wanbao is getting more audacious. i can assure you, my mom was never ill treated by my father. and its official. 99.99% of all pastors are either retarted, dumb, or stupid to focus on the fact that hey, you are gay, i can change you. its not right. f*** you. go to my downloads and download 'a controversial discourse on biblical homosexuality'
also do visit here to see the original article and some professional point of view on the issue
----------
The Secrets of The Glass Circle
Part 4
Lianhe Wanbao 12 July 2004 Monday
GAY BAR GET MORE SINFUL AS THE NIGHT GROWS OLD
CUSTOMERS MOLEST BAR WAITER'S BUM
FORWARD
It is not acceptable and against the law for homosexuals to expose themselves, kiss or have intimacy in the public.
However many homosexuals are still defiling the law and openly have unnatural sex.
For the past few days we had reported on the increase in gay saunas which are providing place of convenience for homosexuals to have illegal sex.
At the same time the numbers of gay bars discos had been increasing like the falling raindrops on the ground.
In this issue we are turning our focus on such gay bars discos to reveal the secrets behind.
End of Forward
If by chance some ladies step into a gay bar, she will be greeted with surprise and strange stares from the staff and the homo customers.
Although Peter had not been working very long in the gay bar but he had understood the happenings here.
He told our reporters that although the shop did not specified itself as a gay bar, therefore ladies can come in but the customers here will treat the ladies with strange stares.
Our reporters saw some flamboyant gay customers cruising inside the disco.
Some of the dressings are very exposing and for those with a well built body are exposing their shoulders and even the bums to attract the other gay customers who are ogling at them. Some are in deep intimacy.
This disco in the downtown opened everyday and the customers even molests the waiters working there.
We understood that there are many gay bars and discos opening here recently.
There is no difference from other straight bars or discos only the customers is all gay here.
After being informed our reporters went there to have a feel of the place. It is crowded with men and everyone is dressed to kill, tight shirt, embroidered with flowers shirts and the most 'in' is the sleeveless T shirts.
The staff told us frankly that this is a gay bar. Why do you work here then?
One of the straight waiter Peter told us that he and his friends came here to work for extra income, they had a full time job in the day.
Peter then complained to our reporters that he had been molested before by the customers here.
Where do they touched you?
They squeezed my bum.
What did you do then? Dun you feel bad?
We cannot offend the customers, so we pushed off their hands lightly. When we worked here we have no choice. This is our job.
After some conversation we found out that the majority of the waiters here are not gay, they have 'normal sex inclination' they are real men and some do have girlfriends already.
When we arrived around 10pm there was hardly any customers. But towards the midnight it started to get crowded and there was 10 waiters and some 100 customers.
From informed sources this is the most famous gay bar disco in town.
GAYS PERFORMING 'RA' SHOW IN THE BAR
Some gays are very daring here, openly kissing and stroking each other.
There is a group of very gorgeous 20s over young gays sitting upstairs.
They seem to be getting very high and openly kissing and stroking each other.
Although this was only a few seconds but it was very eye opening and 'RA'
The daring intimacy is something unacceptable by non-homosexuals.
At the bar counter there was 3 guys and apparently two of them are lovers. Within a few seconds they are holding hand in hand and stroking each other.
HOMOSEXUALS CAN SEEK EXTERNAL HELP IF THEY WANT TO CHANGE
If homosexuals want to change their lifestyles and accept the opposite sex again should seek external help.
A local famous pastor Mr. Tan Han Sek had counseled many gays before.
He said that among them some had witnessed their mothers being ill treated by their fathers. This had hurt them very deeply. When they grow up they have anal intercourse with other men, trying to imagining that they are enjoying other men for their mothers.
Because of some post environmental influences some had turned gay but they are not really homosexuals. These people should seek external help and treatment, Pastor Tan concluded.
Some are struggling alone but this is very hard. The most direct way is to seek external help like religion or psychiatric treatment. This is the better way.
Pastor Tan admitted that there is no difference in the love-relationship for gays or straights. They both have sad and broken heart times before.
Some gays left their male partners to marry a woman because they wanted to have a family and children.
But there are others who are like butterflies flying from one flower to the next seeking for new same sex partners.
RAINBOW FLAG SYMBOL OF HOMOSEXUALITY
If you think that local homosexuals are still in the closet, never see the sun you are wrong. The numbers of gay bars and discos opening here are like raindrops falling on the ground.
Not only that, local gays had walked out of the closet and openly admit that they are gays.
When our reporters visited two of the downtown gay bars, did we realised that there are so many gays who had walked out of the closet and out in open. They do not bother what others think about them. On weekend they openly socialize in the clubs.
Our reporters had observed that all these gay places are hanging the six colours rainbow flag as symbol for gay. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue and Purple.
However the interior decor of such places is not much different from the straights.
But obviously those who patronized them are mostly gay.
END
Jul 11, 2004
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. i hate i absolutely hate and abhor the lianhewanbao, i soo need to do something about it. this is killing me. it is so upsetting.
The Secrets of The Glass Circle
Part 3
Lianhe Wanbao 11 July 2004 Sunday
ANOTHER GAY CLUB PROVIDES THAI BOYS
AS PROSTITUTES AND NUDE SHOW
To attract customers to the door, another gay club in the town had employed foreigners to perform disgusting strip-tease show and further offer 3 parts service.
The club called it the ¨shower boys〃 service providing showering and massage and extra service as customerˇs sex partner.
This club had a very simple frontage with bright opaque glass front door. Within the white painting you will never expect what is happening inside.
Informed sources said that since last month the club had started to bring in two gorgeous boys in their 20s to provide showering and massage services.
A foreign student confirmed such services when interviewed with our reporter.
The anonymous student told us that recently the club had bring in two young boys from Thailand.
They provide showering and massage services for customers and if required they can provide special service too. (you meant sex service�K?)�K..yes.
These shower boys came in once a month and there are two of them.
They not only provide services but also perform (�Kstrip-tease show you meant�K)�Kyes. They perform strip- tease show.
The club normally arranges a few sessions in a month.
One staff told our reporter that this is a new venture by the club and is very popular. Our boys are from Thailand, do you like foreign boys? Disgusting�K.
The club also published boldly on the web site about its strip-tease show and shower boys services.
Our reporter try getting in and was told by a staff that ¨Do you know what is this place? This is a gay club, you want to go in must be a member first.〃
The club is also providing photography service to customers who want to take nude pictures.
The club catered to those who like to take nude pictures but are unable to find a photographer to bring in extra income.
Customers can arrange with the club for the time and place for such photographs. But most of the time is within the club premise as background.
The club has its own photographer and customers can choose to take semi nude or full nude pictures.
According to a senior lawyer interviewed ( Miss Lee) the owner of such gay club had broken the law once they allowed men to men unnatural sex in their premise.
Sauna and massage service is very common and even in a men only club is not illegal. But if customers had unnatural sex inside the premise will constitute as illegal business and can be prosecuted.
Their license can be cancelled.
As for those accidental customers who patronised the club without knowing the activities can report to the police, suggested Miss Lee.
If they felt that they are being harassed or forced to join into the gay sexual activities, they can complained against them and let the police investigated into the matter.
Since 9 July when our series of articles The Secrets of the Glass Circle was published; revealing the dark sides of the gay scene here, we have received many calls from our hotlines condemning such wild and illegal activities and places.
Our reporters after receiving such information and conducted a thorough investigation had found out the increase in the opening of new saunas is actually to provide a place of convenience for gays.
Many readers felt that it is disgusting and urged to take action against such activities.
One reader responded saying that it seem that homosexuals are disregarding the law and having unnatural sex altogether. If the police do not take action now this will degrade our social morality.
End.
The Secrets of The Glass Circle
Part 3
Lianhe Wanbao 11 July 2004 Sunday
ANOTHER GAY CLUB PROVIDES THAI BOYS
AS PROSTITUTES AND NUDE SHOW
To attract customers to the door, another gay club in the town had employed foreigners to perform disgusting strip-tease show and further offer 3 parts service.
The club called it the ¨shower boys〃 service providing showering and massage and extra service as customerˇs sex partner.
This club had a very simple frontage with bright opaque glass front door. Within the white painting you will never expect what is happening inside.
Informed sources said that since last month the club had started to bring in two gorgeous boys in their 20s to provide showering and massage services.
A foreign student confirmed such services when interviewed with our reporter.
The anonymous student told us that recently the club had bring in two young boys from Thailand.
They provide showering and massage services for customers and if required they can provide special service too. (you meant sex service�K?)�K..yes.
These shower boys came in once a month and there are two of them.
They not only provide services but also perform (�Kstrip-tease show you meant�K)�Kyes. They perform strip- tease show.
The club normally arranges a few sessions in a month.
One staff told our reporter that this is a new venture by the club and is very popular. Our boys are from Thailand, do you like foreign boys? Disgusting�K.
The club also published boldly on the web site about its strip-tease show and shower boys services.
Our reporter try getting in and was told by a staff that ¨Do you know what is this place? This is a gay club, you want to go in must be a member first.〃
The club is also providing photography service to customers who want to take nude pictures.
The club catered to those who like to take nude pictures but are unable to find a photographer to bring in extra income.
Customers can arrange with the club for the time and place for such photographs. But most of the time is within the club premise as background.
The club has its own photographer and customers can choose to take semi nude or full nude pictures.
According to a senior lawyer interviewed ( Miss Lee) the owner of such gay club had broken the law once they allowed men to men unnatural sex in their premise.
Sauna and massage service is very common and even in a men only club is not illegal. But if customers had unnatural sex inside the premise will constitute as illegal business and can be prosecuted.
Their license can be cancelled.
As for those accidental customers who patronised the club without knowing the activities can report to the police, suggested Miss Lee.
If they felt that they are being harassed or forced to join into the gay sexual activities, they can complained against them and let the police investigated into the matter.
Since 9 July when our series of articles The Secrets of the Glass Circle was published; revealing the dark sides of the gay scene here, we have received many calls from our hotlines condemning such wild and illegal activities and places.
Our reporters after receiving such information and conducted a thorough investigation had found out the increase in the opening of new saunas is actually to provide a place of convenience for gays.
Many readers felt that it is disgusting and urged to take action against such activities.
One reader responded saying that it seem that homosexuals are disregarding the law and having unnatural sex altogether. If the police do not take action now this will degrade our social morality.
End.
that is the last straw. i am so going to call up lianhe wanbao after this, and berate them and i'm so going to fucking call up all their so called 'counsellors' and screw them up properly so they bloody hell know that
NO!1. Family structure like single parent family and son will look upon men as model.
NO!2. Influence of friends who are gay.
NO!3. Transsexual having both male and female organs.
NO!4. Intentionally modelling of gay lifestyle by some.
NO!5. Vocational environment causes some to turn gay.
NO!6. Following fashion and trend.
NO!7. Have been raped before and turn bisexual.
NO!8. Have been degraded and insulted by opposite sex.
fucking hell i was gay in pri 4!!!!!
NO!1. Family structure like single parent family and son will look upon men as model.
NO!2. Influence of friends who are gay.
NO!3. Transsexual having both male and female organs.
NO!4. Intentionally modelling of gay lifestyle by some.
NO!5. Vocational environment causes some to turn gay.
NO!6. Following fashion and trend.
NO!7. Have been raped before and turn bisexual.
NO!8. Have been degraded and insulted by opposite sex.
fucking hell i was gay in pri 4!!!!!
i'll have u know that i m damn FUCKING PISSED!!!!!!!
translated:
The Secrets of The Glass Circle
Part 1
Lianhe Wanbao 9 July 2004 Friday
CRAMPED IN A DARK ROOM OF A SAUNA GYM
50 MUSCULAR HUNKS PARTICIPATED IN MASS ORGY.
Forward
The relationship between the same sex is forever a controversial topic. Some feel that we should go with time and accept them while others cannot betray their conventional values and accept such same sex relationship.
Regardless of whether you can accept or not, it is unlawful for gays to expose, kiss, have intimate contact and indecent behaviour in public.
However many gays are disregarding the law and having unnatural sex in public parks, sea side, and even cemetery.
Our reporter have received information that these gays are shifting their playground recently.
After some investigation, we had found that some gyms and saunas in town are providing sex on demand convenience for men to men only.
Our reporter will be exposing such dark sides in the coming series of articles. And we will be inviting experts and readers to share their views.
End of Forward.
50 muscular hunks are cramping in a room to have mass orgy.
Downtown a men only gym and sauna is opening 24 hours, there are about 8000 membership. Informed sources said that the men are coming here on the pretext of gymning, sauna and de-stress but in actual fact is to have sex with other men.
A 40 over business man with many years of experience know as John revealed to us that the sauna is using different theme each night to attract customers. Their ages is between 18 to 60 years old.
Some are young gorgeous NS boys, others are retired personnel and all sort of people came here.
According to John there is a Jacuzzi with about 10 rooms inside.
Our reporter ask what is the rooms used for?
Used for doing that thing (ie man and man doing that thing)
One or many doing?
No limits as long as you like you can have 30 to 50 people inside having orgy.
We have all races participating in the orgy. When the light is off everyone rush into the room and it does not matter who is who in the pitch darkness.
Our reporter visited the place and found that the facade of the shop house is new and painted white obviously having gone through renovation.
The sauna is in a corner with a rainbow flag hanging outside. Behind is the entrance with two sides one for members, the other for non-members.
The business is best on weekends and every Wednesday when entry is free, attracting many locals and overseas visitors.
To John $12 entrance is a bit expensive. I know some only charged $8.
The place is in business since two years ago. The facilities included a gym, sauna, steam room, bar counter, sun tan deck, rest rooms, internet access, video room, dance room and a canteen.
This disguised sauna is offering different themes each night to attract different gays to come for fun.
The theme nights include Malay night on every Tuesday, chubs night on Friday and Indian night on Saturday.
For example on every Tuesday Malay night, Malays paid only $6 for single entry while others paid $12.
The place also conducts a foam party every Friday till the next morning.
The place also catered to the older gays. One of the room had a small opening to let these older gays who cannot find a match to watch others having fun inside the room.
According to sources, there is a big dark room inside with air-con. Once a gay had his prey will go into the dark room to have immoral activities including oral sex, anal intercourse and even mass orgy etc.
There is a 10 by 1 inches opening on the door to let the older gays to peep and satisfied themselves at the same time.
The place in keeping with time have it own web site to inform their customers. Our reporter did a search on the internet and found that the sauna had dare to put up its own web site. The web site is very informative, probably to attract foreign visitors and local gays.
The web site details all the facilities, special promotions, theme nights and entrance charges. There are nude pictures of men and men kissing men on the web site. Very daring.
Local psychiatrist said that gays having mass orgy is harmful and can transmit sexual diseases. POLICE SHOULD RAID SUCH PLACES.
A famous local psychiatrist revealed to our reporter that although Singapore is an open society but men to men sex is unnatural and against the law.
Such places in disguise are providing place of convenience for mass orgy is harmful to the body and mind.
The psychiatrist said that when everyone is high, taking drugs and alcohol will harm the body.
Gays in protecting their real identities, sexual inclination had given the operators opportunity to learn the pink dollars when they shifted their activities indoor.
