i hate this place. i can't make myself feel better. i want to leave this place for good. away from everything. every single day, i appear to be strong, and maybe i am slowly getting stronger. but the stronger i get, the more i miss you. and the more i wonder why do i do all that i do anymore.

i used to work so hard to fulfill our goals and our dreams. and what has that amounted to. i just want to get away. go somewhere else where i don't know a single shit and start my life there. because my life here has unexpectedly ended. i feel so lonely. so lonely. so lonely.

there are so many things friends can do. i appreciate every single thing that you guys have done. but there are some void that no one can replace.

i told myself, one day at a time, i can make my life better. i told my bestie, one day at a time, he can make his life better. and he did. he is feeling so much better already. and what about me? yeah yeah, on the surface everything's great! wooohooo, i love my trip. but deep inside i feel like fuck

why isn't all this a fucking nightmare that i can wake up from

i told myself, i can't cry anymore, and i didn't cry for 2 weeks. then things happened. and i am not even sure of anything. i thought u cared for me, do you? or i am just being delusional.

letting go. letting go. letting go. letting go.

there's so many things that we haven't done. we haven't even seen the world together. so many things. what am i do to do? what am i to do? with all the memories, with all the hopes with all the emotions. they were so rudely returned to me just like that.