha. you know sometime, for some really wierd reasons, i love to fix my pc and help my friends fix thier dell/acer/hp/compaq. it gives me a perverse sense of joy whenever their comp crashes and need me to help or that they would love to do some editing and need my mac or the fact that they are giving up on pc and are going to go mac shopping w me after God of Apple, The Saviour of All Frustrated Computer Users, Lord Almighty Steve Jobs (damn i sound a north korean speaking abt their 'dear leader' or do i sound like some other pple? i dunno =p) announces the new line of headless emac for the swtichers. it'll be arnd 800 sing dollars, smaller than a laptop. wooooh! i'm getting one for mommy. monitor? use the pc one lor....

i would like to blog but i don't really know what to say. messy messy emotions all over the place. thinking if i should rip all my jay's songs into my iPod. his slow songs have this very strange effect on me. makes me think about so many things. i don't even know myself how i am feeling. but oh well. i spent the whole day rotting to songs, and fixing the dell outside again. yes yet again. isn't it absolutely facsinating after abusing my ibook with heavy editing, deadlines, movies to create, posters for assorted people to do, massive downloading and all the whatnot you can think of, it still hasn't died on me. much less crash and face the blue screen of death. and it jus dawned upon me that with windows xp, though i've only seen the blue screen of death 6 times to date, they don't even inform you that xp is going to die. it jus dies.

but anyway, i'm feeling messed up screwed up and not in the right frame of mind
---
"It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you"
jimmy eat world - 23

OHMAGAWD!!!!!!! i can't believe that silly stupid fucking sonnawabitch asshole of a spastic shithole street eyebrow plucker STEVEN LIM that was the stripper in the yellow swimming trunks from singapore idol is allowed to perform on national TV on Top Fun channel 8.

they must have let him get on the show to make a fool of himself. ARGH!!!!!! he is so INSANE

i'm in the midst of packing my room, packing my emotions, packing my thoughts. what a year 2004 was. the year started when i came back from brunei, all ready to embarked on my career as a future pilot, but now, i've been suspended due to some crappy medical reasons. those things i said, oh well just a way to cover emotions, to cover how i really felt about not being able to go. sometimes we all need a little lie to get us by.

in jan, i also met the love of my life. its almost a year already, and what a year it has been, full of up and downs and all the in betweens. looking back, it was really a year of extremes. mother nature has been terribly unkind to the world. punishment? maybe, but nore so a lesson, that no matter how great we are, how we can manipulate lives, decide which country to invade just because; decide that us homosexuals are lesser beings; that abortion is legal or illegal; we are still no match for mother nature. without warning, in matters of hours, thousands upon thousands of lives are lost. no mercy was shown. ironically, not a single animal died. they all retreated inland. ironically.

reading the news today (okok you all know i am very emotional) i almost teared by the efforts of the friends and relatives of the loved ones looking and searching everywhere for the victims. dead of alive, they needed some closure. how do we even deal with a catastrophe of such a scale? "live is cheap, cherish what you have now" my dearest friend said that to me yesterday. sigh.

what a way to end 2004, to remind us that the year was chaotic, violent, fearful. all the unnecessary deaths of innocents in sudan, iraq, afghan, india, pakistan, spain, indonesia and i could really go on and on about the terrorist attacks. and between dumb and dumber of election 2004 in the states, the dumber won. how depressing.

in the new year, hopefully the world changes for the better, because every year as we conclude there is nothing but sad news and terrifying images of war torn regions. world peace!

personally i have to learn a lesson that loving someone is easy, accepting is the hard. and that now that i am no longer the 'high flyer' that i was, i've gotta hit the books soon and follow the masses; instead of taking the road less travelled.

happy new year everybody, may this coming year be really filled with great things! love ya guys.

PEACE to the world!
(yes lets all be buddhist!)

i am quite profoundly disturbed by the recent earthquake that struck aceh and the tsunamis that followed suit all over the world. it made me realise so many things. we never know what is going to happen next and that somehow everything is fated. we should all be happy living everyday, why for be sad and be angry. if we are attached, we must learn to cherish every moment together rather than be arguing (are you guilty of that?) we should forgive and forget because while forgiving doesn't change the past, it does enlarge the future. that who knows, we might all be gone in the next nanosecond because some war just broke out.

yeah yeah i am a very emotional person. i really miss him a lot. guess i really should cherish my time with him and give in more.

i am packing my stuff now, gotta return everything to rsaf. there was this sudden surge of emotion swelling inside. its like i've put away my feelings for awhile now and they're all finding their way out. all this while, the reality of the situation haven't really sunk in yet; i mean i felt bad but i wasn't exactly depressed and crying all over my suspension. but when i am packing everything, looking at my flight suit and my helmet and all the accessories, all that i would never ever be able to wear again, i can't help but feel terrible. i couldn't hold back my tears as they slowly find their down way. the gravity of it all just came crashing. and for now, all my dreams will have to be on hold, on hold till i graduate at least. oh well i can't help that.

sigh sigh. big decisions in life

ahhh, its almost christmas eve. goodness and i'm still not in the christmas mood yet. thinking about it, i've hardly ever felt the christmas mood; well because it holds no meaning to me. silent night? nahz i've got my ipod (okok lame advert from citylink, but ohwell)

i've made an important decision in life. that would mean i have to put off my plans of a dashing condo and a honda integra aside, all the plans delayed by four years. is it worth it? i guess so.

but anyway i'm reading this book, the line of beauty by alan hollinghurst. its a damn fucking good book, well too much sex but still its damn good. its a master of literature. its just so amazing, you have to read it.

not very coherent today. nevermind. going back to read and going back to missing my boy.

i just spend the most wonderful 23 hours and 9 minutes with my boy. hahaha oh well nothing much for you to know. went swimming, shopping, eating and just generally hanging out. haven't done that in a long time. and i miss him already. cow why aren't you beside me now?

i am finally going to see my dear and some quality time together. YAY! hahah finally i waited so long, and i currently baking something for him. hehehez
-----
oh do you know christmas has absolutely nothing to do with christians. especially all those merry making bits, all the nonsense about christmas is all about giving. for those less informed and not so well read, two thousand years ago, this was the very kind of celebration that alarmed the early christian church, which was disgusted with the cheer and merriment that marked the pagan festivals of their new converts. at first, the church forbade this kind of celebration. but it was to no avail. the christian “christmas” celebration was invented to compete against the pagan celebrations of december. The 25th was not only sacred to the romans, but also to the persians ? whose religion, mithraism, was one of christianity’s main rivals then.

the church was successful eventually in taking the merriment, lights and gifts from the pagan festival and bringing them to the celebration of christmas. quite alive in modern singapore, though its traditional impulses are designed unreservedly to promote happiness, goodwill and social bonhomie. for some, the christmas period is still a religious festival and the churches will see an upsurge in attendance for this one day.

the history of celebrating the end of the year or of a cycle dates back to more than 4,000 years. Many of the christmas traditions were celebrated centuries before jesus christ was born. The 12 days of christmas, the bright fires, the yule log, the giving of gifts, carnivals, parades with floats, carollers who sing while going from house to house, the holiday feasts and the church processions can all be traced back to the early mesopotamians.

there are many ? the starving, the abused, the parents of those dead or facing death in war zones, the jobless ? for whom it will be the unhappiest and the loneliest time of the year. for many who have seen the horrors of war and genocide, christmas and the new Year will mean very little except sadness. christmas is the season of hope for peace and goodwill. Maybe, just maybe, the christian world will pause to ponder the real meaning (to bring peace on earth and joy to the world) of christ's birth.

credit to constance singam

i think mediacorp should stop showing true files, the more mediacorp shows it, the more i am convinced that the singapore law system is so screwed up. its only through this show that i realised that as long as there is death, irregardless what happens, its considered murder, and there's no such thing as "causing death not amounting to culpable homicide" (or whatever it is)

the cases they show have so many doubtful points and it really makes me lose so much faith in singapore. and i once more denounce the death sentence. haiz...

today is such an exciting day. i spent my whole day at home doing nothing. and nope i wasn't even reading. goodness. haha. i really jus rotted at home. it felt really really good, though i am bored of it already. envy all those uni folks, get to slack like this once in awhile. guess i am really not used to such lovely life. but anyway i spent the day mostly looking after the baby, and well doing some housekeeping on my mac.

my boy started work proper today after a few weeks of training. oh well, he's gonna be so busy now. wish can spend more quality time with him.

as for me, my appointment for tomorrow has been set with my old old old friend jasmin for a lunch at top of the m (no i am joking of course, lawry's, haha nahz) and dinner will be with my boy and hopefully can spend some time, haiz. was suppose to be meetin ah yee, but as always whenever we set to meet, somehow something crops up. but we are on our to break that curse ain't it...

i wrote to the prime minister. yes mr lee hsien long (i hope i spelled that correctly). i am absolutely perturbed by the rejection of snowball and in case you are wondering, no i never went to such parties. its just the hypocritism that i can't stand anymore and i wrote to him, i shall let you guys have a read.

and guess what, i might just be getting an interview with the straits times because of this. jolly good.
-----

Dear Sir,

I know you have probably read alot of this email by now and i won't be
bothering you much, but i feel i have something to say.

