someone told me that i was really strong and brave. that i could still face you and talk to you. and yes i think i am really strong to be able to do this. to be able to talk to you about you new bf, to be able to be a good friend of yours. but i wish that i could be strong every single day, every single moment.

because there are just sometimes, it gets too much to bear. just sometimes, i fall apart. i don't even feel angry at you. i just feel regret, just feel a overwhelming sense of loss.

but there's nothing left to do? no? when you look at me at tell me that you're sorry, there's nothing that you can now, really what do you expect me to say? can i really say what i feel? of course i'll say i know, its ok. how can i ever say that there's plenty of things you can do. there's never nothing that you can do.

and what am i suppose to do? i hear you call out to me every so often. but even if i pull you, you don't want to be pulled, and you're stuck what can i do?

i have really lost all my faith, if something can end, what's the point of beginning in the first place. i am scared to even think of knowing people. so much fears, so much insecurity. and at the end of the day, i don't want anybody to get hurt. cause it sucks. the feeling really sucks.

time will tell you say?

i am so scared. so scared. so so scared. why the sudden emotion after 4 days of being happy? i don't know, i really don't know. maybe because i know somehow that the next time i see you would be a long time away? or is that i am preparing myself to let go?

why are you still chasing, when everything and everyone's so fake, when no one really cares. and there's one person who really does, whom you can tell everything, whom you can let all your emotions out.

happiness, something that we had, something that seems so far away.

Jem, thanks for making me happy last night, i haven't felt that way in such a long time. really thanks.