its not that i want you to look like the bad guy. i know if this r'ship fail, its all my fault. its all my fault. i'm sorry i didn't do enough. i am really feeling very bad. which is why i hate to talk to people. i don't want to be all imbalance all over again. it took me so much strength to balance myself and to leave you alone for 1 day, and i had to go and spoil it today just because i got thrown off balance again! again and again, by no doing on my own.

i need you. i can't let you leave me, i can't let you go.

everywhere i go, everything i do, is all done with you. memories lingers in every corner. from the days when u were selling cars, and i traversed the island with you distributing flyers, tampiness to boon lay, bukit panjang to ang mo kio. everywhere. every building i see you next to me. every action i do, before tucking myself in at night, i remember our first night together. i can't do it. 123 weeks, 864 days of relationship. i can't. i gave my all, i gave my life, my soul into it. i will never be fine again, not till the day you come back to me. i can't be fine.

do you know that i walked and ended up at your place? i waited for 3 hours plus just so that i hope i can see you. i know i irritate you, but i miss you so much. i miss you dear. i called and spoiled what could have been the 2nd day of me leaving you alone. so i decided that i should go back, just in case you see me and get more irritated with me. maybe i should have stuck on and waited. maybe i shouldn't have called. maybes. is there anything definite? that if i knew just what to do, things would be better.

i carry the voodoo doll everywhere now, in my bag, in my jeans pocket, because i believe it works. i sincerely do. i didn't give up, please don't give up on me.

dear, please come back