I am your typical young singapore student, though i am not amongst the
scholarly high flyers, i graduated from a rather decent school. I was very
inspired by your rally when you told us that we would be an 'open and
inclusive society', though i was sceptical, most of what you have done gave

me confidence that you'll lead singapore to better heights. My best friend
attended the Prime Minister dialouge with you, and he told me that you
seemed like you are genuinely making an effort to make everyone of us
count.

It is disheartening and very disappointing that the police have sought to
bring down what you tried to establish. By claiming that we are largely
conservative (who even decides that?) they tore down what you are trying to

establish, and makes us feel discriminated and left out. I can't even begin

to describe how upset I felt when i read the news about the refusal of
license for Snowball 04. I for one do not go to such parties but i always
felt that such parties are the beginning of something promising, some
changes. Most of friends know I am gay and most are ok with it, so how do
we
justify whether are we largely conservative. So based on that statement are

we going to do away with everything just because the police thinks that.
That what they think is too 'open' for singapore, be it arts, theatre,
film,
events (maybe a woman oriented event, but because they are chauvinist
thinking that females are to be discriminated as well we should cancel the
event) how about breast cancer screening, we are too conservative for that
too? I am sure you know my point sir.

I have great hopes in Singapore and it is from the deepest of my heart that

I've sent this email to you. While I know you might be too busy to reply, I

hope that as you read this, you might be able to gather feedbacks from the
young generation. I never did feedback to that call because I've always
been
a sceptic, always wondered whats the point if I spoke up. I just did and
while there may be limited actions, I hope something can be done to make
Singapore and 'open and inclusive' society for all

Regards
Scott

-----
you know, all those that i have said are really from the bottom of my heart. i was very very impressed with pm lee, but this has really gotten to me. gotten to me very very badly. i mean who on fuck decides that we are too conservative. every bloody person i know now, i just tell them that i am gay. my friend's entire christian family know and they are so ok with it. they bring good looking guys for me to see. so who on this fuck decides we are 'largely conservative'? the fucked up police? so what if i tell them most people think that the police uniform is too indecent, they are showing the hands and the face, we are too conservative for such outrageous show of flesh from the force of authority, are they going to be in full face to toe suit with nothing revealing?

i mean oh my fuckin god (if there is one) what on earth is an openly homosexual life. like it can be closed and open. fucked up...!!!!!

hello world! i am back after a tremendously long hiatus!!! yes yes yes amazing ain't it. well i told ya i would be coming back. but i've been far toooooo busy to do a new layout so please try to enjoy this current one till i find some time ok? oh well why i went on hiatus? or even saying that i might take down my blog? well its too long to tell you guys, but don't worry i am doing quite well now. hoping things would get better. how is everybody doing? i'm going to be so busy but please do drop me a letter! if you don't know address email me and ask! i like real letters more than email. but an email will do fine for those too lazy to write? is everyone doing ok? i hope you guys are.

ahhh i realised that i really did miss blogging a lot. an emotional outlet for me to spill all my troubles to. to jus update everybody and to tell someone and yet no one in particular what i did and i am going to do. sometimes it just sucks knowing that while you try to tell someone about your day, they just pretend to be listening. i would rather be blogging thinking some people might read it.

but anyway i would be updating more in time to come. but right now, important decisions in life. very important decisions in life to be made. watch out world. i am going to be somebody someday!

"They say I'm "flaunting an openly homosexual lifestyle," as if there fucking is one. That really gets me... Aren't we just talking about people loving each other? It's so fucking boring." - Roseanne

"Homosexuality is God's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children." - Sam Austin

i need help i am gg crazy. he hasn't called me for 3 nights and i'm at seoul daily and seoul news.net checking if anything is happening there. argh. somebody help me. i am so worried how can he do this to me?

i just spend 1.5 hours chatting with my dar over the net just now. apparently his hotel room has a computer! but sadly he's only there for 2 nights, after that he would be setting off to another place, and he won't be able to contact me as readily as now. thinking if i should be stupid and wait till 6 am till he wakes and can icq him again.

haiz i think i am so hopeless. so hopelessly in love and so hopelessly lovelorn

okok i am here one more time. because i just realised, i forgot to update about the most hilarious show i've ever watch. look no further mr and ms depressed. the one show to brighten up your entire month; to have you laughing your hearts off everytime you listen to 'a thousand miles' or spot a prada bag; the one show to make me laugh non-stop from start till finish and i mean non-stop, introducing THE WHITE CHICKS.

yeah! my dear SMSed me at the internet booth in the hotel. finally. feel so happy now. really quite happy, knowing that he is safe and sound. i know sometimes it is not going to be very convenient but i can't help feeling this way. but its all ok now, knowing that he is alright and having fun and missing me just as much. dear dear if you reading this, the weather is getting colder there, wear the overcoat i gave you if you need ok? and must take good care of yourself especially since i am not there to take care of you.

i can't believe i am checking the world news at this crazy time just to know he's ok. sigh i am going crazy. dear where are you???

haiz. i can't sleep well at all. keep waking up. why? because he didn't call me tonight. no i am not afraid of him flirting, just worried about his safety. hope he is ok. and dear if you are reading this, if you can't get me, maybe you want leave a voice mail, or you can send me an email or sms me through the web ok. i am missing so much.

nobody i know can accept the fact that jerry is still in the competition it means that we all have to endure his singing, the lack of it, for one more week. david is out, not that he was a terrible singer or whatever, in fact he sings better than chris and jerry, but he has less supporter. but who cares. how can jerry even be there. this is too much. christopher as well, he's "consistently weak" as ken puts it. get outta there already.

we should have a voting out system, then we can more accurately know who's the most popular idol.

----------

he's now in korea, and i'm waiting for his phone call. so sad. haiz. he can't bring his phone there because the network there is a cdma network rather than GSM. which also means i can't SMS him or call him, but patiently wait for his calls and make sure that he is safe and sound. missing him alot

---------

i can't believe that we have degenerated till this, i've had enough.

LinuxInsider has published an interesting editorial from Paul Murphy who asks which is faster, Macs or PCs? In answer to that question, he says: "The short answer can be based entirely on raw hardware capabilities, and that answer is pretty simple: the Mac wins hands down." He goes on to say:

For example, the NCSA "Tungsten" cluster computer built last year was recently upgraded to include 2,500 dual Xeon Dell Poweredge 1750 servers at 3.2 GHz. According to NCSA public affairs, this thing has a theoretical peak capacity of about 32 Tereflops and yields about 15.36 teraflops in operation -- meaning that each CPU contributes about 3.1 Gigaflops to actual throughput.

In contrast, the cluster built last year at Virginia Tech using 1,100 Mac desktops has a theoretical peak of about 18.2 Teraflops and initially benchmarked at 8.1 Teraflops to deliver a contribution of 3.7 Gigaflops per CPU.

Although that was 19 percent better than the most recent Dell Xeon's, later machines built with Apple's X-Serves do much better because they have fewer I/O bottlenecks. Thus the Mach5 cluster built by Colsa Corp. and the U.S. Army, uses 1,566 dual CPU X-serves to deliver an expected 15 Teraflops in sustained throughput. That's 4.8 Gigaflops per CPU -- more than 50 percent faster than the Xeon -- and that's with last year's 2.0 GHz G5.

It can be argued, of course, that this comparison isn't fair because the Xeon is an older 32 bit processor and not generationally comparable to the G5. It might be better, therefore, to compare the X-serve cluster to machines built using a more modern 64 bit processor like AMD's (NYSE: AMD) Opteron's. "Lightning," at Los Alamos National Laboratory , uses 2,816 Opterons to produce a peak of 11,264 or 4.0 Gigaflops per CPU -- 30 percent better than the Xeons, but still 20 percent less than the G5s.

The article in its entirety goes on to address many of the issues on what makes such comparisons difficult, as well as other related issues. Included in those issues is that despite his quantitative answers, many questions regarding which platform is better simply can not be unresolved. We recommend the full article as a good read.

The Mac Observer Spin:
That it comes from a Linux-focused publication just makes it that much more interesting. While we will continue to point out that Linux and Mac platforms face the same enemy, Windows, what's important is that this piece wasn't pumped out by a Mac fan site, but rather a site aimed at the Linux community. That said, it's a corporate-owned site, part of the E-Commerce Times network, and not a fan-driven site, so some of the impact is certainly lost.

Additionally, E-Commerce Times aims its publications more at the IT world than community-oriented sites like The Mac Observer, but that means that the article is raising issues of speed in front of an audience that could conceivably produce Switchers.

