did i tell everybody that i bought tori amos' new album? well the beekeeper is indeed a fantastic album, very different style from her previous albums. and i got, together with the beekeeper, pushing the senses from feeder. another under-rater band. very catchy rock tunes, meaningful lyrics, nothing to do with killing mothers or being slaves to others. hahaha

great weekend. had dinner at shasilik (its slowly becoming my fave hunt for good food) albeit being pricey, it was well worth the money. clock up $90 bucks for 2 person. heck i can eat at my sch canteen for 2 months with that money. hahah the baked alaska is a must try! so are the escargots.

missus purnsey together with other people have far more nasty things to say about the pope. no i did not shed one tear. i couldn't be bothered with a man who let millions of people die in africa due to aids because he refused to approve the use of condoms. he was so willing to let people die of aids and he was so hypocritical about it as he tried to (taken from Sunday Times by a delusional writer catherine lim) "embrace those whom society shunned, like those dying of aids" call that inclusive or call that absolute HYPOCRISY.

missus purnsey called him a bigot. which might be taking it a bit too far, but its not far from reality. a person whom, at his dying breath, wants to condem gays, calling us "a new ideology of evil" so much for being inclusive huh. so much for "an extraordinary pope" huh. its plain hypocritism. letting people die, saying its ok. i don't hate him, i despise him, like how i despise conservative christians who think the world of themselves, like how i despise minions. hating takes too much energy. i despise. i despise george bush, and i hope the plague on him.

but i think god (if he exists) is fair. the pope condemned the gays, making the year 2005 the year of fighting gays, and now he is DEAD. enough said. for all the evil he has done. he well deserved this.

#####

ps: interesting reads from advocate which reminds us that there are non-catholics in the world too.

interesting reads from missus purnsey who might be a tad extreme, but reminds us that straight catholics priests are those commiting heinous crimes of molestings the boys in church and tad the pope covered it all up

finally interesting reads from queerday that gives us a more balanced view of everything.

what better way to relieve the stress of teaching 20 - 40 screaming kids mathematics and pe than to jump into the pool with the sun blistering overhead, beating down on my skin while i'm immersed in the cool waters, ahhhh

teaching i feel is the most noble profession in the world. and i salute teachers who are mothers and are able to manage without a maid. i wonder how they do it! really. teaching secondary school kids isn't exactly the easiest task in the world. having to deal with raging hormones, female students trying to steal my handphone number, being mentally undressed and still needing to teach maths and pe while shaping their character, telling them that "no the teacher wasn't trying to discriminate the malays" and needing to help them with their personal problems; having to deal with students who think that self mutilation is cool and in fashion; and having to correct other english teachers. PHEW.

reading that was quite a chore huh, imagine being in that situation. but nonetheless teaching is such a rewarding career. to see my students improving day by day and being able to guide them to make sure they down fall laywards, its just amazing.

oh for those wondering about the english teacher in question. she insisted that "there ARE an orange and two apples on the table" and told me not to teach my kids wrongly and wondered if my maths teachers did a horrible job (1 + 2 = 3 and not 1 + 2 = 1)

i told her, together with some other teachers that it should have been "there IS an orange and two apples on the table". She refused to admit her mistake. so in the end, i went to the library, dug through the resource book and found a dictionary of sorts and showed her. she finally relented. sigh.

http://www.fridae.com/newsfeatures/article.php?articleid=1419&viewarticle=1

now you know why there are so many terrorist trying to kill americans, christians conservatives and all. i wanna kill them too, lynch them!!!!!!!

and its not about being anti gay. its just their problem of trying to behave as if they rule the world. like the abortion issue, the casino and every other thing between. if something doesn't seem to be in line with their make believe story (you know that fiction book called the bible) which is also the interpretation of some old foggey which anyway is lost over the years of translation with 14 different versions (you get the idea)

of course not all of them are bad, there are those fantastic ones, but its just those bush-ilites and and focus on the family (FOF also known as Full Of Fuck)

He's DEAD! finally! the pope's gone. all that for making 2005 the year of fighting gays. a very funny feeling though. he's a good man, tried to fight poverty and all which i applaud, but he crossed the line when it comes to gay. and it makes me wonder, whether society is moving backwards. especially in the states where fucked up bush (i hope he dies this year as well and make all anti gay people dead) rules and in singapore. its like with all these technological advancement, our culture is moving backwards. i mean. goodness gracious me, if a fugly woman or man decides to be naked in their house, you let them be. if you are not peeping and staring into their house, i pretty much think it won't bother you. in singapore, if you sneeze the wrong way you can be thrown to jail.

and all those cultish christians. really i very much want to start a holocaust and stuff a red hot poker up thier ass and let them die from it. seriously. not all christians of course, some of them are very cool and very inspirational. they don't preach by let their actions speak for themselves. but there are the majority who only speak of how great their (make-believe) god is and how gays/buddhist/muslim/every other religion/people who eat clams/etc should would and will be going to hell. but if you become christian you go to heaven. its the safest bet. fuck off or i'll fuck you properly.

now apparently, paris hilton is being sought after by an old, childish and petulant asian. yes none other than sim wong who? he's asking ms hilton to be the spoke person for the creative zen micro. so now if you want to be just like paris hilton, sucking someones d*ck and being f**k on video, go get a creative zen micro.

strange images of a new home video with ms h*lton being laid while listening to a pink creative zen micro is surging through my head now. so yes, from the men who brought you the "color co-ordinate you zen micro" campaign, now comes ms h*lton. i mean like i really hate color cordination freaks. i once had a teacher, who wore red sari with red hangbags with red ear-rings with red shoes; or green or blue. and thats like major fashion disaster. so i you want to be the next fashion disaster and paris hilton, go get a pink zen micro with pink speakers with pink ....

oh yes, an astonishing figure. the zen micro sold 10,000 in a week. iPod shuffle sold 1.5 million in a month, yes the shuffle alone, not counting in the pods and the mini pods. and on amazon, top 10 mp3 players, 10 out of 10 are ipods. lalalalala

it doesn't feel good to see the person come online and says nothing to you.

- You are the one who calls all the time, and ask 'what's next' to push the relationship forward

- You are the one in the pair who is running the errands for the both of you, making plans or even paying for the stuff you two use, do, eat....

- You get this niggling feeling - that you are so desperately want to ignore - that your other half is taking you and the things you do for granted

- You're harbouring thoughts about why the giving isn't reciprocated, but are afraid to stop because you can't live with the relationship

Do any of these statements ring a bell of familiarity? Was it something you recalled lamenting to a pal, or an overhead comment from a close friend?

Why is it that as nice, good and giving as you try to be - the over-used adage of "nice guys don't win the day" or even "the good die young" seem to be, sadly, true?

Least you think that, just maybe, being a 'mean guy/girl" could be your solution - ask yourself honestly: do you not only give, but over-extend in your giving? Do you offer too much love, information, self, time or effort to your boyfriend, siblings or friends?

While giving is surely not a bad thing, but over-giving is. Over-giving - where you put others ahead of you to the extent where your needs are not addressed, your time and energy are sapped and you feel inwardly resentful - is not an action driven by the positive outlook of sharing and offering your personal resources. Surprisingly, over-giving usually stems from a low self - esteem and insecurity. It is when you don't feel so sure about why people should like you as your are or see what you as a person, friend other half... have to offer that inspires the need to please others too much. By making others happy, you might think unconsciously - or consciously - think it a way to win others over to your side.

Naturally over-giving is not healthy, sustainable behaviour. After all, if you are giving up time, effort and emotion over to others too much, you'll not only smother others, but also lose too much of you real self and interest in the process.

Ultimately, over-giving does no one any good in the long run. Tracy Cabot, author of relationship titles like Letting Go and a frequent guest on Oprah says over-giving 'is like over watering a plant. You're not sure how much to water it, and you instincts tell you to nurture it, so you over-water and kill it"

Cabot's advice for those with a too-eager-to-please disease is to take a step back, give yourself some distance and watch yourself and others' response. You'll start to realise that putting your own preferences and needs first doesn't seem to be so bad. The best part? Your friends will start making the initiative to come back to you with social dates, plans and ideas. Once the psychological doubt that you have to do things for others to perpetuate their affection and attention is put to rest, your self-esteem will start to its re-building process too. That others like you for who you are - not need you because of what you five or do for them - is prove, you'll start to relax and lean that give has to come with take.

So give it up a little - and see how taking some back from those who surround your life equalises relationships more and puts your self in the front row of life where you can take it all in better

Advice?
- Spend time by yourself - doing things you feel like doing for the day.
- Get to sleep when you feel like and wake up when you're ready
- Pick up that skill and hobby you've always shelved away.
- Ask a friend if she'd like to catch a movie you've wanted to watch (not because you think she may like it too) and go to it, regardless whether she's coming along
- Make your guy bring you to your favorite restaurant and enjoy your meal
- Daydream!
taken and edited from april 05 seventeen magazine
#####
and you would think its easy right? you'd be amazed and how wanting to not watch a movie can lead to turmoils and quarrels.

i never loved someone so much.

