charles, sigmund and karl. i've been having long conversations with my dear old friends.

i think sigmund was very disturbed. he had a lot of issues.

marx: "religion is the opiate of the masses"

and so november comes and so does all the exams and to accompanying stress and fattening food and sleepless nights and assorted matters.

what is the most irritating? people who are irritating! like spastic people who will disturb you when your msn says 'away' and then drops a msn message saying hi, then following with a '?', following with a 'you there?', then an 'oei', then a 'hellooo?'. like seriously spastic netizens. if i am on 'away' and i don't reply like after half an hour, isn't it obvious that i am like AWAY maybe?

and then there's the irritating ones that keeps asking 'exams? you are still studying meh?' 'where' 'uni?' 'what's a university'. ok seriously when i say i am studying for exams, probably i AM STUDYING FOR EXAMS, so like bother someone else with the silly questions. ohmygod.

hahaha okok just had to rant on about the silliness of people irritating others on the internet. i have fond stories of how people stalk my dearest jiahui. and many other stories about msn freaks!

i think that msn is a big waste of time. and people do get quite addicted to it. it really causes productivity to suffer. so i say only go on when you need to!

did i mention i love skype? =p

its always a saturday. was it because i left you on a saturday to come back to Singapore alone? but i am never alone am i?

and every so often, i am left speechless. every waking moment to the second i close my mind, its you.

and i never thought possible, never knew it could. and nothing says it better.


Rascal Flatts - God Bless the Broken Road

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
hoping I would find true love along the broken road
but I got lost a time or two wipe my brow kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

every long lost dream,
lead me to where you are
others who broke my heart,
they were like nothern stars,
pointing me on my way into your loving arms
this much I know is true
that god blessed the broken road that led me straight to you

(yes he did)

I think about the years I spent
just passing through
I like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
but u just smiled and take my hand
you've been there, you understand
its all part of a grander plan, that is coming true

every long lost dream,
lead me to where you are
others who broke my heart,
they were like nothern stars,
pointing me on my way into your loving arms,
this much I know is true,
that god blessed the broken road that led me straight to you

now I'm just rolling on into my lovers arms,
this much I know is true,
that god blessed the broken road that led me straight to you

that god blessed the broken road that led me straight to you

minutes crawl like hours. every moment agonizing.

cold evening. the rain's pouring. the feeling is creeping all over me. i want to be there. and tell you everything's alright. and i don't have to say a thing but just look into your eyes, and you'll know that i love you.

those who do not learn from the past, will only be condemned by it. we should not be affected by the past but learn from it. i've learnt from my past. the past shouldn't manifest itself in the present. the present should not be haunted by ghosts who don't belong here. who i am now, is something you can see.


Daniel Bedingfield - If You're Not The One

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms

Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms

and the rain falls, bring grey to black. blur to overcast

first thought. action.

trying hard to study, but i can't concentrate. argh.

be still my heart. be still my mind.

everything is everywhere. all over the place.

i hate it when my past haunts me. i hate it.

every one of us has a past, and at one point, it is less than savoury. but we all our lessons from that, no?

why do i feel so crappy when i know that you don't feel good.

its been the most hectic and mentally and emotionally draining week. no doubt about that. from saturday till today. ohgod. went to chinatown today to get tickets. well, i'm gonna go to melbourne again! yes. hahaha.

long story, way too long to cover it here. but oh well, i am happy now =)

as if i am not freaking depressed and upset already, i had to get back my mid-terms grade of 68%. what the fuck right? 68%! i might as well just go and kill myself. yeah, you heard right 68% like i'm in the 2nd quartile of the cohort! the 2nd quartile.

so what if i top the cohort for psychology. its a freaking 68%. ARGH.

how can i do so badly? ohmygod, if i get a B for my 201, i will just go and jump down my block and die!

FREAK

why do i feel so weird and disoriented?

Katie Melua - Nine Million Bicycles

There are nine million bicycles in Beijing
That's a fact
It's a thing we can't deny
Like the fact that I will love you till I die

We are twelve billion light years from the edge
That's a guess
No-one can ever say it's true
But I know that I will always be with you

I'm warmed by the fire of your love everyday
So don't call me a liar
Just believe everything that I say

There are 6 billion people in the world
More or less
And it makes me feel quite small
But you're the one I love the most of all

We're high on the wire
With the world in our sight
And I'll never tire
Of the love that you give me every night

There are nine million bicycles in Beijing
That's a fact
It's a thing we can't deny
Like the fact that I will love you till I die

And there are nine million bicycles in Beijing
And you know that I will love you till I die

its the feeling that has never felt before. its that intense rush of emotions that brings one to tears. tears of joy. something that makes the past seems faraway, and far behind. something that brings the future so much closer.

if only there's a word for it.

bliss!

i have never felt this way before, never felt more protective over someone before, never felt so horrible that i could have possibly made someone feel bad.

tried to sleep.

long day ahead.

sometimes, its just not possible to control, no matter how much one fights it. it just happens. and it seems the more conciously one pushes it away, the closer it gets. and suddenly you find yourself so deeply intertwined with someone, and you wonder if fate (or what have you) really exist.

that somehow things happen for a reason.

and that nothing feels the same now, as if its a whole new realm of feelings, of emotions

at KLIA again. well they do have free WIFI here (albeit a bit slow). its a bit early huh?

took the first flight from melbourne out. 0015 to be exact.

melbourne is such a beautiful city and it was certainly the most amazing experience for me, the company was even better =). i had such a great time visiting all the places, just walking around, having coffee, delicious spanish churros with chocolate and even KTV that can match singapore's one anytime, and did i mention the gorgeous jap food or simply the nicest jiao zi cos its cooked with so much TLC (tender loving care)

i can't really say how i feel. its such a bittersweet feeling. bitter cause i have to leave the place and sweet because. just because.

i miss you so much.

how does one exactly put it into words? i am not sure how to say it, or what to say.

melbourne is fantastic! i love it here. its such a gorgeous place! and yep i am happy beyond words. =)

sitting alone at KLIA (that's Kuala Lumpur International Airport for the uninitiated), and it is indeed a interesting feeling to be travelling, rather flying alone. where am i heading? i am on my way to melbourne to visit you know who. and if you don't yet already know who is it, the name's Jem.

and why on earth am i going to such a faraway land, strangely i am wondering myself too. he came over to watch the production and we had the most fabulous weekend together, it was fresh, interesting and unexpected.

photos you say? its a bit hard to upload the photos here. i will be touching down in melbourne in just about 8 and a half hours. really really tired now, well that's cause i didn't sleep at all. and as usual when i don't sleep, my skin looks back and i get dehydrated very easily.

miss you guys and thanks mark jeth and jia for sending me off =p

its been the most amazing extended weekend really. paparazzi was better than expected (well we didn't expect much in the first place since it was all so last minute but we pulled it all together).

and the pleasant surprise turned out to be a whole lot more than a pleasant surprise. it's a crazy weekend with so many things to do, so much time spent with each other.

its still surreal and so much like a dream. it really makes me speechless.

happy.

its amazing what life has planned for you. or maybe life didn't. who's to really say if there's even a plan. but sometimes, things happen and makes you wonder if indeed fate exists and things had to happen in order for the next to happen.

and what's to follow isn't all that bad. in fact it might even be a pleasant surprise. coated with honey and just about 3776 miles away.

you know that this might be the start of something extremely precious when the surprise flies 3776 miles just to see you, and you fly 3776 miles just to see him.

ah.

i realised how much you meant to me when i knew how much i hurt you, and how much i was hurt thinking about how you must have been worried.

today was somewhat like the first time, i prepared myself to go to town and shop alone. i used to really hate the feeling. i've always hated being alone. till this day, i have never watched a movie alone. other than the occasional groceries shopping and errands running nearby, i absolutely hate doing things by myself.

the first time i explored an area by myself, was in san fran. and it was such an interesting experience. so interesting that i decided to walk around town today. over and on top of the fact that i had to run some errands in town.

so off i went, and i shopped and walked and went all over. and it was such fun. i thoroughly enjoyed myself. it also made me realised certain things. i've made peace with myself. i've come to terms with the past.