----------

i can't believe there are still extremely STUPID AND FUCKED UP people who refuse to believe that mac are better. i am not even expecting them to change. i mean like 10 of my friends have seen the mac and converted and absolutely loving it. not a single day of crash. no frustration, EVER. and then there are still people who just conveniently "i am sick of the mac vs pc argument" i mean what argument. even linux and windows producers admit the MAC WINS HANDS DOWN i quote. silly pc users.

this is so fascinating. as much as i am so upset about jeassea being out of singapore idol, i must direct everybody's attention to this blog, which is on something more disgusting that jerry from singapore idol. christianity. haha okok, more generally, religion, but come on we all know don't we.

http://timmerca.com/article/2620/

its sooo funny

let me quote a few lines

"with all this technological innovation and knowledge, there is still a majority of people who find solace in their own imaginary friend.

i'm talking about religion. i don't understand how two grown, mature adults can talk one minute about how wonderful it is to fly from new york to los angeles in under six hours, and then the next minute discuss at length how god is great and how good he is to all his children."

"people kill each other because they believe that one imaginary friend is better than another is inconceivable to me."

"i mean, come on people...are we still living in the dark ages here? is there still any doubt in any grown adults mind about the existence of an invisible, unknowable, all-powerful, omnipotent being? do we believe in the easter bunny past age 5? do we believe in santa clause? gremlins? trolls under our beds at night? of course not. so why do we believe in god?

and this insanity is reaching pandemic proportions. not only are people disagreeing about which imaginary friend is better than the other, but people are moving to other countries, spending years "sleeping", and then one morning, waking up and getting on a bus with ten pounds of plastic explosives strapped to their belly.

are we fucking serious?"


hahahah go read it go read it.. yes everyone of you. hahahah

i am absolutely appalled and taken back by the results of singapore idol. JERRY SUCKS BIG TIME. did you guys hear the audience boo when the results was announced? they were like 'what'!!! jessea is really really good. when she sang everybody was like screaming. how on earth did that fuc*** jerry get it. he must get out next week. he is absolutely terrible. he went off keys so many times. and not to mention his f***ed up attitude.

i'll bet he's from city harvest. anybody can verify that? i mean how else can absolutely horrendous singers like ho yeow sun get RIAS best selling artiste? it is an SOP in city harvest for every member of the family to own 25million copies of her album or else rot in hell. argh this is absolute ghastly and appalling (note, jerry is not from city harvest, he's from trinity methodist church, there goes that theory)

visit http://www.todayonline.com/articles/25723.aspfor a detailed newspaper article on anti jerry sentiments.

chant with me

I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY
vote for jerry and ROT IN HELL!!!!!!
I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY
vote for jerry and ROT IN HELL!!!!!! I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY

i have something to say, and it is not going to sound very nice, but i am going to say it anyway. the telephone works both way. haven't you realised that since we've graduated, i have been the one keeping contact with you. i have been the one calling you, asking you out, smsing you. if you don't make more effort, how can any friendship survive. i treat you as my best female friend. we've been through quite a lot together, and i must say i was so shock to see that you are angry with me. why are you even angry with me

you didn't ask me to go back for maf, neither did you ask me to go back for the homecoming festival, you didn't ask me about last year's maf either. nor the campfire. somehow i found out that the carnivals were on such dates and i asked if you were going. you know very well my class wasn't a very cohesive class. my close friend in my class has a phobia of going back because she was forced to leave school. when i go back with you, you are bound to meet your friends, your classmates, your choirmates, and the friends would be with thier own friends. and what am i suppose to do. stand there and be all awkward and try my best to explain my back condition and why i am going to be a pilot no more.

and mark, you think he is ever going to be so nice such as to accompany me instead of his classmates during such functions. he would just absent mindedly miss my calls and apologise later. so how can you be angry with me. how can you be angry with me when you don't make the effort to meet up. i msg you about meeting with mark and you don't even reply. how can your anger be ever justified. i really do cherish our friendship alot and if you say some things are better left in the past, i agree, but some things, you don't leave in the past, some follow you your whole life, like how i want to be your 'best gay friend' your whole life

i didn't write this, one of my dearest senior did.

新加坡人不说话，很安静的，就是自己被生活的循规蹈矩规律化了，这不是一个很令人毛骨悚然的事实吗？新加坡没有的所谓的言论自由，在野党的几乎执政的清一色，这都显示了什么？显示了国人还没成熟。政府是曾尝试过开放起来，但就是国人舆论纷纷，批评这的那的，投诉这个那个，这算成熟吗？服兵役就投诉说太吃力呀、又说老师在课堂上不可责备自己的宝贝子女呀、过去那些有争议性的舞台剧、报刊都被封杀，其实，他们的道德教育是没错的，只是父母、前一辈的思想保守、幼稚，以至他们对这些的反抗。其实他们更该鼓励儿女们去接触社会鲜为人知的一面，再回家说明为何不能这样那样，才会让国人思想更快成熟、开放，而不是这样地避重就轻，不去教育反而排斥它们的存在，这样社会很难进步。他们这样的保护法，难道是对自己管教儿女的无方而心寒

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会读吗？

i absolutely HATE SUN YANZI, i really hate her alot alot. she sucks totally with no talent whatsoever. i hate her!

music: tori amos - hey jupiter

this is so strange, many many old feelings are raked up by this song. the whole emotion of the song, strikes a chord thats buried so deep in my heart. images of yesteryear flashes past. strange, very very strange.

its been awhile since i last post didn't i? seems everybody's feeling a little down these days. raydance's on hiatus, fallapart is feeling a little 'under the weather' okok depression. junyi is all stressed up about promos, colin's not too happy about exercise wallaby, or the lack of; then there's huiyi's pms (ooops) and finally mark's still mark =p

well as for me, like that lor. hahah. i don't really know. there are some things bothering me, little things actually so don't worry. for those who are still concerned about me, my back isn't dying as yet. in fact it is improving slightly. been swimming as often as i can (yesyes i have a gorgeous tan now... lookout extreme makeover) life's getting kinda mundane. nothing exciting other than the imac.

actually yes there is, tmr marks our 7TH MONTH TOGETHER!!!! okok its not really an anniversary so i didn't type it down. got him a gorgeous binder with lovely folders and base paper so that he can better do his portfolio.

new haircut (yes i am cuter now, its possible -pukes-)

nothing else.

i have so much to say, so much i wanted to type. i have planned it all inside my head. but now, i am too tired to type. to even try to explain anything. every single ounce of my energy has been sapped. forcefully taken away from me. and like a drowning kid, i can't even struggle. in the its still me. its was me, still and always will be me. i am the loser.


jewel - break me

I will meet you
In some place
Where the light lends itself
To soft repose
I will let you undress me
But I warn you
I have thorns
Like any rose
And you could hurt me
With your bare hands
You could hurt me
With with the sharp end
Of what you say
But I'm lost to you now
And there's no
Amount of reason
That could save me
So break me
Take me
Just let me
Feel your arms again
Break me
I'll let you make me
Just let me
Feel your love again

Feels like being underwater
Now that I've let go
And lost control
Water kisses fill my mouth
Water fills my soul

So break me
Take me
Just let me
Feel your arms again
Break me
Make me
Just let me
Feel your love again

Kiss me once
Or maybe twice
Oh, it never felt so nice
So break me
Take me
Let me
Feel your arms again
Break me
Make me
Just let me
Feel your arms again
Just let me
Feel your love again

go to http://www.apple.com/imac or regret for the rest of your life.



isn't it so amazing. all that power in just a 2inch thick lcd screen. with dvd burner and processor and fans and speakers and hard drives and WOW!!!! i want it!!!!!

TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

JONNY: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."

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SON: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?

FATHER: No. Why do you ask that?

SON: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

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TEACHER: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!