不懂
林俊杰
乐行者

己经好远了 退也有一点累了
我们都不知道路有多远 走到何时少歇一歇
不如就现在吧 让我们都停下
但是在休息后 我们还不知道继续走的理由
雨都停了天都亮了 我们还不懂
这爱情路究竟带我们到甚么地方
是要持续仍旧珍惜 还是回到原地
如今此刻的我的确是有一点疲倦

i just realised balaji is more stupid than i thought. anyway, action for aids and fridae will be announcing a press release, showing the actual statistic, which goes something like the below:

according to dr balaji, there was a 28% increase in new HIV cases in 2004, up from 242 to 311. and according to him, 90% are males and out of this 90% 1/3 are homosexuals. so therefore:

242 X 90% X 1/3 = 73
311 X 90% X 1/3 = 93

73 gays in 2003, 93 gays in 2004

so if the number of gays who went for the test increased by 68% from 748 to 1252, this would mean that for the increase of 504 more gays who went for the test, only 20 is tested positive.

so in 2003, 73 out of 748 tested positive indicating a 9.75% prevalence, but in 2004, 93 out of 1252 tested positive, indicating a 7.4% prevalance, it would hereby mean that there's a 2.3% DECREASE in the prevalance.

i just realised balaji is more stupid than i thought. anyway, action for aids and fridae will be announcing a press release, showing the actual statistic, which goes something like this

a 28% increase in new HIV cases, up from 242 to 311

so according to him, 90% are males and out of this 90% 1/3 are homosexuals. so therefore:

242 X 90% X 1/3 = 73
311 X 90% X 1/3 = 93

73 gays in 2003, 93 gays in 2004

so if the number of gays who went for the test increased by 68% from 748 to 1252, this would mean that for the increase of 504 more gays who went for the test, only 20 is tested positive.

so in 2003, 73 out of 748 tested positive indicating a 9.75% prevalence, but in 2004, 93 out of 1252 tested positive, indicating a 7.4% prevalance, it would hereby mean that there's a 2.3% DECREASE in the prevalance.

And so i wrote to ST Forum, CC to Dr. Balaji and his folks as follows, and he replied!!
#####

I refer to Dr Balaji Sadasivan remarks to Straits Times after the Life! Theatre Awards which was published on Thursday March 17. Dr Balaji claimed that his remarks was to raise awareness and not to discriminate against the gay community. Well just to allay Dr Balaji’s fear, awareness was indeed raised as the figures published by Actions For Aids (AFA hereafter) showed
that in the similar period where there was 28% increase in infection, there was actually a 68% increase in the number of people going for HIV test. An increase from 748 in 2003, to 1252 in 2004. So mathematically speaking, there’s actually less infection per number of people tested and that is an encouraging sign.

So unless Dr Balaji is not very good at mathematics, or he is just out to twist the figures and further deepening any stigma associated with the community; which Dr Balaji claimed he is not. Any statistic that anybody receive can be used to any advantage, in this case, as we clearly see, by only telling a half truth, it seems as if an ‘epidemic’ is happening to the gay community in Singapore, where in actual fact, comparing to the VAST increase in the number of people going for the HIV test, the number of people with infection, in relative terms has actually fallen. Which is a good sign that the government should encourage and applaud the efforts of AFA and the gay community who knows that “they can go to Kelantan Lane and
get themselves tested”

If Dr Balaji’s intention was to raise awareness of the problem, there are other ways to do it, without sounding as if he is discriminating against gays which SM Goh Chok Tong said could contribute effective to the nation and would be able to work in sensitive position in the Civil Service. But after 2 such remarks, and after using evidence from a female magazine when
speaking to the parliament, it would serve to make the gay community wonder if that was his true intention.

I am sure some people would say that we are just armchair critics and that we don’t propose any solution, we do. In this case, instead of slamming the gay community outright, Dr Balaji could have given a more responsible statistic by stating that while there is a 28% increase in infection amongst gay men, there is 68% increase in the number of people who went for
the test. And by encouraging the gay community to do more while acknowledging their efforts will definitely go a long way. Secondly to really tackle the root of the problem, talks and discussion must be held, like what Ms Lydia Lim suggested on Saturday’s ST; that “if an issue has a bearing on public health, should it be raised for discussion at least?”

And as the youth of this nation I would like to say for one that all of us youth would like discrimination against anybody to end.
#####

To which he replied:

Error in your mathematics (red)
The prevalence of HIV in gays who went for testing in 2003 was 3.5%. ie
about 1 in 29 gay persons who were tested was positive. The prevalence in
2004 was 4.3%. ie, 1 in about 23 gay persons who were tested was positive.
This is an increase of 28.5%. The fact that more people are going for the
aids test does not affect the prevalence rate. Therefore , if there is a
68% increase in absolute numbers of gays being tested and the increase in
prevalence is from 3.5% to 4.3%. the increase in the absolute number of
hiv+ gay persons being tested will be about 84%.
#####

To which i replied, all of which goes to the same folks and the ST forum, muahaha:

Sir,

Do pardon my error, because as it was reported on the Straits Times, you said that there was "28% in 2004 reaching a high of 311 from 242 the year before" which is mathematically correct. There is indeed 28% increase in the based on that statistic. So based on that statistic, as compared to a 68% increase in the number of people who went to test for HIV, it would imply that there is actually a decrease of 7.51% of the number of HIV + gay person being tested. But I am sure sir you will pardon me because there wasn’t sufficient statistic released by the yourself as I a commoner got my information from only the press. Perhaps more information could be published to prevent such mistakes in the future?

Regards,
Scott
#####

I love writing to ministers... hehehehe

Dr Balaji's claim that rising number of HIV/AIDS cases is caused by gay parties makes me wonder if he is perpetuating the stigma he wants to abolish and further driving misconception deeper about the gay community at large. It also makes me wonder if he considered that because people are more educated and more informed about anonymous AIDS testing and because there are more gay people (much thanks to Action For Aids and other organisations) going for such test, it is inevitable that there will be an increase number of infection.

For example, assuming that no one knows about AIDS and no one goes for AIDS testing, statistically, country A would have nobody with HIV/AIDS. However, if an organisation raises awareness of AIDS via campaign and education, there are people who go for the test and then there will be people with AIDS, can we then say that there is an epidemic? More figures are needed before we start to point fingers. In fact I propose that this increase in infection is in fact a sign that more people are willing to go for testing. Rather than looking at the absolute figures, I suggest we look at the amount of people who goes
for test. If there are say 200% more people that went for HIV test, than a 28% increase in the absolute people who are infected with HIV is a rather modest figure

While I agree with Dr Balaji that we must “de-stigmatise testing” I wonder by highlighting that gays are the one at fault, ignoring the majority of the straight men, isn’t Dr Balaji adding to the stigma. For one thing I am sure, it doesn’t help anybody to start pointing fingers and claiming that an epidemiologist said something. But I suppose that is a great improvement for someone who used an article in a female magazine as statiscal evidence. To which I add that another
epidemiologist to-be told me that at Zouk and other popular parties for the straight fraternity also leads to people having casual sex. I have many straight friends who after clubbing, will bring girls to some nearby hotels and well we all know the story.

To combat a possible epidemic isn’t to point fingers, it doesn’t solve any problems. Actions For Aids had serious funding problems, but they manage to get their message across to an audience. But I still have gay friends who knows next to nothing about HIV/AIDS and believe that condoms are only meant to prevent pregnancy. Until a day where sex education can be properly taught without any unnecessary censure in the information, until the day where we can admit that gay men do have sex even though it is illegal which again depends on how one reads the law), AIDS and the testing of AIDS won’t be “de-stigmatised”. To which I propose that more campaign should be done that focuses on the gay community; which I am please to say that I have more gay friends that now conscientiously practise safe sex because they have been ‘reached’ by Action For Aids or other organisation.

And I hope that rather than pointing finger at the gay community, the Health Ministry and Dr Balaji can do more to educate the public and increase the awareness of this issue.

ok folks. please be really careful when you do internet transaction or ibanking on the web. because a friend of mine, just had his bank account 'hacked' into. apparently it was a spyware that was lodged deep in his computer and that spyware sends out information about his online banking, transaction, passwords to whoever (culprit not caught yet) and said culprit used his account to do some massive purchasing.

for those less informed, spywares are those exe files running in the background that automatically lodges itself into your system and starts sending information to the unscrupulous agents. to prevent this from happening, you can either (like what i do for the dell in my living room) set the security setting to high, and do not allow cookies to be accepted unless u approve it, and also go download ad-aware and spybot.

or you can just change to a mac which is spyware-less.

argh!!!!!!!

i m not going to watch survivor palau anymore. why? well because jeff has been voted out. sigh. he's the cutest, most hunky guy in survivor ever. and whenever he swims with his boxers on, its just leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination (well hardly anything). but because he sprained his ankle, he asked his tribe members to vote him off. i wonder if this part of his strategy to win sympathy that eventually went wrong. but anyway, no more cute hunky topless guy in boxers for me, so thats it survivor. goodbye
#####
on another note, watching steve jobs launching mac in 1984 was definitely the most satisfying thing i've watched for quite awhile (porn aside...ooops). steve is so charming, and kinda cute back in 1984 and wow, looking back 21 years ago, mac definitely revolutionized the personal computers. from programming codes, to a GUI (graphical user interface) without which microsoft would never been able to produce windows for all you windows using IDIOTS after stealing apple's code, which is why they have to hold on to apple stocks for 5 years (just for the misinformed).

well everybody seems to be taking this, alanna too, so well i did it. click here to take it too.

well apparently i'm an

English Genius
You scored 100% Beginner, 86% Intermediate, 87% Advanced, and 77% Expert!