Operators had found good profits in this business and while the authority are still not taking any action yet, the opening of such places had increased.
The police should take action to stop such sexual activities before they become a trend and run out of control.
End.
----------
The Secrets of The Glass Circle
Part 2
Lianhe Wanbao 10 July 2004 Saturday
¨Downtown another gay club organised a full moon
nude orgy monthly. Gays from overseas flied in to join
the party.〃
Downtown a premier club is holding a nudist party on every full moon of the month. All men are to be in nude and it had attracted overseas gays to fly in to attend the party.
In this issue we are exposing another dark side of the gay saunas in Singapore. This is a club for over 18. We understand that this club is holding different theme nights and the most popular is the full moon party. This party is well received by both the local and overseas gays. Gays from Asia will fly in every month for this full moon party.
The most despising thing about this party is that all members had to removed their clothing and not even towels are allowed.
When interviewed outside the club, 27 years old Chris admitted that he is gay and he came to this club after work to de-stress himself. He is a designer.
Normally Chris came alone and look for suitable candidates but he does not insist.
Another skin head revealed that although he is gay but he had not much interest in gay sauna activities. The reason he is here is because of friends and he only spent an hour here. He preferred to find partners on the internet.
When asked whether any straights come to this club? His reply was hardly any, most of them here are gays.
We understand that the members here are mainly youngsters and many are still in the NS.
Over the two hours of observation our reporter had found out that the customers going in and out are mainly in their 20s wearing T-shirts and jeans. Our reporter had also spotted a few ang mos.
Some are lone ranger while others come in groups to seek for fun.
This club situated in the south of the town is very strict in the entry of customers and the attendants are very careful.
There are many doors and one leads to another and only when you had paid up the fees can you gain access inside.
Our reporter had tried to gain entry as foreigner but was rejected.
Our reporter first enquired about the charges and facilities and asked whether there is any special services provided. The counter staff insisted on our reporter to fill up a form and paid up the $10 membership fee before allowing in.
The counter staff had also asked our reporter for his IC and visa.
Our reporter requested for a preview before joining and was rejected by the guy who worn a ear ring at the counter.
On further enquiry the staff explained that this is a man only club and there are no ladies around. Repeated attempts to view the club facilities was rejected.
Do parents know that their children are visiting sex clubs?
According to a local senior counsellor she had some cases when parents seek help from them.
¨I have come across some parents who cannot accept their sons are gay and they are very worried and helpless as if this is the end of the world.〃
According to her years of experience in counselling the reasons for turning gay are:
1. Family structure like single parent family and son will look upon men as model.
2. Influence of friends who are gay.
3. Transsexual having both male and female organs.
4. Intentionally modelling of gay lifestyle by some.
5. Vocational environment causes some to turn gay.
6. Following fashion and trend.
7. Have been raped before and turn bisexual.
8. Have been degraded and insulted by opposite sex.
She had tried to understand their background and experience before giving the right counselling.
End.
translated:
The Secrets of The Glass Circle
Part 1
Lianhe Wanbao 9 July 2004 Friday
CRAMPED IN A DARK ROOM OF A SAUNA GYM
50 MUSCULAR HUNKS PARTICIPATED IN MASS ORGY.
Forward
The relationship between the same sex is forever a controversial topic. Some feel that we should go with time and accept them while others cannot betray their conventional values and accept such same sex relationship.
Regardless of whether you can accept or not, it is unlawful for gays to expose, kiss, have intimate contact and indecent behaviour in public.
However many gays are disregarding the law and having unnatural sex in public parks, sea side, and even cemetery.
Our reporter have received information that these gays are shifting their playground recently.
After some investigation, we had found that some gyms and saunas in town are providing sex on demand convenience for men to men only.
Our reporter will be exposing such dark sides in the coming series of articles. And we will be inviting experts and readers to share their views.
End of Forward.
50 muscular hunks are cramping in a room to have mass orgy.
Downtown a men only gym and sauna is opening 24 hours, there are about 8000 membership. Informed sources said that the men are coming here on the pretext of gymning, sauna and de-stress but in actual fact is to have sex with other men.
A 40 over business man with many years of experience know as John revealed to us that the sauna is using different theme each night to attract customers. Their ages is between 18 to 60 years old.
Some are young gorgeous NS boys, others are retired personnel and all sort of people came here.
According to John there is a Jacuzzi with about 10 rooms inside.
Our reporter ask what is the rooms used for?
Used for doing that thing (ie man and man doing that thing)
One or many doing?
No limits as long as you like you can have 30 to 50 people inside having orgy.
We have all races participating in the orgy. When the light is off everyone rush into the room and it does not matter who is who in the pitch darkness.
Our reporter visited the place and found that the facade of the shop house is new and painted white obviously having gone through renovation.
The sauna is in a corner with a rainbow flag hanging outside. Behind is the entrance with two sides one for members, the other for non-members.
The business is best on weekends and every Wednesday when entry is free, attracting many locals and overseas visitors.
To John $12 entrance is a bit expensive. I know some only charged $8.
The place is in business since two years ago. The facilities included a gym, sauna, steam room, bar counter, sun tan deck, rest rooms, internet access, video room, dance room and a canteen.
This disguised sauna is offering different themes each night to attract different gays to come for fun.
The theme nights include Malay night on every Tuesday, chubs night on Friday and Indian night on Saturday.
For example on every Tuesday Malay night, Malays paid only $6 for single entry while others paid $12.
The place also conducts a foam party every Friday till the next morning.
The place also catered to the older gays. One of the room had a small opening to let these older gays who cannot find a match to watch others having fun inside the room.
According to sources, there is a big dark room inside with air-con. Once a gay had his prey will go into the dark room to have immoral activities including oral sex, anal intercourse and even mass orgy etc.
There is a 10 by 1 inches opening on the door to let the older gays to peep and satisfied themselves at the same time.
The place in keeping with time have it own web site to inform their customers. Our reporter did a search on the internet and found that the sauna had dare to put up its own web site. The web site is very informative, probably to attract foreign visitors and local gays.
The web site details all the facilities, special promotions, theme nights and entrance charges. There are nude pictures of men and men kissing men on the web site. Very daring.
Local psychiatrist said that gays having mass orgy is harmful and can transmit sexual diseases. POLICE SHOULD RAID SUCH PLACES.
A famous local psychiatrist revealed to our reporter that although Singapore is an open society but men to men sex is unnatural and against the law.
Such places in disguise are providing place of convenience for mass orgy is harmful to the body and mind.
The psychiatrist said that when everyone is high, taking drugs and alcohol will harm the body.
Gays in protecting their real identities, sexual inclination had given the operators opportunity to learn the pink dollars when they shifted their activities indoor.
Operators had found good profits in this business and while the authority are still not taking any action yet, the opening of such places had increased.
The police should take action to stop such sexual activities before they become a trend and run out of control.
End.
----------
The Secrets of The Glass Circle
Part 2
Lianhe Wanbao 10 July 2004 Saturday
¨Downtown another gay club organised a full moon
nude orgy monthly. Gays from overseas flied in to join
the party.〃
Downtown a premier club is holding a nudist party on every full moon of the month. All men are to be in nude and it had attracted overseas gays to fly in to attend the party.
In this issue we are exposing another dark side of the gay saunas in Singapore. This is a club for over 18. We understand that this club is holding different theme nights and the most popular is the full moon party. This party is well received by both the local and overseas gays. Gays from Asia will fly in every month for this full moon party.
The most despising thing about this party is that all members had to removed their clothing and not even towels are allowed.
When interviewed outside the club, 27 years old Chris admitted that he is gay and he came to this club after work to de-stress himself. He is a designer.
Normally Chris came alone and look for suitable candidates but he does not insist.
Another skin head revealed that although he is gay but he had not much interest in gay sauna activities. The reason he is here is because of friends and he only spent an hour here. He preferred to find partners on the internet.
When asked whether any straights come to this club? His reply was hardly any, most of them here are gays.
We understand that the members here are mainly youngsters and many are still in the NS.
Over the two hours of observation our reporter had found out that the customers going in and out are mainly in their 20s wearing T-shirts and jeans. Our reporter had also spotted a few ang mos.
Some are lone ranger while others come in groups to seek for fun.
This club situated in the south of the town is very strict in the entry of customers and the attendants are very careful.
There are many doors and one leads to another and only when you had paid up the fees can you gain access inside.
Our reporter had tried to gain entry as foreigner but was rejected.
Our reporter first enquired about the charges and facilities and asked whether there is any special services provided. The counter staff insisted on our reporter to fill up a form and paid up the $10 membership fee before allowing in.
The counter staff had also asked our reporter for his IC and visa.
Our reporter requested for a preview before joining and was rejected by the guy who worn a ear ring at the counter.
On further enquiry the staff explained that this is a man only club and there are no ladies around. Repeated attempts to view the club facilities was rejected.
Do parents know that their children are visiting sex clubs?
According to a local senior counsellor she had some cases when parents seek help from them.
¨I have come across some parents who cannot accept their sons are gay and they are very worried and helpless as if this is the end of the world.〃
According to her years of experience in counselling the reasons for turning gay are:
1. Family structure like single parent family and son will look upon men as model.
2. Influence of friends who are gay.
3. Transsexual having both male and female organs.
4. Intentionally modelling of gay lifestyle by some.
5. Vocational environment causes some to turn gay.
6. Following fashion and trend.
7. Have been raped before and turn bisexual.
8. Have been degraded and insulted by opposite sex.
She had tried to understand their background and experience before giving the right counselling.
End.
Jun 22, 2004
Jun 21, 2004
having just watch extreme makeover, i feel inadequate. i think i'm need on an extreme makeover too. i want nicer hair! better skin (on its way now much thanks to dr loke) and i need a pectoral implants, a lot of workout and some magical muscles all over my body. then i would be drop dead gorgeous and i can proudly wear that shirt. before that i am just me. sigh. hahahah
people people i have amazing news! yesyes i passed my driving test! yay! i am so happy finally. 6 demerit points. but a pity it wasn't a first time pass. but still i've got my license nonetheless. so anybody wants me to drive them around yet? just hand me a car and i would be pleased to serve you (nahz).
well well i was reading through some old messages between me and him, specifically those a few days ago, and well, i thought i was really being unreasonable and ridiculous. sigh i mean of course i have my reasons for kicking up a big fuss, but on hind sight, i don't think they were valid reasons. oh well, gotta have a stronger mind than the heart. most of you guys should have known this by now, my heart rules my mind. sad sadz
anyway alanna, yesyes i do want to go and see P & G, but guess you caught it before me, wanna accompany me there again? i saw the reviews today and they seem great!!! hahah, yes the models too, like jiro, who's so droolsomely (ok i know this word doesn't exist but...) cute!!!!!! wonders whether will i ever get to be a coverboy... hrmmm
well well i was reading through some old messages between me and him, specifically those a few days ago, and well, i thought i was really being unreasonable and ridiculous. sigh i mean of course i have my reasons for kicking up a big fuss, but on hind sight, i don't think they were valid reasons. oh well, gotta have a stronger mind than the heart. most of you guys should have known this by now, my heart rules my mind. sad sadz
anyway alanna, yesyes i do want to go and see P & G, but guess you caught it before me, wanna accompany me there again? i saw the reviews today and they seem great!!! hahah, yes the models too, like jiro, who's so droolsomely (ok i know this word doesn't exist but...) cute!!!!!! wonders whether will i ever get to be a coverboy... hrmmm
Jun 20, 2004
i hate vicious cycles. because it is just so darn hard to break out of it. one thing leads to another, and that would affect something which would make things worse. wouldn't it be wonderful if everything could be in balance. i don't want to talk too much about it, i have not much energy to, but things are ok, don't worry. i think i am a terrible boyfriend sometimes. i don't know why but sometimes i just behave the way that i do. even though i know what is the correct way to do things, i just can't seem to convince myself. i am too pre-occupied with my own feelings, my own selfish feelings. i suck, i am a lousy boyfriend =( sigh.
Jun 19, 2004
You have a dominant kiss- you take charge and make
sure your partner can feel it! Done artfully,
it can be very satisfactory if he/she is into
you playing the dominant role MEORW!
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
hahahahaha ooops
Jun 17, 2004
people look wot i've got.yesyes my new visa mini.haha alex got his too =) its sooo cute isn't it? but i really do think it is too small, quite easy to lose it. but wth, it looks too good and stylish and the perks are just amazing. so we got it. and guys guys i would ORDing 2 months earlier. ohmygod. isn't that like the best news in the world. i absolutely hate the SAF yes for those who intend to sign on DON'T there's is nothing nice at all. people sign on because they can do a single thing anywhere else. don't listen to all the crap they give you. really really. i just want to go start my own business and spend my time with him.... and not serving some country that doesn't even appreciate me. or accept that gays do exist and it ain't a crime!!!!!
Jun 15, 2004
Jun 13, 2004
well well, weekends are just so wierd without him. he had a busy time yesterday because of some dinner thingy, and today's plan had to be ditched last minute cos one of his close friends decided to hold a birthday celebration today. oh well. colin noted that most of my blog is about my love life, well how true. in fact i think i've mentioned this some time before. well he's a big part of my life, and there's nothing interesting anyway. there's only so much i can talk about bush before it gets really really boring. and my camp life, well no life to talk about.
i just realise that, ok maybe not just, but its something i have been thinking about. i can click well with most people, on the surface at least, but there's where it ends. as in, i find it absolutely impossible to get close to somebody without telling that person i am gay. i find it exceedingly hard to lie. so that explains my camp life and my school life. i can only get so close to people who don't know about my sexuality. so in camp, i am the sorta 'loner' not exactly cos i do hang around a couple of guys. and well, they are the more 'intellectual' sorts as in not nerds but people who would give an intelligent reply when we talk about a certain senior minister of a country south of malaysia and the peanuts farmer turned president guy. well get what i mean?
i am not advocating that the world should come out of the closet. but for me, i find it hard to stay in to people i am close to.
anyway i got him a mogu and quiksilver slippers for the 4th month. hahaha you should have seen his face when he saw the mogu, ahhhh so absolutely cute! *faints*
alanna: you ok? worried for you take care k....
i just realise that, ok maybe not just, but its something i have been thinking about. i can click well with most people, on the surface at least, but there's where it ends. as in, i find it absolutely impossible to get close to somebody without telling that person i am gay. i find it exceedingly hard to lie. so that explains my camp life and my school life. i can only get so close to people who don't know about my sexuality. so in camp, i am the sorta 'loner' not exactly cos i do hang around a couple of guys. and well, they are the more 'intellectual' sorts as in not nerds but people who would give an intelligent reply when we talk about a certain senior minister of a country south of malaysia and the peanuts farmer turned president guy. well get what i mean?
i am not advocating that the world should come out of the closet. but for me, i find it hard to stay in to people i am close to.
anyway i got him a mogu and quiksilver slippers for the 4th month. hahaha you should have seen his face when he saw the mogu, ahhhh so absolutely cute! *faints*
alanna: you ok? worried for you take care k....