KIRK: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.

i loved the rally. its a very inspirational rally, its a milestone. u can read all about in the newspaper, but something he said really struck me. he was talking about singaporeans conforming and only going on the tried and tested routes, but never trying anything new. he used the custom at the airport as an analogy where people queued on the 'singapore only' passports but nobody queued in the 'all passports' queue. is there something there that we didn't know? of course not. so why not be the first to step into uncharted territories? to bring the idea further, i suggest we be the first to chart into social reforms, where gays are not discriminated, where we are given equal rights, where we are not criminal just because i hold my partner's hands in public. where i can make love to him and its not illegal. if Hong Kong can do it, 12 years ago, i hardly think, singapore as a 'forward looking' country, wanting to take initiatives can't. equal rights. and i'm not even going to go into the arguments for marriage. you can go to downloads and look at 'the m word' for more info.

however notice that near the end of mr goh's term, suddenly everything is rejected for no rhyme of reason. the group PLU is rejected for some frivalous reasons : ..the registration of the proposed society is not approved under Sections 4(2)(b) and 4(2)(d) of the Societies Act.�

Sections 4(2) states: �The Registrar shall refuse to register a society if he is satisfied that (b) the society is likely to be used for unlawful purposes or for purposes prejudicial to public peace, welfare or good order in Singapore; (d) it would be contrary to the national interest for the society to be registered People Like Us has written to the ROS asking him to provide details of how he arrived at the finding that we could be for unlawful purposes, prejudicial to public peace, and contrary to the national interest.

and some talks to educate the public about us are suddenly rejected. but when mr lee took office the first thing he announced was that any talks can now be made without a licencse, so long as it doesn't touch on race nor religion. he said we should be free to express our ideas, but of course not starting a riot. while it comforted me, it also led me to think, is this all just publicity? that mr lee would be the one that is the 'new' generation leader, that he would be the one to push for the changes?

if the gay group PLU tries to get a licencse as a registered society fails again, then �Everything we have seen, passed off as "loosening up," or letting creativity reign, is nothing but a public relations exercise to (a) counter the worldwide perception of Singapore as a sterile, authoritarian, flog-happy place and (b) to hoodwink more foreign talent to come to Singapore to contribute economically.

i cried while watching the amazing race just now. for those who didn't catch it, charla and mirna were eliminated. charla spoke when the host broke the news to them. and it was just so touching. charla said: "I just wanted to prove to the world how much I can do, and it's not easy when there's�always people thinking you can't do it and you have to work extra hard to do it�[but] you have to do it. You have to accomplish your dreams." A teary Phil told Charla, "You have an amazing spirit." sometimes people have to work doubly hard, or 3 times as hard just to prove that they can do it too and to me, how many people out there even come close to charla. her determination, her will power puts the rest of the contestant to shame, especially colin. brandon, tall handsome and hunky is humble and really nice guy, he was worried about how the mothers and the cousins would fare in africa, but colin couldn't care less and even resorted to underhand methods to get at charla and mirna. FUCK YOU COLIN, if you win you know you don't win in peace BASTARD MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN GO SUCK CHRISTIE CUNT ON THE FLIGHT HOME!@$@#%$#^$%&%^UI^*%@#T$%^&$%

ok i overdid it but i really hate colin.

makes me ponder, charla is not ashamed of her 'short'comings (sorry) her physical disadvantaged, and she work twice as hard to show that she's shorter but it doesn't mean anything. i don't understand why some people are so ashamed of being gay, why some people are so apologetic about being gay. why do they have to pretend to be straight when mixing around and using all sorts of excuse when they are in the gay crowd. i am not your alpha male sorta of guy and i don't pretend to be, i am soft at times, but it doesn't mean i can't do things. i am not in the army so i don't go outfield much, but when i was in brunei i lead my team all the way and we came in 1st. i wanted people to know, just because i behave like i am gay (yes i am) doesn't mean i can't do things. doesn't mean i have to go get myself downgraded before i enter ns and serve as a clerk or a storeman. being gay doesn't mean anything. there are strong (used very loosely here) straight people and weak straight people too. i just don't see why some gay people just let themselves rot and whats the word, argh forget it.

point is i am proud of being gay. i am. full stop. i won't apologise to anybody nor will i pretend to be straight, try to convince the world i like to fuck woman. NO I DON'T. are you gonna say "you haven't tried, how would you know?" how would you know i haven't tried. i am quite sure you straight obnoxious guy out there can't imagine, but scenario. i shove my prick up yours. don't like it? me too, and i really don't like shoving it anywhere else though.

so why go on hiding. why be so afraid that people might see us and know we're gay? why are you so afraid to wear bright colours? can't straight people wear bright red shirt? orange trunks? no? only gays wear them? so by wearing them you automatically become gay? so what if people see? so? whats the big fat deal anyway? who cares? who really gives a damn? those people you meet in the streets will know you the next week you walk past them? and people who know you just sees a little flamboyant shirt, so? what goes through their mind? nothing much, momentarily 'so gay, hahah' thats it. no more. so stop being apologetic and ashamed and stand up for yourself, if you can't do it, nobody's gonna do it for you. you've seen my wonderful straight friends stand by me, accepting me for who i am, so stop deluding yourself and live in your 17th century world.

i heard the forbidden word on television today. state controlled media channel 5. they were talking about the promise the new PM made, an open and inclusive singapore where people are allowed to be different. there was this seminar of sorts in NUS political science faculty where people stated their views and then the voice over said "amids the issues of the casino, gays and lesbian issues"

a senior lecturer thinks its possible because PM Lee is considered young, at 52 he can still hold 3-4 terms, and he needs us, therefore his policy must be tailored to us. well all this is only words and more words. long as gay sex is still illegal and where we are discriminated where newspaper article can flame us one baseless issues, long as we can't get our rights, not privillege just rights, equal rights as everybody, we won't and will not be a 'open and inclusive' singapore

one of my friend complained about mundane blog entries, entries like:

today i woke up at 531 and brushed my teeth and took mrt to work. i had lunch at 12pm lalalalalallalalala

aiyo....

but anyway. i HATE work. this is the 4th time i am repainting the classroom, because lady boss and boss sir wouldn't agree with each other. other than sitting down together and talking things out and settle on colours BOTH can agree on, they should also seriously consider taking anger management classes.

nothing much to update. he's going outfield for 4days 3nights, without hp. can't contact him. haiz.

we are 6months together! yay. well its considered an achievement from where i come from. people get together and break up in matter of days and weeks. went out with him to swim, but the pool was so crowded. so we just lazed around. and guess what while washing up, i thought it would be a good idea that he bathed first while i looked after the belongings, in comes this old fat and ugly guy who keeps staring at me and motioning me to follow him to some cubicle! GROSS! then he entered one and keeps looking out at me. its really really disgusting. i was like dying for my dear to come out and get me out of this situation. YUCKS, first time i encountered something like that. not that i look good in my trunks being all ribs and nothing else. eeeeeEEEEeee. i mean honestly if he looked somewhat like julian hee, or if he is julian, then maybe. oooops.

went out to eat, eat and eat. hahaha. show you guys the present he got for me later. sooo sweeeeeeeeet. ahhhhhhhh. anyway a quote stolen from junyi's blog.

"He who goes to bed with an itchy bottom wakes up with a smelly finger."
-Jean

hahahahhahahahahahahah ROTFL

to all those inconsiderate people who picks up some lost handphone and keeps it for yourself without even trying to contact the owner. i curse you. every single one of you. may you rot in hell for eternity and lose you sense of hearing and speech ability and thus never be able to use the handphone again in your entire life and death.

yes i lost my phone. so for all those who know me and have my number can i appeal to you guys to send me a message with your name on it (surname too and where are you from how i knew you) it sounds silly but i know like 5 pauls, 4 alvins, 3 justins and a couple of kelvins. so i have no idea who's who if you don't tell me right.

nothing much. been horribly busy. out most of the time because mommy decidedly got angry at me for no reasons and told me not to speak to her ever again. then ok, i never spoke to her for almost a week. suits herself. went out with him every single day over the extended weekend. hahaha. went to east coast to cycle, swam a bit and then met up with paul and stan for some dinner. we had black pepper crab!!!! then it was off for singapore idols

my goodness. i am not going to even cry about it here. just a small thought: i always thought singaporeans care alot about their image in public. guess not (all together now "i wonder how i wonder why yesterday you told me about a blue blue sky...." cue hands in victory sign swinging all over the place)

went through some old photos. my dear looks better a few years back, yes it is possible. i can't even give that a rating on my score board. seriously if you could ever see that coloured locks that cheeky smile, ahhhhh.

http://www.channel4.com/life/microsites/G/gayometer/gayometer.html

yes yes do go there. i am 63 percent gay. hahaha how gay *shrieks*

food for thought

my child has been 'turned' or 'recruited'
Almost all gay children are brought up to be straight, yet turn out otherwise. Likewise, it is doubtful that a straight child could be 'turned' gay, even if someone was trying.

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If you're older, you may be more nervous, if only because your friends have thought you're straight for longer. But really close friends may feel very proud and touched that you've chosen to tell them.