You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!
#####

surprised? betcha didn't know i can still use standard english after all my nonsensical rambling and careless grammar and vocab here right? hahaha
#####

i hate the singapore buses. am i the only one to realise that they are extremely loud? its so loud that it causes my ear to hurt from sharp pain when i hear the brakes screeching when the bus comes to a stop. or when the driver floors the pedal to move the bus as if he was competing in the amazing race. and that is with my iPod playing music. imagine how painfully loud it must be those without the protection on the iPod.
#####

anybody read the news today? apparent ST reports that Kim Jong IL my Dear Leader from North Korea, the father of.....; decides that hair longer than 5cm for males are a luxury of the burgeosis and will undermine the socialist state. therefore he launched a 'lets cut out hair' campaign and encourage a 1.5 cm bush cut called the 'virile spirit'

think its ridiculous. in the 1970s to the early 1980s, singapore had such a LAW too. it is illegal to have hair to shoulder length for guys, and the front hair can't go below the eyes. don't believe me? go the library and check out the news archive, or better still, ask the oldies..

yesterday, someone wrote to ST forum: "I am a Chinese free thinker. Therefore, I am always irritated when people try to convert me to their religion and impose their beliefs on me. It is all well and good that they can find something to believe in, but it does not mean they need to impose their beliefs on others.

I was shocked to realise certain religions capitalised on the tsunami disaster to gather more converts. About a week after the disaster, en route from Yio Chu Kang MRT station to Nanyang Polytechnic, no fewer than three people were distributing a booklet detailing the association between God and the tsunami.

After I scanned it, I threw it away as I found it offensive to my own beliefs. They were also distributing to people who were obviously of other religious beliefs."

i couldn't have said it better. especially the part about exploitating the tsunami. if i were god, i wouldn't want people who converted just because they were scared of dying.
#####
that was from paul. which is besides the point. zealots fanatics from city harvest and the likes like trinity methodist and others should just die in hell and rot to pieces. may you guys, in your near coming future drown in your own bathtub! i believe god does not endorse oppurtunistic evangelist that uses such a tragedy to gain brownie point
#####
it was soup. dioxides from the air-conditionin; monoxides from the heating system; ammonia and formaldehydes from cigarettes; ozone from photocopiesr; stunning vapours from plastics, solvents and fluorescent lights. what oxygen remained was drenched in dust and particles and micro-organism, mites and fibres from carpeting, fleece from furniture, airborne amoebi from humidifying reserviors, ceellulose from paper waste, bugs, fungi, lice.
- the arcadia, jim crace

plugging norah jones on my iBook now. with my lava lamp illuminating the room, ahh, what a lovely night. pity someone isn't beside me right now. actually if that someone was beside me right, it won't be romantic anyway, that person will just crack some silly jokes, hahahah oh well...

mental block again. see this is what i mean. i think i really need to take more ginko biloba to boost my short term memory. well nothing much to update. went to see the specialist today, and he sent me back to my physio therapist. well well. i suppose there really isn't much cure for my chronic back pain. other than surgery that is. but he doesn't seem keen cos i'm like not yet crawling to him, or wheeling myself to his clinic, therefore i am fit enough to walk, so i am not in an incapicitated state where i require surgery, bahz

tired

well nothing much to post. but 2 updates.

1. i have now officially been posted back to air force. exceedingly long story. if you want to find out more, you know how to get me. and 14 more working days before i ord!

2. new ipods are out!! iPod mini for $318 and $438 for the 4gb and the 6gb version. iPod photo prices have dropped by $300 bucks. $618 for the 30gb and well $738 for the 60gb

#####
seriously life is getting very mundane nowadays. i always have certain things to say but i tend to forget them. like the casino issue. i feel its being totally over debated. what is there to debate? i really hate people using the excuse that anything will "threaten the pillars of society and cause the collapse of the family"

i mean flipping through national geographic made me realised there's so much devastation on earth and so many other things to care about other than gay marriages and who should be the head of the family. why should such news take headlines, that it should be made a main issue. the environment in US is heading for a crash landing, in india, in africa poverty still exist, even in malaysia, look at the deforestation. why are people still bothered about spongebob squarepants, me and my boyfriends; or that if females can head a family after the death of the male head, will cause to collapse of family. can somebody please explain all this nonsense to me.

the casino is a perfect example of exaggeration of singaporeans. nothing will ever, after implementation, cause the collapse of society, i assure you. its like saying that after we open the casino, thats it. thats not it. silly. a few of my friends parents go on occasional gambling trips to genting. well their family are still doing very well. what about the people on the lower stratum of the society. even if there's no casino, there will always be the underground ones, where loan shark prevail, and i say that it is even more of a social ill than a casino, at least making it legal will make regulations far easier. whatever. i hate fundamentalist and all 'focus on family' people. i love my family, i really focus of them without making everybody sound like sinners. really i will lynch them

Shrek 2 has become the latest animated film to be “outed” by Christian fundamentalists in the US. The Dreamworks feature, which had become recently available on DVD, is accused by the Traditional Values Coalition for containing "subtle sexual messages."

The coalition, which describes itself as a grassroots inter-denominational lobby with more than 43,000 member churches warned parents to consider the animated film’s “cross-dressing and transgender themes” before allowing their children to see it.

The article described one of the characters, an "evil'' bartender (voiced by Larry King) who is a male-to-female transgender in transition and who expresses a sexual desire for Prince Charming. It also identified another scene where Shrek and Donkey need rescuing from a dungeon by Pinocchio and his nose, which is made to extend as an escape bridge by getting the wooden boy to lie about not wearing women's underwear.

Christian activists, such as Focus on the Family, recently targeted SpongeBob SquarePants, Barney the dinosaur and Sesame Street's Bert & Ernie as children's characters who are conduits for a pro-gay message. In 1999, Rev Jerry Falwell described purse-toting Teletubby, Tinky Winky, as a gay role model.

The next “pro-gay” cartoon to be outed might just perhaps be DreamWorks' Shark Tale, in which a shark mafioso, voiced by Robert DeNiro, must come to terms with the fact he has a vegetarian son who likes to dress up as a dolphin.
#####
now what the hell was that? christian fundamentalist. disgustingly warped like bush right? i will stuff my dick up thier arse and give them a fucking good time.

hello readers! i know its been a while since i last posted anything substantive. but yeah, its been busy weeks, with chinese new year, valentine's day and work. you know, excuses as to why i didn't post. hahaha

so how's everybody doing? well an update on my part. i really can't stand the S*F. everything is moving so slowly. it took my mdm 9 days to read the email. and i shan't elaborate too much, but in short. after 2 months of submitting my injury report. it went back to my hands. in the end, i had to contact the investigation officer myself, fixed my medical appt myself, arrange to see the commander myself. this organisation is so inefficient i bet should a war break, the administration will cause the downfall of the nation, not the enemy.

anyway because of all the nonsense, i had to make a trip down to tekong today. wow, its damn nostalgic to travel there. i mean i still a bit nervous, maybe because i had such a terrible bmt experience there. but still it brought back memories. i can still vividly remember taking the fast craft with my mom, my ex and alanna (i think, with siming too and chad); all the anxiety and what not. its a really very beautiful place, if one is a visitor like i am today. the beach was pristine with clear blue water (hard to imagine in singapore huh) the sun was high (damn bloody hot too)

anyway many things happened. i took this lift and it crashed on me. usually from 10th floor down (the lift travels rather quickly) it would accelerate and gradually slow down from about the 4th floor down, but this time it didn't it accelerated all the way till the 3rd floor and it suddenly jammed stop. i was flunk about for awhile. then i ran out of the lift at the 2nd floor. there was this girl who boarded that lift and that lift was stuck. when i came back from my errands i saw the lift operators trying to get her out.

then even earlier last week, i was the total defense exhibition right, so i was in my uniform. anyway i had to change out of it so i went to the washroom, headed for the cubicle and started to change, then i saw a pair of heels at the next cubicle. i thought that either those heels belonged to a drag queen or some poor girl stepped into the wrong toilet. then when i opened the toilet door, i was staring at this indian girl. i was so embarrassed. i apologised profusely and made a beeline for the door. now beat that!

for all those with a heart, please watch the following video and send it out to everybody.

http://my.so-net.net.tw/sirwang/fur.wmv

if download doesn't start, then visit http://my.so-net.net.tw/sirwang/ and click on the link.

peace

you
evanescence
not for you ears

The words have been drained from this pencil
Sweet words that I want to give you
And I can't sleep
I need to tell you
Goodnight

When we're together, I feel perfect
When I'm pulled away from you, I fall apart
All you say is sacred to me
Your eyes are so blue
I can't look away
As we lay in the stillness
You whisper to me

Amy, marry me
Promise you'll stay with me
Oh you don't have to ask me
You know you're all that I live for
You know I'd die just to hold you
Stay with you
Somehow I'll show you
That you are my night sky
I've always been right behind you
Now I'll always be right beside you

So many nights I cried myself to sleep
Now that you love me, I love myself
I never thought I would say that -
I never thought there'd be
You

one my ex told me "see, we've all regretted" to which i replied "why learn to regret. if you don't want to, don't do it. when you do, don't ever regret"

once i have let go. i have let go. i don't understand all of this at all. i don't

#####
lessons in life
"it takes 2 hands to clap"
"well but you are the miracle that can clap with one hand, a very loud clap."

that i am the source of all disagreement and quarrels and i am the source of evil

that i am the kinda person who's principle in life is "if i can't get it, neither can you"

phone calls are made. only if necessary, in a relationship; and shouldn't be a staple form of communication of 2 person, whose only time possible of any remote form of conversation is once a week. sms would suffice.

jus for reads

http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1759,1756492,00.asp
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1759,1753979,00.asp
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1759,1753026,00.asp

jus for reads

http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1759,1756492,00.asp
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1759,1753979,00.asp
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1759,1753026,00.asp

happy vday folks! how was it for everybody? i spent my vday at home. haha yes i did! oh well nothing much to type here. just well happy 1 year anniversary dear! its been the most amazing year i ever had. thanks =)

forgive me
evanescence
not for your ears

Can you forgive me again?
I don't know what I said
But I didn't mean to hurt you

I heard the words come out
I felt that I would die
It hurt so much to hurt you

Then you look at me
You're not shouting anymore
You're silently broken

I'd give anything now
to kill those words for you

Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."
But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah.