Jun 8, 2004
hey guys, its been a while, not that long aei? well i am as red as a tomato now! all thanks to a certain red eye boy! (haha go figure) went to sentosa for a relaxing monday. just sat around, getting baked in the lovely sun, swam from one island to the other. hehe, then came bk, went shopping. i absolute love FCUK. its so vulgar. and definitely indiscreet. but its just so cool. FCUK OFF, i mean like WOW. and yep they look great too! someone wanted to buy 'turn me on' t-shirt. but oh well, yours truly bank account has fallen to 2 digits, and i don't mean 99.99, about half of that actually. i am serious. somebody eats alot! hahah okok i am only joking. how is everybody doing?
oh yes for those who are wondering, i took leave from vesak day till today to rest and relax! yes i did, but back to work tomorrow, and guess what i have IPPT, disgusting.
oh yes for those who are wondering, i took leave from vesak day till today to rest and relax! yes i did, but back to work tomorrow, and guess what i have IPPT, disgusting.
Jun 4, 2004
ms nyoe was complaining that i don't blog often enough for her to live my life vicariously. so here i am again. just came back from the pc, with some harmless flirting with the sales person, i manage to secure a few deals there just so i get an incredible bargain. weilun better appreciate my 'uhem' help for the powerbook and all. and yes yes its time for me to grab a new digicam and a new pc and a few mac stuff or 2 with much assistance from kind albeit a bit gay salesman. hahaha, ooops wonders if longz jealous. haha well well.
but anyway, the mac is making me weak in the knees everytime something comes out. another of my friend got a mac. that makes 4 of us in camp. which is a rather good number =) and we all know how convenient and useful the mac is, what else can i say. you've gotta use it to know how much there is to it.
i have typed this before, but since my dearest paul wrote it in his blog, i thought i would steal from him (again? yes, well i am too lazy to type something long, especially when i am missing somebody so darn much)
it's somewhat outdated in terms of doctrines. perhaps worst of all, and i suppose this isn't only true of catholicism, it is blind to the complexity of moral decisions that we, as individuals, have to make each day. by selecting an extremely narrow band of what is "good" or what will gain you "salvation" i think it alienates a lot of truly rational and thinking people. i don't think it's irrational to believe in an otherworldly entity such as God, but i think it's somewhat irrational to think that wealth is bad, that we're always sinning, that there's only one possible God, that the Bible - written by man - cannot have been corrupted, or that religion has, and continues, to be used for political purposes or was spread by methods of oppression or cunning. and as jebro has put it so well, look at how the religious right in america (and everywhere) continue to oppose things like gay marriage. hate the sin, love the sinner? if religion is to survive, i think it needs to return to basic fundamental values like love and forget the constant value-judgments of others. we each live our lives differently - who's to say whose life serves God more?
but anyway, the mac is making me weak in the knees everytime something comes out. another of my friend got a mac. that makes 4 of us in camp. which is a rather good number =) and we all know how convenient and useful the mac is, what else can i say. you've gotta use it to know how much there is to it.
i have typed this before, but since my dearest paul wrote it in his blog, i thought i would steal from him (again? yes, well i am too lazy to type something long, especially when i am missing somebody so darn much)
it's somewhat outdated in terms of doctrines. perhaps worst of all, and i suppose this isn't only true of catholicism, it is blind to the complexity of moral decisions that we, as individuals, have to make each day. by selecting an extremely narrow band of what is "good" or what will gain you "salvation" i think it alienates a lot of truly rational and thinking people. i don't think it's irrational to believe in an otherworldly entity such as God, but i think it's somewhat irrational to think that wealth is bad, that we're always sinning, that there's only one possible God, that the Bible - written by man - cannot have been corrupted, or that religion has, and continues, to be used for political purposes or was spread by methods of oppression or cunning. and as jebro has put it so well, look at how the religious right in america (and everywhere) continue to oppose things like gay marriage. hate the sin, love the sinner? if religion is to survive, i think it needs to return to basic fundamental values like love and forget the constant value-judgments of others. we each live our lives differently - who's to say whose life serves God more?
Jun 3, 2004
hey peeps. its been awhile, sorry. well lets see, no spectacular event, except for something that happened last night which i must so tell everybody about it in awhile. but first, some social blogging. hello to alanna who is on her way back (did you bring back any jap guys for me and my boy to share =p) and mark's alive (yes rather shocking actually, i really thought that staff went up his a** and *blogger staff* would have quite alot to answer to. hahaha.
i am feeling so lovelorn again. yes again. whywhywhy? don't everybody just hate national service. somebody said something very sweet about ording soon. hehehe =)
i am feeling so lovelorn again. yes again. whywhywhy? don't everybody just hate national service. somebody said something very sweet about ording soon. hehehe =)
May 27, 2004
this is going to be a bit mushy but bear with it ok? for those who don't wanna read, just you know click on any of my links, that includes the ipod mini, i would love to receive it in metallic blue, thank you all =)
it was a rather tough week, but we survived it. and things are so sweet now i don't think anything can begin to describe how happy i am now. for all those who are feeling disillusioned and down, don't worry, everything can be resolved. it takes time and a lot of thinking to find out what is the root of any problem, and openly and honestly talk about it. very importantly, is to talk about things that matter, what can be done and needs to be done. and finally, after all that talking, remember to stop talking and start doing.
dear i am glad we got all those things aside. brighter days ahead!
it was a rather tough week, but we survived it. and things are so sweet now i don't think anything can begin to describe how happy i am now. for all those who are feeling disillusioned and down, don't worry, everything can be resolved. it takes time and a lot of thinking to find out what is the root of any problem, and openly and honestly talk about it. very importantly, is to talk about things that matter, what can be done and needs to be done. and finally, after all that talking, remember to stop talking and start doing.
dear i am glad we got all those things aside. brighter days ahead!
May 23, 2004
May 13, 2004
May 6, 2004
haha, le fran?ais de poteau, ce ne pourrait pas ?tre pr?cis mais
ours avec lui.
soupir parfois que je me demande sait-il je me sens ? je veux dire je
sais qu'il m'aime tout ? fait un bit juste, les choses qu'il , ses
actions, mais il ne puisse pas obtenir des somethings parfois. je sais
que je suis un bit ?go?ste parfois, mais l'amour est ?go?ste,
droit ? par exemple, il le redoute vraiment quand je vais ? son
endroit ; il n'y aurait aucun probl?me quand son en retard ? la nuit
et ? personne autour, mais si quelqu'un est autour, il mourrait
plut?t que pour m'apporter ? son endroit. j'essaye de comprendre
est-ce que mais je ne le re?ois pas ce qui est erron? avec ?tre vu
avec moi ? ainsi ce qui est les parents suspecteraient. il pense trop
; 'l'extr?mit? mindset de monde '.
parfois je me demande s'il m'apporte la maison seulement pour la
fabrication d'amour. j'appr?cie le sexe avec lui certainement, l?
tellement se sent et ?motion, mais il n'y a pas d?sormais non apr?s
entretien de sexe. j'ai appris qu'il est fatigu?, mais de fa?on ou
d'autre je ne tiens toujours pas une priorit?. je lui ai parl? ?
son sujet que je me sens que beaucoup d'issues est en raison de
priorit?. j'ai appris que je peux exiger parfois, mais dans toute
l'honn?tet?, je ne vois pas ce qui est tellement mal au sujet de ma
demande s?rieusement.
d'o? est-ce que tout ceci ranting est venu ? nous allons ? la place
de notre ami au sleepover ce soir de sorte qu'il soit plus commode
d'attraper notre vol demain. ainsi j'ai pens? ? l'arr?t par son
endroit et l'aide ? faire du dernier emballage minutieux avant que
nous rencontrions notre ami mais il a mis? un rond entier juste pour
dire qu'il ne me veut pas vraiment autour de la maison, cela qu'il
vaudrait mieux d'attendre le stanley en bas de son endroit, de sorte
que sa famille n'ait pas besoin de me voir du tout.
je sais pourquoi mais je ne vois pas pourquoi non cher, j'aime trop,
que je pense trop parfois soupir
ours avec lui.
soupir parfois que je me demande sait-il je me sens ? je veux dire je
sais qu'il m'aime tout ? fait un bit juste, les choses qu'il , ses
actions, mais il ne puisse pas obtenir des somethings parfois. je sais
que je suis un bit ?go?ste parfois, mais l'amour est ?go?ste,
droit ? par exemple, il le redoute vraiment quand je vais ? son
endroit ; il n'y aurait aucun probl?me quand son en retard ? la nuit
et ? personne autour, mais si quelqu'un est autour, il mourrait
plut?t que pour m'apporter ? son endroit. j'essaye de comprendre
est-ce que mais je ne le re?ois pas ce qui est erron? avec ?tre vu
avec moi ? ainsi ce qui est les parents suspecteraient. il pense trop
; 'l'extr?mit? mindset de monde '.
parfois je me demande s'il m'apporte la maison seulement pour la
fabrication d'amour. j'appr?cie le sexe avec lui certainement, l?
tellement se sent et ?motion, mais il n'y a pas d?sormais non apr?s
entretien de sexe. j'ai appris qu'il est fatigu?, mais de fa?on ou
d'autre je ne tiens toujours pas une priorit?. je lui ai parl? ?
son sujet que je me sens que beaucoup d'issues est en raison de
priorit?. j'ai appris que je peux exiger parfois, mais dans toute
l'honn?tet?, je ne vois pas ce qui est tellement mal au sujet de ma
demande s?rieusement.
d'o? est-ce que tout ceci ranting est venu ? nous allons ? la place
de notre ami au sleepover ce soir de sorte qu'il soit plus commode
d'attraper notre vol demain. ainsi j'ai pens? ? l'arr?t par son
endroit et l'aide ? faire du dernier emballage minutieux avant que
nous rencontrions notre ami mais il a mis? un rond entier juste pour
dire qu'il ne me veut pas vraiment autour de la maison, cela qu'il
vaudrait mieux d'attendre le stanley en bas de son endroit, de sorte
que sa famille n'ait pas besoin de me voir du tout.
je sais pourquoi mais je ne vois pas pourquoi non cher, j'aime trop,
que je pense trop parfois soupir
May 4, 2004
go read this taken from the straits times. its rather interesting
Just because there is no major crisis such as adultery or abuse doesn't mean that a relationship is a good one.
Very often, it is what my friend calls the 'stealth problems' that end up choking love.
'It's not like a heart attack that gets your attention right away, but a cancer that eats away at your body without you realising.
'That's where the danger lies, because you will brush aside the little aches and pains until it's too late, like when you get married, and things become unbearable with no way out.'
snippets of the article.
----------
just came back from a little nights out with him. went for an incredible food binging session, ate "ba chor mee", fried oysters, satay, and bbq chicken wing. yes between the 2 of us. hahaha, i am going to grow fat because of him.
the article above really sums up one i feel is the building block of a successful relationship, or as damien puts it, the denominator : communication. when there is any small problem, it cannot be brushed aside, nor swept under the carpet, because one day, it will find its way back during a major argument. one party will bring up something from the past. communication i feel is the most important; even though it might be uneasy or even tense up the relationship at that point in time, talking it out and discussing it openly and honestly will make both party see another view point and help to meet at a centre point. i admit that me and him are not exactly the best couple, we have communication problems now and then; but only because we are afraid what we say will hurt each other. and we are trying to move out of that mindset to that of saying what we feel using the correct words because we are trying every day to make it work.
it was a long ride home, and many things are on my mind. and i realised so many things that i didn't see in the past that some people warned me of. thanks guys, and i know this one is different, i am sure you all can see it and feel it too =) lets face it, gay relationships are difficult, but i am not one that quits especially in the fields of love, i am sure most you know that by now. even if it takes all of me, i will make it last.
Just because there is no major crisis such as adultery or abuse doesn't mean that a relationship is a good one.
Very often, it is what my friend calls the 'stealth problems' that end up choking love.
'It's not like a heart attack that gets your attention right away, but a cancer that eats away at your body without you realising.
'That's where the danger lies, because you will brush aside the little aches and pains until it's too late, like when you get married, and things become unbearable with no way out.'
snippets of the article.
----------
just came back from a little nights out with him. went for an incredible food binging session, ate "ba chor mee", fried oysters, satay, and bbq chicken wing. yes between the 2 of us. hahaha, i am going to grow fat because of him.
the article above really sums up one i feel is the building block of a successful relationship, or as damien puts it, the denominator : communication. when there is any small problem, it cannot be brushed aside, nor swept under the carpet, because one day, it will find its way back during a major argument. one party will bring up something from the past. communication i feel is the most important; even though it might be uneasy or even tense up the relationship at that point in time, talking it out and discussing it openly and honestly will make both party see another view point and help to meet at a centre point. i admit that me and him are not exactly the best couple, we have communication problems now and then; but only because we are afraid what we say will hurt each other. and we are trying to move out of that mindset to that of saying what we feel using the correct words because we are trying every day to make it work.
it was a long ride home, and many things are on my mind. and i realised so many things that i didn't see in the past that some people warned me of. thanks guys, and i know this one is different, i am sure you all can see it and feel it too =) lets face it, gay relationships are difficult, but i am not one that quits especially in the fields of love, i am sure most you know that by now. even if it takes all of me, i will make it last.
May 2, 2004
had a haircut and a great bitching session with my stylist. he was recounting to me all his escapades when he was in national service, how they made out in the bunk, the stores, the bathroom, with driver and i was like totally AMAZED. now where were all the cute guys when i was duty (oops) anyway it is really fun to have a gay stylist. he makes sure i look my best! haha. anyway then there was this shampoo girl who is REALLY DAMN VERY GOOD. she not only shampoos, but she massages my neck, my temples, providing just the right amount of pressure and all. i was smiling happily (i was quite embarrassed by my smiles actually). really a straight guy would have came on the spot. i am serious. she knows all the pressure points on the head and the neck. and she took the longest time to shampoo and till now i wished it didn't stop.
haha now i know how dear feels when he gets massaged =p
back to camp. boring
haha now i know how dear feels when he gets massaged =p
back to camp. boring
just came back from his place, had such a great time =)
anyway we caught 50 first dates, it was a good show, very very romantic, hilarious and your typical adam sandler show. definitely worth catching for a good 90min of laughter and walk out feeling in the mood for lurrveee. hahaha.
driving test in 2 weeks time. hope i pass first time. and oh yar, colin has joined the tp network. he'll be putting his site up soon, so wait up for some interesting stuff.
anyway we caught 50 first dates, it was a good show, very very romantic, hilarious and your typical adam sandler show. definitely worth catching for a good 90min of laughter and walk out feeling in the mood for lurrveee. hahaha.
driving test in 2 weeks time. hope i pass first time. and oh yar, colin has joined the tp network. he'll be putting his site up soon, so wait up for some interesting stuff.