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go here to find out more

don't you ever think that just because you are older than me, you are right, and just because i am younger therefore i am wrong. and don't you ever impose your thoughts on me. you know by now that i have agreed with you on most issues, even the solution to this issue, but i just can't take it down that you could ever use my age as an argument, by not discouting my age, you have already done that.

who do you think you are trying to protect? no one but yourself. you called me selfish for liberating myself and putting the burden on others. well go on and ask everybody, ask alanna, mark, siming, darrell, jeremiah, corrine, yihan, keefe, jasmin, christian and the countless other people i have told. how much burden is on them? you think the society is going to judge them just because they know i am gay? just because they have a little secret of mine to keep. you are wrong. they are more than happy to keep it because they are my close friends and they have no qualms about it. you are protecting no one but yourself. society is going to judge YOU, and you fear that. you are protecting yourself because you are afraid to be judge, that people won't take you for who you are because you are gay. wrong again.

you make youself out to be some self sacrifing matyr, that by not telling your closest friend, you are protecting her, you are not. you are lying to her. and deceit as you said it youself, is not the right thing. if your friendship is worth so much that you are willing to see her drift away, it says alot. and don't you EVER EVER say that i am selfish for liberating myself and burdening my friends because they know i am gay. don't you ever use my age against me.

you might not know this, but i might, i just might have known things you DON'T. i seen my friends die, i have seen my friends commit suicide. i have friends who are disowned by their fathers, i have friends who don't have fathers and not born with SILVER spoons and drive cars and have nothing much to fret about their daily lives. i have friends who live in 1 room flat and not a terrace house. i have friends who have next to nothing. i have seen what damage coming out can do, so don't you EVER EVER EVER discount me for my age and think i don't know.

i respect your view and no matter what compromise, me and kel will always have to give in. even if we are the majority unless the decision is to say because at the end of the day, when nothing is said, we have given in. because that one statement "it affects more than just you" that statement wins all argument. and yes you can then push your age around but i tell you, i hate that and i don't demand any apology because its pointless.

and i have something else to say

if you never used a mac, please keep your fucking mouth shut. just because i use the latest codec and some windows pc can't play it, its not my fucking mac fault. if you would only update your windows. so stop blaming my mac whenever you encounter some problems with your pc just like how many countless times programs have hanged and virus have killed your pc. its not my bloody problem.

if you have never ever used a mac, don't even think for once that it is lousier than yours because you DON'T KNOW, so stop complaining. it is my liking my preference. FUCK OFF.

i wanted to type a long post but i don't think i have the energy to do it. don't worry it has nothing to do with him. am doing very very well with him. anyway we caught the house of flying daggers. it sucks. zilch plot. go read lunz blog on 29th july for a detailed sypnosis. 1/2 out of 5 stars only because takeshi and zhang ziyi looks so gorgeous.

going out with him later to watch the village.... oooooh. i'll come back and give a more detailed review on that. it better be as good as the return or even better.

yesyes for those who haven't already caught the return, you should really consider. its amazing, click here to find out more about the show.

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apple concept store would be launch soon, i won't divulge much yet but its so cool. i can't wait already.

i wanted to type a long post but i don't think i have the energy to do it. don't worry it has nothing to do with him. am doing very very well with him. anyway we caught the house of flying daggers. it sucks. zilch plot. go read lunz blog on 29th july for a detailed sypnosis. 1/2 out of 5 stars only because takeshi and zhang ziyi looks so gorgeous.

going out with him later to watch the village.... oooooh. i'll come back and give a more detailed review on that. it better be as good as the return or even better.

yesyes for those who haven't already caught the return, you should really consider. its amazing, click here to find out more about the show.

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apple concept store would be launch soon, i won't divulge much yet but its so cool. i can't wait already.

i can't believe it has taken me soooo long. but i'm falling in love with ben folds. his songs are just soo amazing, wow. yes ben folds five too.

caught the return yesterday. i won't say much but it is a must watch, you'll be left craving for it, that i am going to ask, anybody wants company to watch, if you are going to treat that is =p

i feel like such a loser. i really do. today's the homecoming carnival. wanted to go back with mark and alanna and j and him. but everything just didn't turn out the way i thought it might be all fun, go back with everyone, play some stupid games and catch up. well i did meet up n alanna and siming in the end. it was nice and all, but i have like no friends. where's all my classmates? where's mark? didn't pick up my calls, didn't reply my msg. and to make everything worse, he didn't want to meet my friends. again. i am not going to dwell into that. we've been through enough of this. i just feel so lousy and so terrible. i feel almost sick. argh

nothing much going on lately. missing my dear loads. going for another exercise. sigh. its going to be a tough few weeks ahead for him. so i'll try my best to be there for him.

anyway its really nice to be lugging an ibook around. people would stop right beside to tell me that's a good powerful notebook i've got. muahaha. basking in all that attention. what could be better. oh yes the new ipod is out. its cheaper,smaller with longer battery life and looks better with improved features.20gb for 548 and 40gb for 748. how incredibly cheaper compared to zen touch, at 499, its 40 grams heavier, 0.3 inch thicker, bulkier, less user friendly features, an sad rip-off of ipod designs, no wonder people say singapore is running out of creative talents.

i wonder why some people are so resistant to the invasion of the ipods. i mean 60% of all mp3 players sold in the world are ipods, including your i-can-only-store-20-songs 128mb flash player. there's isn't really anything to argue about is there. hardware mag rated ipod the best mp3 player u can buy. side by side is the iriver, which has more features but less stunning design and an awkward joystick that lets u scroll song-by-song. so from say 'all my life' to say 'you and i both', given the 5000 song storage, it would take probably a flight from here to LA, whereas the ipod does it in less that 2 seconds!

-standing ovation-

sorry i've been incredibly busy this few weeks. so much things to do. anyway i've gotta run off and sleep. more things packed for me tomorrow. nights guys, would keep u all updated

ok, i am done with all my ranting for now. the issue is settling down, and i'll see what ill effects are there, then i will decide on my next course of action. actually well, its more because my boy's outfield for the past 2 days, and he's sick some more, made me so worried. he couldn't really use to phone, so couldn't contact me for like 20 over hours. wah the whole day, i just kept thinking about him. sian, so lovelorn =(

i am just so thankful i've found him. its been more than 5 months le, going to be half a year since i first know him. every day is a totally different experience. yes there was periods of well, problems, largely my fault. i am so glad that is out of the way. ahhhh lovelorn again.. okok i shall stop it. nite folks

ohmygod, channel u is featuring this talkshow (fei chang tou shi yan) on the issue of chinese prostitute soliciting on the streets. its a problem that is worsening. makes me really worried whether they would actually feature one episode on gay bars and spas in the near future. well mainly because the issues of chinese prostitutes was highlighted on wanbao, sinming and newpaper i think. its really very worrying. what if they start a whole anti gay sentiment. is anybody going to do anything? can we even do anything? the age of repression is here.

in an extremely well versed and wonderful letter to TODAY:

1. Context

As a daily reader of your paper, and an occasional contributor to your forum pages, I have been consistently encouraged by your journalistic integrity. Your articles span a broad range and you do not appear to shy from controversial topics, even when incurring the ire of certain political leaders for �foreign interference� in domestic issues.

The reason for my writing is this. In the last week, Lianhe Wanbao, published by your media rival Singapore Press Holdings, published a four-part expose in which it sought to perpetuate fallacious and scientifically unsustainable myths about homosexuality, for example, that people are homosexual because they have been raped, or lack a male role model (nevermind the blatant sexism). In addition, the four-parter was largely an amateurish account of gay saunas and clubs as hideouts for illicit sexual activity. They then propose that the police raid these spots.

I do not, for one moment, doubt the freedom of Wanbao to publish such material. However, it is clear that having chosen this particular angle on the homosexual issue, SPH is not likely to print contrary material. It is thus my hope � and the hope of others (both gay and straight) who are appalled at the lack of sensitivity and accuracy of this so-called expose � that your newspaper would find within itself the courage to counterbalance this report.

You have, in the past, allowed such gay activists as Mr Alex Au a full column to express his views on the rejection of PLU�s attempt to register as a society. You have a regular column by Constance Singham that highlights blindspots in our social landscape. In a country where SPH papers have long been careful about being politically correct, your newspaper�s brave attempts at creating awareness in important issues has not gone unnoticed.

2. The issue

It is not always immediately obvious to everyone why homosexuals (and discerning heterosexuals) are as persistent and anxious about such media portrayal. This is because, as you are undoubtedly aware, the media is often a powerful influence in shaping attitudes and beliefs. This is none the more so than in Singapore where not many Singaporeans avail themselves to the various foreign papers and online resources. They trust the local media to be fair. In this instance, that trust has been broken by Wanbao.

It is important to homosexuals (and those who care about them) that we do not set back what have been significant gains in the last decade or so � the cessation of systematic police raiding of gay hang-outs (I suppose Wanbao expects homosexuals to take their sexual liaisons to their homes, which will almost certainly result in familial ostracization, and I suppose Wanbao expects that homosexuals will no longer have places where they are safe from the prying eyes of homophobes and gay-bashers) and even the acknowledgment of homosexuals in the civil service by Prime Minister Goh Chok Tong.

Homosexuals and their advocates understand that the road is long and arduous. It was similarly difficult for racial minorities and women to be recognized � and even then, discrimination continues. (In Singapore, the constitution does not even explicitly protect women!) But what was always critical in moving public opinion, and eventually governmental posture, was the reporting and coverage of such historic events as African-American sit-ins at public places, and the lifting of anti-obscenity laws that prevented anyone even mentioning anti-Slavery arguments.