'Cause you were made for me
Somehow I'll make you see
How happy you make me

I can't live this life
Without you by my side
I need you to survive

So stay with me
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.

And you forgive me again
You're my one true friend
And I never meant to hurt you

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR FOLKS! hahah finally the festive season is here, collect many many ang paos people! enjoy yourself!

If you don't listen to yourself, it's unlikely that anyone else will.

When to talk: Not when your partner needs some space or time to be alone.

What we can't tolerate in others is what we can't tolerate in ourselves.

The simple failure to acknowledge what the other person says explains much of the friction in our lives.

When feelings of not being understood come out as anger, hearing them, not shutting your ears or fighting back, is the key to calming things down.

Don't tell angry people to calm down. Doing so only makes them feel like you're denying their right to be upset.

Sharing problems makes people feel better. Listening is how we help them soothe themselves and how we build closer relationships.

Once you accept that the people who push your buttons are who they are, you can stop trying to change them - and stop overreacting when they do what they've always done.

Couples who learn to listen to each other - with understanding and tolerance - often find that they don't need to change each other.

The great challenge in courtship is to be together and still be yourself.

If you want truth from our partners, we must make it safe for them to tell it.

No one benefits when weaknesses or shortcomings become the principal focus of attention in a relationship.

Holding on to resentment of people you have work with punishes you as much as it does them.

You don't change relationships by trying to control other people's behaviour but by changing yourself in relation to them.

Quotes from: Nichols, M. P. (1995)

nownow, this is very intersting news. took this off wired news

About 80 percent of Microsoft employees who have a portable music player have an iPod," said one source, a high-level manager who asked to remain anonymous. "It's pretty staggering"

## thats about 16000 of the 25000 employees on the estimate that roughly 80% of the 25000 owns a portable music source##

These guys are really quite scared," said the source of Microsoft's management. "It shows how their backs are against the wall.... Even though it's Microsoft, no one is interested in what we have to offer, even our own employees."

So concerned is management, owning an iPod at Microsoft is beginning to become impolitic, the manager said. Employees are hiding their iPods by swapping the telltale white headphones for a less conspicuous pair.

Dave Fester, general manager of the Windows Digital Media division, who wrote the group: "I sure hope Microsoft employees are not buying iPods. We have great alternatives. Check out http://experiencemore."

Fifteen minutes later, the manager responded: "I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sure that Microsoft employees are not buying iPods, or Macs or PlayStations."

In 2003, Fester stirred up considerable controversy claiming Apple is locking in consumers with proprietary file formats, despite Microsoft's long history of using the same tactic.

As for hiding his own iPod use, the manager said he flaunts his iPod, despite the constant comments -- and occasional arguments -- it prompts.

"I don't really care if it pisses them off," he said. "I'll argue why they're doing it wrong. If you want me to stop using it, give me a product that works and is as easy to use."

## and the most amazing has to be that the xbox divisions uses and runs the PowerMac G5 rows and rows of them. HAHAHA ##

you go apple!

edit: here's the microsoftie's employees site, www.simplegeek.com

its like asking for help, but only to be rejected. its like knowing that one word can bring you out from this mess, but the words refused to come out. and you slowly painfully die from begging to be saved. its like drowning in a pool of misery when you can be easily rescued but instead misery is slowly slowly being filled and as you kneel down and cry and plead for the saving hand, the hand inches away as you crawl towards it.

this is the best i can be. sorry i can't be who you want me to be

i dunno wot to say. dunno wot to say to my mom. dunno wot to say to everybody

ok get this, according to the US Conservative Church (ooops alanna you shouldn't be reading this if you are gonna get offended, its just a summary of news) and the spin doctors at focus on family, they declared that Spongebob and Muppets are pro-homosexuals and are trying to brainwash the kids. the video in question is actually an animated film to the tune of "We Are Family" (a song in 1979) a song that promotes tolerance.

The music video, which was created with the aim of promoting tolerance of others and featuring cartoon character SpongeBob SquarePants, came under fire from Focus on the Family and several other US religious groups, who charge that the "pro-homosexual video" is an attempt to "brainwash" kids.

The DVD of the music video is set to be mailed out to US elementary schools along with educational lesson plans developed in collaboration with the Anti-Defamation League and a "tolerance pledge" that includes a mention of tolerance for different sexual identities. Barney, Clifford, Arthur, characters from Sesame Street and The Muppet Show, Bill Cosby, Diana Ross and Whoopi Goldberg also appear in the footage.

Meanwhile, Nile Rodgers, a veteran musician who co-wrote the song and produced the video said that he is shocked that some conservatives see his efforts as an effort to encourage homosexuality. He says that the video does not make any reference to homosexuality or any sexual orientation anywhere.

#####

talk about warped views from the conservative christians community. Errrrrrrr ^&%$^Y#$%@#

note to self: be less self indulgent and be more sensitive to others.

i wanted to blog about my new unit but i found more interesting news. now if you take a peep over at amazon.com you would have noticed that the no.1 seller is the iPod Shuffle 1gb and no.2 is also the iPod shuffle 512mb and that no3, no.4 and no.6 are also iPod Shuffle accessories. now its amazing that the amazing creative muvo is at no.23

sim is just showing how terribly childish he is. speaking to CNA he said that that the iPod shuffle was "a big let-down" because it's "five generations older" than Creative's offerings and that "the whole industry will just laugh at it" because it's a "four-year-old product"? And didn't he say that the iPod shuffle is therefore "a non-starter to begin with"? Because it's funny, but based on Amazon's Early Adopter rankings, we're getting the distinct sense that the shufflePod isn't just starting, but starting strong-- and way stronger than Creative's own offerings, despite the fact that Creative's players are available right now, while the shufflePods are labeled "in stock soon" and "order now to get in line."

fuck you sim and your silly users using ur zen

试一下

i wanted to blog about something. but my mom jus totally spoiled my mood. i needed her to sew my new rank on. and i instructed her the way to do it. but she insisted that the cloth will fray and whatnot. but the fact is a gazillion trillion million billion people have always done it that way. i don't see what is her problem. so anyway i told her ok, lets try 1 rank using your way. when it was done, it looks obviously out of place, and i told her no that it has to be the way we were instructed to. and she was pissed at me for some strange reason. like i had a choice how i want my rank to be sewed.

i couldn't walk today. it was so scary. suddenly my leg just cramped up and it hurt quite bad. think it might have been because of the wieght of my bag yesterday. didn't know it would be that bad. its a bit better now. took some painkillers. think will stretch like how my physio therapist suggested.

anyway in other news, on the train yesterday, i saw this man using the creative zen with, guess what, a pair of ipod earphones. you know your company is going bankrupt when you have to literally give your player away at cost price (my friends bought it at 200 and sold it and bought an ipod mini) and people buy the original earphones of the leading brand to create an illusion that they are using the leading product.

pain pain

oh my goodness. the age old myth of stairway to heaven is a worship to satan is true. i was trying it out myself and guess what, its very scary.

http://www.smashsworld.com/stairback

Eeeeee

movies i must catch before i regret for the rest of my live:

nobody knows
kinsey
the sea inside
hotel rwanda

maybe i would if i have the spare time and cash, to catch:

finding neverland
bad education
afie
elektra (yes i still like jennifer garner though i am gay)

anybody wanna join me?

i just found out that phone calls are extras and by requesting for phone calls are demanding.

Mike Thomas is a columnist with the Orlando Sentinel who has Switched. In the process of Switching, he has discovered what he thinks makes Apple's Macintosh such a great computer and the iPod such a huge success, simplicity. In a ode to simplicity called "Geeks aside, Apple is gospel of simplicity," Mr. Thomas not only urges people to Switch to Apple's simplicity, he also touched on such issues as the fear of simplicity that many in the IT-field have when it comes to Apple.

" I bought an Apple," he wrote. "'Wimp,' said a computer geek at work. I sensed the fear. You see, he makes his living from the Microsoft Industrial Complex."

According to Mr. Thomas, the level of complexity present in the world of Windows has resulted in a near-sub class of workers, geeks as he puts it, who must act as intermediaries for other folks to commune with their PCs, and that this sub class has grown in both size and importance.