Apr 28, 2004
he's been so incredibly sweet recently. his msg made me jump (really) with joy today. well nothing today, just ippt. every static station was gold, but my running, it was so disappointing i am not even going to begin to talk about it. gross. disgusting. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. boring life other than that.
missing him again. yesyes i would stop it if i could, trust me. oh yar, ed from auz emailed me today, and he said some really nice things, thanks dude. most things are true i think, 10 months while it is not short, it isn't that long, and i worry too much sometimes. haha. and he said my 1st 3 wishes on my wishlist, i already have them, so why i am wishing for it. muahahah
missing him again. yesyes i would stop it if i could, trust me. oh yar, ed from auz emailed me today, and he said some really nice things, thanks dude. most things are true i think, 10 months while it is not short, it isn't that long, and i worry too much sometimes. haha. and he said my 1st 3 wishes on my wishlist, i already have them, so why i am wishing for it. muahahah
okok, politics matter just as much as my dear. maybe just a bit less.
here
and the following taken from paul's site, in fact he might find it flattering i am quoting from him =)
in today's straits times, "For example, in 1980, SM Lee had to drop Dr Toh Chin Chye out of the new Cabinet because Mr Lee was concerned that several of the old-timers might rally around Dr Toh and slow down the pace of self-renewal."
sounds suspicious? i couldn't dig up too much on the internet except this - which is telling enough -
"Peter wrongly (how wrongly!) attributes Singapore's 'success' to Lee.
Nothing could be further from the truth. In the good old days, Lee had colleagues who stood as tall, if not taller than him, like ex-President Devan Nair (who braved jail by the British Colonial govt for his beliefs), Dr Toh Chin Chye, Dr Goh Keng Swee who single-handledly built the armed forces and masterminded the economic development of Singapore.
There are many other colleagues too, like Rajaratnam. Devan Nair even used the F-word to Lee in heated cabinet debates. Not like the present Yes Ministers who dare not even feedback to Lee for fear of losing their multimillion salaries."
taken from: http://www.singapore-window.org/sw00/000716le.htm
so - seems like someone was worried about being overshadowed.
go think about it. and one last time i miss him ALOT
here
and the following taken from paul's site, in fact he might find it flattering i am quoting from him =)
in today's straits times, "For example, in 1980, SM Lee had to drop Dr Toh Chin Chye out of the new Cabinet because Mr Lee was concerned that several of the old-timers might rally around Dr Toh and slow down the pace of self-renewal."
sounds suspicious? i couldn't dig up too much on the internet except this - which is telling enough -
"Peter wrongly (how wrongly!) attributes Singapore's 'success' to Lee.
Nothing could be further from the truth. In the good old days, Lee had colleagues who stood as tall, if not taller than him, like ex-President Devan Nair (who braved jail by the British Colonial govt for his beliefs), Dr Toh Chin Chye, Dr Goh Keng Swee who single-handledly built the armed forces and masterminded the economic development of Singapore.
There are many other colleagues too, like Rajaratnam. Devan Nair even used the F-word to Lee in heated cabinet debates. Not like the present Yes Ministers who dare not even feedback to Lee for fear of losing their multimillion salaries."
taken from: http://www.singapore-window.org/sw00/000716le.htm
so - seems like someone was worried about being overshadowed.
go think about it. and one last time i miss him ALOT
Apr 27, 2004
back to camp today. needed some adjustment to get use to a do nothing much whole day lifestyle. i realise its the perfect way to catch up on my reading. haha. i am so broke so broke, but i did something sensible. but for those kind enough to donate to "help scott fund" please you know how to contact me. for the early bird, we have a special lucky draw worth 500 000 dollars in cash and prizes. muahahaha
enough of that. i am missing someone particularly badly now. he's outfield now and he just said something that was so sweet. i really wished i had known him so much earlier. and if i could i would just pack him into my luggage and lug him to auz with me. i think it says alot when someone asks "what can i do to make you feel better" and not "why must you be like that". i am glad we resolved some issues. i just can't bear the thought of leaving.
we just sent off the previous course not too long ago. and it was quite an emotional scene. girlfriends were crying, mommies were on the brink of tears. well which is why i hope for a gigantic group to send me off, to aviod tears and all. while i doubt that i would cry bucketloads, i think i would actually tear quite abit. i am so gonna hug everybody, especially him, right before i enter the gate. *sobs* i can even tear thinking about it. sigh....
enough of that. i am missing someone particularly badly now. he's outfield now and he just said something that was so sweet. i really wished i had known him so much earlier. and if i could i would just pack him into my luggage and lug him to auz with me. i think it says alot when someone asks "what can i do to make you feel better" and not "why must you be like that". i am glad we resolved some issues. i just can't bear the thought of leaving.
we just sent off the previous course not too long ago. and it was quite an emotional scene. girlfriends were crying, mommies were on the brink of tears. well which is why i hope for a gigantic group to send me off, to aviod tears and all. while i doubt that i would cry bucketloads, i think i would actually tear quite abit. i am so gonna hug everybody, especially him, right before i enter the gate. *sobs* i can even tear thinking about it. sigh....
pple, i've got a new email add, if u need to mail me big attachment (cute guys yes that would be great thank you - hahaha) oops, think dear jealous le... you can send it to kiezin@gmail.com yes i can store 1000mb of email, you didn't read wrong 1000mb, but only available to a select few, ala me. muahahaha. anyway dear is going outfield tmr. gonna miss him lots.
Apr 26, 2004
just came back from the dentist, nope not another tooth extract (i am not that masochistic, not yet anyway - ooops) hahah. anyway i realised that clinics are always very very crowded on a monday morning and i realised why, who on earth would want to go to work, school, office and whatever on a monday morning. and it dawn upon me the easiest most relax way to earn money is to be a gp with your own clinic, be generous with mc and voila!
found a picture of a self-injurer wrist on the net, wondering if i should post it and educate the world more on self-injury.. hrmm alanna??
found a picture of a self-injurer wrist on the net, wondering if i should post it and educate the world more on self-injury.. hrmm alanna??
Apr 25, 2004
i m sorry dear. i love you too.
..........
was diggin through my old stuff and it is always amazing what one can find: photos of me when i was plump, kindergarten photos, files and of course the most important one, vcds my cousin burnt for me a yaer back. i watched it and guess what. it is the 1st 6 episodes of queer as folk. ohmygod. yesyesyes now i so must lay my hands on it. if anybody has it, please lend it to me. pretty pls.....
..........
how's this
and here's where it came from
made with pictures of serviceman and woman that died during the oh-so-noble occupation to set iraq 'free' of what i dunno. the war president ladies and gentlemen.
..........
was diggin through my old stuff and it is always amazing what one can find: photos of me when i was plump, kindergarten photos, files and of course the most important one, vcds my cousin burnt for me a yaer back. i watched it and guess what. it is the 1st 6 episodes of queer as folk. ohmygod. yesyesyes now i so must lay my hands on it. if anybody has it, please lend it to me. pretty pls.....
..........
how's this
and here's where it came from
made with pictures of serviceman and woman that died during the oh-so-noble occupation to set iraq 'free' of what i dunno. the war president ladies and gentlemen.
Apr 24, 2004
my mind's in a blank. i can't think of what to write but this. accept death, then can you accept life. "love each other or die" - w.h. auden. i know this is going to sound so wierd but i have to say it to all those who know me. given my profession, everybody must fully understand and accept the fact that i can die anytime. there's never the right time, but it can just happen. i have to come to terms that doing what i do, living is a bonus. and that there's nothing to be afraid of death. only when you know death, can you know life, and that every day is just as precious. that we should never leave anything to tomorrow, because there might never be a tomorrow. everybody knows this, read it all before; but how many fully comprehend and understand. my friend committed suicide, and there was so many things that his stead wanted to do for him, but never got the chance to, so many things his friends planned, so many things his parents wanted to do with him. but they never got the chance to. so why wait till that day come and regret. i've said this many times, and i would say it again. tell everybody everyday how much they mean to you. a person would never get sick of that. i tell my mom i love her every other day for goodness sake. because the next day, an accident might just happen and you would never ever get to say "i love you" again.
Apr 23, 2004
Apr 21, 2004
when i am eating ice cream for no good reason, you can be sure i am not feeling good. ice cream and chocolates have always been my other way of getting the heat off my head, before i do anything silly. its been awhile since i last did that. but ice cream and chocolates can't offer that angry outrage, that slow painful healing it induces. for those who know what i am talking about, don't worry, i am not about to do it. just a reflective post. but i have been eating ice cream, hagen daz ones that is, to ease my painful tooth extraction. not so painful. thanks for the concern guys!!!!
in my bitchiest response to an email sent by this christian in a desparate attempt to convert the world by telling us that pokemon is sent my devil and is the root of all evil and according to him 3 years back that that would be last year (partly due to pikachu and gang) and his best evidence was that in a pokemon contest, more than 50000 calls in a min to the radio station proved that the devil has taken over the world. i bring forth mr teh eng chuan's article
and my bitchiest response:
so you sincerely believe that man walked the earth the same time as dearest dino? and did the bible mentioned dino? i dun think but of course it could be jus one of those animals and dino happen to be a variation of an animal. now this would mean that you do not believe in cavemen too right? then how would u explain all those corpses of cavemen being found? and assuming if humans did walked the earth the same time as dearie dino.. den why wouldn't there be a single corpses dated back to the same time as the dino?? or maybe humans didn't exist the same time as dino...
"Surely God could not possibly have viewed the fossilized remains of billions upon billions of His creatures in the rocks of the earth�s crust as �very good� if such fossils really marked the end of His �creation� period." well darling.. god is suppose to be the most omnipotent... i am sure he can do that... and as your typing to other religion which has evolution in some part of it.. please do not try to expound you knowledge on other religion if u do not know.. buddhism is a teaching which teaches people about life.. it is a set of philosophy which teaches pple things like "you get what u give" and by understanding the teaching does one get enlightememt.. period.. no evolution.. and taoism is basically another different set of philosophy but the difference is taoist pray to different gods.. also known as polytheism.
"All the real facts of science support special creation� not evolution.".. what facts may i ask???
yes.. how life started is still a mystery and perhaps maybe there is a superior entity that created life cos the idea that life came from a single cell is just so improbable... still does that entirely disprove evolution.. why the whole fuss about disproving evolution.. is it because it shakes your ground? are you feeling insecure?? everything is made of the same elements my dear.. there are only 104 ++ elements on this earth.. even this computer i am typing now is made of carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen and so on.. and as for souls.. can u prove the existence of souls.. if u are asking for a prove of evolution.. so let's assume that soul does exist.. because u prob would tell me that soul exist.. have u saw ur soul?? so if something which u cannot prove, u can safely assume it exist why can't u accept the theory of evolution?? yep there might be a creator.. a maybe.. if we follow desecrates chain of thought.. a perfect entity must exist.. but are u also having jus blind faith and sheer believe in something which is also not proven...
"There is no evidence whatever that such limited horizontal changes ever become the unlimited vertical changes required for real evolution to take place. �Microevolu�tion,� as some call this type of change, has no demonstrated connection with �macroevolution,� at least as far as any actual physical evidence goes. " dear this is precisely what i am trying to say... there is no evidence whatsoever.. so it can mean it can exist or it cannot.. cos u have not conclusively showed any evidence to disprove... jus because it can't be proven does not mean it does not exist... can u have any physical prove of god? does it mean god does not exist?? this is a question we as humans would not know....
your whole argument here is based on the fact that there is no real evidence and i say it back to u that u have no real evidence.. to understand evolution, u urself would have to know evolution, you claim that evolutionist have generally admited. and genectist have generally agreed.. are you so sure darling?? and for you info. evolutions implies an evolution and not changing for the better.. it is more of adapting to the environment... and using your example of the half-reptile half-bird.. let us assume that it was really a transistional creature.. of course it must have fully developed features that changes with time.. duhZ!!! such fully developed would have mean that it changed slowly and perhaps after this creature.. note the word perhaps.. there might be one with say smaller legs??
"Only a few bone fragments have been found that have been imaginatively construed as some sort of lower species of man. This is a strange situation in view of the multiplied millions of �ape-men� that must have lived and died during the hypotheti�cal million-year transition from the first apelike ancestor to man." dearest... the whole corpse have been found.. the WHOLE skeleton have also been found.. in case u didn't know, it has been found in africa 3 years ago.. at at ht of 4ft+ they code named it jane.. pls do research.. it is quite embarrassing to read wrong stuff... "The few fossils offered as evidence by paleoanthropologists have mostly been discredited by evolutionary anthropologists themselves." ermm right.. which fossils have been discredited by who.. dear.. concrete evidence!!! those are isolated examples that u have quoted
and finally darling honeycups why do u keep insisting that the evolution have proved to be harmful.. don't jus say it.. show it and prove it... such like i have mention u.. evolution has never ever stated that it mus be good.. it jus has to be done to allow it to better survive the condition... so even if like u said time and again... it is deteorating... relative to the environment.. perhaps jus perhaps it might improve.. it may suddenly dawn upon u that dinosaurs prob won't survive very well now.. maybe lizards may survive better in this condition..
and finally to conclude... you have showed no conclusive evidence and have only quoted isolated examples from an insignificant minority. ur case has also been lacking in conclusive content and most of all by mere presumption.. not to say the least a clear distinct showin of ur insercurity.. what is damn bloody wrong with the theory of evolution that have to make come up with this thesis.. if u can't conclusive disprove it... pls dun attempt.. it is a real embarrassment.. and to end of the same way as u did.. lets think together.. no one has ever seen god, no one knows how god works, there is no physical evidence like u love to put it.. so does it mean god does not exist? u should learn to consider ur own stand first.. before presenting such a flawed argument..
p/s: in case u are wondering.. i am an agnostic...
lotsa love...
and my bitchiest response:
so you sincerely believe that man walked the earth the same time as dearest dino? and did the bible mentioned dino? i dun think but of course it could be jus one of those animals and dino happen to be a variation of an animal. now this would mean that you do not believe in cavemen too right? then how would u explain all those corpses of cavemen being found? and assuming if humans did walked the earth the same time as dearie dino.. den why wouldn't there be a single corpses dated back to the same time as the dino?? or maybe humans didn't exist the same time as dino...
"Surely God could not possibly have viewed the fossilized remains of billions upon billions of His creatures in the rocks of the earth�s crust as �very good� if such fossils really marked the end of His �creation� period." well darling.. god is suppose to be the most omnipotent... i am sure he can do that... and as your typing to other religion which has evolution in some part of it.. please do not try to expound you knowledge on other religion if u do not know.. buddhism is a teaching which teaches people about life.. it is a set of philosophy which teaches pple things like "you get what u give" and by understanding the teaching does one get enlightememt.. period.. no evolution.. and taoism is basically another different set of philosophy but the difference is taoist pray to different gods.. also known as polytheism.
"All the real facts of science support special creation� not evolution.".. what facts may i ask???
yes.. how life started is still a mystery and perhaps maybe there is a superior entity that created life cos the idea that life came from a single cell is just so improbable... still does that entirely disprove evolution.. why the whole fuss about disproving evolution.. is it because it shakes your ground? are you feeling insecure?? everything is made of the same elements my dear.. there are only 104 ++ elements on this earth.. even this computer i am typing now is made of carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen and so on.. and as for souls.. can u prove the existence of souls.. if u are asking for a prove of evolution.. so let's assume that soul does exist.. because u prob would tell me that soul exist.. have u saw ur soul?? so if something which u cannot prove, u can safely assume it exist why can't u accept the theory of evolution?? yep there might be a creator.. a maybe.. if we follow desecrates chain of thought.. a perfect entity must exist.. but are u also having jus blind faith and sheer believe in something which is also not proven...