In parts of Europe, homosexual marriage is already a given. In Massachusetts, gay marriage is now legally possible thanks to a very brave Supreme Court, and the world has not crumbled. Cambodia�s monarch has openly suggested that gay marriage is ok. Not even China has laws against same-sex relations (though not marriage.) Asian values? Ours were imported in the 1980s from no less than American scholars, and have been argued to be a perversion of true Confucian thinking.

In Singapore, the government will only move if the people do. This is why they have decided to review the ban on oral sex � because the general public was outraged by such a law, and international ridicule followed.

Homosexuals, and their allies, do not seek special rights. They do not ask for more freedom than any other person. They have not even asked for marriage rights. They are merely asking to be left alone; and not to have some intellectually-shallow reporter fueling flames of hate. If it is politically incorrect to say certain races are stupid, and that women are weaker, why is it all right to say that homosexuals are freaks of nature?

I grant you that not everyone will come to accept homosexuals as persons equally capable of love, and equally deserving of basic dignity. At the least, they should tolerate gay men and women, and not confuse their own ignorance for fear and hate.

3. The proposal

What I ask, in my personal capacity, but representing, I believe, many others, is that you will consider publishing an article, or a series, painting a more positive light of homosexuals in Singapore. You will not find a paucity of homosexuals who are extremely intelligent, successful and even (as previous Straits Times articles pointed out) well-to-do. Every sector of society has its seedier elements. It would be hypocritical not to admit that even heterosexuals have their sojourns to Bali for sexual gratification, and the equivalent of gay saunas exit. The only reason why such activity becomes a reason for enforcing a homosexual dragnet is purely because those people like others of their own sex.

This is a matter that must concern all of us � homosexual or not. Clamping down on the private choices of individuals is always a bad thing because if the government believes that basic human rights can be denied without good reason, there is nothing to stop other incursions on our everyday life. As a newspaper required to apply for permits and licenses, you will understand this better than most.

I do not expect that you will lead a campaign for gay rights (although that would be great.) I do not even expect a one-sided article glorifying the right of homosexuals (although that would also be nice.) All I would ask is that you publish a balanced, neutral article that would sincerely provoke some real thinking. There is no shortage of literature on this subject, which can be concisely and simply presented. For once, replace the empty rhetorical hatred with some intellectual exposition and factual analysis.

I will understand if you do not feel that this is something you are able to do. Indeed, I write this in a somewhat delusionally optimistic state. But I would urge you to consider this. Not because it may be economically beneficial, or interesting or newsworthy, but because it would be right.

---------------

my coach is just inspirational isn't he. i couldn't have said it better myself.

pple pple, i am not upset because i visit gay spas of what, i can't be bothered if they are closed down really, but what really bothers me its the negative light the article portrays. i really don't want to type too much now, but the whole point of over simplifying the gay issues, and the social repercussion of further making people believe that aids is a gay-related disease, and that only gays have oral and anal sex. it doesn't serve to educate anybody but further foster more misconception. and it is sickening to a point where they even target gay clubs. for saint fuck's sake i have brought many girls to why not and tabs before, and they love it there. guys, since when do we ever give girls wierd stares, unless of course the reporter looks worse than abigail. but then she would get looks even at zouk. so look just leave me my space to hold my boyfriend's hand and hug him and not get strage stares and go fuck yourself because i think no FUCKING PERSON WOULD WANNA FUCK THAT STUPID REPORTER!!!

i am feeling so upset and so distressed. look i don't know why everybody wants to adopt a sit and wait attitude. i want my freedom, not to fuck anybody in public. but i just want to be me. i just want to be like you, being able to go out with your girlfriend and hold her hands and kiss her goodbye without having the possibility of being thrown in jail; or like you, being able to snuggle up to your boyfriend in the bus, without any worries. yes i can do that at home, but does anybody know how repressed, how terrible it feels not being able to do any of that.

the only sanctity, the only haven where i can have the slightest intimacy with the one i love (no not sex in a gay spa) is being threatened. what else can i do but sit here and rant? the police would have to raid as a show of force although nothing much is going to happen because like paul said, we have no opposition so that is not going to be a wedge issue. but what if wanbao does a follow up and show that gay clubs still exist. what is the police going to do. granted they shut down gay spas because they are sleazy and cheap, but what about the clubs? is it really so wrong to be affectionate to someone i love. the government says they will allow gay people to be in the civil sector, so much for allowing gays to exist but to criminalise every single action. i truly await the day the government will slam the papers that give any discriminatory remark (be it sex, race, religion, sexual preference), till then i have to suffer everyday of my life.
---------
how does gay threaten any body, and society for that matter.

wanbao is getting more audacious. i can assure you, my mom was never ill treated by my father. and its official. 99.99% of all pastors are either retarted, dumb, or stupid to focus on the fact that hey, you are gay, i can change you. its not right. f*** you. go to my downloads and download 'a controversial discourse on biblical homosexuality'

also do visit here to see the original article and some professional point of view on the issue
----------
The Secrets of The Glass Circle
Part 4
Lianhe Wanbao 12 July 2004 Monday


GAY BAR GET MORE SINFUL AS THE NIGHT GROWS OLD
CUSTOMERS MOLEST BAR WAITER'S BUM

FORWARD

It is not acceptable and against the law for homosexuals to expose themselves, kiss or have intimacy in the public.

However many homosexuals are still defiling the law and openly have unnatural sex.

For the past few days we had reported on the increase in gay saunas which are providing place of convenience for homosexuals to have illegal sex.

At the same time the numbers of gay bars discos had been increasing like the falling raindrops on the ground.

In this issue we are turning our focus on such gay bars discos to reveal the secrets behind.

End of Forward


If by chance some ladies step into a gay bar, she will be greeted with surprise and strange stares from the staff and the homo customers.

Although Peter had not been working very long in the gay bar but he had understood the happenings here.

He told our reporters that although the shop did not specified itself as a gay bar, therefore ladies can come in but the customers here will treat the ladies with strange stares.

Our reporters saw some flamboyant gay customers cruising inside the disco.

Some of the dressings are very exposing and for those with a well built body are exposing their shoulders and even the bums to attract the other gay customers who are ogling at them. Some are in deep intimacy.

This disco in the downtown opened everyday and the customers even molests the waiters working there.

We understood that there are many gay bars and discos opening here recently.

There is no difference from other straight bars or discos only the customers is all gay here.

After being informed our reporters went there to have a feel of the place. It is crowded with men and everyone is dressed to kill, tight shirt, embroidered with flowers shirts and the most 'in' is the sleeveless T shirts.

The staff told us frankly that this is a gay bar. Why do you work here then?

One of the straight waiter Peter told us that he and his friends came here to work for extra income, they had a full time job in the day.

Peter then complained to our reporters that he had been molested before by the customers here.

Where do they touched you?

They squeezed my bum.

What did you do then? Dun you feel bad?

We cannot offend the customers, so we pushed off their hands lightly. When we worked here we have no choice. This is our job.

After some conversation we found out that the majority of the waiters here are not gay, they have 'normal sex inclination' they are real men and some do have girlfriends already.

When we arrived around 10pm there was hardly any customers. But towards the midnight it started to get crowded and there was 10 waiters and some 100 customers.

From informed sources this is the most famous gay bar disco in town.


GAYS PERFORMING 'RA' SHOW IN THE BAR

Some gays are very daring here, openly kissing and stroking each other.

There is a group of very gorgeous 20s over young gays sitting upstairs.

They seem to be getting very high and openly kissing and stroking each other.

Although this was only a few seconds but it was very eye opening and 'RA'

The daring intimacy is something unacceptable by non-homosexuals.

At the bar counter there was 3 guys and apparently two of them are lovers. Within a few seconds they are holding hand in hand and stroking each other.


HOMOSEXUALS CAN SEEK EXTERNAL HELP IF THEY WANT TO CHANGE

If homosexuals want to change their lifestyles and accept the opposite sex again should seek external help.

A local famous pastor Mr. Tan Han Sek had counseled many gays before.

He said that among them some had witnessed their mothers being ill treated by their fathers. This had hurt them very deeply. When they grow up they have anal intercourse with other men, trying to imagining that they are enjoying other men for their mothers.

Because of some post environmental influences some had turned gay but they are not really homosexuals. These people should seek external help and treatment, Pastor Tan concluded.

Some are struggling alone but this is very hard. The most direct way is to seek external help like religion or psychiatric treatment. This is the better way.

Pastor Tan admitted that there is no difference in the love-relationship for gays or straights. They both have sad and broken heart times before.

Some gays left their male partners to marry a woman because they wanted to have a family and children.

But there are others who are like butterflies flying from one flower to the next seeking for new same sex partners.


RAINBOW FLAG SYMBOL OF HOMOSEXUALITY

If you think that local homosexuals are still in the closet, never see the sun you are wrong. The numbers of gay bars and discos opening here are like raindrops falling on the ground.

Not only that, local gays had walked out of the closet and openly admit that they are gays.

When our reporters visited two of the downtown gay bars, did we realised that there are so many gays who had walked out of the closet and out in open. They do not bother what others think about them. On weekend they openly socialize in the clubs.