"The entire national economy, in fact, depends on the incompetence of Microsoft," wrote Mr. Thomas. "If everyone switched to Apple, the unemployment rate would skyrocket and we would fall into a depression. The government would be forced to give away Microsoft-based computers to stimulate the economy."

The counter to all this, however, is simplicity, which Mr. Thomas hopes to spread. Like many Mac switchers and devotees before him, Mr. Thomas wants other folks to enjoy a computer that just works.

"I'm not spending any more of my life yelling in frustration at inanimate objects," he said.

Many of Mr. Thomas's themes and ideas have been touched on in the Mac Web and elsewhere for many years. His column, however, reaches a mainstream newspaper audience at a time when Apple's momentum is only growing. His lack of spite and interesting delivery of the ideas expressed could find a receptive audience.
#####
haha just found that article very interesting. anyway that was courtesy of TMO

random pop by era's website shows that they spelled NICOLL highway as NICOLE highway muahaha.

hey folks, please go check out gift concepts! my buddies are creating very unique gifts for the v day at unbeatable prices. so please do support them!

its a weekend and i'm still home! haha. oh well. spent the morning cleaning the fish tank, actually looking at daddy cleaning the fish tank. had a very good conversation with dad. think i would go shopping for some fishes with dad later on. i am such a filial song. haha actually there's a hidden agenda. i'm trying to get dad to buy a car! no la not really.

had a very interesting conversation with a new mac buddy i met from alvin's friend tagboard. poor guy, we just flooded his tag with incessant chat about the mac. and we could go on forever really but still its someone else's tag and i just feel so bad. hrmm nothing much to say just that hrmm nothing much

lalala. worried for you raydance. call me soon yar =)

i shall post this link off paul. i would keep my comments to myself, but i would to note that it makes a wonderful read for knowledge amonst other things. note: do not read it after midnight =)

http://www.sfdonline.org/Link%20Pages/Link%20Folders/Human%20Rights/barr2.html

there you go.

if i could i would personally fuck the pope until his last breath. yes until he dies

"Today the family is often threatened by social and cultural pressures that tend to undermine its stability; but in some countries the family is also threatened by legislation which at times directly challenge its natural structure, which is and must necessarily be that of a union between a man and a woman founded on marriage." Family, he said, "must never be undermined by laws based on a narrow and unnatural vision of man."

that fighting gay marriages is a priority in 2005.

what on earth has gay marriage gotta with anything. as if if i can marry my boy therefore jasmine can't marry edwin. RIDICULOUS! i mean really its like saying we can't grow oranges in florida because that would undermine the durians in malaysia. like really, even if you go in depth into supply and demand which you wouldn't, it would still makes no sense. as if allowing gay marriages would somehow make straight guys gay and afraid of woman.

stop being homophobe just because back when the romans ruled, gays were not discriminated and your church power was undermined.

die pope. die. may 2005 be your last year on earth!
----
i shld learn to be more forgiving, but i realised that if others are not going to be forgiving, i am not going to, to that few people. but i suppose i could start by learning..... hrmmmm

$419 vs $268, people can tell me the iPod shuffle is so expensive as compared to creative. now lets see, 1gb for the ipod is 268, 1gb for the muvo is $419. oh well they failed their mathematics i suppose. but i dun see why everybody is against apple, probably because they can't get their hands on one and they're just jealous. like mr sim wong hoo. in 2004, 92% of mp3 players sold are apple ipods. in the world now, 62% of all mp3 players are apple, 6% are ipods wannabe including creative, and the rest are flash player. mr sim is just very sad. hahaha

anyway whatever, i get the good stuff. go cry your heart outs!

i've waited all night for this!!!! the new mac mini and ipod shuffle is out!!!!



that is the mac mini coming in at only $928 and guess what, its only 6.5 inch by 6.5 inch and its 2 inch tall! weighing an amazing 2.9 pounds. thats barely bigger than a cd.



and that is the ipod shuffle ahhhhh it just doesn't get any any any any coooler than that!!! droooooooools!!!! i am ordering one immediately! AHHHHHHHH~!!!!!!!! so exciting

you can't believe this, but apparently porn is going to be the deciding factor for the war on DVDs. for the less informed, other than the perennial, mac vs pc war. there's another war, that is the blu ray vs hd dvd war. anyway go read http://news.zdnet.com/2100-1040_22-5518574.html for more details

nothing much happened today. met mark at coronation plaza, had some lunch and it was just so nostalgic. went back to my alma mater and it was quite different. so much changes. haiz, its so sad that none of my beloved teacher is there anymore. and guess what, now they all wear the chinese high school badge. yes how gross. in 4 years time, all of hcjc will be swamed with chinese high boys and nanyang girls; only a measly 200 will be from other schools. the stupid 6 years system. there will bound to be a lower fertility rate as more chinese high boys turn gays after 6 years of exposure to nanyang girls and more nanyang girls turning lesbian after 6 years of chinese high boys. but thankfully this cohort was pretty good for my eyes haha.

went to pick my boy up from work. its amazing near mark's place, its so like when i first met him, and how we took the bus back and i held his hands then during the jouney. ah those were the days and today felt surprisingly like that other than i was a little late and my boy was a little upset cos i said 5 min but i was more like 10 min late. ooops. i'll be sure to correct that bad habit heheh

yar yar, go read junyi's blog on the amazing power of tissue papers!

its the dead of the morning and i can't sleep!!!

i was watching sense of being yesterday on channel U; ��锋��浜洪�翠��锟斤拷锟� for those who doesn't know the english name. anyway this week topic was on transexual and i must admit it was a very emotional episode, even for the audience. my mom was watching it with me and i noticed there was a lot of difference in the way she watched this program than how she would have some years ago. she was sympathetic and understanding, and i could tell from the way she looked into my eyes that she knew i was gay and that she wanted to tell me she knows and its ok. that some people are just like that.

throughout the whole show i was very silent, even crack silly jokes to divert attention but i think it was still obvious. my whole body language changed. but how could i remain composed when everything they said was so close to the heart. that no we don't have a choice. its not like we don't want to be normal. amy said something like this "i want to be either male or female, not somewhere in between. in my next life, i don't even mind being a dog, as long as its male or female. its so stressful"

its not like i don't want to get married and have kids but i don't love girls. goodness i can't have sex with a girl. we don't have a choice. just like you don't have a choice if you're born black or white. you can bleach your skin colour you can dress whatever way, at the core you're still who you are. i thank all my friends who have learnt to accept me. to understand that i am the exact same person that i was right before i came out and they have given me immense support throughout my journey of self discovery.

i'm happy.

i think there are things i must accept though its very hard to learn that priorities have now changed. that there wil be no more special visits, that things are not the same. that i have to learn to be independent. humans are apt at adapting, i am a little slow with changes, but i think i will learn to accept somehow.

"You kill me, you always know the perfect thing to say"
jimmy eat world - kill

it jus dawned upon me that i am a very big apple fan. ok it didn't just dawn on me, but it just struck me after i read LIFE's article on S.H.E fans that i am somewhat like that. every morning when i wake up, its the same routine, i go online to mac observer, macrumors and apple to check on the latest mac offerings. ahhhh!

den i will 'spread the word' to the world about the latest updates and convert my friends to use apple. so far the number tallies nearly 12. with a few more waiting to save money to go get one.

when my friends had a nightmare about getting raped by anna nicole smith, my nightmare is i woke up with a dell pc. Eeeeeeeeee

During his keynote address for the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas, NV, Bill Gates experienced not one, not two, but three Windows crashes and glitches while showing off new products.


The Las Vegas Sun reported that Mr. Gates first ran intro trouble when trying to connect a new Nikon digital SLR camera to a Windows Media Center Edition PC through a WiFi connection. The result, however, was a frozen computer that wouldn't respond. Two attempts later, however, the demonstration went off without a hitch.


The next one came during a demonstration of a new game called Forza Motor Sport, when the PC the game was being run on actually went directly to the famed Blue Screen of Death.


The third problem occurred when Mr. Gates was unable to get a Tablet PC to connect to the Internet.


All of the problems were met with good natured laughter from Mr. Gates and the audience, and Conan O'Brien, who was co-hosting the event, even quipped "OK, and right now nine people are being fired," during one of the crashes.


Earlier in the presentation, Mr. O'Brien also joked: "I got too drunk, I woke up with a hooker. Bill got too drunk, he woke up with an Apple computer."