maybe you are right. maybe a break-up isn't all bad. if all we want is to be happy, why are we so unhappy together. life is so unexpected, and i suppose that's what makes life so interesting, because we never know what's going to happen.

what the future may bring, i am anticipating. memories, no longer bring pain, but nostalgia knowing that we've spend such great times together. the best times of my life were spent with you. but those are in the past. i won't get anywhere if i keep getting stuck in the past that will never be my future.

i've been happy. at times conflicting emotions. but mostly, i've been happy. at worse i feel melancholy. and its amazing really how i manage to pull through. i never thought i would survived, i never even thought i would feel better. but i did somehow.

love is not something that jus happens at the laundromat. what happens at the laundromat (or public buses if you must) is an infatuation. love is something that happens over time, as you get to know the person better, after all the good points fade away, after all the sweetness fade away. it happens when you quarrel and make up. it happens when you realized all the person's bad points. it happens when you spend time apart.

and through everything, when you learnt that you still accept the person for who he is, you understand the person through and through and love the good, the bad, the good times, the bad times, the quarrels, the happy memories. that is love.

its amazing really. the sky won't always be grey, its true.

life's been better. i'm smiling more, and i'm happier these days.

thanks you folks!

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

=)

#####

sometimes a person actions can cause a lot more hurt to more people than they think it does. sometimes at the end of the day, all parties are hurt.

letting go, moving on. thank you for being there. thank you for making me smile.

someone told me that i was really strong and brave. that i could still face you and talk to you. and yes i think i am really strong to be able to do this. to be able to talk to you about you new bf, to be able to be a good friend of yours. but i wish that i could be strong every single day, every single moment.

because there are just sometimes, it gets too much to bear. just sometimes, i fall apart. i don't even feel angry at you. i just feel regret, just feel a overwhelming sense of loss.

but there's nothing left to do? no? when you look at me at tell me that you're sorry, there's nothing that you can now, really what do you expect me to say? can i really say what i feel? of course i'll say i know, its ok. how can i ever say that there's plenty of things you can do. there's never nothing that you can do.

and what am i suppose to do? i hear you call out to me every so often. but even if i pull you, you don't want to be pulled, and you're stuck what can i do?

i have really lost all my faith, if something can end, what's the point of beginning in the first place. i am scared to even think of knowing people. so much fears, so much insecurity. and at the end of the day, i don't want anybody to get hurt. cause it sucks. the feeling really sucks.

time will tell you say?

i am so scared. so scared. so so scared. why the sudden emotion after 4 days of being happy? i don't know, i really don't know. maybe because i know somehow that the next time i see you would be a long time away? or is that i am preparing myself to let go?

why are you still chasing, when everything and everyone's so fake, when no one really cares. and there's one person who really does, whom you can tell everything, whom you can let all your emotions out.

happiness, something that we had, something that seems so far away.

Jem, thanks for making me happy last night, i haven't felt that way in such a long time. really thanks.

i don't know what to say or what to type. you take care of yourself.

for some inexplicable reason, i felt really happy today. i felt light and ready to move. i supposed i finally let go and moved on. it was so strange, as i walked away from the void deck, i didn't feel that familiar tinge of sadness, i wasn't even hurt. i felt nothing much. it was more of a 'yeah we used to walk this stretch of road together but oh well' and that's it.

i think at the end of the day, i am just happy for him, and knowing that he cares is really more than enough. and really i am fine. i am really happy. for once, i am happy. and colin, my dearest dearest buddy who's stood by me every step of the way, said 2 days ago that the [k] he knew was finally back. (in response to my usual harsh sms)

and i guess he's right. i feel that i am coming back. i am happy and cheery for real, and not hiding behind my mask.

this doesn't change a few things though.

so many people to thank, i don't even know where to start. you know who you guys are and thanks for being there for me. and jem, thanks for making my day.

finally. i am back!

day 2 of my brand new me campaign! and i can feel it working. the day just passed by like that. its difficult but i'm good. it won't be that fast but slowly and surely i will get out of this rug.

there are moments of missing, but i don't cry over it anymore. its just missing. and when i was reading all old messages u sent me, i didn't tear. it just brought about memories, and a tinge, just a little tinge of heartache. what an improvement!

day by day, one day at a time, i will make myself and my life better.

but somethings will never change, like my love for you.

did i tell you about this absolutely cutie pie i saw this morning........hahaha!

and so i decided that a brand new day would bring about a brand new me. i can't go on feeling depressed and be stuck. and so i am moving forward in my life, facing the pain. i promised you that i would be happy, that for your sake i will be happy. and i will try. it is not easy, but i will.

thanks for still caring for me, thanks for keeping me in that tiny corner of your heart still.

all you said, i remember. all that i said, i hope you remember too. you know how i feel for you.

i just watched oprah. for the first time, on channel 5. and somehow everything that she said just resonated in my heart. there's no way out of the pain but to walk through it. there's no shortcut, no formula, nothing. one has to survive it and walk out of it.

the show was about this woman who's life was blown to pieces after her husband died in the 9/11 attack. and somehow i'm feeling. isn't death a better resolution. isn't death finality. at least he is not coming back anymore. the end. dealing with death seems to be so much easier. there's nothing else to hope, nothing else to imagine. there's nothing. and isn't emptiness simply the best.

yes he left. and what exactly do you do when the person is still around but not really around anymore. if one left because of death, the i suppose it would be so much easier to handle. after the grieve, we move on. maybe it takes awhile, but we move on. but when one leaves cause of circumstances, especially at the parting moment, we still love each other. how does one deal with that. and how does one deal with a change of heart less than one month after parting.

kathryn (the women in the show) said that her husband's last words to her were "i love you, take care of the kids". and isn't that enough to survive on. because you know that the end, right before he died, he loves you. and he took the love to his grave. to eternity.

and so i sat there in front of the TV, waiting to find out how does the psychologist recommend moving on. oprah said she really respects kathryn for being able to do things normally. soul's hurt but at least life routine's move on. my life routine is moving on too. i wake up every morning and draw my curtains to let light in, like alwyn said i should. i remember the 1st few weeks i would just rot in bed, i would refuse to wake up and keep crying and hoping.

i refused to let life routine continue, i refuse to meet my friends. i didn't even eat or sleep. it took me a month to snap out of that but i did. now i even go to school and take notes in lecture.

and oprah and the psychologist said that while that's good that everything is done right, the soul is still hurt. and it takes a lot more for the soul to heal. i forced myself to hide all my grieve from everyone for the past 3 weeks and i couldn't take it anymore, and i shouldn't hide it. i should just continue to grieve and walk through the pain.

maybe someday you'll be back. maybe you'll never come back at all. i think i have said enough to you. "dear i really love you alot. thanks for all." you said that to me the 1st time we parted and now i am returning it to you. i really do love you. thanks for all.

there's no shortcut, there's no formula. i can only walk through the pain, and surrounding myself with people who would let me talk about, not my anger, but my pain. and one day i will walk through it.

all i ever wanted, was to spend my lifetime loving you.

i hate this place. i can't make myself feel better. i want to leave this place for good. away from everything. every single day, i appear to be strong, and maybe i am slowly getting stronger. but the stronger i get, the more i miss you. and the more i wonder why do i do all that i do anymore.

i used to work so hard to fulfill our goals and our dreams. and what has that amounted to. i just want to get away. go somewhere else where i don't know a single shit and start my life there. because my life here has unexpectedly ended. i feel so lonely. so lonely. so lonely.

there are so many things friends can do. i appreciate every single thing that you guys have done. but there are some void that no one can replace.

i told myself, one day at a time, i can make my life better. i told my bestie, one day at a time, he can make his life better. and he did. he is feeling so much better already. and what about me? yeah yeah, on the surface everything's great! wooohooo, i love my trip. but deep inside i feel like fuck

why isn't all this a fucking nightmare that i can wake up from

i told myself, i can't cry anymore, and i didn't cry for 2 weeks. then things happened. and i am not even sure of anything. i thought u cared for me, do you? or i am just being delusional.

letting go. letting go. letting go. letting go.

there's so many things that we haven't done. we haven't even seen the world together. so many things. what am i do to do? what am i to do? with all the memories, with all the hopes with all the emotions. they were so rudely returned to me just like that.