Our reporters had observed that all these gay places are hanging the six colours rainbow flag as symbol for gay. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue and Purple.

However the interior decor of such places is not much different from the straights.

But obviously those who patronized them are mostly gay.

END

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. i hate i absolutely hate and abhor the lianhewanbao, i soo need to do something about it. this is killing me. it is so upsetting.

The Secrets of The Glass Circle
Part 3
Lianhe Wanbao 11 July 2004 Sunday

ANOTHER GAY CLUB PROVIDES THAI BOYS
AS PROSTITUTES AND NUDE SHOW

To attract customers to the door, another gay club in the town had employed foreigners to perform disgusting strip-tease show and further offer 3 parts service.

The club called it the ¨shower boys〃 service providing showering and massage and extra service as customerˇs sex partner.

This club had a very simple frontage with bright opaque glass front door. Within the white painting you will never expect what is happening inside.

Informed sources said that since last month the club had started to bring in two gorgeous boys in their 20s to provide showering and massage services.

A foreign student confirmed such services when interviewed with our reporter.

The anonymous student told us that recently the club had bring in two young boys from Thailand.

They provide showering and massage services for customers and if required they can provide special service too. (you meant sex service�K?)�K..yes.

These shower boys came in once a month and there are two of them.

They not only provide services but also perform (�Kstrip-tease show you meant�K)�Kyes. They perform strip- tease show.

The club normally arranges a few sessions in a month.

One staff told our reporter that this is a new venture by the club and is very popular. Our boys are from Thailand, do you like foreign boys? Disgusting�K.

The club also published boldly on the web site about its strip-tease show and shower boys services.

Our reporter try getting in and was told by a staff that ¨Do you know what is this place? This is a gay club, you want to go in must be a member first.〃

The club is also providing photography service to customers who want to take nude pictures.

The club catered to those who like to take nude pictures but are unable to find a photographer to bring in extra income.

Customers can arrange with the club for the time and place for such photographs. But most of the time is within the club premise as background.

The club has its own photographer and customers can choose to take semi nude or full nude pictures.

According to a senior lawyer interviewed ( Miss Lee) the owner of such gay club had broken the law once they allowed men to men unnatural sex in their premise.

Sauna and massage service is very common and even in a men only club is not illegal. But if customers had unnatural sex inside the premise will constitute as illegal business and can be prosecuted.

Their license can be cancelled.

As for those accidental customers who patronised the club without knowing the activities can report to the police, suggested Miss Lee.

If they felt that they are being harassed or forced to join into the gay sexual activities, they can complained against them and let the police investigated into the matter.

Since 9 July when our series of articles The Secrets of the Glass Circle was published; revealing the dark sides of the gay scene here, we have received many calls from our hotlines condemning such wild and illegal activities and places.

Our reporters after receiving such information and conducted a thorough investigation had found out the increase in the opening of new saunas is actually to provide a place of convenience for gays.

Many readers felt that it is disgusting and urged to take action against such activities.

One reader responded saying that it seem that homosexuals are disregarding the law and having unnatural sex altogether. If the police do not take action now this will degrade our social morality.

End.

that is the last straw. i am so going to call up lianhe wanbao after this, and berate them and i'm so going to fucking call up all their so called 'counsellors' and screw them up properly so they bloody hell know that

NO!1. Family structure like single parent family and son will look upon men as model.

NO!2. Influence of friends who are gay.

NO!3. Transsexual having both male and female organs.

NO!4. Intentionally modelling of gay lifestyle by some.

NO!5. Vocational environment causes some to turn gay.

NO!6. Following fashion and trend.

NO!7. Have been raped before and turn bisexual.

NO!8. Have been degraded and insulted by opposite sex.

fucking hell i was gay in pri 4!!!!!

i'll have u know that i m damn FUCKING PISSED!!!!!!!
translated:

The Secrets of The Glass Circle
Part 1
Lianhe Wanbao 9 July 2004 Friday

CRAMPED IN A DARK ROOM OF A SAUNA GYM
50 MUSCULAR HUNKS PARTICIPATED IN MASS ORGY.

Forward

The relationship between the same sex is forever a controversial topic. Some feel that we should go with time and accept them while others cannot betray their conventional values and accept such same sex relationship.

Regardless of whether you can accept or not, it is unlawful for gays to expose, kiss, have intimate contact and indecent behaviour in public.

However many gays are disregarding the law and having unnatural sex in public parks, sea side, and even cemetery.

Our reporter have received information that these gays are shifting their playground recently.

After some investigation, we had found that some gyms and saunas in town are providing sex on demand convenience for men to men only.

Our reporter will be exposing such dark sides in the coming series of articles. And we will be inviting experts and readers to share their views.

End of Forward.


50 muscular hunks are cramping in a room to have mass orgy.

Downtown a men only gym and sauna is opening 24 hours, there are about 8000 membership. Informed sources said that the men are coming here on the pretext of gymning, sauna and de-stress but in actual fact is to have sex with other men.

A 40 over business man with many years of experience know as John revealed to us that the sauna is using different theme each night to attract customers. Their ages is between 18 to 60 years old.

Some are young gorgeous NS boys, others are retired personnel and all sort of people came here.

According to John there is a Jacuzzi with about 10 rooms inside.

Our reporter ask what is the rooms used for?

Used for doing that thing (ie man and man doing that thing)

One or many doing?

No limits as long as you like you can have 30 to 50 people inside having orgy.

We have all races participating in the orgy. When the light is off everyone rush into the room and it does not matter who is who in the pitch darkness.

Our reporter visited the place and found that the facade of the shop house is new and painted white obviously having gone through renovation.

The sauna is in a corner with a rainbow flag hanging outside. Behind is the entrance with two sides one for members, the other for non-members.

The business is best on weekends and every Wednesday when entry is free, attracting many locals and overseas visitors.

To John $12 entrance is a bit expensive. I know some only charged $8.

The place is in business since two years ago. The facilities included a gym, sauna, steam room, bar counter, sun tan deck, rest rooms, internet access, video room, dance room and a canteen.

This disguised sauna is offering different themes each night to attract different gays to come for fun.

The theme nights include Malay night on every Tuesday, chubs night on Friday and Indian night on Saturday.

For example on every Tuesday Malay night, Malays paid only $6 for single entry while others paid $12.

The place also conducts a foam party every Friday till the next morning.

The place also catered to the older gays. One of the room had a small opening to let these older gays who cannot find a match to watch others having fun inside the room.

According to sources, there is a big dark room inside with air-con. Once a gay had his prey will go into the dark room to have immoral activities including oral sex, anal intercourse and even mass orgy etc.

There is a 10 by 1 inches opening on the door to let the older gays to peep and satisfied themselves at the same time.

The place in keeping with time have it own web site to inform their customers. Our reporter did a search on the internet and found that the sauna had dare to put up its own web site. The web site is very informative, probably to attract foreign visitors and local gays.

The web site details all the facilities, special promotions, theme nights and entrance charges. There are nude pictures of men and men kissing men on the web site. Very daring.

Local psychiatrist said that gays having mass orgy is harmful and can transmit sexual diseases. POLICE SHOULD RAID SUCH PLACES.

A famous local psychiatrist revealed to our reporter that although Singapore is an open society but men to men sex is unnatural and against the law.

Such places in disguise are providing place of convenience for mass orgy is harmful to the body and mind.

The psychiatrist said that when everyone is high, taking drugs and alcohol will harm the body.

Gays in protecting their real identities, sexual inclination had given the operators opportunity to learn the pink dollars when they shifted their activities indoor.

Operators had found good profits in this business and while the authority are still not taking any action yet, the opening of such places had increased.

The police should take action to stop such sexual activities before they become a trend and run out of control.

End.

----------

The Secrets of The Glass Circle
Part 2
Lianhe Wanbao 10 July 2004 Saturday

¨Downtown another gay club organised a full moon
nude orgy monthly. Gays from overseas flied in to join
the party.〃

Downtown a premier club is holding a nudist party on every full moon of the month. All men are to be in nude and it had attracted overseas gays to fly in to attend the party.

In this issue we are exposing another dark side of the gay saunas in Singapore. This is a club for over 18. We understand that this club is holding different theme nights and the most popular is the full moon party. This party is well received by both the local and overseas gays. Gays from Asia will fly in every month for this full moon party.

The most despising thing about this party is that all members had to removed their clothing and not even towels are allowed.

When interviewed outside the club, 27 years old Chris admitted that he is gay and he came to this club after work to de-stress himself. He is a designer.

Normally Chris came alone and look for suitable candidates but he does not insist.

Another skin head revealed that although he is gay but he had not much interest in gay sauna activities. The reason he is here is because of friends and he only spent an hour here. He preferred to find partners on the internet.

When asked whether any straights come to this club? His reply was hardly any, most of them here are gays.