"There is no evidence whatever that such limited horizontal changes ever become the unlimited vertical changes required for real evolution to take place. �Microevolu�tion,� as some call this type of change, has no demonstrated connection with �macroevolution,� at least as far as any actual physical evidence goes. " dear this is precisely what i am trying to say... there is no evidence whatsoever.. so it can mean it can exist or it cannot.. cos u have not conclusively showed any evidence to disprove... jus because it can't be proven does not mean it does not exist... can u have any physical prove of god? does it mean god does not exist?? this is a question we as humans would not know....
your whole argument here is based on the fact that there is no real evidence and i say it back to u that u have no real evidence.. to understand evolution, u urself would have to know evolution, you claim that evolutionist have generally admited. and genectist have generally agreed.. are you so sure darling?? and for you info. evolutions implies an evolution and not changing for the better.. it is more of adapting to the environment... and using your example of the half-reptile half-bird.. let us assume that it was really a transistional creature.. of course it must have fully developed features that changes with time.. duhZ!!! such fully developed would have mean that it changed slowly and perhaps after this creature.. note the word perhaps.. there might be one with say smaller legs??
"Only a few bone fragments have been found that have been imaginatively construed as some sort of lower species of man. This is a strange situation in view of the multiplied millions of �ape-men� that must have lived and died during the hypotheti�cal million-year transition from the first apelike ancestor to man." dearest... the whole corpse have been found.. the WHOLE skeleton have also been found.. in case u didn't know, it has been found in africa 3 years ago.. at at ht of 4ft+ they code named it jane.. pls do research.. it is quite embarrassing to read wrong stuff... "The few fossils offered as evidence by paleoanthropologists have mostly been discredited by evolutionary anthropologists themselves." ermm right.. which fossils have been discredited by who.. dear.. concrete evidence!!! those are isolated examples that u have quoted
and finally darling honeycups why do u keep insisting that the evolution have proved to be harmful.. don't jus say it.. show it and prove it... such like i have mention u.. evolution has never ever stated that it mus be good.. it jus has to be done to allow it to better survive the condition... so even if like u said time and again... it is deteorating... relative to the environment.. perhaps jus perhaps it might improve.. it may suddenly dawn upon u that dinosaurs prob won't survive very well now.. maybe lizards may survive better in this condition..
and finally to conclude... you have showed no conclusive evidence and have only quoted isolated examples from an insignificant minority. ur case has also been lacking in conclusive content and most of all by mere presumption.. not to say the least a clear distinct showin of ur insercurity.. what is damn bloody wrong with the theory of evolution that have to make come up with this thesis.. if u can't conclusive disprove it... pls dun attempt.. it is a real embarrassment.. and to end of the same way as u did.. lets think together.. no one has ever seen god, no one knows how god works, there is no physical evidence like u love to put it.. so does it mean god does not exist? u should learn to consider ur own stand first.. before presenting such a flawed argument..
p/s: in case u are wondering.. i am an agnostic...
lotsa love...
Apr 20, 2004
yes i am feeling better. thank you so much ah yee for that cyber hug. feels alot better! ate lunch, dinner and most importantly my painkillers and antibiotics. i know tomorrow morning will be the worse day of the week because i would have to survive the night without painkillers, till the next morning. but it might just turn out fine.
for the uninitiated, it is of absolute importance to have the wisdom tooth extracted early, if it is impacted and causing problems that is. if it is not impacted, then there wouldn't be much problem. so go for a check up! once every 6 months! why is it important? because an impacted teeth would trap food and cause decay and eventually it would hit the root and cause infection and expensive complications. at that point of time, you would still need to remove it anyway and by then, it would be more painful, and being older, the body doesn't recover as quickly. had i remove the right wisdom earlier, it would have been a less traumatising experience. but i didn't have the time with all the courses, i can't take mc. so i can only do it now. the decay is hitting the bone structure (dentist hopes it would grow back) and they had to dig out the root because it couldn't be extracted properly. also the teeth had to be drilled into 3 pieces because the decay and all.
and that stupid boy. called him to chat and he could only laugh away at how strange i sounded. then make me laugh some more. pain one lehz. hahaha. he's so adorable. yesyes i printed out one of our pictures and i am now thinking where to put it.. ahhh.....
for the uninitiated, it is of absolute importance to have the wisdom tooth extracted early, if it is impacted and causing problems that is. if it is not impacted, then there wouldn't be much problem. so go for a check up! once every 6 months! why is it important? because an impacted teeth would trap food and cause decay and eventually it would hit the root and cause infection and expensive complications. at that point of time, you would still need to remove it anyway and by then, it would be more painful, and being older, the body doesn't recover as quickly. had i remove the right wisdom earlier, it would have been a less traumatising experience. but i didn't have the time with all the courses, i can't take mc. so i can only do it now. the decay is hitting the bone structure (dentist hopes it would grow back) and they had to dig out the root because it couldn't be extracted properly. also the teeth had to be drilled into 3 pieces because the decay and all.
and that stupid boy. called him to chat and he could only laugh away at how strange i sounded. then make me laugh some more. pain one lehz. hahaha. he's so adorable. yesyes i printed out one of our pictures and i am now thinking where to put it.. ahhh.....
Apr 19, 2004
Apr 18, 2004
a friend of mine emailed me this and i thought he was just so right. hahah, dear this is for you
ben folds five - the luckiest
i don't get many things right the first time
in fact, i am told that a lot
now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
brought me here
and where was i before the day
that i first saw your lovely face?
now i see it everyday
and i know
that i am
i am
i am
the luckiest
what if i'd been born fifty years before you
in a house on a street where you lived?
maybe i'd be outside as you passed on your bike
would i know?
and in a white sea of eyes
i see one pair that i recognize
and i know
that i am
i am
i am
the luckiest
i love you more than i have ever found a way to say to you
next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
and one day passed away in his sleep
and his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
and passed away
i'm sorry, i know that's a strange way to tell you that i know we belong
that i know
that i am
i am
i am
the luckiest
--------
i was out with him yesterday, after my driving lessons. well went for dinner and walked around and went bowling (oops i type blowing right before that actually, honest slip, hehe) and it was just absolute fun. it was just so nice and so great. actually i have been spending a good amount of time with him and i am not complaining. its really really nice that he makes a point to come down and find me when he gets off early, of meet up somewhere convenient when both of us get (or is it gets? alanna....) nights off. and last night, he had to wake up early today, but he still came over last night and left in the dead of the night. i can't express my gratitude enough. and i think the song above does it better.
ben folds five - the luckiest
i don't get many things right the first time
in fact, i am told that a lot
now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
brought me here
and where was i before the day
that i first saw your lovely face?
now i see it everyday
and i know
that i am
i am
i am
the luckiest
what if i'd been born fifty years before you
in a house on a street where you lived?
maybe i'd be outside as you passed on your bike
would i know?
and in a white sea of eyes
i see one pair that i recognize
and i know
that i am
i am
i am
the luckiest
i love you more than i have ever found a way to say to you
next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
and one day passed away in his sleep
and his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
and passed away
i'm sorry, i know that's a strange way to tell you that i know we belong
that i know
that i am
i am
i am
the luckiest
--------
i was out with him yesterday, after my driving lessons. well went for dinner and walked around and went bowling (oops i type blowing right before that actually, honest slip, hehe) and it was just absolute fun. it was just so nice and so great. actually i have been spending a good amount of time with him and i am not complaining. its really really nice that he makes a point to come down and find me when he gets off early, of meet up somewhere convenient when both of us get (or is it gets? alanna....) nights off. and last night, he had to wake up early today, but he still came over last night and left in the dead of the night. i can't express my gratitude enough. and i think the song above does it better.
Apr 16, 2004
just came back from supper with him. ahhhh full of nice things which i would not bore the general public with. but well well. hahaha. love the suppers and the talks. this guy is so full of crap.
just took this test and guess what
A Scorpio is a great match for you. For one thing, you seem to really connect with the Scorpion's intensity and depth of feeling and to admire them for these qualities. You're also the kind who can be understanding about a Scorpio's tendency to overreact to things they perceive to be threats. After all, you're not going to let an occasional over-the-top moment to put a damper on your chances for romance. In fact, if you play your cards right, you and a Scorpio may find true love.
You can pick out potential Scorpio partners by their self-confident carriage when they walk into a room and by their intense gazes. Unlike people who may be more timid or remote, most Scopios aren't afraid of a little eye contact. At times, the Scorpion's stare can make it seem as if they can see into your very soul. More often than not, they are supremely assured and determined. If they take a fancy to you, you can bet you'll be persistently and aggressively pursued. Scorpios are known for being unfamiliar with the concept of quitting. If a Scorpio's head turns in your direction, you'll probably be flattered by their heated pursuit. You can appreciate someone with that kind of confidence and command. It's also nice not to have to play hard to get, because the Scorpion isn't all about the chase.
When a Scorpio decides what they want, they can be intent getting it. In fact, if the Scorpion feels an objective is in danger of being derailed, they can lash out quickly and strongly in effort to protect it. Scorpios are known for being exceedingly resourceful. So although they may not win the battle, this sign has every intention of winning the war. Strong and intent on their ideals, a Scorpio has a unique ability to focus on their purpose and see it through. You'll usually admire a Scorpio's convictions and support their ambitions. For you, it's probably a relief to find someone who knows what they want.
haha and i won't even begin to tell you what star sign he is. seriously, hrmmm. nothing, just abit elated, and yes alanna you are such a fag-hag, love ya sooo much. thanks for always being there.
just took this test and guess what
A Scorpio is a great match for you. For one thing, you seem to really connect with the Scorpion's intensity and depth of feeling and to admire them for these qualities. You're also the kind who can be understanding about a Scorpio's tendency to overreact to things they perceive to be threats. After all, you're not going to let an occasional over-the-top moment to put a damper on your chances for romance. In fact, if you play your cards right, you and a Scorpio may find true love.
You can pick out potential Scorpio partners by their self-confident carriage when they walk into a room and by their intense gazes. Unlike people who may be more timid or remote, most Scopios aren't afraid of a little eye contact. At times, the Scorpion's stare can make it seem as if they can see into your very soul. More often than not, they are supremely assured and determined. If they take a fancy to you, you can bet you'll be persistently and aggressively pursued. Scorpios are known for being unfamiliar with the concept of quitting. If a Scorpio's head turns in your direction, you'll probably be flattered by their heated pursuit. You can appreciate someone with that kind of confidence and command. It's also nice not to have to play hard to get, because the Scorpion isn't all about the chase.
When a Scorpio decides what they want, they can be intent getting it. In fact, if the Scorpion feels an objective is in danger of being derailed, they can lash out quickly and strongly in effort to protect it. Scorpios are known for being exceedingly resourceful. So although they may not win the battle, this sign has every intention of winning the war. Strong and intent on their ideals, a Scorpio has a unique ability to focus on their purpose and see it through. You'll usually admire a Scorpio's convictions and support their ambitions. For you, it's probably a relief to find someone who knows what they want.
haha and i won't even begin to tell you what star sign he is. seriously, hrmmm. nothing, just abit elated, and yes alanna you are such a fag-hag, love ya sooo much. thanks for always being there.
i am suddenly very proud of america. i mean look at all their effort. of all the countries they invaded and tried to help. look which of it isn't a success story and look how well they are doing. lets look at somalia, where a mob at magadishu killed 18 us soldiers resulting in a pull out of american forces. look aren't they improvin in their economic status, they are almost 1st world nation now. and of course there's haiti. look at all the peace they are enjoying after american invaded them; not to forget the other war in afghanistan. isn't comforting to know that the warlords are now running the country without osama bin laden farting around. and that all the violence are just going slightly up. and how can we forget that long long war with vietnam. she must be so glad america was there to rape their citizens and sending half of them to heaven. lastly, iraq. i mean the iraqis must be happy that saddam wasn't around building his wmd anymore (underneath george bush's table i presume since he was looking for it underneath there 2 weeks ago) and instead of the routine life, there's murders and bombings just about every other day. what more peace can this world ask for. i dunno you tell me. the world seems to be such a peaceful place after america bombs everywhere. what's next? a certain **rea up *orth? well they do have weapons of mass destruction and they do threaten to use them. you can be for sure of that, so how bout a pre-emptive str*ke aei???
Apr 15, 2004
i just received 2 emails from some visitors that chance upon my blog. and hey, thanks for the email i really appreciate it and i am glad i can give that little light for you guys. and just to prove my point to a few close friends of mine
taken from the email from fulooshou
I have had my share of problems with people. Christians, Cynics(is that how you spell it?), Close friends... Blah you should know la. I mean over this period of time this short four mths. I made a new friend as in I get to know her better. She's straight and I'm her first gay friend. She said I made her think alot(because I'm her first gay friend). And so she started to think about gay people, on how they have to live against prejudice, on how hard it is to make a stand in this society, on whta is actually so different btween gay and str people..... And she came to the conclusion that we are no more different than that we like people of the same gender. And then she shows her� very support in a way that I don't know how to put it in words. But you should see it. Hmm.. I'm overwhelmed by her supposrt and encouragements. And I think I've become more brave. It's amazing la. I've changed in a certain way, in her presence. Ok if she sees this, she will think she is god. Ahem. But it's like even my closest pals from secondary some fo them still can't accept the fact that I'm gay like some of them still think two gay men hugging together is disgusting. I hmm.. I'm very grateful.
Your Oprah Winfrey quote is inspiring too. If you don't know, I've been obssessed with it. Ha.. ok no..
Ok from the beginning, I think you are damn brave. Keep the gay pride up. I hope I will become brave enough to join you. Cheers.
and saying hi to ed all the way from aus. no worries, you can always email me anytime you want!
--------
onto another matter, the weather is absolutely dreadful these few days. i make the best of it and went swimming but the sun was really beyond me today; went gymming instead. think i am exercising a bit too much these days, feeling sore all over all the time. (i can somehow imagine mark coming up with some dirty thoughts.....)
planning for a trip with him to some nearby country. i would fill in more details when things are confirmed! finally a dream come true for me; to take a trip with my stead and spend quality time together. ahhhh, it would be even better if it is a sight seeing trip. then i can just hold his hands or wrapped my arms around him and enjoy the beautiful sights.. hahaha yar la dear i know its abit mushy la!!! hahaha
taken from the email from fulooshou
I have had my share of problems with people. Christians, Cynics(is that how you spell it?), Close friends... Blah you should know la. I mean over this period of time this short four mths. I made a new friend as in I get to know her better. She's straight and I'm her first gay friend. She said I made her think alot(because I'm her first gay friend). And so she started to think about gay people, on how they have to live against prejudice, on how hard it is to make a stand in this society, on whta is actually so different btween gay and str people..... And she came to the conclusion that we are no more different than that we like people of the same gender. And then she shows her� very support in a way that I don't know how to put it in words. But you should see it. Hmm.. I'm overwhelmed by her supposrt and encouragements. And I think I've become more brave. It's amazing la. I've changed in a certain way, in her presence. Ok if she sees this, she will think she is god. Ahem. But it's like even my closest pals from secondary some fo them still can't accept the fact that I'm gay like some of them still think two gay men hugging together is disgusting. I hmm.. I'm very grateful.