WEAKLING.

i have no idea what is happening to me. how is that i can do this to myself for so long, i cannot believe that i haven't stopped thinking about you. since the first day i met you, you were the 1st thing on my mind when i wake up, you are the last thing on my mind before i slept. after we have broken up, i still think about you. every single day.

this cycle, this never ending cycle.

i am so tired of everything. i don't want to know someone else. i don't want to go through all the drama, and start everything with someone else. the notion just makes me sick.

is having a hope better than no hope? is false hope better than no hope? what is life without hope? why do we live if we all don't hope a better day?

i don't know what to do. someone please tell me what to do. being stuck in a moment for too long. for way too long.

come back to me please. i love you. i'll make it all up to you.


Kimberley Locke - Without You

Never even thought to cry
When I heard you say goodbye
Never said where you were going

And theres no laughter in the air
Only silence everywhere
And so much left unspoken

Since you've been gone
I haven't been the same
I wish that I could see
Who's to blame

Without you, where do I belong?
Without you, how can I go on?
And no love but yours will ever do
Tell me how am i supposed to live my life?
Without you

oooooo
Was in lost in you and ne
To the point I couldn't see
That what we had was dying

Now it's all that I can do
To see photographs of you
And stop myself from crying

I should learn to live without your love
Got so many memories
But it's not enough

Without you, where do i belong?
Without you, how can i go on?
And no love but yours will ever do
Tell me how am I supposed to live my life
Without you?

I feel helpless and oh so alone
Like I never felt before
You made feel alive
I don't remember what it's like anymore

Without you, where do I belong?
Without you, how can I go on?
No love, no love but yours will ever do
Tell me how am I supposed to live my life, without you?
Without you, where do I belong? (where do I belong?)
Without you, how can I go on?
Tell me how am I supposed to live my life,
Without you?
Oh baby, where do I belong? (without you)
Please tell me how can I go on?

i am finally back from the states. long flight and and even longer journey. and what a trip it has been. its been a fun filled trip, together with plenty of emotions and plenty of learning.

i guess i learned a lot about life during this trip. the awe-inspiring grand canyon, the beauty of sedona. the grandeur of mother nature had a very humbling effect on me. and life just felt so perfect.

along the way, met many homeless people begging for money. and it just struck a chord that its good to be alive and there's hope and family. its really cold at night out there, and they sleep out in the streets waiting for another day to pass. to me, its desperation and if i had nothing to live for, why for am i still living. but they live on, day by day. and through them, i found strength.

and all this life lessons only make me love you more.

today would have been our 2.5 year anniversary. sorry i failed us.


五月天 - 我们 (时时刻刻)

我为何要存在
为何要感慨为
何颤抖停不下来
你为何要推翻
为何要离开
为何给我这个答案

我们曾经那么精采
我们曾经那么期待
最后你把回忆还我
要我好好过

你话中的计算
准确的伤害
像精心打造的对白
我划开了动脉
也许不醒来
至少昨天无法毁坏

我们曾经那么精采
我们曾经那么期待
最后你把回忆还我
要我好好过

我们最后这么遗憾
我们最后这么无关
时时刻刻每个现在都在嘲笑我

sitting alone in union square, after exploring the northern area of san fran by myself. you are right. indeed being overseas is such a lonely thing. but these days, i enjoy being lonely. loneliness seems to be my best companion.

san fran, such an amazing city. but the way fate plays trick on us, i might not get to see you after all.

i guess, i really don't know what to feel about you. its barely a month and you got attached. we had a 2.5 year relationship and you just left, like that. you were so upset deep inside and you bared it all to me that day, why suddenly, you changed so much that none of your friends know you anymore.

i've been depressed for 7 weeks, and finally the past 2 weeks have been ok. and now the shock comes again, a reality check. what am i suppose to do? what am i suppose to do with all these memories, with all my love for you? its not that i can't move on. but seriously, what do you want me to do with all these years of bond, of love, of life.

i hate it you know. i hate how you could move on so quickly. i hate how you got over me. i hate that you are already attached to someone else, i hate it that i can never hold you again, i hate it that everything he whispers in your eyes are what i want to say to you. and most of all, i hate it that i don't hate you, not the slightest bit, not even at all.

you made me so happy. then you made me so confused. sigh.

i don't know what to think, or don't know what to do. i miss you so much. i miss you everyday, and everyday i love you more. i brought the old nokia to US, to get a US line, and i accidentally read your old messages to me. they meant so much. you loved me so so much. what happened. do you not love me anymore?

i just want to spend my life with you, taking trips every year. be happy. and now, all i can think of is just the memories of us. and maybe sometime in the future we could be together, and we could go overseas to the grand canyon. i can show you the place. i have been driving around another area called sedona, and all i think of is you.

but everything moves on. i enjoy myself. i enjoyed myself tremendously, its a beautiful place. its so gorgeous over here in grand canyon and sedona. and i just think of you inside.

why must all of this happen to me. can't i ever get my happy ending. i thought you were the one i would spend my life with. are you still the one. i hope i can still love you.

thanks for still caring.

in less than an hour i will be making my way to the airport, taking a long trip to the land of freedom! to a place where there's a dick and a bush in the government

it will be a long journey. 18 hours flight, 6 hours break, and then a 10 hour train journey. sounds like death huh.

i will be back in 2 weeks time. during this 2 weeks, i hope i can take my mind off stuff, and relax, just like you told me to.

it should be fun.

thanks for your care and your concern, thank you for loving me. i love you too.

i will be thinking of you everyday till i see you there. =)

have i lost you forever already? did i just let you out of my hands more than a month ago? was everything i did too little too late? i tried my best to make it work. but i guess i wasn't good enough.

my days go on. you told me that i must take care of myself. you told me that i must take my mind off stuffs and relax.

how can i not love you? how can i really just walk away from all the memories like this. how can i just look back at all these memories of my life, from NS all the way till now and not hope that one day things will be like before, or better than before. where we spend so much time together.

you may think that we always quarrel. my friends, they squabble every day, but they are still so loving. we don't always quarrel you know. we spend our time at east coast alot. we have our suppers, our walks. you came over to my place and we'll always have coffee. i'll walk over and meet you before your flight if i can to have coffee with you. i would always complain but still i would sit you down and get you your tall latte. or if you are tired, your tall latte with extra short. unsweetened.

the biggest regret in my life, is that if we never ever get back, that its all my fault, that i would have to spend my life, loving you without having you by my side.

how can i not love you.

you who loves hazelnut
you who loves unsweetened latte
you who doesn't really eat brinjal
you and your silly smirk
you and your silly antics
you and your "imagine this" thing
you and your hugs
you who loves adidas
you who i always say i don't know what i love about, but in all honesty, i love everything about you.
you who is irreplaceable in my heart.

jeth, mark, jiahui and i just had supper. we seemed to have found ourself saturday activities of playing card games and mahjong. simple pleasures without spending money. enjoying the company of good friends.

jiahui showed me this website of the gorgeous resort in thailand. and the first thing i thought of was you. and how i would like to go there with you. why do i only do these things now? is it too little too late? if i plan for a trip to maldives or to this gorgeous resort in phuket, would you go with me?

walking them to the carpark, silence. they looked at me and asked if i was tired. but i wasn't tired. they commented that i am damn quiet.

i was quiet because i used to walk you to the carpark at all hours of the night. the road there suddenly seemed so different that you are not beside me, not teasing me about anything. i didn't get into your car and snuggle up to you. i didn't get to kiss and hug you goodbye like we used to.

but i didn't feel upset. i just miss you.

sedate. calm. most of the time. but there were moments of weakness. no i am not depressed anymore. and yes, i am up and running again. i can do all the task i have to do again. but i still miss you. i miss you alot. do you miss me too?

drifting.

i didn't cry today. i won't cry.

so this is it.

i am not going to bring more sadness to people around me. i have brought enough to all my friends and my family. thanks to all of you who have been there for me, through my most horrible moments, and the lowest period of my life. thanks for listening to me, thanks for bearing with me. you guys rock my world.

and to you. i believe you still read this. thanks for all the wonderful memories we had. its something that i will always cherish. thanks for all your cute and wonderful presents. and thanks for loving me so much. all that is left now are the memories, and that is enough for me le.

i found you and then i lost you. i can't love anyone else anymore, because all my love is with you. goodbye my love. hello my friend.

longz. for the last time, i love you and i miss you so. the memories will content me. when i miss you, i just need to close my eyes and i see you all around me. i hug the mogu and the pooh bear and i can feel you. and that is enough already.

maybe the day will come when you will come back to me. maybe the day won't come. whatever it is, i'll be happy and i'll be patiently for you here. and remember our promise, next v-day we'll see if we're suitable again.