His Windows troubles hearkened back to the days of Windows 98, when Bill Gates experienced a Blue Screen of Death during the Chicago Comdex keynote in 1998. That crash made headlines around the geek world, but did not slow the adoption of Windows in the market place.

the filthy rich oil nations of the middle east donated in total as of yesterday US$100 million, one fifth of what, one japan donated, one seventh of auz A$1billion. well suddenly it all makes sense. they are selfish bastards. read what some (darling the key word is some) islamic preachers said

"we know that at these resorts, esp at christmas, fornication and sexual pervasion of all kinds are rampant" said sheik fawzan al fawzan. "the fact that is happened at this particular time is a sign from allah"

fuck you i say. i put it across to you that your bloody law that rapes a girl with 5 men until she dies just because she might have possibly perhaps maybe in some what uncertain past of future could commit adultery is the sexual pervasion. just because you aren't caring enough in your twisted mind, not because islam said so, because i have muslim friends, and we've seen what malaysia and indonesia did. so don't again try to use islam as an excuse for your selfishness and uncaring.

i put it across to you that the westerners are more caring and donate more because they care, the asians are caring more because we care. so don't come and give some silly excuse, especially since your fellow muslim brothers are hurt in indonesia, banda aceh, where NO tourists are; they are the worst hit area.

i put it across to you that you are a selfish liar and may you die in a puddle of water and be trampled on by pigs till ur last breath
--
edit : i applause Mr Abdul Bari Atwan. "we arabs fail in peace as we did in war. we failed in all tests of democracy and human rights. here we are, registering a new failure on the humanitarian front"

well said. he sounds educated, possible a kerry supporter, anyone?

it is confirmed, ipod will add a new 'micro' series, using flash memory, no new on the name yet, but it will be in 1gb and 2gb variant at a fraction of the size of the mini, and the 1gb one will cost about S$268... ohhh this is so exciting. i can't wait to post pictures guys. once i get it. immediately 1st thing i promise. and well samsungs 512 yepp that is bigger than the ipod flash cost well 459, so hrmm, i think well. muahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and the ipod mini will go up to 5gb with a new 10gb variant possibly coming out end of the year to 2006 as hitachi announces new capacity. SWEEEEEEEEET

i'm feeling down again. very down. messed up again. everything that was neatly placed in my room is strewn all over the place. haiz. i still feel very bitter about my career thing. people don't understand, but how can they, they are not me. i always give fantastic excuses, but in the one, the only person i am trying to convince is myself. i can still remember the fresh air at 10,000 ft, the inverted flights, the beautiful mountains rising beyond the horizon; all now a thing of the past. its all over. while i've said many many things, at the end of it, i know i would never be, i created all this excuse, all the illusion that i am fine. but i am not ok, how can one be when your dreams, something you strive hard, very hard; something that made me push myself through all the difficulties is crushed just like that, by some ruthless fucked up asshole.

praying hard that sq will take me. i'm praying very hard.
---
i remember me and raydance use to post very private things on public blogs, though there were many times people didn't like what they read and said nasty things, we and alot of other bloggers maintained that our blog were our personal spaces, if you don't like what you, fuck off and don't read. but i've learnt a few things, quite a few things and i no longer insist that anymore.

so how can i, how can raydance, post something so personal on such a public blog. such a public when everybody reads.

come on indulge in me and visit these sites. i'm sure you'll love it, fellow budding musicians.

http://www.berklee.edu/opi/2004/0709.html
http://www.berklee.edu/pdp/time.html
http://www.apple.com/education/profiles/berkleeschool/

these days, even steve vai and mayday record their entire album on the powerbooks and ibooks. muahaha. you know sometime, for some really wierd reasons, i love to fix my pc and help my friends fix thier dell/acer/hp/compaq. it gives me a perverse sense of joy whenever their comp crashes and need me to help or that they would love to do some editing and need my mac or the fact that they are giving up on pc and are going to go mac shopping w me after God of Apple, The Saviour of All Frustrated Computer Users, Lord Almighty Steve Jobs (damn i sound a north korean speaking abt their 'dear leader' or do i sound like some other pple? i dunno =p) announces the new line of headless emac for the swtichers. it'll be arnd 800 sing dollars, smaller than a laptop. wooooh! i'm getting one for mommy. monitor? use the pc one lor....

i would like to blog but i don't really know what to say. messy messy emotions all over the place. thinking if i should rip all my jay's songs into my iPod. his slow songs have this very strange effect on me. makes me think about so many things. i don't even know myself how i am feeling. but oh well. i spent the whole day rotting to songs, and fixing the dell outside again. yes yet again. isn't it absolutely facsinating after abusing my ibook with heavy editing, deadlines, movies to create, posters for assorted people to do, massive downloading and all the whatnot you can think of, it still hasn't died on me. much less crash and face the blue screen of death. and it jus dawned upon me that with windows xp, though i've only seen the blue screen of death 6 times to date, they don't even inform you that xp is going to die. it jus dies.

but anyway, i'm feeling messed up screwed up and not in the right frame of mind
---
"It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you"
jimmy eat world - 23

OHMAGAWD!!!!!!! i can't believe that silly stupid fucking sonnawabitch asshole of a spastic shithole street eyebrow plucker STEVEN LIM that was the stripper in the yellow swimming trunks from singapore idol is allowed to perform on national TV on Top Fun channel 8.

they must have let him get on the show to make a fool of himself. ARGH!!!!!! he is so INSANE

i'm in the midst of packing my room, packing my emotions, packing my thoughts. what a year 2004 was. the year started when i came back from brunei, all ready to embarked on my career as a future pilot, but now, i've been suspended due to some crappy medical reasons. those things i said, oh well just a way to cover emotions, to cover how i really felt about not being able to go. sometimes we all need a little lie to get us by.

in jan, i also met the love of my life. its almost a year already, and what a year it has been, full of up and downs and all the in betweens. looking back, it was really a year of extremes. mother nature has been terribly unkind to the world. punishment? maybe, but nore so a lesson, that no matter how great we are, how we can manipulate lives, decide which country to invade just because; decide that us homosexuals are lesser beings; that abortion is legal or illegal; we are still no match for mother nature. without warning, in matters of hours, thousands upon thousands of lives are lost. no mercy was shown. ironically, not a single animal died. they all retreated inland. ironically.

reading the news today (okok you all know i am very emotional) i almost teared by the efforts of the friends and relatives of the loved ones looking and searching everywhere for the victims. dead of alive, they needed some closure. how do we even deal with a catastrophe of such a scale? "live is cheap, cherish what you have now" my dearest friend said that to me yesterday. sigh.

what a way to end 2004, to remind us that the year was chaotic, violent, fearful. all the unnecessary deaths of innocents in sudan, iraq, afghan, india, pakistan, spain, indonesia and i could really go on and on about the terrorist attacks. and between dumb and dumber of election 2004 in the states, the dumber won. how depressing.

in the new year, hopefully the world changes for the better, because every year as we conclude there is nothing but sad news and terrifying images of war torn regions. world peace!

personally i have to learn a lesson that loving someone is easy, accepting is the hard. and that now that i am no longer the 'high flyer' that i was, i've gotta hit the books soon and follow the masses; instead of taking the road less travelled.

happy new year everybody, may this coming year be really filled with great things! love ya guys.

PEACE to the world!
(yes lets all be buddhist!)

i am quite profoundly disturbed by the recent earthquake that struck aceh and the tsunamis that followed suit all over the world. it made me realise so many things. we never know what is going to happen next and that somehow everything is fated. we should all be happy living everyday, why for be sad and be angry. if we are attached, we must learn to cherish every moment together rather than be arguing (are you guilty of that?) we should forgive and forget because while forgiving doesn't change the past, it does enlarge the future. that who knows, we might all be gone in the next nanosecond because some war just broke out.

yeah yeah i am a very emotional person. i really miss him a lot. guess i really should cherish my time with him and give in more.

i am packing my stuff now, gotta return everything to rsaf. there was this sudden surge of emotion swelling inside. its like i've put away my feelings for awhile now and they're all finding their way out. all this while, the reality of the situation haven't really sunk in yet; i mean i felt bad but i wasn't exactly depressed and crying all over my suspension. but when i am packing everything, looking at my flight suit and my helmet and all the accessories, all that i would never ever be able to wear again, i can't help but feel terrible. i couldn't hold back my tears as they slowly find their down way. the gravity of it all just came crashing. and for now, all my dreams will have to be on hold, on hold till i graduate at least. oh well i can't help that.

sigh sigh. big decisions in life

ahhh, its almost christmas eve. goodness and i'm still not in the christmas mood yet. thinking about it, i've hardly ever felt the christmas mood; well because it holds no meaning to me. silent night? nahz i've got my ipod (okok lame advert from citylink, but ohwell)

i've made an important decision in life. that would mean i have to put off my plans of a dashing condo and a honda integra aside, all the plans delayed by four years. is it worth it? i guess so.

but anyway i'm reading this book, the line of beauty by alan hollinghurst. its a damn fucking good book, well too much sex but still its damn good. its a master of literature. its just so amazing, you have to read it.

not very coherent today. nevermind. going back to read and going back to missing my boy.

i just spend the most wonderful 23 hours and 9 minutes with my boy. hahaha oh well nothing much for you to know. went swimming, shopping, eating and just generally hanging out. haven't done that in a long time. and i miss him already. cow why aren't you beside me now?

i am finally going to see my dear and some quality time together. YAY! hahah finally i waited so long, and i currently baking something for him. hehehez
-----
oh do you know christmas has absolutely nothing to do with christians. especially all those merry making bits, all the nonsense about christmas is all about giving. for those less informed and not so well read, two thousand years ago, this was the very kind of celebration that alarmed the early christian church, which was disgusted with the cheer and merriment that marked the pagan festivals of their new converts. at first, the church forbade this kind of celebration. but it was to no avail. the christian “christmas” celebration was invented to compete against the pagan celebrations of december. The 25th was not only sacred to the romans, but also to the persians ? whose religion, mithraism, was one of christianity’s main rivals then.

the church was successful eventually in taking the merriment, lights and gifts from the pagan festival and bringing them to the celebration of christmas. quite alive in modern singapore, though its traditional impulses are designed unreservedly to promote happiness, goodwill and social bonhomie. for some, the christmas period is still a religious festival and the churches will see an upsurge in attendance for this one day.