Your Oprah Winfrey quote is inspiring too. If you don't know, I've been obssessed with it. Ha.. ok no..
Ok from the beginning, I think you are damn brave. Keep the gay pride up. I hope I will become brave enough to join you. Cheers.
and saying hi to ed all the way from aus. no worries, you can always email me anytime you want!
--------
onto another matter, the weather is absolutely dreadful these few days. i make the best of it and went swimming but the sun was really beyond me today; went gymming instead. think i am exercising a bit too much these days, feeling sore all over all the time. (i can somehow imagine mark coming up with some dirty thoughts.....)
planning for a trip with him to some nearby country. i would fill in more details when things are confirmed! finally a dream come true for me; to take a trip with my stead and spend quality time together. ahhhh, it would be even better if it is a sight seeing trip. then i can just hold his hands or wrapped my arms around him and enjoy the beautiful sights.. hahaha yar la dear i know its abit mushy la!!! hahaha
i had a lot of things to say. but i dun feel like sayin it now. nothing much. its a hot day very very hot day..................... my aircon's fixed. and i'm, i'm at a lost of words. good night.
Cursed Hospital Ward
REAL-LIFE STRANGE ENCOUNTER IN S'PORE HOSPITAL
There was this case in this hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Friday mornings regardless of their age, gender, medical history or medical conditions.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural. Why the death at that same bed on Fridays? So the doctors decide to go down to that particular ward to investigate the cause of
the incidents....
Come Friday morning, everyone at the hospital ward nervously waited for the terrible phenomenon to occur again.
The new = unknowing patient laid there..... Some doctors holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy
objects to ward off evils......... waiting....the patient was = resting still. then 8am...... 8:30am........
Just before the 'cursed' time...... the door to the ward swung open......
Scroll Down
�� Then Ah Soh, the part-time Friday cleaner, comes in and unplugs the
life support system so that she can use the vacuum cleaner.
Cursed Hospital Ward
REAL-LIFE STRANGE ENCOUNTER IN S'PORE HOSPITAL
There was this case in this hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Friday mornings regardless of their age, gender, medical history or medical conditions.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural. Why the death at that same bed on Fridays? So the doctors decide to go down to that particular ward to investigate the cause of
the incidents....
Come Friday morning, everyone at the hospital ward nervously waited for the terrible phenomenon to occur again.
The new = unknowing patient laid there..... Some doctors holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy
objects to ward off evils......... waiting....the patient was = resting still. then 8am...... 8:30am........
Just before the 'cursed' time...... the door to the ward swung open......
Scroll Down
�� Then Ah Soh, the part-time Friday cleaner, comes in and unplugs the
life support system so that she can use the vacuum cleaner.
Apr 11, 2004
well, he's at his platoon chalet and stuff and i am all alone in my room studying for my test. yes more test to come. isn't this absolutely disgusting. i hate that woman, she is so irrtating. i have never seen a more hated woman. i personally believe that she is hated so much more than anna nicole smith and condi rice combined with bush. ARGH!!!!
so anyway, i was talking to clay just now over msn, he was having some issues with his stead. of course i was helping him out (i am not as evil as you make me out to be k =p) but he said a few things that touched me. he said that i was very very understanding and he said that i was almost perfect. i mean those things are always on hindsight, but to be able to receive such compliments from 3 person on hindsight, makes me feel that all my emotional investment was worthwhile. at the very least i did something. that i knew that when i put in my max effort, it is felt.
so while i give in so much and be understanding, i also really hope that my other half would do the same, and its nice to know that he is so patient and understanding and yar......
back to my books before people start puking.
so anyway, i was talking to clay just now over msn, he was having some issues with his stead. of course i was helping him out (i am not as evil as you make me out to be k =p) but he said a few things that touched me. he said that i was very very understanding and he said that i was almost perfect. i mean those things are always on hindsight, but to be able to receive such compliments from 3 person on hindsight, makes me feel that all my emotional investment was worthwhile. at the very least i did something. that i knew that when i put in my max effort, it is felt.
so while i give in so much and be understanding, i also really hope that my other half would do the same, and its nice to know that he is so patient and understanding and yar......
back to my books before people start puking.
to my amusement, pcworld praises the mac!!! here
somebody, i can't really remember who, once told me that i have this uncanny ability to read into people so accurately that it scares them. that i can be so pinpoint at times, that they chooses to deny what i said because it is so true that it is uncomfortable; that when i hit the nerve, most would not want to admit it.
nothing much to be said there, but yar just a note. going off for driving lessons. missing him so much. really mixed feelings about leaving overseas. lazy day.
listening to emi fujita - camomile blend, its a great album do check it out!!!!
somebody, i can't really remember who, once told me that i have this uncanny ability to read into people so accurately that it scares them. that i can be so pinpoint at times, that they chooses to deny what i said because it is so true that it is uncomfortable; that when i hit the nerve, most would not want to admit it.
nothing much to be said there, but yar just a note. going off for driving lessons. missing him so much. really mixed feelings about leaving overseas. lazy day.
listening to emi fujita - camomile blend, its a great album do check it out!!!!
thx dear for the great evening! and thx stan, appreciate it.
i would just like to say a couple of things and i would like to quote from oprah "i am finally ready to own my own power; to say all right this is who i am. if you like it, you like it; and if you don't, you don't. so watch out i am going to fly"
i think it sums up all i have been trying to say. to be able to believe in yourself, to have self empowerment, is all there is; its all that it takes. i am able to accept the fact that i am gay, and i can tell the world about it, is because i have faith in me, and i believe in myself. and i think that a person cannot go very far in life, go that extra mile without this belief and this courage; the courage to be able to let it all go and to believe in all that you do. its the same, it doesn't matter what, be it exams, work, ideas, yourself. that belief, that courage, that persistance, says alot
and when you can believe in yourself, then can you sacrifice yourself to fufill a greater cause. and it is that that matters. and it is that faith that matters, not the cause and effect, not how someone will affect your life, your promotion, your 'face', how others view you. those are small, negligible part of the bigger picture. of the full picture of the drive to succeed, of the drive as a person to walk that 1metre more to succeed, to push that extra bit more to get a CAP score of 4.0 or more; for me, to persevere in my pursuit of my career despite all the downtrodding i have to take, despite all the stress and pressure. i know that this believe in myself will push me.
and if you don't believe me, it doesn't matter to me. but you can try to for a start.
on another note, i must really push myself hard to pass the course, for my mom and dad, so that can have a better life; and for him, so that he wouldn't have to work so hard in the future and we can have a good life down the road. as i was sitting beside him in the car today, i saw this guy and i just know that i want to spend the rest of my life with him. we might have some issues, but we always sort things out, and things are falling into place. its beyond words. really.
i would just like to say a couple of things and i would like to quote from oprah "i am finally ready to own my own power; to say all right this is who i am. if you like it, you like it; and if you don't, you don't. so watch out i am going to fly"
i think it sums up all i have been trying to say. to be able to believe in yourself, to have self empowerment, is all there is; its all that it takes. i am able to accept the fact that i am gay, and i can tell the world about it, is because i have faith in me, and i believe in myself. and i think that a person cannot go very far in life, go that extra mile without this belief and this courage; the courage to be able to let it all go and to believe in all that you do. its the same, it doesn't matter what, be it exams, work, ideas, yourself. that belief, that courage, that persistance, says alot
and when you can believe in yourself, then can you sacrifice yourself to fufill a greater cause. and it is that that matters. and it is that faith that matters, not the cause and effect, not how someone will affect your life, your promotion, your 'face', how others view you. those are small, negligible part of the bigger picture. of the full picture of the drive to succeed, of the drive as a person to walk that 1metre more to succeed, to push that extra bit more to get a CAP score of 4.0 or more; for me, to persevere in my pursuit of my career despite all the downtrodding i have to take, despite all the stress and pressure. i know that this believe in myself will push me.
and if you don't believe me, it doesn't matter to me. but you can try to for a start.
on another note, i must really push myself hard to pass the course, for my mom and dad, so that can have a better life; and for him, so that he wouldn't have to work so hard in the future and we can have a good life down the road. as i was sitting beside him in the car today, i saw this guy and i just know that i want to spend the rest of my life with him. we might have some issues, but we always sort things out, and things are falling into place. its beyond words. really.
Apr 9, 2004
ok, for those who are going to get me birthday presents, please note that i wouldn't be around this year, so yes, you can get them for me now! before i leave for australia. yes i would really like to have those things on my wishlist =p hahahahahahaha....
well well joking. but seriously i would be leaving on july 23, so yepperz. nokia 6230? anybody??
well well joking. but seriously i would be leaving on july 23, so yepperz. nokia 6230? anybody??
yesterday was the best day i ever had in a very very long time. everything was just wonderful. watched hellboy (its absolutely hellish, a production from hell, really) the effects were great full stop. the storyline sucks, worse than pamela on tommy. ERRGH!!!!
did something for him. and yes, he liked it so much.
i seriously hope i don't get anymore episodes like a few days ago. i am going crazy...
did something for him. and yes, he liked it so much.
i seriously hope i don't get anymore episodes like a few days ago. i am going crazy...
Apr 7, 2004
Anything Britney Can Do, Beyonce Can Do Better!
The DESTINY�S CHILD star goes naked in the video for her sensational new single, Naughty Girl.
At first, she�s in a silver dress then strips off to show a silhouette of her famous curves.
The track could hit No1 when it�s released next week in the UK. Current No1 USHER even appears in the video.
Beyonce should be celebrated. She�s a real woman with real curves and a huge voice
haha, and that coming from the girl that claims being a devout christian that she is, god will never allow her to behave indecently in her mtv (referring to kissing girls ala britney and maddy). but it seems that god will allow her to however dress raunchily and now even strip... hrmm what an interesting god and devout christian that she is.
The DESTINY�S CHILD star goes naked in the video for her sensational new single, Naughty Girl.
At first, she�s in a silver dress then strips off to show a silhouette of her famous curves.
The track could hit No1 when it�s released next week in the UK. Current No1 USHER even appears in the video.
Beyonce should be celebrated. She�s a real woman with real curves and a huge voice
haha, and that coming from the girl that claims being a devout christian that she is, god will never allow her to behave indecently in her mtv (referring to kissing girls ala britney and maddy). but it seems that god will allow her to however dress raunchily and now even strip... hrmm what an interesting god and devout christian that she is.
yesterday night, was the third night i held my victorinox to sleep. i felt so out of place and so lost i needed something to bring me down. back where i know something. didn't do anything with it. not yet anyway.
i'll be leaving on july 23 for about half a year. be back in december (hopefully) and then off again in late december till about february or march. and i am feeling even worse because of that. but he knows what to say to make me feel slightly better. the fact that if i leave earlier means i would be back earlier. and when i come back, he would have just ord not too long before that. which is definitely true.
i am at a crisis. i don't want to pass this. i am so sick of it. i am so disgusted. i am lost. i have been thinking way too much lately and as you can tell, my sentences aren't too coherent. crap.
help
i'll be leaving on july 23 for about half a year. be back in december (hopefully) and then off again in late december till about february or march. and i am feeling even worse because of that. but he knows what to say to make me feel slightly better. the fact that if i leave earlier means i would be back earlier. and when i come back, he would have just ord not too long before that. which is definitely true.
i am at a crisis. i don't want to pass this. i am so sick of it. i am so disgusted. i am lost. i have been thinking way too much lately and as you can tell, my sentences aren't too coherent. crap.
help
Apr 6, 2004
i just got to know this acquaintance (is that how its spelled?) and got to know that he and his bf are together for 8yrs! ohmygod, that is really long even by straight couple standards (short of marrying the girl i mean) and he's like 26. this means that they are together since he was 18. now how sweet is that. isn't it so nice to know of such examples and makes me more motivated and much more confident that anything is possible. there's this lesbian couple who stayed together for 51 years and got married in SF recently!!!!
there's nothing that will stop me from being with him for forever, and nothing sort of that. okok yes mushy mushy but that is how i feel ok...
there's nothing that will stop me from being with him for forever, and nothing sort of that. okok yes mushy mushy but that is how i feel ok...
Apr 4, 2004
ok guys and gals out there. listen up visting this site or else?!!!!! okok help out my friend k, a close girl friend of mine. do check it out. and trust me, she has great taste. so go ahead help yourself!!
lotsa things happened. glad it happened. talked about it and that's about all i am going to say =p haha. nothing else lorz, other than i am mugging hard for me test. and that oh yar oh yar, yesterday a transvestite grabbed my hand and said hello and strutted off. haha. but on a sadder note, i saw another transvestite being sorta ridiculed, as in there were people giving 'her' the wierd looks and she just stuck her tongue out. and i just felt so upset. i was trying to understand what she was going through. and it just hit me that people don't understand. i mean well also because she was very obviously trans (bad operation or no plastic surgery maybe) but i don't know why the obnoxiously straight people must be like this.
i think from now on, i have to educate my friends about it and stop my buddy from gay-bashing whenever he says fucking gay and things like that. come on all you readers there, i know you are all gay friendly or gay too, so lets slowly start to change this society into a more accomodating one. i know for one, jeremiah stands up for PLU's. when his campmates starts gay-bashing, he would ask them to stop and tell them about his good friend (yours truly) who's gay. and we should all be like that shouldn't we??
i think from now on, i have to educate my friends about it and stop my buddy from gay-bashing whenever he says fucking gay and things like that. come on all you readers there, i know you are all gay friendly or gay too, so lets slowly start to change this society into a more accomodating one. i know for one, jeremiah stands up for PLU's. when his campmates starts gay-bashing, he would ask them to stop and tell them about his good friend (yours truly) who's gay. and we should all be like that shouldn't we??
Apr 2, 2004
just wanna say a big thank you to mark for last night. its nice to know that although he's so far away from me, he's still there for me when i didn't want to bother anybody else. thanks mark. distance, and seldom communication will never affect the friendship. ok enough mushiness for the day.
nothing much to update. will update again when i get home tomorrow night.
"no matter how adverse the circumstances, there is never any reason to give up" - charles lachenmeyer, in a letter to his son
nothing much to update. will update again when i get home tomorrow night.