孙燕姿 - 隐形人

无论你肯或不肯
我都选择等
等到你结束好久
探险的旅程
要是没有寂寞陪衬
没有途中的灰尘
你怎会向往家门
你越是想要诚恳
其实越残忍
伪装不了你对我
漠视的眼神
你不许我听信永恒
不许我迷信我们
不许我奋不顾身

多想化成隐形的人
掩饰我伤痕
给你我的体温
好帮你驱走寒冷
看不见也能感受心疼
我想化成隐形的人
隐藏我的泪在翻滚
我在你凌乱世界
留下的指纹
对你是没心跳的一个吻

朋友都于心不忍
责备我愚蠢
但他们都回避我
执着的眼神
可知我对爱的虔诚
可知我迷信我们
可知我难得放任

多想化成隐形的人
掩饰我伤痕
给你我的体温
好帮你驱走寒冷
看不见也能感受心疼
我想化成隐形的人
隐藏我的泪在翻滚
我在你凌乱世界
留下的指纹
对你是没心跳的一个吻


光良 - 约定

说好的三年不见面
用我们的爱把时间留住
你笑着说这是我们的考验我们的约定
就这样三年又过了
我还是回到这个地方
闭上眼等你的出现
空气中吻你的脸
我还记得我们的约定
一辈子幸福的约定
为你写的那首歌
他也偷偷的掉泪了
我比以前还更爱你了
连那风都笑我了
我想他会告诉你的我更爱你了
我想他会告诉你的
你会记得我们的约定
听着风我也笑了
他一定会告诉你的我更爱你了


周杰伦 - 枫

乌云在我们心里刻下一块阴影
我聆听沉寂已久的心情
清晰透明就像美丽的风景
总在回忆里才看的清
被伤透的心能不能够继续爱我
我用力牵起没温度的双手
过往温柔已经被时间上锁
只剩挥散不去的难过

缓缓掉落的枫叶像思念
我点燃烛火温暖岁末的秋天
极光掠过天边
北风掠过想你的容颜
我把爱烧成了落叶
却换不回熟悉的那张脸
缓缓掉落的枫叶像思念
为何挽回要赶在冬天来之前
爱你穿越时间
两行来自秋末的眼泪
让爱渗透了地面
我要的只是你在我身边

被伤透的心能不能够继续爱我
我用力牵起没温度的双手
过往温柔已经被时间上锁
只剩挥散不去的难过
在山腰间飘逸的红雨
随著北风凋零我轻轻摇曳风铃
想唤醒被遗弃的爱情
雪花已铺满了地
深怕窗外枫叶已结成冰

i feel empty. i feel gone. my heart has bled till no more blood runs. its just a strange period of quietness and nothingness. perhaps a realisation of the facts. that i have already lost you?

why don't you just follow your heart. because i heard you calling out to me so loudly. i heard you telling me that you need me to take care of you. i know you love me deeply. but you also keep it so deep down.

2 and a half years. 864 days of love. it wasn't only a relationship, its building a life with you. and now my life has gone. if something like that can disappear, how do i have faith anymore. how can i believe that something i worked so bloody hard for will work out again. i have no wish to love again, other than you.

but move on i will. because i must. because i can't stay in this sorry state forever. i will be by your side, as a guardian angel, as your friend till that day.

the pain of losing your true love is too much to bear sometimes. i lost you.

and it just dawned upon me that today is 1 month since we've broken up. we've been taking a break for 3 weeks before the break up, and all in all, its about 7weeks without you by my side. its been torturous

i don't know why its extremely difficult for me this time. i can't do anything right. i am drifting with the tide of time. hoping that you'll come back.

if you are reading this, give me a call. lets go out and have fun and forget our troubles and let me show you that things can be like before.

because without losing, i wouldn't have learnt how to cherish. because sometimes, life's journey takes an unexpected split road, but if this bumpy road is the road to love, then i am willing to ride it out because i would see you at the end.

i would be strong for you. because i know you love me alot. i would be strong for you because i would be me again, a better person for you and for me. because of you, i don't do alot of things that would hurt myself. because of you, i experienced emotions i have never done before. because of you, i know we can make it through and scale to greater heights together

call me.

because tomorrow may never come. who's to know what can happen later. a war could break out, an accident could happen, a fire could happen. there may never be tomorrow. why always keep things till tomorrow.

it happens to often, but we all don't cherish today.

i don't want to have any regrets. i may not be giving you space, but everyday i want to be close to you. every day i want to know that you are safe. so that everyday i can tell you i love you, and love to the max every single day, because there may not be tomorrow.

and if there's ever any uncertainty just hold my hands, and i would never let you go. you'll be safe here with me.

will you give me a chance? to make everything right.

2MORO - 少了 KTV

sad song, but an incredibly sweet MTV, someday we'll stay together and be like them in the MTV..

you promised you would never leave me, you promised to love me forever. you said once that "please respect me, you said you would never leave me, you said you would never leave me" and I didn't leave you. i never did and never you. you said you would never leave me too. if i told you the same thing, would you come back to me?


Bon Jovi - Always

This romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up

It's been raining since you left me
Now i'm drowning in the flood
You see i've always been a fighter
But without you i give up

Now i can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, i guess i'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me

And i will love you, baby - always
And i'll be there forever and a day - always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And i know when i die, you'll be on my mind
And i'll love you - always

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What i'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes, i'm just a man

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needing to hear
I'll wish i was him 'cause those words are mine
To say to you till the end of time

Yeah, i will love you baby - always
And i'll be there forever and a day - always

If you told me to cry for you
I could
If you told me to die for you
I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price i won't pay
To say these words to you

Well, there ain't no luck
In these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams
And our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines

And i will love you, baby - always
And i'll be there forever and a day - always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And i know when i die, you'll be on my mind
And i'll love you - always


张惠妹 - 记得

谁还记得
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久
没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后
我们都忘了
这条路走了多久
心中是清楚的
有一天有一天都会停的
让时间说真话
虽然我也害怕
在天黑了以后
我们都不知道会不会有遗憾
谁还记得
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久
没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后
我们都累了
却没办法往回走
两颗心都迷惑
怎么说怎么说都没有救
亲爱的为什么
也许你也不懂
两个相爱的人
等对方先说找分开的理由
谁还记得爱情开始变化的时候
我和你的眼中
看见了不同的天空
走的太远
终于走到分岔路的路口
是不是你和我
要有两个相反的梦
谁还记得
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久
没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后

today is the first day that i am feeling better.

a promise to you, is a promise you. that i won't ever leave you. i'll wait. and i will never leave you

you promised you would never leave me too. all those smses that you used to send me.

i wish i could count to 10 and make everything wonderful again. i wish all this was just a dream


Everclear - Wonderful

I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them

I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again

Hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream, I hear them fight
They say bad words that make me wanna cry

Close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels who make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you're little
And the world's so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now

Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now

I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it's all okay
I laugh aloud so my friends won't know
When the bell rings I just don't wanna go home

Go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I don't believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you're little
And the world is so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful now

No
No, I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
No
No, I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

I don't wanna hear you say
That I will understand someday
No, no, no, no
I don't wanna hear you say
You both have grown in a different way
No, no, no, no
I don't wanna meet your friends
And I don't wanna start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now...