the history of celebrating the end of the year or of a cycle dates back to more than 4,000 years. Many of the christmas traditions were celebrated centuries before jesus christ was born. The 12 days of christmas, the bright fires, the yule log, the giving of gifts, carnivals, parades with floats, carollers who sing while going from house to house, the holiday feasts and the church processions can all be traced back to the early mesopotamians.

there are many ? the starving, the abused, the parents of those dead or facing death in war zones, the jobless ? for whom it will be the unhappiest and the loneliest time of the year. for many who have seen the horrors of war and genocide, christmas and the new Year will mean very little except sadness. christmas is the season of hope for peace and goodwill. Maybe, just maybe, the christian world will pause to ponder the real meaning (to bring peace on earth and joy to the world) of christ's birth.

credit to constance singam

i think mediacorp should stop showing true files, the more mediacorp shows it, the more i am convinced that the singapore law system is so screwed up. its only through this show that i realised that as long as there is death, irregardless what happens, its considered murder, and there's no such thing as "causing death not amounting to culpable homicide" (or whatever it is)

the cases they show have so many doubtful points and it really makes me lose so much faith in singapore. and i once more denounce the death sentence. haiz...

today is such an exciting day. i spent my whole day at home doing nothing. and nope i wasn't even reading. goodness. haha. i really jus rotted at home. it felt really really good, though i am bored of it already. envy all those uni folks, get to slack like this once in awhile. guess i am really not used to such lovely life. but anyway i spent the day mostly looking after the baby, and well doing some housekeeping on my mac.

my boy started work proper today after a few weeks of training. oh well, he's gonna be so busy now. wish can spend more quality time with him.

as for me, my appointment for tomorrow has been set with my old old old friend jasmin for a lunch at top of the m (no i am joking of course, lawry's, haha nahz) and dinner will be with my boy and hopefully can spend some time, haiz. was suppose to be meetin ah yee, but as always whenever we set to meet, somehow something crops up. but we are on our to break that curse ain't it...

i wrote to the prime minister. yes mr lee hsien long (i hope i spelled that correctly). i am absolutely perturbed by the rejection of snowball and in case you are wondering, no i never went to such parties. its just the hypocritism that i can't stand anymore and i wrote to him, i shall let you guys have a read.

and guess what, i might just be getting an interview with the straits times because of this. jolly good.
-----

Dear Sir,

I know you have probably read alot of this email by now and i won't be
bothering you much, but i feel i have something to say.

I am your typical young singapore student, though i am not amongst the
scholarly high flyers, i graduated from a rather decent school. I was very
inspired by your rally when you told us that we would be an 'open and
inclusive society', though i was sceptical, most of what you have done gave

me confidence that you'll lead singapore to better heights. My best friend
attended the Prime Minister dialouge with you, and he told me that you
seemed like you are genuinely making an effort to make everyone of us
count.

It is disheartening and very disappointing that the police have sought to
bring down what you tried to establish. By claiming that we are largely
conservative (who even decides that?) they tore down what you are trying to

establish, and makes us feel discriminated and left out. I can't even begin

to describe how upset I felt when i read the news about the refusal of
license for Snowball 04. I for one do not go to such parties but i always
felt that such parties are the beginning of something promising, some
changes. Most of friends know I am gay and most are ok with it, so how do
we
justify whether are we largely conservative. So based on that statement are

we going to do away with everything just because the police thinks that.
That what they think is too 'open' for singapore, be it arts, theatre,
film,
events (maybe a woman oriented event, but because they are chauvinist
thinking that females are to be discriminated as well we should cancel the
event) how about breast cancer screening, we are too conservative for that
too? I am sure you know my point sir.

I have great hopes in Singapore and it is from the deepest of my heart that

I've sent this email to you. While I know you might be too busy to reply, I

hope that as you read this, you might be able to gather feedbacks from the
young generation. I never did feedback to that call because I've always
been
a sceptic, always wondered whats the point if I spoke up. I just did and
while there may be limited actions, I hope something can be done to make
Singapore and 'open and inclusive' society for all

Regards
Scott

-----
you know, all those that i have said are really from the bottom of my heart. i was very very impressed with pm lee, but this has really gotten to me. gotten to me very very badly. i mean who on fuck decides that we are too conservative. every bloody person i know now, i just tell them that i am gay. my friend's entire christian family know and they are so ok with it. they bring good looking guys for me to see. so who on this fuck decides we are 'largely conservative'? the fucked up police? so what if i tell them most people think that the police uniform is too indecent, they are showing the hands and the face, we are too conservative for such outrageous show of flesh from the force of authority, are they going to be in full face to toe suit with nothing revealing?

i mean oh my fuckin god (if there is one) what on earth is an openly homosexual life. like it can be closed and open. fucked up...!!!!!

hello world! i am back after a tremendously long hiatus!!! yes yes yes amazing ain't it. well i told ya i would be coming back. but i've been far toooooo busy to do a new layout so please try to enjoy this current one till i find some time ok? oh well why i went on hiatus? or even saying that i might take down my blog? well its too long to tell you guys, but don't worry i am doing quite well now. hoping things would get better. how is everybody doing? i'm going to be so busy but please do drop me a letter! if you don't know address email me and ask! i like real letters more than email. but an email will do fine for those too lazy to write? is everyone doing ok? i hope you guys are.

ahhh i realised that i really did miss blogging a lot. an emotional outlet for me to spill all my troubles to. to jus update everybody and to tell someone and yet no one in particular what i did and i am going to do. sometimes it just sucks knowing that while you try to tell someone about your day, they just pretend to be listening. i would rather be blogging thinking some people might read it.

but anyway i would be updating more in time to come. but right now, important decisions in life. very important decisions in life to be made. watch out world. i am going to be somebody someday!

"They say I'm "flaunting an openly homosexual lifestyle," as if there fucking is one. That really gets me... Aren't we just talking about people loving each other? It's so fucking boring." - Roseanne

"Homosexuality is God's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children." - Sam Austin

i need help i am gg crazy. he hasn't called me for 3 nights and i'm at seoul daily and seoul news.net checking if anything is happening there. argh. somebody help me. i am so worried how can he do this to me?

i just spend 1.5 hours chatting with my dar over the net just now. apparently his hotel room has a computer! but sadly he's only there for 2 nights, after that he would be setting off to another place, and he won't be able to contact me as readily as now. thinking if i should be stupid and wait till 6 am till he wakes and can icq him again.

haiz i think i am so hopeless. so hopelessly in love and so hopelessly lovelorn

okok i am here one more time. because i just realised, i forgot to update about the most hilarious show i've ever watch. look no further mr and ms depressed. the one show to brighten up your entire month; to have you laughing your hearts off everytime you listen to 'a thousand miles' or spot a prada bag; the one show to make me laugh non-stop from start till finish and i mean non-stop, introducing THE WHITE CHICKS.

yeah! my dear SMSed me at the internet booth in the hotel. finally. feel so happy now. really quite happy, knowing that he is safe and sound. i know sometimes it is not going to be very convenient but i can't help feeling this way. but its all ok now, knowing that he is alright and having fun and missing me just as much. dear dear if you reading this, the weather is getting colder there, wear the overcoat i gave you if you need ok? and must take good care of yourself especially since i am not there to take care of you.

i can't believe i am checking the world news at this crazy time just to know he's ok. sigh i am going crazy. dear where are you???

haiz. i can't sleep well at all. keep waking up. why? because he didn't call me tonight. no i am not afraid of him flirting, just worried about his safety. hope he is ok. and dear if you are reading this, if you can't get me, maybe you want leave a voice mail, or you can send me an email or sms me through the web ok. i am missing so much.

nobody i know can accept the fact that jerry is still in the competition it means that we all have to endure his singing, the lack of it, for one more week. david is out, not that he was a terrible singer or whatever, in fact he sings better than chris and jerry, but he has less supporter. but who cares. how can jerry even be there. this is too much. christopher as well, he's "consistently weak" as ken puts it. get outta there already.

we should have a voting out system, then we can more accurately know who's the most popular idol.

----------

he's now in korea, and i'm waiting for his phone call. so sad. haiz. he can't bring his phone there because the network there is a cdma network rather than GSM. which also means i can't SMS him or call him, but patiently wait for his calls and make sure that he is safe and sound. missing him alot

---------

i can't believe that we have degenerated till this, i've had enough.

LinuxInsider has published an interesting editorial from Paul Murphy who asks which is faster, Macs or PCs? In answer to that question, he says: "The short answer can be based entirely on raw hardware capabilities, and that answer is pretty simple: the Mac wins hands down." He goes on to say:

For example, the NCSA "Tungsten" cluster computer built last year was recently upgraded to include 2,500 dual Xeon Dell Poweredge 1750 servers at 3.2 GHz. According to NCSA public affairs, this thing has a theoretical peak capacity of about 32 Tereflops and yields about 15.36 teraflops in operation -- meaning that each CPU contributes about 3.1 Gigaflops to actual throughput.

In contrast, the cluster built last year at Virginia Tech using 1,100 Mac desktops has a theoretical peak of about 18.2 Teraflops and initially benchmarked at 8.1 Teraflops to deliver a contribution of 3.7 Gigaflops per CPU.