"no matter how adverse the circumstances, there is never any reason to give up" - charles lachenmeyer, in a letter to his son
Mar 31, 2004
hrm, i am home today. there was nights off. but my stupid CO suddenly decided that she wanted to run. so she assembled all of us at the stadium at 4:30 but she didn't arrive till 5 plus. by the time we finished running it was almost 6. so you can imagined how late we all got home. this is so disgusting. there's so many days in a week. she must choose the day when we have nights off. furthermore she was in this PMS mood the whole day (actually after some discussion we've decided it must have been menopause but anyway). all the instructors and i am not joking when i said all the instructors are quite put off by her. ARGH
having extra duties to serve but i am trying to plan the weekdays one properly so i can coincide with his off days. ahhh i so want to show you guys how he looks like but he doesn't allow me to. for good reasons of course. so those who need to know will know. they who don't too bad =p he's mine. haha sorry sorry joking joking. take it in good humour k.
nothing much to update other than i am dying to go for a trip with him. and it seems that there are even more schedule clashes coming up. too bad for me i suppose... sighz
having extra duties to serve but i am trying to plan the weekdays one properly so i can coincide with his off days. ahhh i so want to show you guys how he looks like but he doesn't allow me to. for good reasons of course. so those who need to know will know. they who don't too bad =p he's mine. haha sorry sorry joking joking. take it in good humour k.
nothing much to update other than i am dying to go for a trip with him. and it seems that there are even more schedule clashes coming up. too bad for me i suppose... sighz
Mar 30, 2004
just taken off my coach's page, i'm sure he won't mind
i do believe there is something magical about commiting yourself to some-one, something special about saying 'i will always be there for you', something exciting about booking a wedding space and inviting friends over - whether the ceremony is grand or not, something heartwrenching about looking into someone's eyes and seeing what happiness is all about, something great about that explosion of physical, spiritual, mental chemistry,... and of course there are people who write about this more eloquently than i can. and yeah, i know some smart-ass will say you can have all of that without a marriage, and that's your choice; for me, marriage is both a personal and social affirmation - the sum of all things - and whether symbolic or real, fantasy or illusion, and it would mean everything.
i do believe there is something magical about commiting yourself to some-one, something special about saying 'i will always be there for you', something exciting about booking a wedding space and inviting friends over - whether the ceremony is grand or not, something heartwrenching about looking into someone's eyes and seeing what happiness is all about, something great about that explosion of physical, spiritual, mental chemistry,... and of course there are people who write about this more eloquently than i can. and yeah, i know some smart-ass will say you can have all of that without a marriage, and that's your choice; for me, marriage is both a personal and social affirmation - the sum of all things - and whether symbolic or real, fantasy or illusion, and it would mean everything.
this is so interesting. we were just asked to do this excel program (don't ask too much) and my group actually found the way to do it. and at this point of time, the other groups are still cracking their head about it. and yours truly was the guy to crack that final nut. not just me alone, but i did the last bit. and here we are so free and enjoying ourselves in the internet lounge while the rest are busy coming up with solutions. and the other groups have graduates and people who are good in excel. my group has normal people who don't really know how to use excel (so we just click the help button). haha i am so happy yes yes.
did i mention i would have to wait till next wednesday before i can see him? ok i think i did. never mind. he's having this standby thing. hoping to take a trip with him when all this crap is all over. maybe somewhere in may. ah, just waiting for that day to come, where i can wake up in him arms, just beside the sea in a nice cosy bed (altogether now, awwwww).
random question : am i irritating??? (bleahz)
for you:
"I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more" - i could not ask for more, edwin mccain
did i mention i would have to wait till next wednesday before i can see him? ok i think i did. never mind. he's having this standby thing. hoping to take a trip with him when all this crap is all over. maybe somewhere in may. ah, just waiting for that day to come, where i can wake up in him arms, just beside the sea in a nice cosy bed (altogether now, awwwww).
random question : am i irritating??? (bleahz)
for you:
"I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more" - i could not ask for more, edwin mccain
Mar 29, 2004
goodness gracious me. threesome is lousiest play i have ever watched in my entire life. the scripting is so terrible, even a secondary school student could have better. its lame, cliched and contrived and absolutely predictable. the potentially intellectual discussion of sexuality were just brushed across. the directing was CRAP. just compare to hwachong's Huang Cheng Ye Yun, threesome pales in comparison. really really pales. i can't believe i ever wasted money on that show. it had the potential to be decent. but it was CRAP, just absolutely disgusting.
after that, went to meet him. had dinner and walked around. and - to quote mark - "just hang". there wasn't much time anyway. so it was just shopping, i shop he pay (no lahz, he's not that rich). he shops, i pay (nope i ain't rich) haha. so i bought a shirt and 2 tees. got some snacks for him to bring back to camp. and stuff something into his wallet hehe =) and he sent me home. no chance to steal a kiss because there were just so many people around.
and i have to wait till next wednesday before i can see him. seriously i wonder how i can survive when i am in australia. its going to be tormentous. i have quite a good mind to not make it and fly back quick and spend time with him. but nahz i ain't that silly.
ohohoh just heard from my officer who's tryin to do his SAT, "now i know why they are called analogies, ANAL ORGIES" hahaha
"i'm aware what the rules are
but you know that i will run
you know that i will follow you
over silbury hill
through the solar field
you know that i will follow you" - 1000 oceans, tori amos
after that, went to meet him. had dinner and walked around. and - to quote mark - "just hang". there wasn't much time anyway. so it was just shopping, i shop he pay (no lahz, he's not that rich). he shops, i pay (nope i ain't rich) haha. so i bought a shirt and 2 tees. got some snacks for him to bring back to camp. and stuff something into his wallet hehe =) and he sent me home. no chance to steal a kiss because there were just so many people around.
and i have to wait till next wednesday before i can see him. seriously i wonder how i can survive when i am in australia. its going to be tormentous. i have quite a good mind to not make it and fly back quick and spend time with him. but nahz i ain't that silly.
ohohoh just heard from my officer who's tryin to do his SAT, "now i know why they are called analogies, ANAL ORGIES" hahaha
"i'm aware what the rules are
but you know that i will run
you know that i will follow you
over silbury hill
through the solar field
you know that i will follow you" - 1000 oceans, tori amos
Mar 28, 2004
going out to watch a play called threesome with 2 other guys. oooh how suggestive. hahha don't let your mind run to wild. my heart is all his ok! hrmm, there was this guy who i went clubbing with. called me the next day and cried. told me that he liked me alot. and i was quite indifferent. i told him that if i could dump my boy for him now, i could the same to him next time. and guess what, that made things worse. it made him like me even more. i think i should go clubbing less for a start.
he was at live firing last night, and he ended so late. meeting him after the play. and i'll update more when i come home yar? now gotta go remove the mask (yes i am gay remember?) and go out liaoz. tata!!!
he was at live firing last night, and he ended so late. meeting him after the play. and i'll update more when i come home yar? now gotta go remove the mask (yes i am gay remember?) and go out liaoz. tata!!!
Mar 26, 2004
feeling too much emotions right now, its probably not appropiate for me to type it down here. somethings happened today and yar. i am like that now. sorry there isn't much to update. i would try.
you and me:
# 4 - THE CONSERVATIVE
4's are sensible and traditional. They like
order and routine. They only act when they
fully understand what they are expected to do.
They like getting their hands dirty and working
hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and
feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared
to wait and can be stubborn and persistent.
They should learn to be more flexible and to be
nice to themselves.
Famous 4's Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher,
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan,
Oprah Winfrey
# 5 - THE NONCONFORMIST
5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity,
risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in
hot water. They need diversity, and don't like
to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their
school and they see a learning possibility in
every situation. The questions never stop.They
are well advised to look before they take action
and make sure they have all the facts before
jumping to conclusions.
Famous 5's Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte,
Jessica Walter,Vincent VanGogh, Bette Midler,
Helen Keller and Mark Hamil.
"maybe i ain't used to maybes
smashing in a cold room
cutting my hands up
every time i touch you
maybe maybe it's time
to wave .................................." - tear in your eye, tori amos
you and me:
# 4 - THE CONSERVATIVE
4's are sensible and traditional. They like
order and routine. They only act when they
fully understand what they are expected to do.
They like getting their hands dirty and working
hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and
feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared
to wait and can be stubborn and persistent.
They should learn to be more flexible and to be
nice to themselves.
Famous 4's Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher,
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan,
Oprah Winfrey
# 5 - THE NONCONFORMIST
5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity,
risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in
hot water. They need diversity, and don't like
to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their
school and they see a learning possibility in
every situation. The questions never stop.They
are well advised to look before they take action
and make sure they have all the facts before
jumping to conclusions.
Famous 5's Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte,
Jessica Walter,Vincent VanGogh, Bette Midler,
Helen Keller and Mark Hamil.
"maybe i ain't used to maybes
smashing in a cold room
cutting my hands up
every time i touch you
maybe maybe it's time
to wave .................................." - tear in your eye, tori amos
Mar 25, 2004
Mar 24, 2004
glenn medeiros - nothing's gonna change my love for you
paranoia, is that the word? its this sickening feeling that i am trying to chase away. and i personally feel that it is downright insulting for anybody to judge me and say they know me and they know next to nothing about me. does anyone sincerely believe that everybody is who they seem to be? and when people behave in certain ways, do you really just take things as it seems. it is definitely easy, a girl that sleeps around must be a slut; gays are deprived of childhood paternal love, hollow love life that just revolves around sex; teenage delinquents come from either broken families of the lower income group or families with both parents working so they lack parental love. CRAP understand (sheesh i sound almost military). point is if you don't have anything better to say don't. don't try to talk to me like you know me and go, this isn't how you should be, or try to sell me your fancy ideas. why don't you listen to me, and screw off.
there are many reasons which unless you know me personally very well or have been keeping with my previous blog since eons ago, that you would not know and i most definitely would not tell you about. things that i don't even tell some of my closest friends about. things that are better left unsaid, but still nonetheless affect a person as much. and if you don't know that and try to act almighty and try to think i am who you think i am. then good for you.
ranting on again yes yes yes. but i am on a emotional yoyo for no very good reason. i can't convince myself that i shouldn't be feeling this way. but i can't convince myself that i should be. i just happen to. and it is scary. scary because it almost seems that i am slowly but conciously trying to control, unsuccessful, my emotions (did that sentence sound awkward, cos i didn't want to type losing control of myself, a bit too strong). its just turmoiling emotions that i need to handle, with a little help maybe, but i must start to handle it. its just that after such a eventful a year, this guy needs to start to piece things back slowly. won't you stand by me and help me do it?
"she's addicted to nicotine patches, she's afraid of the light in the dark" - spark, tori amos
paranoia, is that the word? its this sickening feeling that i am trying to chase away. and i personally feel that it is downright insulting for anybody to judge me and say they know me and they know next to nothing about me. does anyone sincerely believe that everybody is who they seem to be? and when people behave in certain ways, do you really just take things as it seems. it is definitely easy, a girl that sleeps around must be a slut; gays are deprived of childhood paternal love, hollow love life that just revolves around sex; teenage delinquents come from either broken families of the lower income group or families with both parents working so they lack parental love. CRAP understand (sheesh i sound almost military). point is if you don't have anything better to say don't. don't try to talk to me like you know me and go, this isn't how you should be, or try to sell me your fancy ideas. why don't you listen to me, and screw off.
there are many reasons which unless you know me personally very well or have been keeping with my previous blog since eons ago, that you would not know and i most definitely would not tell you about. things that i don't even tell some of my closest friends about. things that are better left unsaid, but still nonetheless affect a person as much. and if you don't know that and try to act almighty and try to think i am who you think i am. then good for you.
ranting on again yes yes yes. but i am on a emotional yoyo for no very good reason. i can't convince myself that i shouldn't be feeling this way. but i can't convince myself that i should be. i just happen to. and it is scary. scary because it almost seems that i am slowly but conciously trying to control, unsuccessful, my emotions (did that sentence sound awkward, cos i didn't want to type losing control of myself, a bit too strong). its just turmoiling emotions that i need to handle, with a little help maybe, but i must start to handle it. its just that after such a eventful a year, this guy needs to start to piece things back slowly. won't you stand by me and help me do it?
"she's addicted to nicotine patches, she's afraid of the light in the dark" - spark, tori amos
Mar 23, 2004
went out yesterday night for supper and it was quite an eventful night i must say. bigboss wanted to go out so we all followed suit. and i am booking out again tmr! YAY! met up with alex and stan for supper at geylang. there was this supposedly good 'taohuay' but it wasn't all that good. i still think that the 'taohuay' at rochor canal is a lot better. really. anyway i was just a little childish yesterday and something slightly unpleasant happened. i am not going to elaborate on it. but yar, i am just so glad that he is understanding enough. PHEW.
nothing much to update for now. but i would update mroe tmr night abt the clubbing things. hrmm lotsa things to say. sad sad sad.
miss you loads!!!!1
nothing much to update for now. but i would update mroe tmr night abt the clubbing things. hrmm lotsa things to say. sad sad sad.
miss you loads!!!!1
Mar 21, 2004
its a sunday and i'm waking up alone. yesyes, he's at camp serving out the last of his duty. there was some changes actually. he was supposed to be deployed to tekong to catch those robbers, but yeah thank god they were all caught. that stupid boy actually said "don't worry, won't die so easily, will come back see you one". can't believed he said something as well i can't find the word (silly?) as that.
lets see, went clubbing last night, frankie wasn't feeling great, so we went clubbing with a group of friends. was suppose to celebrate mel's bday with him yesterday (you know my ex??). but my goodness i don't know why he still behaves like i should give way and give in to him. please, you are my EX not my STEAD. throwing his tantrum around like he's the princess (quite like last time actually but i am not giving 2 hoots about him) the moment he met me, he started on this rant on why i didn't make it last weekend, and how i didn't apologised and he said it like "i can't forgive what you have done to me". WOW, i so owe it to him. but of course i know why he's behaving like that.
listening to fish leong and i just have to say that her album is really good. i have been listening to that cd for so long and i haven't gotten sick of it yet. wow. and yes i've found another 2 maccy in my junior courses. convinced another guy to get a ibook. another friend is getting the powerbook (he wanted it in the first place) and my sir too. watch out world! the mac's too good to be true.
lets see, went clubbing last night, frankie wasn't feeling great, so we went clubbing with a group of friends. was suppose to celebrate mel's bday with him yesterday (you know my ex??). but my goodness i don't know why he still behaves like i should give way and give in to him. please, you are my EX not my STEAD. throwing his tantrum around like he's the princess (quite like last time actually but i am not giving 2 hoots about him) the moment he met me, he started on this rant on why i didn't make it last weekend, and how i didn't apologised and he said it like "i can't forgive what you have done to me". WOW, i so owe it to him. but of course i know why he's behaving like that.
listening to fish leong and i just have to say that her album is really good. i have been listening to that cd for so long and i haven't gotten sick of it yet. wow. and yes i've found another 2 maccy in my junior courses. convinced another guy to get a ibook. another friend is getting the powerbook (he wanted it in the first place) and my sir too. watch out world! the mac's too good to be true.