I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful

the best i can do for now is this.

if you want to see the world and be lonely and still looking for the one at 50, i'll still be here.

you make moving on sound so easy. especially when i am the one giving you to someone ELSE. someone else who is not me. 2 and a half years of memories. of love, of life. i can never let you go. just because there are times when its not possible for me to stand on my 2 feet again.

i'm sorry i have to do this to myself. because i can't take the pain. its the only way i know to resolve the pain.

mahjong session with airforce friend resulted in a net loss of $6. its hard to concentrate. but they tried their best to cheer me up. suddenly, the radio played this song. the song that i played on my ibook 2 and a half years ago when we were at conrad. after watching finding nemo, and you asked me, why i don't want to be your boyfriend.

suddenly the song means more than ever before


Breathe - Hands to Heaven

As I watch you move, across the moonlit room
There's so much tenderness in your loving
Tomorrow I must leave, the dawn knows no reprieve
God give me strength when I am leaving

Chorus:
So raise your hands to heaven and pray
That we'll be back together someday
Tonight, I need your sweet caress
Hold me in the darkness
Tonight, you calm my restlessness
You relieve my sadness

As we move to embrace, tears run down your face
I whisper words of love, so softly
I can't believe this pain, it's driving me insane
Without your touch, life will be lonely

Repeat Chorus

Morning has come,
I must pack my bags and say goodbye,
Goodbye

i am such a loser.

i stopped doing it, because you told me if i did it again, you would do it twice to yourself, you told me it hurts you. i stopped doing it. i know you still care for me and love me a lot, but you are so far away.

i don't sleep well, i don't even enjoy eating. social events i try my best to enjoy and put on that all familiar mask of smiley face. but the mask doesn't seem to be thick enough. in no time, everyone know's i'm not ok.

i'm losing weight, i just lost another 2 kg. i cry and cry for no good reason, other than the fact that i miss you. i miss everything about you.

i need to hang on.

its particularly hard, because i see you everywhere. even while waiting for an old friend, i end up tearing because we've been there before, to distribute flyers. your shadow is everywhere. even when i go out, i have to travel past your house, my 2nd home for 2 years plus.

but i soldier on. i know you don't read my blog anymore. so its ok, i end up writing a diary. gosh! can you believe it.

i stand strong and hold on the what little strength i can muster, just so that i would not be weak and irritate you. fate will bring us back together again. this is something i am very sure of. and i said, no matter where you are, who you are with, i will chase you back. next v-day i will definitely ask you out again, if we are not together by then, and i'll kneel before you and put the ring on your finger.

till then every night before i sleep, every morning when i wake you, its still you on my mind.

its particularly hard, because i see you everywhere. even while waiting for an old friend, i end up tearing because we've been there before, to distribute flyers. your shadow is everywhere. even when i go out, i have to travel past your house, my 2nd home for 2 years plus.

but i soldier on. i know you don't read my blog anymore. so its ok, i end up writing a diary. gosh! can you believe it.

i stand strong and hold on the what little strength i can muster, just so that i would not be weak and irritate you. fate will bring us back together again. this is something i am very sure of. and i said, no matter where you are, who you are with, i will chase you back. next v-day i will definitely ask you out again, if we are not together by then, and i'll kneel before you and put the ring on your finger.

till then every night before i sleep, every morning when i wake you, its still you on my mind.

i've got to learn how to be by myself. its hard but i will do it. i know that you truly love me, and i know that you need time before we can build up anything again, base on trust and faith and love. we have 2 out of 3. I'll be strong for you, because i know the day will come when i'll put on the ring for u.

there's nothing left to do but to leave it all to fate. i've tried my best.

i hv left u alone for the past 5 days. its torturous. i can't take it. dear i love you so much.

i'm not moving on, i'm moving along. moving along only in the sense that time still passes by and i am still moving with the tide. deep inside i know you don't mean what you say. i know why you said what you did. i hope that i can get you back after the talk. i hope for so many things because i sincerely know that we can make it if we try again. because we love each other so much.

but in any case, should i not get you back now, maybe a clean break is indeed the way to go, so that someday we can have a clean start. because i am already yours. because i always knew that we will be together forever, living together till the day that we die. longz, i love you.

its not that i want you to look like the bad guy. i know if this r'ship fail, its all my fault. its all my fault. i'm sorry i didn't do enough. i am really feeling very bad. which is why i hate to talk to people. i don't want to be all imbalance all over again. it took me so much strength to balance myself and to leave you alone for 1 day, and i had to go and spoil it today just because i got thrown off balance again! again and again, by no doing on my own.

i need you. i can't let you leave me, i can't let you go.

everywhere i go, everything i do, is all done with you. memories lingers in every corner. from the days when u were selling cars, and i traversed the island with you distributing flyers, tampiness to boon lay, bukit panjang to ang mo kio. everywhere. every building i see you next to me. every action i do, before tucking myself in at night, i remember our first night together. i can't do it. 123 weeks, 864 days of relationship. i can't. i gave my all, i gave my life, my soul into it. i will never be fine again, not till the day you come back to me. i can't be fine.

do you know that i walked and ended up at your place? i waited for 3 hours plus just so that i hope i can see you. i know i irritate you, but i miss you so much. i miss you dear. i called and spoiled what could have been the 2nd day of me leaving you alone. so i decided that i should go back, just in case you see me and get more irritated with me. maybe i should have stuck on and waited. maybe i shouldn't have called. maybes. is there anything definite? that if i knew just what to do, things would be better.

i carry the voodoo doll everywhere now, in my bag, in my jeans pocket, because i believe it works. i sincerely do. i didn't give up, please don't give up on me.

dear, please come back

the grieving will stop, most definitely. we can't cry forever, and no one will listen to you cry. most just pretend to anyway, because deep inside they just need you for other reason, hence they pretend to be there for you, but after just 1 weep, they move the entire topic back to themself again.

but after all the grieving, what's left is the heartache and the memories. some things that can't be erased.

There is that someone whom we connect to, whom despite everything will still stand like a pillar waiting. The pillar we all hang on to tightly, despite always talking about letting go, because we are the ones who can never let go. The someone who will do the most silly things for you, who will wait indefinitely for you. The someone whom you always accuse of not understanding you, but deep inside you know that he/she really does understand you so much better than you'd admit.

- a little something from a blog a while back...-

i didn't think i could, but i made it through a day without disturbing you. its tough but i am trying my best. because inaction is action, and the only way that what's left of something so precious to me, seems to be to leave you alone and to give you space. so dear, i am giving you plenty of space. but just know that, i am here for you if you ever need me.

and that if you feel lonely, remember all that i've told you. that there's always a silly boy here thinking of you. no matter which part of the world you are at.

day 2!

i know it has all ended. but how can you be so selfish. i forgave you and all that you did. i swallowed all of it down. i want to salvage the whole r'ship, but all you can tell me is to leave you alone. that you needed time to be alone.

i tried my best to leave you alone, but how easy is it to say goodbye to a relationship of 2 and a half years. how can i stop caring for you just like that? how can i just not bother about your daily life, about your well-being, with just a snap of a finger.

i am not god. i am me, i am still a human. i stand before the one i love asking for a chance, but it's still nought.

i can see why people can lose faith and be jaded and be cynical. i can even understand how some people can be driven to suicide. its not difficult be pushed over the edge.

but perservere i must. perservere i will.

i will try to be strong, and leave you alone.

i will get you back one day.

Things you never see on certain broadsheets here in sillypore

Eva Cassidy - Time After Time

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Turning in circles confusion
Is nothing new
Flashback to warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcase of memories,
Time after...

Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you have said
And you say go slow
I've fallen behind
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time
Time after time

After your picture fades and darkness has
Turned to grey
Watching through windows I’m wondering
If you’re OK
And you say go slow
I've fallen behind
The drum beats out of time

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time
Time after time

i can't do this. i tried very hard to be strong. but whats the use of being strong? i don't say what happened because i don't want to relive the pain everytime i tell someone. so i keep everything to myself. and i just relive the pain every moment in my head, every moment in my heart. and all you can tell me is to let it go. not even willing to fix anything.

finality. that's it.

gloom surrounds me, something that's painfully obvious. curtains drawn so that i can avoid the light for just that moment longer so maybe i am in a dream, a nightmare that i can wake up from. but the time comes when i have to draw my curtains, and realise everyday that its morning, i am not having a nightmare.

dear please don't go anywhere.

i always chide people who want to commit suicide that they are ballness. its takes more courage to live on than to choose to escape by death.

i realised i have never been more wrong. choosing to die, is not easy. because there's so much we leave behind, so many people we hurt in the process and seriously, most of us are afraid to die. its so easy to just walk onto the road and throw yourself into oncoming traffic, and taking the leap of faith into emptiness, or even to just gently cut the wrist. its not easy. suicide is not the easy way out if you have ever attempted it.

i chose to live on, only because i don't have the courage to die. there's no purpose for everything i am doing now. my dreams, my goals, all my aim in life just died 3 days ago. everything i worked for, all the money i am saving up, for the eventual somewhere is all nought.

i feel like going away now. to somewhere where no one can reach me. far far away from this place of hurt.

numbing myself in everything i can think of. i've grieved, i've cried myself to sleep, i've done everything short of that something which i used to do, but not anymore. but it ain't easy. i wished you could have hurt me physically, i wished you could have abused me till i bruised all over, at the very least, the pain will go away. how do i make all this pain go away.

i am trying not to fallapart.

what is love? what exactly is love? borrowing from lovereally.blogspot.com

* far too often, we give up on relationships because of the increasing demands. as two people gradually get more emotionally involved with each other, their lives just begin to weave into each other's routines far more than often. little suprise why suddenly there are so many more things to be concerned about, which prior to the relationship, would never have been an issue at all. i guess those in a relationship would hardly have any problem identifying them at all. everyone wants to maintain their comfort zone in a way. and unless the couple works it these issues out together, the relationship, i say again, the relationship, is not gonna work. not that love is not gonna work. love endures! just whether its being nurtured or left stagnant. love really is more than a silly thing that occurs every now and then. bringing along with it some anguish and petty issues on the way. we're the ones who make things complicated, not love *

i won't give up. not here not now not like this.

i told a dear friend this, and i think i must heed my own advice, sometimes moving on is the best way to salvage matters.

dear, thanks for all. i love you. hope we can be friends and maybe next year feb, we can once again go out. for now, i will try to learn to be alone.

now i know why people blog alot when things are looking down.

because they have too much time that used to occupied with that someone. because they don't communicate with that someone anymore and there's the hope that he may be reading it. even if he isn't, at least the possibility is there.

why am i reduced to all this? am i not good enough?

张栋梁 - 寂寞边界

我们之间闯进了贼偷走相爱得一切
逼得我们伤痕累累
分手只流两行泪

你说决定错了无所谓就算后悔也不要我陪
爱的平淡爱的浓烈都让你憔悴
我怎么做你都拒绝*

我来到寂寞边界
爱已失窃心在淌着血
男人得无尽伤痛都锁进黑夜
面对背叛用了解还是谅解
寂寞边界伤心人还有谁

我们之间闯进了贼偷走相爱得一切
爱让我们伤痕累累
结局只流两行泪

我来到寂寞边界
爱已失窃心在淌着血
过去的无尽伤痛都锁进黑夜
面对爱情用时间收拾破碎
寂寞边界伤心人已学会安慰

its all over. its all over. i am not strong when it comes down to this. i am so weak.

i couldn't get up properly today. i lay in my bed and thoughts of everything came rushing in. i tried to get out, but i can't. i had to drag myself out of bed to work. my client came and we did the video all the way till midnight. he left. and you left.

tears started running again. how can i just let it go? how can i? after what happened. is it all my fault?

its so painful. its so painful.

Braid Paisley - Find Yourself
-as heard on Cars OST-

The things that would have been lost on you
are now clear as a bell
And you find yourself,
yeah thats when you find yourself

Well you go through life
so sure of where you're headed
And you wind up lost
and its the best thing that could have happened
Cause sometimes when you lose your way, its really just as well
because you find yourself,
yeah that's when you find yourself.

When you meet the one, that you've been waiting for
and she's everything, that you want and more
You look at her and you finally start to live for someone else
And then you find yourself,
yeah that's when you find yourself

Well you go through life
so sure of where we're headed
And you wind up lost
and its the best thing that could have happened
Cause sometimes when you lose your way, its really just as well
Because you find yourself,
Yeah thats when you find yourself

#####
when you found yourself, i'll be right here waiting

i don't know what to say. i don't know what to do. but i know what i must do.

its been 2 and a half years. it hasn't been smooth, there's been ups and there's been downs. but i cherish and appreciate every single moment.

there's so much anger i need to deal with myself. i can't be better now. i have to learn to manage my own anger and my own issues.

i miss you. what i said, i meant it. what i say i will do i mean it too. i hope someday i'll see you again.

goodbye.

broke my record, i worked for 20 hours non stop. from 1pm to 9am, took a short nap and on to 4pm. i almost died. i clocked 16 hours day on average for the past 4 days.

in what appears to be a rather accurate calculation, and at the same time, rather amusing and hilarious, i present to you all the crush calculatorgo on and try it! do let me noe the results!, you know how to contact me =)

cheers

or type in the following if the link doesn't work

http://www.crushcalculator.com/content/love/345619667

seriously, sometimes i wonder why i even bother. after i regretted, i might regret it after all

i think i might have done something which i would regret for my entire life. my single biggest regret. i hope i am wrong.

SHE - 我?你

I have never watch any MTV like this. I cried.

It's like newspapers in totalitarian countries one morning reporting that the government, with much pomp and ceremony, has declared the epidemic over, without ever having reported that there was an epidemic in the first place.

-> in reference to the straits time not publishing PM Lee words that he had to "fix" the opposition and "buy" voters support. FIX and BUY SUPPORT were his exact words. later ST published an apology from the PM office about the use of those words, without even reporting them in the first place.

#####

to read about how CNA could have potentially misreported 2 blogs by somehow miraculously losing headlines such as "IN SHADY COMPANY #1 - GIC" and "GO OUt TONIGHT AND RULE IN NUMBERS" in reference to election blog, and miraculously losing date markers on blog pages you can read all about the potentially shady business here

the macbook is out!!!!! www.apple.com.sg/macbook now in white and black and DUAL processors across the line. WOOOHOOO!

however, i must bitch about the most hilarious conversation i have with ling kai, when she did "the ling kai".

it went something like this

k: hey check out the new macbook!!! its OUT! www.apple.com/macbook
ling: oh that one, my friend it crashes like alll the time
k: (feeling confused): errr, it was just annoucend like 5 minutes ago, so unless your friend used if for the past 4 minutes and it crashed......
ling: oh is it. then it must be the other one.


HAHA ROTFL...

#####
in another story. diary of a singaporean mind posted a most astute observation of a singaporean.

Stupid Foreigner RUDE to ME!!!

These days working in Singapore involves travelling around the region. This time my assignment is Manila. Every time I get assignments to such 3rd world places, I will go to the toilet and curse at my boss - hope he gets heart attack and die, die, die! To leave the comfort of Singapore and go to a country so disorganised is a real torture.

When I was in Manila, I got bored at night so I decided to go to the lounge of hotel to enjoy some jazz - the only thing good about the Filipines are the bands - they seem to produce so many good ones. As I was enjoying the music, some American Filipino came to chat with me. This guy went to the US as a kid and was back to visit friends and look for business opportunities. We had quite an interesting conversation as we shared travelling experiences. It was interesting we until talked about politics. I told him how excitied I was to be able to vote for the first time in my life. I tried to explain our political system to him but I don't know why he keeps laughing:

Me: "See before the elections, the govt gives us money deposited right into our bank accounts..."

American : "No kidding....."...*laugh*.

Me: "My estate will be upgraded soon because I voted for the PAP. Estate upgrading gets priority for areas with the highest votes for the PAP".

American: "This is crazy...you must be kidding..." *laugh* *laugh* *laugh*

Me: "I'm actually looking forward to the fountain they will be building near my apartment...I think they are conducting a survey for the design..."

American: *laugh* *laugh* *laugh*.