Although that was 19 percent better than the most recent Dell Xeon's, later machines built with Apple's X-Serves do much better because they have fewer I/O bottlenecks. Thus the Mach5 cluster built by Colsa Corp. and the U.S. Army, uses 1,566 dual CPU X-serves to deliver an expected 15 Teraflops in sustained throughput. That's 4.8 Gigaflops per CPU -- more than 50 percent faster than the Xeon -- and that's with last year's 2.0 GHz G5.

It can be argued, of course, that this comparison isn't fair because the Xeon is an older 32 bit processor and not generationally comparable to the G5. It might be better, therefore, to compare the X-serve cluster to machines built using a more modern 64 bit processor like AMD's (NYSE: AMD) Opteron's. "Lightning," at Los Alamos National Laboratory , uses 2,816 Opterons to produce a peak of 11,264 or 4.0 Gigaflops per CPU -- 30 percent better than the Xeons, but still 20 percent less than the G5s.

The article in its entirety goes on to address many of the issues on what makes such comparisons difficult, as well as other related issues. Included in those issues is that despite his quantitative answers, many questions regarding which platform is better simply can not be unresolved. We recommend the full article as a good read.

The Mac Observer Spin:
That it comes from a Linux-focused publication just makes it that much more interesting. While we will continue to point out that Linux and Mac platforms face the same enemy, Windows, what's important is that this piece wasn't pumped out by a Mac fan site, but rather a site aimed at the Linux community. That said, it's a corporate-owned site, part of the E-Commerce Times network, and not a fan-driven site, so some of the impact is certainly lost.

Additionally, E-Commerce Times aims its publications more at the IT world than community-oriented sites like The Mac Observer, but that means that the article is raising issues of speed in front of an audience that could conceivably produce Switchers.

----------

i can't believe there are still extremely STUPID AND FUCKED UP people who refuse to believe that mac are better. i am not even expecting them to change. i mean like 10 of my friends have seen the mac and converted and absolutely loving it. not a single day of crash. no frustration, EVER. and then there are still people who just conveniently "i am sick of the mac vs pc argument" i mean what argument. even linux and windows producers admit the MAC WINS HANDS DOWN i quote. silly pc users.

this is so fascinating. as much as i am so upset about jeassea being out of singapore idol, i must direct everybody's attention to this blog, which is on something more disgusting that jerry from singapore idol. christianity. haha okok, more generally, religion, but come on we all know don't we.

http://timmerca.com/article/2620/

its sooo funny

let me quote a few lines

"with all this technological innovation and knowledge, there is still a majority of people who find solace in their own imaginary friend.

i'm talking about religion. i don't understand how two grown, mature adults can talk one minute about how wonderful it is to fly from new york to los angeles in under six hours, and then the next minute discuss at length how god is great and how good he is to all his children."

"people kill each other because they believe that one imaginary friend is better than another is inconceivable to me."

"i mean, come on people...are we still living in the dark ages here? is there still any doubt in any grown adults mind about the existence of an invisible, unknowable, all-powerful, omnipotent being? do we believe in the easter bunny past age 5? do we believe in santa clause? gremlins? trolls under our beds at night? of course not. so why do we believe in god?

and this insanity is reaching pandemic proportions. not only are people disagreeing about which imaginary friend is better than the other, but people are moving to other countries, spending years "sleeping", and then one morning, waking up and getting on a bus with ten pounds of plastic explosives strapped to their belly.

are we fucking serious?"


hahahah go read it go read it.. yes everyone of you. hahahah

i am absolutely appalled and taken back by the results of singapore idol. JERRY SUCKS BIG TIME. did you guys hear the audience boo when the results was announced? they were like 'what'!!! jessea is really really good. when she sang everybody was like screaming. how on earth did that fuc*** jerry get it. he must get out next week. he is absolutely terrible. he went off keys so many times. and not to mention his f***ed up attitude.

i'll bet he's from city harvest. anybody can verify that? i mean how else can absolutely horrendous singers like ho yeow sun get RIAS best selling artiste? it is an SOP in city harvest for every member of the family to own 25million copies of her album or else rot in hell. argh this is absolute ghastly and appalling (note, jerry is not from city harvest, he's from trinity methodist church, there goes that theory)

visit http://www.todayonline.com/articles/25723.aspfor a detailed newspaper article on anti jerry sentiments.

chant with me

I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY
vote for jerry and ROT IN HELL!!!!!!
I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY
vote for jerry and ROT IN HELL!!!!!! I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY I HATE JERRY

i have something to say, and it is not going to sound very nice, but i am going to say it anyway. the telephone works both way. haven't you realised that since we've graduated, i have been the one keeping contact with you. i have been the one calling you, asking you out, smsing you. if you don't make more effort, how can any friendship survive. i treat you as my best female friend. we've been through quite a lot together, and i must say i was so shock to see that you are angry with me. why are you even angry with me

you didn't ask me to go back for maf, neither did you ask me to go back for the homecoming festival, you didn't ask me about last year's maf either. nor the campfire. somehow i found out that the carnivals were on such dates and i asked if you were going. you know very well my class wasn't a very cohesive class. my close friend in my class has a phobia of going back because she was forced to leave school. when i go back with you, you are bound to meet your friends, your classmates, your choirmates, and the friends would be with thier own friends. and what am i suppose to do. stand there and be all awkward and try my best to explain my back condition and why i am going to be a pilot no more.

and mark, you think he is ever going to be so nice such as to accompany me instead of his classmates during such functions. he would just absent mindedly miss my calls and apologise later. so how can you be angry with me. how can you be angry with me when you don't make the effort to meet up. i msg you about meeting with mark and you don't even reply. how can your anger be ever justified. i really do cherish our friendship alot and if you say some things are better left in the past, i agree, but some things, you don't leave in the past, some follow you your whole life, like how i want to be your 'best gay friend' your whole life

i didn't write this, one of my dearest senior did.

新加坡人不说话，很安静的，就是自己被生活的循规蹈矩规律化了，这不是一个很令人毛骨悚然的事实吗？新加坡没有的所谓的言论自由，在野党的几乎执政的清一色，这都显示了什么？显示了国人还没成熟。政府是曾尝试过开放起来，但就是国人舆论纷纷，批评这的那的，投诉这个那个，这算成熟吗？服兵役就投诉说太吃力呀、又说老师在课堂上不可责备自己的宝贝子女呀、过去那些有争议性的舞台剧、报刊都被封杀，其实，他们的道德教育是没错的，只是父母、前一辈的思想保守、幼稚，以至他们对这些的反抗。其实他们更该鼓励儿女们去接触社会鲜为人知的一面，再回家说明为何不能这样那样，才会让国人思想更快成熟、开放，而不是这样地避重就轻，不去教育反而排斥它们的存在，这样社会很难进步。他们这样的保护法，难道是对自己管教儿女的无方而心寒

－－－－－
会读吗？

i absolutely HATE SUN YANZI, i really hate her alot alot. she sucks totally with no talent whatsoever. i hate her!

music: tori amos - hey jupiter

this is so strange, many many old feelings are raked up by this song. the whole emotion of the song, strikes a chord thats buried so deep in my heart. images of yesteryear flashes past. strange, very very strange.

its been awhile since i last post didn't i? seems everybody's feeling a little down these days. raydance's on hiatus, fallapart is feeling a little 'under the weather' okok depression. junyi is all stressed up about promos, colin's not too happy about exercise wallaby, or the lack of; then there's huiyi's pms (ooops) and finally mark's still mark =p

well as for me, like that lor. hahah. i don't really know. there are some things bothering me, little things actually so don't worry. for those who are still concerned about me, my back isn't dying as yet. in fact it is improving slightly. been swimming as often as i can (yesyes i have a gorgeous tan now... lookout extreme makeover) life's getting kinda mundane. nothing exciting other than the imac.

actually yes there is, tmr marks our 7TH MONTH TOGETHER!!!! okok its not really an anniversary so i didn't type it down. got him a gorgeous binder with lovely folders and base paper so that he can better do his portfolio.

new haircut (yes i am cuter now, its possible -pukes-)

nothing else.

i have so much to say, so much i wanted to type. i have planned it all inside my head. but now, i am too tired to type. to even try to explain anything. every single ounce of my energy has been sapped. forcefully taken away from me. and like a drowning kid, i can't even struggle. in the its still me. its was me, still and always will be me. i am the loser.


jewel - break me

I will meet you
In some place
Where the light lends itself
To soft repose
I will let you undress me
But I warn you
I have thorns
Like any rose
And you could hurt me
With your bare hands
You could hurt me
With with the sharp end
Of what you say
But I'm lost to you now
And there's no
Amount of reason
That could save me
So break me
Take me
Just let me
Feel your arms again
Break me
I'll let you make me
Just let me
Feel your love again

Feels like being underwater
Now that I've let go
And lost control
Water kisses fill my mouth
Water fills my soul

So break me
Take me
Just let me
Feel your arms again
Break me
Make me
Just let me
Feel your love again

Kiss me once
Or maybe twice
Oh, it never felt so nice
So break me
Take me
Let me
Feel your arms again
Break me
Make me
Just let me
Feel your arms again
Just let me
Feel your love again

go to http://www.apple.com/imac or regret for the rest of your life.



isn't it so amazing. all that power in just a 2inch thick lcd screen. with dvd burner and processor and fans and speakers and hard drives and WOW!!!! i want it!!!!!