Mar 19, 2004
back on a thursday because he's only free today. but glad i did because he'll be busy the entire weekend. means i would be all alone. haha but its ok. talked to him quite a bit and well its great. watched the eye 2, lets just say that i am very scared. yes really. not going to update much. tired. so update over the weekends yar. take care guys. missing everybody out there!!! i'm serious
"american christian fundamentalist used to rant agains jews and roman catholics until that became politically impossible. now they warn of the takeover of the country by abortionist, gays and secular humanist. and even that tactic is wearing thin, so the latest round of fund raising letters have a new enemy - muslim" - fareed zakaria, correspondent, newsweek (march 15, 2004)
"american christian fundamentalist used to rant agains jews and roman catholics until that became politically impossible. now they warn of the takeover of the country by abortionist, gays and secular humanist. and even that tactic is wearing thin, so the latest round of fund raising letters have a new enemy - muslim" - fareed zakaria, correspondent, newsweek (march 15, 2004)
Mar 14, 2004
i am fucking pissed again. i hate the absolute fact they when we say the pledge "democratic society" we mean ask the opinion of everybody else and fuck care what everybody thinks and we'll do what we please because we are NOT voted by the people to represent the people. fucked up fucked up. look at this month's RALPH magazine please. nownownow, look at how much FRONTAL nudity of the female's are there. look at all the CLIT THE FUCKING VAGINA AND NIPPLES AND LABIA (ok so maybe there wasn't the labia) but still. all this is singapore magazine and we made such a woohaa over nipplegate? and then my manazine issues which doesn't show anything much. just a whole bunch of topless guys that would drive the ladies and me wild.
point is why complain abt manazine when every other magazine is showing too much flesh, promoting lesbianism (ala madonna britney) promoting sexism when our own *uc***g Minis**r of Pa***me*t outrightly says that women are victims and they need to be protected from males because males are the agressors or whatever. promoting racial discrimination (need i say more about that, i am very very very very sure all of us in the service knows about somethings which is very very very inconvenient for me to say here) i am angry. i am pissed because they always say "our society is not ready" how the fuck do they know we are not ready if they never let us discuss it. it is because they know we are ready which is why they don't want to let us discuss. because we would win hands down. because we can think. my friends can think. being gay doesn't make me any less than all u guys sitting out there on the cupboard (aka cabin*t)
we are killing ourselves. brain draining. let me post up professor englebert artcle when i launch my new layout next weekend, and go read.
maybe i need some good sex
point is why complain abt manazine when every other magazine is showing too much flesh, promoting lesbianism (ala madonna britney) promoting sexism when our own *uc***g Minis**r of Pa***me*t outrightly says that women are victims and they need to be protected from males because males are the agressors or whatever. promoting racial discrimination (need i say more about that, i am very very very very sure all of us in the service knows about somethings which is very very very inconvenient for me to say here) i am angry. i am pissed because they always say "our society is not ready" how the fuck do they know we are not ready if they never let us discuss it. it is because they know we are ready which is why they don't want to let us discuss. because we would win hands down. because we can think. my friends can think. being gay doesn't make me any less than all u guys sitting out there on the cupboard (aka cabin*t)
we are killing ourselves. brain draining. let me post up professor englebert artcle when i launch my new layout next weekend, and go read.
maybe i need some good sex
today's marks our 1st month of being attached. and it is today that i realise that its possible for me to be stable again and to feel so much for someone. though i am still quite insecure now and then, but yeah with time, i am very sure i will get out of it. he was kinda caught in a jam and he couldn't ans my call because he was driving (ok yes there was a jam, tp?? traffic police yar) so i was quite worried. i was worried that something might have happened to him. and that we didn't have much time together this weekend, as with most weekends. then i realise that i wanted to see him so much. and right now as i am typing this, i can't even begin to describe how much i miss that boy (yes yes mushy bits). its like, one entire week of being apart, i can only see him for that few hours. it is so torturous. well well tough but i must survive.
it was a fantastic first month. i'm so thankful that he came along and lifted me up. haha. u noe he's not a very romantic guy, but in that "unromanticness" is someone that is so sweet because of all the silly actions and everything, ahhhh *melts* did i ever tell u guys how did he ask me? u noe most people would ask in the most direct of manner. he.. well he... (okok wait i get his permission first then i'll type in the next morning ok?)
he's in camp now, next weekend. can't see him for the entire weekend after that. and the following weekend he'll be busy too. sigh oh sigh.... dear i love you
it was a fantastic first month. i'm so thankful that he came along and lifted me up. haha. u noe he's not a very romantic guy, but in that "unromanticness" is someone that is so sweet because of all the silly actions and everything, ahhhh *melts* did i ever tell u guys how did he ask me? u noe most people would ask in the most direct of manner. he.. well he... (okok wait i get his permission first then i'll type in the next morning ok?)
he's in camp now, next weekend. can't see him for the entire weekend after that. and the following weekend he'll be busy too. sigh oh sigh.... dear i love you
Mar 11, 2004
suppose to meet him today. but he was kinda tired, so didn't meet him. that poor boy was too tired to even talked on the phone. haha. wonders what other more possessive (did i spell that correctly - its late i can't think) people would have done. tired going to sleep. missing him so much. dear i really want to see u so badly. sigh
Mar 9, 2004
hrmm ok i feel better now. much better actually. he called and said some nice things and brightened up my day. he's just so nice you know. but actually i was kinda angry at him last night. haha i am not going to say why. but yar, it was mostly my issues. but i got over it and yes. me boo boo. anyway i've got extra duties, don't ask.
i hate people who owe money. i feel that it is basic courtesy for people to return the money they owe as soon as they can. i've lent 2 person some money. one of them owes me quite awhile, but that i can understand because he was really in financial difficulties and he needed time. he paid back half. so there's only a small sum left. but this other guy borrowed for nealy 3 months and its not like he's making any effort to pay back. instead of trying to save up to return it back, he spends it on unnecessary stuff. its not that i am money minded or what. its the basic principle and basic courtesy!!!!!!!!
i hate people who owe money. i feel that it is basic courtesy for people to return the money they owe as soon as they can. i've lent 2 person some money. one of them owes me quite awhile, but that i can understand because he was really in financial difficulties and he needed time. he paid back half. so there's only a small sum left. but this other guy borrowed for nealy 3 months and its not like he's making any effort to pay back. instead of trying to save up to return it back, he spends it on unnecessary stuff. its not that i am money minded or what. its the basic principle and basic courtesy!!!!!!!!
sucks. i feel sick and lousy and terrible and crappy and whatsoever and yucky and moody and pmsy and not in the best of mood and insecure and upset and all those not nice words that a person can absolutely think of right now. yes i am feeling just not at the top of the world. not necessarily at the bottom of the world but i am rambling, crap. fuck me.
Mar 7, 2004
was suppose to meet him right? but well he overslept. and he had to go meet his secondary school mates. sigh can't see him. am i whining a bit too much? haha live with it people. can't blame him really, he had overnight duty at the airport, and some things happened, much like some holland kampong (translate it yourself) incident but i can't speak much less i want a warning letter from them.
but anyway i am surprise to read that joe satriani chose the darkness - i believe in a thing called love to listen to in his playlist. "don't the guitars in this song rock like you used to remember???" hahah listen to it. great song.
booking into camp soon. gotta study for testg too. bye people!!! take care
but anyway i am surprise to read that joe satriani chose the darkness - i believe in a thing called love to listen to in his playlist. "don't the guitars in this song rock like you used to remember???" hahah listen to it. great song.
booking into camp soon. gotta study for testg too. bye people!!! take care
hello folks. i went clubbing last night. ohmygod. its so fun. its been more than half a year since i last went clubbing. WOW, WOW and WOW. i clubbed and danced so much (well i only drank a bit, i don't need to drink to get myself high ahaha) and my hair just went to the floor (okokok lame). and so many things happened. haven't tell dear yet, but i would tell him when i call him later (just in case he gets jealous, hahaha). well he's still sleeping (duty again). but hey its not the case of the mouse coming out to play when the cats away ok....
anyway the boss of waterbar (this ex channel 8 actor) was there, and was just standing around. so i was there drinking and he walked past me and looked at me and smiled. so i smiled back (polite see) and he acknowledged it and pat my shoulder. swoooons. feels good to be looked at. hahaha. but i go clubbing for the innocent purpose of clubbing (really). and i bumped into alvin when i was club hopping. small world it seems.
reached home around 4, bathed and slept till just now. hrmm gotta study for test now. well i would try to at least!!!!
anyway the boss of waterbar (this ex channel 8 actor) was there, and was just standing around. so i was there drinking and he walked past me and looked at me and smiled. so i smiled back (polite see) and he acknowledged it and pat my shoulder. swoooons. feels good to be looked at. hahaha. but i go clubbing for the innocent purpose of clubbing (really). and i bumped into alvin when i was club hopping. small world it seems.
reached home around 4, bathed and slept till just now. hrmm gotta study for test now. well i would try to at least!!!!
Mar 6, 2004
right, just sent my friend off to the airport, he's gone, for 2 whole years. it wasn't that much drama as mark's send off though. there were significantly less hugs and less tears. guess it was all held back. his stead was on the brink of tears, so was the family. but tears only started flowing after he walked into the gate. i suppose he didn't want to break down in front of us *trying to remember if mark cried* but anyway he was quite stoned; as in he was shaking hands. even with his boyfriend. then the sweetest thing happend, terrence (the boyfriend) pulled him close and hugged hiim (come all together now, awwwww) then we all followed suit *remembers hugging best buddy when he was going to cambridge*. and off he went, without looking back. thinking about it, i think i would be crying buckets of tears
i would be leaving in about half a years time, and i really wonder what would happen and how i would react, especially since i am now in a relationship, sigh sigh. this trip might be the beginning of something really really long. first to auz for 10 months, then possibly back to singapore for 2 months before flying off to france for a year. then if luck isn't on my side, i would be off to the states for 2 years. WOW. now that's a whole 4 years away. anybody going to be sending me off?? hahah
yes yes yes i am not going to be seeing him again because (surprise surprise) he's got duty again. well gotten used to it. spent a night over at his place actually, and woke up late and rushed and took a cab and. i suppose one can't complain about such things because i remember when i was staying in and my ex wasn't and he kicked up such a big fuss over everything. they just don't understand. it takes a lot of talking and love to get things lasting i feel. well though people say that NS is the grave of all relationships (gay or not) i am determined to prove it wrong. hahah just watch out world. though auz may be a big challenge, i am game for it.
i would be leaving in about half a years time, and i really wonder what would happen and how i would react, especially since i am now in a relationship, sigh sigh. this trip might be the beginning of something really really long. first to auz for 10 months, then possibly back to singapore for 2 months before flying off to france for a year. then if luck isn't on my side, i would be off to the states for 2 years. WOW. now that's a whole 4 years away. anybody going to be sending me off?? hahah
yes yes yes i am not going to be seeing him again because (surprise surprise) he's got duty again. well gotten used to it. spent a night over at his place actually, and woke up late and rushed and took a cab and. i suppose one can't complain about such things because i remember when i was staying in and my ex wasn't and he kicked up such a big fuss over everything. they just don't understand. it takes a lot of talking and love to get things lasting i feel. well though people say that NS is the grave of all relationships (gay or not) i am determined to prove it wrong. hahah just watch out world. though auz may be a big challenge, i am game for it.
Mar 5, 2004
hey guys, thanks for all the response over the email. i appreciate it lots. i am quite surprised that there are so many of you guys out there reading, 200+ hits a day. THANKS, you guys rock. anyway i just got back from camp (speaking of which there's something which i would share in awhile) and now relaxing after a long long day of lectures and prepping for my briefs. i would be meeting dear later and staying over (now now wipe that dirty thought off you head). tomorrow, a friend would be flying off to the states for 2 years, such a long time right (wonders what it would be like when i depart); so i would be sending him off in the wee hours of the morning. but yep will update again on that.
what i was going to say was that there's this guy who actually asked me to write a monthly or forthnightly column for this website. shan't say too much now till its more finalised. wow. i am quite honoured actually. haha. *humming away leann rimes - we can, thinking of the first entry already* hahahaha
what i was going to say was that there's this guy who actually asked me to write a monthly or forthnightly column for this website. shan't say too much now till its more finalised. wow. i am quite honoured actually. haha. *humming away leann rimes - we can, thinking of the first entry already* hahahaha
Mar 3, 2004
booked out last night for a 'nights out' because today (wednesday) i am on duty. well you see, my buddy wanted to see his girlfriend and she's only free today, so i am sorta covering for him. and then well it is also good because dear is free yesterday night. so we met up at jp for some grocery shopping and ate a bit at mos buger. i seriously think i am eating too much; but the good news in all these is that i've gained weight. YES i am so happy. my weight is going up. lovely. now 5 more kg to go. and gym works. *hums i'm a believer....*
so yeah i am stuck in camp. well not really stuck lahz, can use the net and do some reading and play the guitar and talk cock over the phone. not that bad ain't it. hahah. i love my camp really. and waves to all the people reading this but i don't know that you are and i don't know who are you. but still i don't think i would be putting up a tag board or anything. my coach just got his tagboard flooded (well not really flooded but you know) with ridiculous people posting stupid stuff. but do email me if you have anything to say. nice prefably.
weekend's going to be spent constructively, i hope. booking out on friday (i'm on a long weekend). then going to dear's place to stay over. then sat morning will be sending darren off to the states. then later maybe meeting up with dear again. then there's jamming. then i may meet up with alvin to take back some photos. then (ok i shall stop using then, trying to sound like a kid). sunday would be spent resting and driving. anybody wanna date me?? hahahha
so yeah i am stuck in camp. well not really stuck lahz, can use the net and do some reading and play the guitar and talk cock over the phone. not that bad ain't it. hahah. i love my camp really. and waves to all the people reading this but i don't know that you are and i don't know who are you. but still i don't think i would be putting up a tag board or anything. my coach just got his tagboard flooded (well not really flooded but you know) with ridiculous people posting stupid stuff. but do email me if you have anything to say. nice prefably.
weekend's going to be spent constructively, i hope. booking out on friday (i'm on a long weekend). then going to dear's place to stay over. then sat morning will be sending darren off to the states. then later maybe meeting up with dear again. then there's jamming. then i may meet up with alvin to take back some photos. then (ok i shall stop using then, trying to sound like a kid). sunday would be spent resting and driving. anybody wanna date me?? hahahha
Mar 1, 2004
i caught marriage of inconvenience (is that how its spelled? i can't remember) over the weekend. it was not a fantastic play, but it wasn't shabby by any means. not going to say too much about it, but it was not as good as asian boys vol 2 (no really, i'm not speaking from a shallow POV - though it must be said again that the leads are gorgeos okokok) then i laid my hands on singapore's 1st and only unabashedly gay magazine. drools. its almost like the auz ones, except no privates are shown. but hey when the models are totally naked with ice cream on the abs, i am not minding it a single bit. muahaha (ooops)
then yeah he had duty and he came over, rather late into the night, to see me. that poor boy, he looked like a walking zombie. but it was really nice of him to come over for a short while. talked to him for a little while. somehow my insecurites are acting up again. and i just feel so lost sometimes. so yesterday i asked him (for you to find out, me to know) something which i knew the answer to but i just needed to affirmation. he told me "jus wanna let you noe i really love u alot alot and wun give up so easily. must believe me dear, i am really happy that i have you to share my life with." swoons. yes he's so sweet. i miss him so much already.
in camp again. yes. and he's got duty over the weekend again. sigh sigh sigh....
then yeah he had duty and he came over, rather late into the night, to see me. that poor boy, he looked like a walking zombie. but it was really nice of him to come over for a short while. talked to him for a little while. somehow my insecurites are acting up again. and i just feel so lost sometimes. so yesterday i asked him (for you to find out, me to know) something which i knew the answer to but i just needed to affirmation. he told me "jus wanna let you noe i really love u alot alot and wun give up so easily. must believe me dear, i am really happy that i have you to share my life with." swoons. yes he's so sweet. i miss him so much already.
in camp again. yes. and he's got duty over the weekend again. sigh sigh sigh....
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