Me: "Political podcast and blogging is banned during elections so that citizens are not confused by inaccurate information...we get all our information from state TV & newspaper".

American: "I thought you were from Singapore....not N. Korea..." *laugh* *laugh* *laugh*

At this point I could sense some sarcasm from this guy. Obviously, he is envious of our highly advanced and stable political system. I see no point in continuing the conversation, I promptly excuse myself.

you know the elections is all over, but i thought i would just like to say a few closing words.

firstly, i am constantly amazed by how this election results is being compared to the 1997 elections results, conveniently going around the 2001 results. if we compared by 2001, then PAP support would have slid by quite a few percentages. but if we go by 1997 standard, then it was about the same. the reason was the 2001 was a year of anomaly, with terrorist attack and september 11. well interesting enough, 911 happened in november, and iraq war was mounted only in 2003. so i don't really remember a particularly tense situation of terrorist attack. but whatever.

in 1997, the year was a normal year. but was it? can we all not remember the economic crisis? so wouldn't a typical stupid singaporean vote the safest choice during an economic crisis since our government is indeed very good at providing jobs and monies? so i am not really sure of the reason why they choose to compare with 1997 results rather than 2001.

just a hunch. if 1997 results was very high and by comparision, 2006 results were sliding, they might have compared it with 1991, since 1997 was also a year of anomaly as it was the asian economic crisis as well.

2nd issue, is oh well. but WP.

Constit PAP WP
Joo Chiat 12,222 6,577
Nee Soon E 20,945 9,533
Nee Soon C 14,210 7,527
Hougang 8,306 13,987
Ang Mo Kio 96,591 49,468
East Coast 66,890 37,867
Aljunied 74,810 58,585
TOTAL 293,974 184,544
Percent 61.4 38.6

Strong mandate huh? last time 75% is A1, not 60% is A1. before elections, expected 80%, now 60% is shiok!

3rd issue is just posting on what was said.

the parliamentary elections act section 32:
Withdrawal of candidature
32. - (1) A candidate may before 12 noon on the day of nomination, but not afterwards, withdraw his candidature by giving, in person, a notice to that effect signed by him to the Returning Officer.
(2) The Returning Officer shall forthwith cause notice of the withdrawal to be posted in a conspicuous position outside the place of nomination.

it just leaves me bewildered just like yawning bread pointed out, how could george yeo and MM lee said the election would just go on. there's nothing in the constitution to prevent that. however something in the law does.

last issue. irony of speech.

MM Lee said "I've watched once a government goes bad, the system goes bad, you cannot put it right." That's quite right. once a bad government is in place, its really quite hard to change things, ain't it? they will put up system that will make challenge difficult. and all.

this amuses me to no end, and i am sure it will amuse ling too. the irony of the below sentence

"I think some folks take everything they read at face value. And 10 times as many people are likely to see a movie as read a book," said Mark Norman, pastor at Grace Community Church near Laurel, where congregants are holding a four-week series of pre-movie talks.

in reference to the Da Vinci Code. These are people who read the bible and belief everything they read. at face value.

duh.

in the midst of doing my work, (yes people pay me to do presentation slides!), i've decided to response to alexis and ling's posts about love.

#####

Love is a feeling to an arbitrary person. I am sure we have all encountered "I love this person the most!" that is until you've met the next person, which you then declare loudly that "I love you the most!" But of course it could be true, there could indeed be a person that we loved the most, but until you die, you can never ascertain that for sure.

Love is not tangible, it is not measurable. It is an inexplicable feeling, that at the end of the day, we can only judge by time. Time is equal. 24 hours a day. Not a single person has more, not a single has less. If one is willing to spend time with the person, rather obviously, they feel comfortable with you. The more time spent with the person, means less time for other activities and/or people.

If we spend more time with our family rather than our friends, we cherish our family more, if we spend more time with our partners, we cherish them more than anything.

Love is about sharing and sacrifice. Its about sharing a part of your life with the other person. What is your day like, what are your goals in life, the small talks. Its about communication and bridging two otherwise unrelated individuals. Its about sacrificing time, amongst other things. The action of giving.

However, love is also a need. A need to have someone, because no man is an island. Put it in another way, we all have to have someone around. To run home to at the end of the day, to talk about nothing at all, to have great sex with every day (ok every other day), to engage in activities together that cannot be done with friends. Because friends are not for these.

We can be cynical and leave it at that. But to pursue it deeper, we don't exactly 'love' everyone. We can't engage in the aforementioned activities with Tom Dick or Harry (of Ruth Beth and Nancy if you will; and swing the other way), which is why there are breakups. Not those in the spite of anger breakups but the, "hey, lets just let it go", "alright".

Because hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is.

There is that someone whom we connect to, whom despite everything will still stand like a pillar waiting. The pillar we all hang on to tightly, despite always talking about letting go, because we are the ones who can never let go. The someone who will do the most silly things for you, who will wait indefinitely for you. The someone whom you always accuse of not understanding you, but deep inside you know that he/she really does understand you so much better than you'd admit.

Love is such.

PAP rally at segar road, May 5th 2006




WP rally at Serangoon Stadium, May 5th 2006




*image sourced from sgrally.blogspot.com

As an ardent fan of the Straits Times, i was disappointed that my letter to them asking Mr Singh to clarify why he took 6 days to come forward, and why he thought Gomez was serious although he was laughing, did not get published. Sigh.

On another note, CNA! i was there not too long ago, and look at the news there


##Right now we have Low Thia Khiang, Chiam See Tong, Steve Chia. We can deal with them. Suppose you had 10, 15, 20 opposition members in Parliament. Instead of spending my time thinking what is the right policy for Singapore, I'm going to spend all my time thinking what's the right way to fix them, to buy my supporters votes, how can I solve this week's problem and forget about next year's challenges?" -PM Lee, 3 May 2006##

Finally, it seems that Apple is going to have another major announcement this few weeks. The long anticipated replacement to the iBook, dubbed the MacBook looks slated for a release, alongside the opening of the New York flagship 20'000 square foot Apple Store.

Last note, I am so hooked on playing The Wicked. I've completed the junior level, now i am stuck at level 42 of the wicked. yes my IQ is above 130. *sniggers*

OHMYGOD! read today's ST? money section?

creative posted a quarterly lost of SGD 181,000,000. yes you did not read wrong, a quarterly loss of 181 million singapore dollars. Long live Sim Wong Who?

Rocks

yes sir no sir 3 bags full. how high do you want me to jump sir?

today i went swimming. yes sir no sir 3 bags full.

we will have a country with that tolerates everybody. yes sir no sir 3 bags full. yes sir, everybody does not include gays does not include single mother, does not include people who speak up, does not include people who have differing opinions, does not include other people who do not who suscribe to other opinion other than yours sir.

yes sir no sir 3 bags full

yes sir, we wil achieve our aim of having a society that tolerates everybody except those above mentioned sir.

how high do you want me to jump sir?

in another letter to the straits times. the previous ones didn't get published

#####
I refer to the Gomez Affair (May 3). Mr Inderjit Singh came forward and clarified the situation, and informed the readers about the conversation he had with Mr Gomez. As he said "Gomez laughed...I got the impression has was serious" This could have serious implication.

Perhaps Mr Singh could also add more weight to his stand by explaining to the readers why the press conference was held on May 2, when the conversation took place on April 27. The saga went on for 6 days before he came forward; this confuses the readers about the reason for the delay.

Another clarification Mr Singh could enlightened the readers is that, although Mr Gomez was laughing, how could he ascertained that it was not a joke?

Similary speaking, on Channel 8 night news on May 2, a female PAP candidate replied "sure, sure, sure" during a walk around the Yishun estate when being asked about covered walkway by an elderly male resident. If assuming that the covered walkway is not build, can the elderly man then come forward and said that he thought she was serious when she said "sure, sure, sure"

Upon clarification, Mr Singh will no doubt give the readers a lot more confidence.

in between all the elections, its time for some good news. According to a reutuers news, creative is heading another quarter of LOSS

Reporter Jennifer Tan quoted CIMB-GK Securities analyst Jonathan Ng as saying: "We expect the business environment for Creative to remain tough at least for the next two quarters. Demand is only expected to pick up for the year-end Christmas sales. We remain negative on its prospects given the harsh competition in the market and a lack of new winning products in the foreseeable future."