We understand that the members here are mainly youngsters and many are still in the NS.

Over the two hours of observation our reporter had found out that the customers going in and out are mainly in their 20s wearing T-shirts and jeans. Our reporter had also spotted a few ang mos.

Some are lone ranger while others come in groups to seek for fun.

This club situated in the south of the town is very strict in the entry of customers and the attendants are very careful.

There are many doors and one leads to another and only when you had paid up the fees can you gain access inside.

Our reporter had tried to gain entry as foreigner but was rejected.

Our reporter first enquired about the charges and facilities and asked whether there is any special services provided. The counter staff insisted on our reporter to fill up a form and paid up the $10 membership fee before allowing in.

The counter staff had also asked our reporter for his IC and visa.

Our reporter requested for a preview before joining and was rejected by the guy who worn a ear ring at the counter.

On further enquiry the staff explained that this is a man only club and there are no ladies around. Repeated attempts to view the club facilities was rejected.

Do parents know that their children are visiting sex clubs?

According to a local senior counsellor she had some cases when parents seek help from them.

¨I have come across some parents who cannot accept their sons are gay and they are very worried and helpless as if this is the end of the world.〃

According to her years of experience in counselling the reasons for turning gay are:

1. Family structure like single parent family and son will look upon men as model.

2. Influence of friends who are gay.

3. Transsexual having both male and female organs.

4. Intentionally modelling of gay lifestyle by some.

5. Vocational environment causes some to turn gay.

6. Following fashion and trend.

7. Have been raped before and turn bisexual.

8. Have been degraded and insulted by opposite sex.

She had tried to understand their background and experience before giving the right counselling.

End.

much thx to huiyi for her concern. thx alot i really appreciate it. guys i would probably be off awhile, i need to reflect on something, and i don't suppose i would be posting till the end of the week at least. why is it so hard to be gay. i just want to be who i am.

having just watch extreme makeover, i feel inadequate. i think i'm need on an extreme makeover too. i want nicer hair! better skin (on its way now much thanks to dr loke) and i need a pectoral implants, a lot of workout and some magical muscles all over my body. then i would be drop dead gorgeous and i can proudly wear that shirt. before that i am just me. sigh. hahahah

people people i have amazing news! yesyes i passed my driving test! yay! i am so happy finally. 6 demerit points. but a pity it wasn't a first time pass. but still i've got my license nonetheless. so anybody wants me to drive them around yet? just hand me a car and i would be pleased to serve you (nahz).

well well i was reading through some old messages between me and him, specifically those a few days ago, and well, i thought i was really being unreasonable and ridiculous. sigh i mean of course i have my reasons for kicking up a big fuss, but on hind sight, i don't think they were valid reasons. oh well, gotta have a stronger mind than the heart. most of you guys should have known this by now, my heart rules my mind. sad sadz

anyway alanna, yesyes i do want to go and see P & G, but guess you caught it before me, wanna accompany me there again? i saw the reviews today and they seem great!!! hahah, yes the models too, like jiro, who's so droolsomely (ok i know this word doesn't exist but...) cute!!!!!! wonders whether will i ever get to be a coverboy... hrmmm

i hate vicious cycles. because it is just so darn hard to break out of it. one thing leads to another, and that would affect something which would make things worse. wouldn't it be wonderful if everything could be in balance. i don't want to talk too much about it, i have not much energy to, but things are ok, don't worry. i think i am a terrible boyfriend sometimes. i don't know why but sometimes i just behave the way that i do. even though i know what is the correct way to do things, i just can't seem to convince myself. i am too pre-occupied with my own feelings, my own selfish feelings. i suck, i am a lousy boyfriend =( sigh.

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hahahahaha ooops

and yes i just updated my wish list, nothing new and over the top, just cds and games. i wanted some books but i just can't dig out the names at the moment so yepp...

people look wot i've got.yesyes my new visa mini.haha alex got his too =) its sooo cute isn't it? but i really do think it is too small, quite easy to lose it. but wth, it looks too good and stylish and the perks are just amazing. so we got it. and guys guys i would ORDing 2 months earlier. ohmygod. isn't that like the best news in the world. i absolutely hate the SAF yes for those who intend to sign on DON'T there's is nothing nice at all. people sign on because they can do a single thing anywhere else. don't listen to all the crap they give you. really really. i just want to go start my own business and spend my time with him.... and not serving some country that doesn't even appreciate me. or accept that gays do exist and it ain't a crime!!!!!

and that was what he gave me for the 4th month. ahhhh avril's new cd which sounds like every other one of her songs. and a 'drop dead gorgeous' t shirt which totally describes don't ya think (er, mark??)

well well, weekends are just so wierd without him. he had a busy time yesterday because of some dinner thingy, and today's plan had to be ditched last minute cos one of his close friends decided to hold a birthday celebration today. oh well. colin noted that most of my blog is about my love life, well how true. in fact i think i've mentioned this some time before. well he's a big part of my life, and there's nothing interesting anyway. there's only so much i can talk about bush before it gets really really boring. and my camp life, well no life to talk about.

i just realise that, ok maybe not just, but its something i have been thinking about. i can click well with most people, on the surface at least, but there's where it ends. as in, i find it absolutely impossible to get close to somebody without telling that person i am gay. i find it exceedingly hard to lie. so that explains my camp life and my school life. i can only get so close to people who don't know about my sexuality. so in camp, i am the sorta 'loner' not exactly cos i do hang around a couple of guys. and well, they are the more 'intellectual' sorts as in not nerds but people who would give an intelligent reply when we talk about a certain senior minister of a country south of malaysia and the peanuts farmer turned president guy. well get what i mean?

i am not advocating that the world should come out of the closet. but for me, i find it hard to stay in to people i am close to.

anyway i got him a mogu and quiksilver slippers for the 4th month. hahaha you should have seen his face when he saw the mogu, ahhhh so absolutely cute! *faints*

alanna: you ok? worried for you take care k....

hey guys, its been a while, not that long aei? well i am as red as a tomato now! all thanks to a certain red eye boy! (haha go figure) went to sentosa for a relaxing monday. just sat around, getting baked in the lovely sun, swam from one island to the other. hehe, then came bk, went shopping. i absolute love FCUK. its so vulgar. and definitely indiscreet. but its just so cool. FCUK OFF, i mean like WOW. and yep they look great too! someone wanted to buy 'turn me on' t-shirt. but oh well, yours truly bank account has fallen to 2 digits, and i don't mean 99.99, about half of that actually. i am serious. somebody eats alot! hahah okok i am only joking. how is everybody doing?

oh yes for those who are wondering, i took leave from vesak day till today to rest and relax! yes i did, but back to work tomorrow, and guess what i have IPPT, disgusting.

ms nyoe was complaining that i don't blog often enough for her to live my life vicariously. so here i am again. just came back from the pc, with some harmless flirting with the sales person, i manage to secure a few deals there just so i get an incredible bargain. weilun better appreciate my 'uhem' help for the powerbook and all. and yes yes its time for me to grab a new digicam and a new pc and a few mac stuff or 2 with much assistance from kind albeit a bit gay salesman. hahaha, ooops wonders if longz jealous. haha well well.

but anyway, the mac is making me weak in the knees everytime something comes out. another of my friend got a mac. that makes 4 of us in camp. which is a rather good number =) and we all know how convenient and useful the mac is, what else can i say. you've gotta use it to know how much there is to it.

i have typed this before, but since my dearest paul wrote it in his blog, i thought i would steal from him (again? yes, well i am too lazy to type something long, especially when i am missing somebody so darn much)


it's somewhat outdated in terms of doctrines. perhaps worst of all, and i suppose this isn't only true of catholicism, it is blind to the complexity of moral decisions that we, as individuals, have to make each day. by selecting an extremely narrow band of what is "good" or what will gain you "salvation" i think it alienates a lot of truly rational and thinking people. i don't think it's irrational to believe in an otherworldly entity such as God, but i think it's somewhat irrational to think that wealth is bad, that we're always sinning, that there's only one possible God, that the Bible - written by man - cannot have been corrupted, or that religion has, and continues, to be used for political purposes or was spread by methods of oppression or cunning. and as jebro has put it so well, look at how the religious right in america (and everywhere) continue to oppose things like gay marriage. hate the sin, love the sinner? if religion is to survive, i think it needs to return to basic fundamental values like love and forget the constant value-judgments of others. we each live our lives differently - who's to say whose life serves God more?

hey peeps. its been awhile, sorry. well lets see, no spectacular event, except for something that happened last night which i must so tell everybody about it in awhile. but first, some social blogging. hello to alanna who is on her way back (did you bring back any jap guys for me and my boy to share =p) and mark's alive (yes rather shocking actually, i really thought that staff went up his a** and *blogger staff* would have quite alot to answer to. hahaha.

i am feeling so lovelorn again. yes again. whywhywhy? don't everybody just hate national service. somebody said something very sweet about ording soon. hehehe =)