A Reuters poll of analysts shows that Creative is expected to post a loss of around $43.4 million for the current fiscal year, which concludes June 30. A year ago, the company posted a $1.1 million profit, and in the December quarter it was $1.3 million in the black. However, the March quarter was plagued by restructuring charges well as lower flash memory prices that caused customers to delay purchases.

sourced from ipodobserver.

######

creative SUCKERS can now SUCK APPLE's ASS

2nd part of content analysis, starting 2237, channel 8, may 2

1st news: PAP said that he has upgraded lifts in their ward, and will continue to do things to help poorer family tide through the short term. will give poor family chance to continue with their studies (positive for PAP) - 30 seconds

2nd news: SM Goh discusses about Gomez at a rally. discusses about high qualification but what about calibre? (negative for oppositions)

3rd news: SDA questions why PAP does not talk about big issues but focuses only on GOMEZ, but then accuses opposition of not focusing on big issues. but dealing with issues. (last time i heard the rally, the minor points opposition talked about were unemployment, healthcare, education, rising cost of living) (negative for PAP)

4th news: SDP discusses about the deliberate attempt to make a mountain out of a gomez molehill (negative for PAP) - 20 seconds

5th news: reporter summarizes about WP issues (factual) - 10seconds

6th news: SM Goh said Chiam has not brought up any new issues. Accuses that Chiam does not have enough funds. (read my previous post about the lifts, during sept 21, 2004, chiam proposed with enough funds, using 2million funds. different calculations it seems) (negative for SDA) - 30seconds

7th news: reporter reports about PAP at Jalan Besar. Talks about Gomez AGAIN. Questions calibre about WP and opposition. #wait till you read www.escapefromparadise.com#

8th news: WP wants an ans from Khaw about medical cost and assessment for C ward criteria (negative for PAP) - 20seconds

9th news: Lim refutes allegations about unions being tangled up with political parties. unvariably aligned with the government. union will over power policy. (positive for PAP) - 1 minute

10th news: Yishun wants PAP to build covered walkway. reply was "sure sure sure. sure sure sure" (positive for PAP) 1 minute

11th news: PAP will hold afternoon rally. 1st in 9 years. (factual)

12th news: discussion about afternoon rally. (factual)

13th news: overseas singaporeans concerned about elections. (neutral)

on channel 8 news, may 2nd 10pm

1st news: gomez on cctv, with PAP candidate and supporter claiming that he heard gomez seriously joking that it was all an act. he could not confirm though (negative)

2nd news: lee ask low to sack gomez, claimed gomez did it on purpose. said it shows something wrong with their character. (negative) - wait till you guys read www.escapefromparadise.com (6 minutes for the 1st 2 news)

3rd news: gomez said that discreditation news will be on everyday (neutral) - 10seconds

4th news: low said gomez mistake was purely unintentional. clarified that gomez was never going into amk. added that gomez apology is final. said that there were bigger issues. (factual) - 1minute

5th news: SM goh defended the FTA, claimed that while WP candidates have paper qualification, they may not have the calibre (neutral) - 20 seconds

6th news: DPM wong accuses gomez did on purpose, trying to undermine the electoral department. low cannot just brush it aside(negative) - 1minute

7th news: Yeo said that gomez in undermining the integrity of the system. Lim said WP should have more transparency in their working. - oh my, do they really wanna go that far to demand??. Yeo found it very strange that sylvia lim kept silent. accuses that is is "troubling silence" (negative) - 2 minutes

8th news: CCK SMC PAP candidate claimed he will have more upgrading (interim?) and quickly resolves problems. help the elderly (positive for PAP). 30seconds

9th news: CCK SMC SDA. #bad lighting in footage# wants to have policy to help children take care of eldery. (positive for SDA) 20seconds

10th news: Yacob said raising money takes too much time. said that the most important way to help the poor is to improve the economy. promises upgrading (positive for PAP)

11th news: Khaw - PAP said the most important way to campaign is to go door to door visit. said SDP does not knock on their doors, accuses SDP for having internal strife, and that it is dangerous for singapore to have a govt like SDP (positive for PAP, negative for SDP) - 1 minute

12th news: newbies VS old guards. WP newbies does not feel disadvantaged. SDA refutes the accusation of high qualification, low calibre allegation (neutral) - 1 minute

13th news: SDA is asking for minimum wage system (positive for SDA) - 20seconds

14th news: WP talks about the fact that singaporeans have CPF but very little to spend during retirement (factual, positive for WP)

15th news: #good lighting% PAP accuses that progress package can be kissed away without good economic progress. unlike proposed by SDA. said chiam is still working while he is an MP. (negative for SDA)

#1st break#

16th news: PAP said its good that our union is tied down to the government, so we can fight for higher wages. regarding the labour day speech #covered during yesterday news as well# (positive for PAP)

17th news: survey shows GOOD economic prospect in Singapore (positive for singapore government)

pictures u don't get to see because mediacorp and ST's camera were not working in their best conditioned.

*images were scoured from the web

PAP May 01 Hougang Rally



Workers Party Apr 30 Hougang Rally



Workers Party May 01 Joo Chiat, it was raining



Workers Party Kampong Glam.



this were all i could scour online, other parties crowd attendance could not be found at time of publishing.

alternatively, you could go to www.sgrally.com to see.

just like lucky tan, i like to read wikipedia too!


From Wikipedia
Character assassination is an intentional attempt to influence the portrayal or reputation of a particular person, whether living or a historical personage, in such a way as to cause others to develop an extremely negative, unethical or unappealing perception of him or her. By its nature, it involves deliberate exaggeration or manipulation of facts to present an untrue picture of the targeted person. For living individuals, this can cause the target to be rejected by his or her community, family, or members of his or her living or work environment. Such acts are typically very difficult to reverse or rectify, therefore the process is correctly likened to a literal assassination of a human life. The damage sustained can be life-long, or for historical personages, last for many centuries after their death.


In practice, character assassination usually consists of the spreading of rumors and deliberate misinformation on topics relating to one's morals, integrity, and reputation.

In politics, perhaps the most common form of character assassination is the spread of allegations that a candidate is a liar. Other common themes may include allegations that the candidate is a bad or unpopular member of his family, has a bad relationship with his spouse or children, is disrespected by his former co-workers, or routinely engages in disturbing, socially unacceptable behavior, such as sexual deviancy.

to quote lucky tan

"Wikipedia is so interesting isn't it?

Just to add, I would like to say that Singaporeans are so lucky to be living in a 1st World country where politicians conduct themselves in a gentlemanly manner and focus on the issues that matters most to Singaporeans. They don't engage in dirty politics such as character assasination which only takes place in 3rd world countries."

i really want you guys to read mr. brown!

http://www.mrbrown.com/blog/2006/05/different_camer.html

i really want you guys to read mr. brown!

http://www.mrbrown.com/blog/2006/05/different_camer.html

that day i went to the foodcourt, i saw so many cleaners, most were above 50 years old. at my coffeeshop at block 651, all the cleaners were very old. at holland village thereabouts, there's this coffeeshop and the cleaners were very old too. but they must be very happy to be cleaning at such an old age. they must be in the pink of health. unlike other old people in other countries who take vacation when they are old and have saved enough money to do volunteer work and travel the world. such old people must not be happy at all, they can't contribute by working at 60 years old.

i want to be just like these old people, so happy to be cleaning tables and toilets and selling tissues at 80! i remember this show the last time, where this cleaner had to work because if she don't work, she would have no money and our efficient country cannot give money to her although she has failing kidneys and a retarded mother. but i am quite sure that most of our cleaner elderly are not in similar condition whereby if they don't work, they will have no money. i am sure that they are working because the love to clean toilets! and love to contribute to the society.

by the way, our prime minister lee just spoke at the NTUC 45th anniversary. he said he saw 2 aunties about 83 years old, one was frying fried oyster egg (oh-lua) and the other, noodles.